The future is daunting

Two months ago my life changed drastically when my ex and I broke up. We had started our homesteading journey together and had so many hopes and dreams. It was fun and exciting planning our transition to self sufficiency. I thought we were happy. The breakup was very sudden and unexpected. The fight started over something small and escalated into an hours long argument where he made it clear he was not happy with this life or me, he was moved out the next day.

It has been a struggle. Not only am I coping with the sudden end of a 3 year long relationship but I am trying to manage running a farm by myself while working full time. He was retired from the military and was home all the time so he did most of the farm chores and I would help on my days off. Now I am doing everything myself. I will say, I am pretty proud of myself because I have been managing better than I thought with everything.

I live in an rv on 20 acres with my 3 house dogs and livestock (livestock guardian dogs, goats, pigs, chickens, ducks, and rabbits). I have electricity and septic but I get all of the water for me and my animals from a spring a few miles away. I no longer have access to a truck so I haul everything in my Subaru Crosstrek. All of my family lives in another state and I don’t really have any friends so I have no support here. I found permies a couple weeks after the breakup and have learned so much about how to make things easier and more efficient. The problem is getting around to doing all of it. There just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. I have barely scratched the surface with homesteading and there is so much more I want to do but now I am questioning whether I can do it all or not. Thinking about all of the projects I have planned and realizing that now I have to do it all on my own, it is all quickly becoming overwhelming.

I love my life and absolutely do not want to give it up. I have just hit a rough patch and am feeling a little discouraged.

I’m sorry this turned out longer than I anticipated. I’m not really sure what I am looking for with this post, I guess I just needed to vent to someone who might understand some of the struggles I am facing.

I would love to hear from other single people on how you manage on your own. Or if anyone has any tips, suggestions, or words of encouragement please share ❤️ thank you for reading!

Hi Jodie,

Sorry to hear about your failed relationship but that should not be a point to give up.
It only makes you stronger.
I moved from Germany to Thailand and started 2021 a Permaculture Food Forest of 8 Acres only.  
(I got a thread here in the forum with my doings)
But in Thailand I also learned another thing after a broken relationship of 25 years.
The way of thinking here.
"tomorrow I go for 25 years in prison or my husband/wife left me in the afternoon..."
They will sleep the same day peacefully and tight like every other day...
They have much more of a "It is what it is" mindset than we have.

20 Acres is quite a house number for a single person, but if your ex has managed it remember the good and the bad chores he had.  
You got a running system so see where the efficiency is lacking and where the work input is literally a waste of time.
But stay aware that sometimes low efficiency is beneficial.
Example: for labor intensive crops you will always fetch a higher price so even these take a lot of your time it might be worth to keep them.

Are you now a full time farmer or still working in a regular job?

Sounds like it wasn't meant to be. Unfortunately, you established quite a bit while together and those things require maintenance. I won't pretend like I can relate to your exact situation but I would look at it as being ahead of the game on the homesteading front. The work you do now on your own will make you stronger and more prepared for the future when you do find someone to help.

Hi Jodie, I'm sorry you've gone through a bad patch and hope you can work it all out. Working and homesteading full time is a lot to take on, especially when you are still setting up; I'm not sure how long you've been there, but three years is not so long. Permaculture should get easier the longer you work at it....

Have you come across this thread about women homesteading? There may be some hints in there for you.

In the short term, you may want to think about priorities and whether you can manage everything. Particularly can you give the animals the care they deserve?

Sometimes getting help can be more trouble than it is worth, but I wonder how you can build up local contacts so that you are able to pull in some extra hands for jobs that are too big (or dangerous) for one person.

That sounds really painful Jodie. The worst part must be feeling like he'd been lying to you about his level of satisfaction. I hope you're able to figure out ways to simplify your operation. Maybe keeping pigs or goats (or both) is too much for you alone and you can fill your freezer and be done with that aspect at least until you ramp up at your own new pace. Maybe it's something else entirely.

And welcome to Permies!

I am sorry you are in this position.

Years ago I had a pretty poster hanging on my wall that started off with Tomorrow is a new day.

If I were in this position I would start off with tomorrow is a new day and I am going to start fresh.

I would feed the animal first.  If I found that I cannot feed them all then  as others have suggested is to put them in the freezer or sell them.

Even finding new homes for the animals can be trying in itself.

I would forget about the planned projects and work to solve what already needs to be done.

Since you have a full time job can you bring a couple of gallons of water from your job everyday?  Buying water at the grocery is another solution.

My suggestion would be to make a plan or a to do list to get things done.

I wish you the best ...

Hi Jodie,

Welcome.

That's rough. Hard to see now but you will be better for it all.

The future will probably always be daunting. Try and focus on what you can do right now.

Living single, no matter what, is tons of work. There are never enough hours. I find that living as frugally as possible is less trouble than trying to make lots of money. Try to feel good about anything you achieve if it aligns with your goals. There will always be a list of things to be done no matter how many things you check off that list.

You'll figure it out. Enjoy yourself and the life you choose. You don't have to do it all right now.

Best luck!

Have you heard of the inkpot farm in the UK. Permaculture farmer and teacher runs it with her kids and some volunteers.  Its in Lincolnshire I think

I was in a similar situation and was with someone that dramatically increased the amount of different animals on the homestead. When things ended I was driving truck 12-13 hours a day for a big orchard operation making deliveries. The solution that worked best for me was to rehome a lot of the critters down to a handful of breeding stock and offer my neighbors free vegetables so there was little waste. I then took a year to regroup and find a better work life balance and slowly rebuilt things as I got into another relationship. It worked for me and still allowed me to keep a few critters that could be utilized to breed when I was in a better situation