How do you Have Both a Homestead and a Chronic Illness?

Thank you everyone for all the incredibly detailed, thoughtful, helpful replies. I will have to read back through this and take notes -- so much hard-won wisdom here.
I am humbled and inspired to hear all of the tremendous challenges that you all have faced and found ways to work around. Puts things in perspective.
One of the most helpful things one of my mentors once told me was "If it isn't working for the amount of time/energy/resources you are able to put into it, it's a design flaw, not a character flaw." It's so easy to pounce on ourselves with comparisons to what others are capable of or what we "should" be able to do. But really, our own unique selves are just as much a factor we must observe through the seasons and design around. Admire how so many of you have found ways to do that.
Seems the other key thing, whenever possible, is to not try to do it alone. I know for me, living in a small intentional community (currently 9 adults and 3 kids on our off-grid homestead) where I am appreciated for other aspects of who I am and ways I contribute besides how fast or hard I can work/how much I get done, our different strengths and interests can help balance each other out, and we can also support each other to an extent if someone is having an off day and make sure the essentials still happen. I honestly can't imagine trying to farm all on my own.
Blessings to all of you.  

I wish I could give you all apples.
Four years ago I labeled myself an Unstoppable Farm Machine! Today, not so much.
Ryan, I believe the hardest part of living with chronic problems is explaining them to your provider. I got an MS diagnosed last year but the truth is I’ve had it for years. So when the doctor ask how my legs are I say “Good.” Definitely not good for someone else but good for me. I’m not trying to be misleading but that’s my gut response. I have found it very helpful to have my wife join me at my visits. She knows me better than anybody and can fill in the blanks when I say I’m doing fine. I don’t feel like I’m in denial about any of this but our norms are very different from others. I don’t feel like I’m different or suffering but she tells me that I may want to reconsider.
I also know the feeling of frustration. I have big plans and want to get things done. Even though everyone else is impressed I feel like a bum.
Take care brother. This thread has been a blessing to me.

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing."- Abraham Lincoln

Homesteading or action toward a freer, simpler, cleaner, more self-sufficient life can be the remedy, too. Slow and steady ( and open to possibilities) wins the race!

My wife is still asleep. It is about 2 in the afternoon. She exhausted herself canning last night.  She has multiple physical problems she faces.  It is easy for her to get too wrapped up in a project and overextend herself.  The key is to adapt and try to take baby steps.   Most projects can be put off for a day without harm. As I have read between the lines throughout this thread is that there is a great deal of frustration with people wanting their bodies to do more.  There are limits. Those limits, while not all controlling, still must be respected.

Physical stuff is difficult for sure but the mental will have you second guessing yourself. I was a born writer with a great grasp of language, punctuation and flow. Now I struggle to stay on topic when I post here on permies. It gets quite frustrating. Sometimes I’ll type out a reply then delete the whole thing, log off and not show back up here for a few days. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend it’s not happening than to continue trying. When you don’t see me here for awhile that’s usually the reason. I doubt I’m the only one that deals with that though. Sorry to be a downer.

John F Dean wrote:My wife is still asleep. It is about 2 in the afternoon. She exhausted herself canning last night.  She has multiple physical problems she faces.  It is easy for her to get too wrapped up in a project and overextend herself.  The key is to adapt and try to take baby steps.   Most projects can be put off for a day without harm. As I have read between the lines throughout this thread is that there is a great deal of frustration with people wanting their bodies to do more.  There are limits. Those limits, while not all controlling, still must be respected.

I am siting here trying not to freak out about getting behind on all the food preservation that needs to be done.  I am on day 4 of a big old symptoms flare and I can't get much done without making it worse.  My  husband has been helping but he still needs to focus on the day job.  We will manage but I still feel guilty that my body won't do what I want it too.
 

Hi Kate,

There is always tomorrow. I have no idea what challenges you are facing. As a very general observation, I can tell you that normally your best option is look out for the health you have.  Without that, you will be in worse shape.


We have a huge advantage in that I am retired. That is a relative term. Actually i hold a part time job that has been impacted by Covid.

Living with physical or mental issues, while also trying to live off your own land, sounds like a hell of a chore.

But it's a similar problem to living in todays fast paced economy, with bill after bill, with those same conditions. It just comes down to living within your means. In the city that means not getting this or that service, while out in rural areas it means not planting more than you can tend, or trying to have less intensive food production.

If you're back is ruined, try keeping bees instead of growing sugary crops. Less labor intensive, slower, but you don't have to do a ton for the bees.

There's almost always a trade off you can make. Perhaps you load chickens with more feed, or try to get a feeder that'll pop open every day for them. Small things that are more important to you, than someone younger and fitter.

i am so thrilled the universe led me to this blog and this spot. it is my dream to homestead, but with multiple chronic illnesses it feels like a distant dream sometimes. i wonder how i could do it by myself, with fibromyalgia and me/cfs. and of course the reality is that i don't want to do it by myself, i'd love to have a partner in crime (not really), someone who shares the same dream and goals we can work towards together. i cannot wait to read all the posts here, and see what gems of wisdom await me. right now, it is so good to know that i am not alone in my dreams not exactly lining up with my body.

Hi Teri,

You appear to have a goal. Now figure out the steps to obtaining that goal. Now break those steps down into smaller steps.  With the danger of over simplicity,  let's say you want a $10,000.00 piece of land. You will be closer to getting it if you put a $1 bill in a Mason jar than if you don't.

This conversation is almost a year old, but I want to add a few words... It meant so much to me to hear from others facing challenges like mine. Finding this was perfect timing for me as I struggle with letting go of my land and my dreams.

I moved to a lovely rural area of Acadian forest in Eastern Canada two years ago, planning to build a little self-sufficient homestead / farm. I had studied for years to be ready! I have sarcoidosis including neurosarcoidosis, thyroid disease, pernicious anemia, PTSD and Complex PTSD, and not much physical power due to a very bad accident which required reconstructive surgery on my whole abdomen, which didn't heal all that well. Some pretty deep emotional problems. I have "sun allergy" so in warm weather I can only go outdoors for about 15 minutes. I'm also a single mother of teenagers. I thought: I'll get a big dog, some chickens and ducks, grow food... and I have done a great deal, considering. I also have worked with the idea that I can't progress if I compare myself to others (can't compare myself to me before being sick, because there's no such thing). And doing a little bit at a time. And not self-punishing. I was raised to think pain or disability of any kind = self-pity.

And a lot of little things didn't go in my favor here, and I had a very major personal loss this year and the shock and grief knocked me down. In a sense there are no deadlines, as one of you said, but the firewood has to be done before the winter comes, and the animals need care no matter how I'm feeling... and it doesn't feel good to put so much work into growing food and then leave it spoiling out there because I don't have the energy to drag myself out there and harvest. My house is a sweet old thing but needs some work which I can no longer do and can't pay anyone else to do... I moved here not knowing anyone in this province, and my emotional state (plus Covid-19!) has made to hard to get to know anyone, though there is a growing organic / permaculture presence on the Island. I feel too emotionally fragile to seek people out. I have no family anywhere, so there's no one to call on for moral support. When I came here I was on decent terms with my ex-husband and he promised to help with the physical stuff, so things would run smoothly enough that I could manage alone later, but in the end he never shows up. Which I REALLY should have foreseen.

I planted fruit & nut trees, berries & grapes, built 6 long hugelkultur beds, converted a shed into a poultry house, learned an incredible amount! All in small bites. It would have been nice to have someone around to say: Look how much you've accomplished! In so many ways this property is what I always dreamed of. But the fact is, I do not have what it takes physically (or financially) to build and maintain this. It will be constant struggle, not safe, and growing old in isolation. I hoped at least one of my kids would want to stay here and work with me, but they have other plans. So now I'm facing having to sell my lovely place and move on. The challenge now is, not to punish myself for "giving up" or grieve myself into an early grave. Was I crazy to try this, at almost 50 years old, by myself? It's really hard not to punish myself now for not "making it work," as though anyone was ever in complete control! Trying not to feel like a failure. I admire you all so much for the work you do, on your homesteads and in your hearts, working with chronic illness.

In spring 2021 I have to put the property on the market.  If anyone is interested in 2 acres with a little river and a 3-bedroom house in south-eastern Prince Edward Island, let me know!

I guess I wrote this partly to say, recognizing our limitations (and everyone has limitations!) might mean our dreams have to evolve. There is some beauty in knowing how much I did, knowing that someone will go out there with their children and pick my apples and elderberries. I am so familiar with the feeling of having forcing myself to continue with something that is ultimately hurting me, because I'm stubborn and in a way still trying to prove that I have value even though I was taught otherwise. Our true value is inside us, though, "shining out of our eyes," not just in what we build and prove on the outside.

My very best hopes for all of you!

Susan,

I wish I knew what to say.  Many of us here at Permies have had our challenges—I have had mine—but you have had more than your fair share.  So sad that you need to leave your little slice of heaven, but really you need to do what is best for you.

I wish I could tell you not to feel sad or guilty and make the sadness and guilt just go away, but of course those feelings are pains held deep inside.  I feel some of these too.  About all I can productively say is that can’t possibly pass judgment upon you.  To the contrary, I think you accomplished quite a bit considering the obstacles and roadblocks in your path.  Hopefully, someone else can make use of the dream you started.

I know seeing/feeling an expiation date to your homestead dreams is terribly sad.  But no matter where you go, so long as you have internet access you have community here at Permies.  Normally would just welcome you to Permies, but for you, I hope you find a new home here with us.

I wish you the very best and welcome you to our community.

Eric

Ruth Jerome wrote: I should not do livestock that can't care for itself. So stick to cooped chickens. I know that's not very permie of me, but if it's a low energy day...

Food Forest

What can I use 25 T-posts for?  

I hope you are doing well today :-)

I am finally recovering from "PTSD"
Intimately acquainted with "ASD"

i have social phobia

When I am "down south" in Quebec, I am living in forestry zoned and am not allowed to farm

so I have meat pigeons

they are easier than chickens but provide food security and compost rather than eggs

and can mostly look after themselves and probably survive a stint in hospital

They can find water and forage and fly away from terrestrial predators and under things from flying predators

Food forest?
Totally!
Manage your berry bushes
Plant radicchio in the shade under your tree guilds
Wild garlic
walking onions somewhere else

Sprouted pigeon peas for edible shoots to forage while you weed
And eat baby corn

Keep a sufficient amount of lamb's quarters weeds (tender wild spinach) so they will come back each year
The pigeons will forage them and the buckwheat you plant -- which is fully edible

I feed the pigeons where I want things to spontaneously grow: the sunflower seeds get one spot and the peas another
Nothing gets wasted and "planting" is no-labour
Sunflowers and peas and corn transplant easily

Wild strawberries galore

(Who says I can't farm)

Oh yes, my pave-paradise neighbour does
Go tell it to the wild orchids
(over the hills and everywhere)

i have a little-kid voice in my head always interrupting and singing things LOL

Stop worrying about what others think if you do worry

You are lucky you have family that you worry if they care

(other than my awesome son and my housemate, I have no support but these days I have grown a thick skin)

wanna see my Scottish old lady hairy legs?

see I made you laugh!

Gratefulness meditation
Reduces blood pressure and palpitations and cheers you up

Could-be-worse attitude:
I could be born a mosquito living my last day

Lastly but not leastly for depression:

Behavioural Activation for Depression
a very dry read but my takeaway message is:
Act and do as though you are not depressed

It is proven (and I can attest) that it works to bootstrap you out of a depression


And :
Recognize self sabotage and
be kind to your brain and give it some

cardiovascular exercise

I do exercise and I am sure you do too, so:
Recognize you are already doing a LOT to help yourself and asking for help and support is commendable and courageous of you to do :-)

And your T-posts:
Your idea sounds great!
maybe chicken wire in a section for sprouting and keep your squeakers in there too during the day
(young pigeons are called that -- are chicken and ducks called that too because I meant your chickens?)

I will hazard to say God bless you (or Yahova or Allah if you prefer)

There's a lot of good stuff on this thread about being flexible and not beating yourself up. Totally agree. What I would add is that good friends help a lot. When my sister is down, I pick up the slack and vice versa.

Also, would it help to consider what habits help in your home/daily life and apply those to permie stuff? For example, I adore the higgldy -pigglydy, half wild look of a lot of food forests, but as someone who is legally blind, I need more organization than that, so I'm planting in neater blocks and Rose, with a lot of thought given to harvesting and checking plant health by feel.

Best to you,
A

So it has been over a year since I have posted here on Permies.  It has been a hard year and my garden has suffered for it.  I managed to break the spacer in my replaced knee 9 months before we figured out why my knee joint was so loose and painful.  As a result much of my late summer and fall garden work never happened.  My knee revision surgery happened in May.  
We scaled back the  garden to just fresh eating for the season with a few small exceptions.
I managed to get the greenhouse planted before my surgery.  My husband and a friend planted out the 4 small raised beds in the main garden for me 2 weeks after the surgery.
We installed drip irrigation in the greenhouse and everything had to survive just with the automatic drip irrigation for at least 2 months.  My wonderful husband is a really good engineer and a good landscaper but he isn't a gardener. With having to take care of me while working full time the garden had to thrive on it's own.  

Things were going well and I started getting back into the garden after 2 months. Mostly to harvest.  We realized that we will need wider foot paths between beds so I have an easier time walking with a crutch or a cane in the future. Not only will this make for safer walking but the pathways can be mowed now that most local sources of free wood chips have dried up in our area.

At the 3 month mark of my recover I managed to trip in my garden and fall. I sprained the newly replaced knee, broke 2 bones in my ankle, and tore a ligament.  This happened less than 3 weeks after I was cleared to drive from the knee replacement.  So I am on crutches and can't put any weight on my ankle.  Being out of commission during the 6 busiest harvest weeks has not been fun.  

The upside is my husband is becoming a much better cook.  Beyond that running the entire homestead, taking care of me, doing all the house hold chores, driving me to appointments on top of  his day job has been very stressful for my sweet and wonderful husband.  He now has a much deeper understand of all I regularly do on a day to day basis. He is building me a beautiful raised bed with a cold frame to fit it.  It will go in front of my front porch near my herb bed. I will be able to garden while sitting on the porch or on the paver covered pathway on the other side.  

We have hired a young friend of ours  that has recently started his own landscaping business to clear out a bunch of the invasive weeds.  We have also been having him clean up and tarp our annual beds for next year.  This way in the spring when I have 2 good legs in the spring I can focus on getting the first plantings in and getting the rest of the garden back into shape.  

We are reevaluating  how we will design things in the future since my ability to dramatically damage my joints is not going to get better as I age.  Every repair, upgrade, improvement and farm expansion will all be designed to reduce the work load and improve access.  

While this has been a hard year I will recover and I will appreciate the garden even more next year.

oh man Kate. I cannot IMAGINE how frustrating this must be for you. I hope you heal up well, and soon, and stronger. It sounds like you got some good improvements in your garden at least, and hopefully they make life easier for everyone.

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Kate, but thank you for posting the update! Good idea to plan thoughtfully for the future.

I now also facing physical limitations that mean I need to reevaluate my garden plans in the coming years, and have also been leaning on family members more than in the past.