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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do your due diligence. Your life may depend on it.

 
pollinator
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Hi folks,

Out in the real world bad things happen to good people because there are bad people pretending to be good people.

The permaculture world is no exception.

First let me be crystal clear that I am not aware of any activity on this site by any member that is predatory or deliberately deceptive.

However this case from Alaska is a warning that when any group of trusting, open, and honest people get together, it eventually attracts those who would prey on them.
News Article

If you are actively seeking out a new life with like minded folks, please, please approach it with the amount of careful consideration and diligence that such a potential life changing decision warrants.
 
pollinator
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Horrific story. There is an excellent book I recommend everyone read called The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
 
pollinator
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Trust, but verify. My default setting is to assume good intentions unless someone gives me a reason not to. What I've gotten better at over the course of five point <mumble> decades is picking up on the red flags that say "Here There Be Bullshit." Any time I enter into an agreement between parties (even family members) that involves significant amounts of money, assets, or time/labour, I think it's wise to put the main points into writing. My wife is a stickler for this and it's helped us out over the long haul.
 
pollinator
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James Whitelaw wrote:Horrific story. There is an excellent book I recommend everyone read called The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker




Seconded!

This book not only gives you reasons to listen to your gut instead of talking yourself out of it, it also gives you ways to analyze a situation or behavior, so you can better pinpoint exactly what it is you're reacting to, and thus decide whether or not it's really a threat.

While I was still working my way through the book, I had a chance to use it. In the grocery store I walked past somebody who just set off every alarm bell in my head. Normally I would have convinced myself I was being prejudiced and said nothing. But the lessons from the book were fresh in my mind, so I used them to counter my own second-guessing. It took a minute, but by then I was at the registers and could tell someone.

The thing that set off alarms was his hoodie. It was 103F with 90% humidity that day. People were melting, even in the air conditioning. So why was this guy wearing an extra-thick insulated hoodie, with the hood pulled tight around his face?

I told the cashier about it, and when I described him, all the blood drained out of her face. She called over this rather large, burly manager and had me repeat it, and he took off at a run.

It turns out, I had spotted her stalker.
 
gardener
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If you are actively seeking out a new life with like minded folks, please, please approach it with the amount of careful consideration and diligence that such a potential life changing decision warrants.



What Nick said.

Due diligence taken on our homestead. Always.
 
steward & bricolagier
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A friend of mine teaches Women's Self Defense classes, and he requires "Gift of Fear" to be read. I hand out copies of that one, probably 30 or so, so far. I HIGHLY recommend it.


 
master pollinator
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My wife has been stalked...

I put rape at the same heinous level as premeditated murder, and wish they would take away the statue of limitations so that guys like that would be more apt to be in prison.

I will stop there. It makes my blood boil.
 
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I've seen many ads where people are encouraged to join someone in a remote location. I doubt that it would usually lead to something as bad as this, but in many cases there is an unhealthy power dynamic. One person owns the home and supplies the food and even the transportation. People of little or no means who take someone up on an offer like this, find themselves in a position of total dependence.

Sometimes, it's understood that it's going to be a personal relationship. I've seen ads where it doesn't say that, but they do say that people in this group are very open to all manner of open relationships. I take that to mean that you can expect regular sexual advances. Maybe they mean something different , but I don't know what.

I have run ads offering employment and accommodation. I have never included anyting about my sexual preferences within those ads. That's because I was only looking for workers or to rent out space. When an ad is run offering for you to live in some sort of community, and then sexual preferences are stated, that seems like a red flag to me.
.......
I assume that young women are the most likely people to be targeted. If a young woman answers a general ad saying that new people are wanted in a remote location, it might be wise for her to get a male friend, and maybe her grandmother to make contact first,  and see if it's an everyone welcome thing. If the other two are told that the space has been filled, and then the young woman makes contact and is told that there's plenty of room, that might give a hint as to the posters intentions.
........
I once called on a room for rent and was told that it was rented. But the ad remained active for several days. I called back to see if he had space for a fictional friend of my wife. He encouraged me to get her to call. So this guy was looking to get a woman living in his house. He didn't want to say that in the ad, so he just put in an ad with a room for rent and then turned down male callers.

My 18 year old sister in law in the Philippines was offered a job by our landlord. He said she would be his assistant. He is a very small player in the landlording business and does not require an assistant. The pay offered was vastly more than her current wage. She told him to call his wife, so she could tell him about this job offer and then she told him she was not a prostitute and sent him on his way. My wife and her sister moved to a better place last month. The old landlord was dragging his feet on returning a security deposit. Isabel called him and told him she would call his wife and tell her about the job offer, if the money wasn't returned soon. He called yesterday and wants to bring a check over at their earliest convenience. So, obviously she was correct in assessing his intentions. He does not want his wife to know that he offers this type of employment.
 
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