“You need to put yourself out there more.”

Intro of sorts: My dad reads the L.A. Times and often saves the ’L.A. Affairs:Dating’ section, if it’s good, for me read. The ones he saves are usually some fun, sweet, or quirky stories of how people met, married and lived happily ever after.

I really enjoy writing but in order for me to feel that I’ve done a good enough job, it takes too much of my time. (I’m sure this piece contains grammatical errors but I hope you all enjoy it. I have enjoyed reading the permies singles posts since joining the forum and I can see why even married people who aren’t looking read them for fun.) I submitted this piece to the newspaper and was not surprised when I didn’t receive any response back. (I was hoping for the $300 more than being published.) I’ve contemplated submitting it on this forum for sometime, thinking that many permies could relate to the quirkiness… though probably not so much to the spiritual content. Anyhoo, this was written almost 2 years ago… and the original less optimistic ending has been edited to something more upbeat per Dez’s suggestion.

(Even pre-C my online dating website profile included no jabs for self or future kiddos… it’s nice to see that there are some permies on the same page about that.)

I hope this brings you a smile or some chuckles.

……………..
After almost three years of being single and not dating, the incessant persistence of certain friends and family members finally wore me down. The solution in most of their minds was that the reason I wasn’t married was that I needed to put myself out there more. The world had changed and I needed to get with the times. “Fine, I’ll try online dating!” I exclaimed. A friend and her husband had been graciously offering to pay for an online subscription for me to join a popular dating website. That is how they met and fell in love, and they hoped that the same could happen to me.

I suppose every person may feel that they are so unique and/or peculiar that finding a good match for them would be a challenge. I feel I get more unusual every year, and not necessarily in a bad way. As a thirty-something-year-old, getting closer to approaching forty, the biological clock is and has been ticking louder than ever. I’d like to get married and birth my own biological children. I am not opposed to fostering or adoption, even as a single person, but I’m not sure that is God’s plan for me. Yes, I said God. That’s where things seem to become even trickier. See, as a Messianic Jew, a woman who keeps the Sabbath, eats biblically kosher and wears a long sleeve rash guard and knee-length skirt as a bathing suit but believes in Jesus, the pickings get pretty slim. Add to that sleeping on an organic wool mattress topper on the floor and not owning a TV for maybe 15 years (and not having any alternative forms of TV or movie streaming either) I feel pretty peculiar. Thankfully, organic gardening, going zero/minimal waste and composting have gotten pretty popular. So that is helpful in reducing my strangeness factor. For the longest time, many of my friends said that I would definitely not find a husband if I continued my discussions on why composting toilets were so brilliant and how I wanted to build my own.

Despite my hesitancy and reluctance, I created my profile being as detailed as possible to find someone who had a similar faith, passions, and hobbies that I do. But don’t worry, I left out the part about compost toilets. There were some nice men there and I began corresponding with them. There was one in particular that really caught my attention. It seemed his dreams for home life, organic farming, and child-rearing were in alignment with mine. He did not eat kosher or keep the Sabbath but was gently and generously open to it and wanted to hear more of why I did. He listened to non-fiction audiobooks and podcasts and his online messages were like a dream. He was eloquent, knew the scriptures well, and I enjoyed our correspondence more than I’ve enjoyed with a gentleman in quite some time.

After about a week, he asked if we could text off the site since he would be traveling, and I was excited about that idea. Our texts began simply, he asked about Scriptures I liked and why and how I was applying them to my own life. We wrote about our favorite recipes to cook. He then asked if I would be open to doing a bible study over the phone with him, when he returned from his vacation. I happily replied, yes. Suddenly, from what seemed to be out of nowhere, he asked, “How many showers do you take each day?” Caught off guard by the question but being the open book that I am, I responded, “I don’t take a shower every day.” He seemed to be appalled and shocked. He took two showers daily. Then came a bombardment of further questions like: Did I smell? Uh, no. If I smelled, I would likely take a shower… I wanted to send a dissertation with references about the health benefits of not showering daily, but I decided to save that for a future time. Then came the kicker, “How often do you change your underwear?” At this point, I’m not sure what is stranger… that he asked me that question or that I answered in transparency, “daily.” I felt kinda sick and incredibly disappointed. I expressed that I really felt that this line of questioning made me feel uneasy and that it was inappropriate. He continued to jest and joke almost turning into a completely different person than I had interacted with over the last week or two.

I know my bathing suit may seem prude and over the top to some people, especially living in Southern California. I understand that hygiene can be an important factor in a relationship and certainly drastic differences could cause issues. What I don’t understand is how a Christian man goes from wanting to do a bible study with me to thinking and asking about my underwear. I know I have been out of the dating scene for some time now, so I had to phone and text some friends. “Is this what men are like now? Even Christian men? Asking about showering and changing underwear when you haven’t even known them for a few weeks? And if so, if they’ve never been married how would they already know that how often someone changes their underwear would be a deal-breaker for them?” Though, I wanted to understand. I’ve come to the conclusion… it doesn’t even matter. Friends said that was weird and suggested the simple solution of “block and delete.” I followed their advice and after a few other unusual experiences on the online website, I also decided it is just not for me. If I really believe that there is an intelligent designer, God, who made the Universe. Certainly, He can help me meet the right husband if that's what He has for me. And yes, I'm hoping he'll have an outdoor composting toilet. As for me needing to “put myself out there” uh ya… ... hasn't worked out in my best interest thus far BUT at least now all of you know how often I change my underwear.

Wow, that was a crazy story.   The hyper specialization of everything has made people a little too selective I think.  Excluding some form of soul mate, twin flame etc I don’t think any two people are going to gel completely and the areas another causes us discomfort really allow us to grow individually…. If there is a basic similarity of people.

Though that was not what you experienced.

Composting toilet, I think actually a methane capturing one might even be better or a combination of the two

That was a good read! I check in on the singles posts often too just because it is interesting to see what all is put out there!

I like the topics of showers and toilets :) Hmm, since the man you are mentioning here's questioning on the topic made you feel uneasy, I apologize that I'm going to say more on this...but you put it out there, soooo here goes. I'm not a Christian man and not looking to seriously date someone, so you can write me off as just a commenter here anyways.

I know only one person that takes less showers than me, and also uses a compost toilet...and waddaya know I met her on this site!

Keeping ourselves clean (or not lol) and dealing with our waste are big things that kind of form an important part of the foundation of a lifestyle...so if someone is wanting to shower EVERY day just because it's some kind of routine, then somehow they must have a steady water supply? Is it always hot at the turn of a tap? How do they have that, how much do they pay for it etc...and is it something they need daily no matter what. If they had a clean pond would that suffice in the warmer months? Do they use modern chemical shampoos and soaps? Where is all that used double shower water going everyday, into a public sewer system? I really feel like the human waste/clean water thing is so taken for granted or intentionally ignored by people but you can get a good feel of the "level" a person is on by how they can discuss and live out the day to day issues of clean water and waste, and whether or not the topic is something that should be important enough to base other decisions around.

That guy took two showers a day?? Maybe in the summer doing more of a daily shower is nice, especially when working outside all day, but in the winter I'll go a week or more without. Changing clothes every other day is enough, I'm always bundled up because there's also no reason to keep my house very warm all the time. The worst is sticky dirty sweaty summer nights, so a cool shower in the evening and hopefully some open windows and maybe a fan on keeps the bed from getting totally disgusting.

These kind of lifestyle choices also led me to the end of a long-term relationship where differences prevailed over the years. From here on out the only woman I'd ever consider being more than just "friends" with would have to agree that simple compost toileting is superior to a blackwater sewage system of any kind, and they actually prefer it this way and think it's great!

Honestly, my sh*t buckets are one of the most valuable things I have. I have a bath house too with compost toilet in there, but that place needs time to warm up from a propane heater and why not just use my bucket inside my tiny house right next to the fireplace when it's time?

Good luck with your post, I think you should just remain weird and focus only on applications where the man has checked the "I love composting toilets" box!

John Wibel wrote:The hyper specialization of everything has made people a little too selective I think.

Indeed, many of the meaningful relationships of my life have been with people quite different than me and quite different than I would’ve expected or listed out qualities on paper for. I met those people in organic situations doing things I already enjoyed and would do anyway and in time… we both grew on each other, even though we weren’t each other’s ‘types’ initially. Those relationships did not end up in marriage... I’d say on my end, I couldn’t proceed because of differences in convictions of what integrity was and looked like lived out… and the God factor.

Have you all heard of the ‘build a bear’ store? It’s a store where one can go and create their own stuffed animal, exactly as one likes down to all the details.

I’ve certainly come to the conclusion in my own life that what one thinks he/she wants or needs, etc. Isn’t always what what’s best for that person or what he/she really would want or need. (Not just in a mate but in life.)

A few years ago, I wrote out a picture of what my ideal school would be in a little less than an hour… just to oblige someone who kept persisting I do the exercise. In less than a few weeks, a job I applied for ended up being at a school that was 80% of my dream school! It was pretty miraculous.

What I realized after working there for sometime was that I didn’t think to focus on what my role would be in my ideal school! The school was ideal for most of my students and their parents. It allowed parents of many different types of educational philosophies educate their children in the framework of their choosing with financial support and the support of a credentialed teacher and an accredited school. Sadly, my role was about 80% tedious admin in front of a screen that was for state compliance, work that had little to no value (for me) except to protect us in an audit. The job was 20% teaching/coaching/mentoring/facilitating learning with my students and their parents, which is what I would’ve wanted to do more.

I’ve since began doing exercises from the book, What Color is Your Parachute? which has been helpful to truly find out what’s most valuable to me in a job and people I work for/with… perhaps it could be applied to a romantic relationship as well?

Anyway, there aren’t any ‘build a mate’ stores where we can select every detail of what we want and like in a mate. (With the robot AI stuff, maybe there will be… I find that quite creepy.) I don’t anticipate or expect to find a husband who checks all my boxes. I have some non-negotiables but the list, I think, is pretty short. The quirky details in this post aren’t requirements but hopes, I suppose.

My intention and focus the last 15 years or so has not been on finding the person I’d create at the ‘build a mate’ store but rather becoming the person I’d like to be for myself and others. I’ve found that experience to be much more rewarding… but I suppose it’s also because I’m from a more traditional framework of thought that the man seeks and the woman is found.

Blessings,

Build a bear.... yes my kid is 23...   I am 54 in a month.

Oh that manifesting what we are looking for....  Really I have no idea what I am manifesting today.  Actually enjoy most of where I am at, concerned about the future as I have been since I was in grade school drawing up sustainable villages (almost what I have today.... without the people and adequate housing - that is kind of coming also).

Yes on the organic relationships.   I was a good person and followed what I was supposed to do, even though maybe my heart wasn't there, in the job, life and everything.  Bought a farm nearly 20 years ago and began my journey, only halfway in, as my other half (which I no longer want a half to complete me, I want a whole), had little desire to engage in what I am doing, drank too much as we both did when we met.  Worried about scarcity and still does and I am done as I will always have enough, even if it is next to nothing.  

Also can't handle my spirituality, which most would have a hard time with.... As manifesting a job seems like childs play today.   Weather events and kind of which direction society is headed (with only broad brush strokes to allow a better artist to paint the fine details as I will simply make a mess), really are a place to rest my thoughts.  

And yes doing the internal work has been ever so rewarding.  Fixing myself as that is all I can fix... AlAnon helped out with that.  

I will have to pick up what color is my parachute again...  

Is that not the case with jobs also, that much of what we actually enjoy is not the majority of the job.  Paperwork and compliance are such a huge part of cheese making, it almost makes it not enjoyable.  Though I think we have a plan for the summer, to do three farmers markets....  Make hot raclete sandwiches, and raclette over potatoes plus all the other dairy stuff we do.  Work on a farm store and restaurant and while yes that is traditional stuff....   I feel that while the earth shifts, we need to have our feet on both sides of the chasam...  Selling to the mob all the while preparing for what may occur, which makes the business more sustainable, if the wheels do not come off the system....   Oh yeah, making gin/vodka from whey protein and a gap year program were goals of mine....  

All that said, today, I am simply trying to live life in a way that makes me happy and no longer trying to help others before myself.... as that hurts myself.

Peace and good luck in your adventure... But I enjoyed your posts.

Alana Rose wrote:
Have you all heard of the ‘build a bear’ store? It’s a store where one can go and create their own stuffed animal, exactly as one likes down to all the details.

I like that analogy. A question that some struggle with is what to write about themselves for the dating profile.

Having read thousands of profiles (and skipped tens of thousands as they were essentially a picture), you do need to put things out there.  Which I really should not be doing and yet it really has helped me to understand myself much better.

Probably a list of core values, that you need in another individual

Not sharing things will lead to distance and growing apart.  My soon to be ex-wife thinks my spiritual beliefs are nuts....  But fall in the realm of quantum physics, coupled with coptic christian texts from the nag hamadi library.    

How you want to live, what you can live with and without...  generally a set of holistic parameters (and actually doing a Holistic resource management course with your prospective partner to work through what your core values are, what tools you will use to live your life and what you want your future to look like).

Core values, religion, time spent working, traveling, reading, tv, games, etc.

Means of production.

Will you use some technology, none, what will you sell (vegan, paleo) who will you cater to to raise money to live in the world as it is today and what are you doing to make your future less hard.

What do you want your future to look like.

Living in a community of like minded individuals, a hermit, working harder in the summer and going into your inner temple in the winter).  That is what you want your life to look like.   going back and reviewing every year at the start, then every five and checking every decision you make to ensure it does not take you further from your core values or closer to them.  

That personally would be a good way of going, AND STATE that as it is the interweb, ladies ought to show some interest in you also and not just be passive as you went to a lot of work to put yourself out there in hopes of getting attention and to weed out anyone who is not on the same core page as you.

Anyway, you want a base bear that matches and they add the details along with you (over a much greater span of time)...

T Blankinship wrote: A question that some struggle with is what to write about themselves for the dating profile.

Ya, I often think of “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:2‬ ‬‬

It convicts me even on interviews and writing cover letters.

I’ve thought about having my closest friends write mine for me… or family members. I’ve even offered potentials ex bf references. (You should’ve seen the look on their faces.)

I’d actually like a future potential person to know what in/about me didn’t work for someone else, that’d save a lot of time.

Oddly, I do not find the underwear/showering questions as weird...that said, I have a very sensitive nose, and have had to get off Pub Transit due to someone who desperately needed a shower that was making me nauseous!!  That said, I have also had to get off as someone had on toooo much perfume!

As someone who did not meet their spouse until they were in their mid forties, and who was not married, ever, until late forties; being particular may limit the pool, but it also means I have no messy baggage.

That said, my criteria changed over time, and got pretty narrowed down to some very generic basics.

Need not apply:
1)  any sort of addiction be it golf, alcohol, drugs, yoga, reality tv...if something is going take precedence over me, us and our lifestyle, that was a no go.

2)  financial independence; does not live with Mummy, Daddy, Sister or is otherwise dependent on a relative or friend for a roof over their head.

3)  know how to self support all their needs; cooking, housing, medical conditions - I am neither you maid nor your nurse.

4) whiners; it is always SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT, never owning their own crap.

Please apply if you meet the following criteria:

Do you know who you are, and what you want?

You must love animals (my spouse had never had a pet; I was owned by 17 dogs...) and understand that my lifestyle revolves around animals.

You must not have a need to travel, especially extensively, as my critters mean I will NOT be going.

You must be willing to live a frugal, earth friendly lifestyle.

You must be willing to "agree to disagree" and not need me to be your "mini me" or "yes, man".

You must be free from outside expenses (huge debt, or other financial obligations that will become mine).

After that, it really was finding someone who adored me, and whom I adored.  As noted, the biggest rule for me was the animal friendly person; well, I had to train that part!  But now my spouse is the biggest lover of animals/dogs, and could not, literally, could not, his words, imagine living life without them.  

My quest cost me my chance of having my own children, sadly, but I always felt that was better than a messy unhappy life, with divorce, kids who have to split their time between lifestyles, or rely on a single adult to help them negotiate the world (my belief is that kids need two adults - mums, dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles, doesn't matter, just two adults they can ALWAYS count on - in their lives; it is inevitable that at some time, one will need a break, and need to tag the other one in whilst they have a melt down), every system NEEDS a back up, and every system should have a BUILT IN, KNOWN, back up, at least in my world: be it relationships, toilets, or vehicles.

Rather than look at age, race, religion, ethnicity, job etc.; I highly recommend you look at personality, goals and dreams.  The rest will follow if you click on these levels, then the rest will work itself out.

Alana;
Loved your post! Absolutely loved it:-) I laughed out loud a couple times too.  I do believe you are good at writing!

I could relate to everything you stated. I am also a devout Christian woman; devoted to Jesus first and foremost.  I always think there is no one like me and that I get 'weirder and weirder' as I mature in Christ and peel off the worldly 'skin' so to speak.  

I have never thought meeting someone online was God's design for us; to me it seems to be forcing God's hand and timing..which is perfect.  Also, it seems a bit weird to pick someone out by a formula of criteria.  ie; blue eyes-Check, changes underwear daily-check  (hee hee ha!), likes animals-check, has a job-check....get the picture.  I have a post here under R Marie. It took me sooooo long to actually write it; but I felt if God intends for me to meet someone, someones or a community via this site...then so be it.  If the person or community He has for me is here; then they will find me.  I believe, at a man's core, they have a deep need to pursue.  In my experience and studies; it never works when the woman does.  If we want a man to lead; so much starts with him leading the pursuit.  If I have learned one thing in my dating life; it is that a man WILL pursue when he wants to.  Once he does; the dance has the beginning it needs to unfold into a beautiful thing.

I do believe that God will put the right person in our lives at the perfect time.  And He IS the God of the universe; parted seas, defeated armies with trumpets, and breathed the world into existence.  He could drop a man in your front yard when the timing is right.  When we force it or try to control it; that is when bad relationships happen.  We all believe in organic living on this site; well, organic relationships are just as important.  They are slow, take time and build over time.  Online and microwaving the natural 'process' of finding a soul mate/partner....is not going to yield us what we desire.  To be known, loved, supported and to walk this life with someone that 'gets' us.  For me; most importantly...that gets a life is no life at all without Jesus.  And a compost toilet:-)

Blessings to you Alana; be patient, wait...God will bring you your heart's desire!  The world screams, family screams, friends scream...do it yourself, chase it, find someone....but, I believe this to be really bad advise.  Worldly.

Have a great evening; and if you write more, I will read it!
Sister in Christ,
R

That is quite the turn. Even after all my super weird experiences online dating (oh, the stories I could tell), I wasn't expecting that one. What a rude thing for him to ask! Glad you were able to see it in a humorous light. I think online dating messes with people's brains. Probably in many ways, but certainly in that it creates an illusion of almost infinite choice and a temptation to always be chasing a "better" or closer to "perfect" catch. I think it leads to a lot of the strange behavior. Having tried it for many years, I didn't really feel it was beneficial for me. Mostly, it kept me from doing cool stuff in the real world where I could have met men I might have actually gotten along with. Or at least been doing cool stuff that brought me happiness. If I were in your shoes and actually wanted to "put myself out there more", I'd do it in the real world. If you do keep the online profile, maybe consider putting in the composting toilet thing. It would narrow the field, but it might also be a pretty good filter for guys who can't deal with their own shit...hehe. If nothing else, might infect some minds with permaculture. Of course, you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt, as I think the song "Your Potty is a Wonderland" is hilarious.

Just keep being your awesome self and I bet you'll find a man who makes your heart happy and whom you can make beautiful compost with!

Cole Tyler wrote:
I like the topics of showers and toilets :) Hmm, since the man you are mentioning here's questioning on the topic made you feel uneasy, I apologize that I'm going to say more on this...but you put it out there, soooo here goes…

Keeping ourselves clean (or not lol) and dealing with our waste are big things that kind of form an important part of the foundation of a lifestyle...so if someone is wanting to shower EVERY day just because it's some kind of routine, then somehow they must have a steady water supply? Is it always hot at the turn of a tap? How do they have that, how much do they pay for it etc...and is it something they need daily no matter what. If they had a clean pond would that suffice in the warmer months? Do they use modern chemical shampoos and soaps? Where is all that used double shower water going everyday, into a public sewer system? I really feel like the human waste/clean water thing is so taken for granted or intentionally ignored by people but you can get a good feel of the "level" a person is on by how they can discuss and live out the day to day issues of clean water and waste, and whether or not the topic is something that should be important enough to base other decisions around.

That guy took two showers a day?? Maybe in the summer doing more of a daily shower is nice, especially when working outside all day, but in the winter I'll go a week or more without. Changing clothes every other day is enough, I'm always bundled up because there's also no reason to keep my house very warm all the time. The worst is sticky dirty sweaty summer nights, so a cool shower in the evening and hopefully some open windows and maybe a fan on keeps the bed from getting totally disgusting.

These kind of lifestyle choices also led me to the end of a long-term relationship where differences prevailed over the years. From here on out the only woman I'd ever consider being more than just "friends" with would have to agree that simple compost toileting is superior to a blackwater sewage system of any kind, and they actually prefer it this way and think it's great!

Honestly, my sh*t buckets are one of the most valuable things I have. I have a bath house too with compost toilet in there, but that place needs time to warm up from a propane heater and why not just use my bucket inside my tiny house right next to the fireplace when it's time?

Good luck with your post, I think you should just remain weird and focus only on applications where the man has checked the "I love composting toilets" box!

Thank you for your encouragement and the good points! Indeed, I did put it out there. I appreciate the insights and experiences of other permies.

I agree there are lots of important lifestyle questions that go beyond the simple ‘how many showers do you take each day?’

When I served in Mexico at a women’s shelter, 30 people shared the water we got delivered each week or every other week. That water was used for bathing, dishwashing, and cleaning. 1 or 2, 5 gallon bucket showers were given per week to each person, we had 1 bathroom/bathing structure and a schedule. We reused water that didn’t have bleach to water our decorative plants. Most women heated their water on the stove for themselves and their children. For timing and resources sake, I just used my water cold… until on December/January day when after a cold bucket shower I had a pounding headache all day… then I heated my water in the winter months.

I love serving in Mexico and did it for almost 2 years. I’d still do it, even if it mean 1 bucket shower a week… I could do 2, 2 1/2 gallon showers or buy my own water. I would like a partner whose 2 showers a day wouldn’t infringe on serving in another country where water is valued and more scarce.

All the questions you mentioned are important to know and valuable for building a life with someone. I think my offense at the topic was the context, timing, and delivery. Especially, the underwear thing… I wasn’t at a bar, camping or on a permies hygiene forum… we were talking about a Bible study!

My hope would be in a healthy relationship all these ideas could be discussed in a respectful way with a desire to understand the other person and why they’ve come to those decisions. I’d hope that if my future partner or I thought the other ought to shower… we would for the other person’s sake just like other things that done out of courtesy or giving preference to one another.

Additionally, I’m not against compost toilets inside… I just happened to live in a climate where one could pretty much go outside anytime.

Thanks for sharing!

Hi Alana

Because my english is a little rusty, to write the message I'm using a translator, so I apologize for any grammatical errors.
I've been reading both your messages and those of the other permies and I identified with many things.

- Just today a friend told me to sign up at Tinder, to find someone. And told me something similar with: "You need to put yourself out there more" and "You have to stop having that view about dating sites".
- As I don't watch television, and I don't align myself with many other modernities, which are highly cherished by their dependent users (dont own a smart phone). So I am seen almost as a stone man.
- About Showers...“I don’t take a shower every day.” = me too. Like any other animal, I take a short shower when I feel dirty.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of the human population is not aware of the scarcity of drinking water.
Nor about the amount of electrical energy that is used in the adduction systems, for the water to reach your house taps.
Another thing they are not aware of is the amount of synthetic substances present in the water that will enter their body through the skin. - "I wanted to send a dissertation with references about the health benefits of not showering daily".

The above-described points and others equally unusual and "strangeness", weighed heavily towards the end of some relationships.

Other important little things:
- I am forty one years old
- I have myself as a spiritual being.
- I'm a fan of voluntary simplicity / minimalism / decrease.
- I change my boxers everyday - "now all of you know how often I change my underwear" hihihi
- I practice permaculture at Portugal
- I know that urine is rich in nitrogen (N), so I use the urine for fruit trees.
- I have a composting toilet (human manure)
- I have a bathtub full of worm, who love leftovers.

And above all, I am very happy with myself, I know and feel that I am walking the path, as such, I will continue with the same daily practices.
And I desire you to do exactly the same. That you do what you believe (intuition) in.

uff... my english is really weak, took me almost an hour to respond.

@Lorinne; I like your list!  Mine is vaguely similar -- I've tried the 'being a maid' situation and it's quite awful to fall into a heavy relationship with someone you fell hard for, but realized later that you have very little in common with, especially when it comes to the level of work you're willing to put into the relationship and a life together.  

Hello from a fellow BC lady.  

I feel like it's really healthy to sit down and really KNOW yourself as a person in a life (like you've done there -- probably through experience, I'd imagine, eh?) and what you want out of a relationship on a day-to-day level, rather than thinking you might just meet someone for love and have things work out.  If partners don't get along and enjoy each other on a practical level after the initial good first dates, and have things they can value and share together, it's really not a good idea to get into anything serious for the sole sake of attraction and chemistry,  

Thanks for joining the conversation everyone!

I want to take the time to respond to each of you but have yet to carve out the time to do so with a better device than an iPhone.

I believe I have some field mice camping out in my home and my neighbors’ home and that’s derailed my plans as I search for their entry points and do a permie form of eliminating them.

I appreciate you permies, and hearing your insights and experiences.

Blessings,

Alana;

I don't know why I feel called to also share with you that my biological clock was ticking in my mid-thirties; I always knew I wanted kids and a lot of them.  At 37, I had come to the realization that maybe God had different plans for me and kids might come to me in a different way.  I do believe I semi-forced a relationship to make this dream come to fruition; even though that isn't the only reason I moved forward with a relationship that God clearly told me was not for me.  (I won't get into all the gory details here.)  

Anyway...I had my babies at 39, 41 and 43.  Let's not forget that Sarah had her first baby in her 90s, Elizabeth had her first very late in life too.  If you are meant to have children biologically, nothing will stop Jesus.  I was even told by alternative Drs that I really respected; my hormones would not allow me to have children.  My pregnancy journey/ testimony is truly a miracle; and too much to share here. But, I just want to remind you that while your clock is ticking...God is not worried.  He has a plan and it is not to keep your desires from you.

I just want you to take heart in the fact that science doesn't trump the King; the master Dr/Physician.  In my case..science told me one thing, but God told me another.  I chose to believe Him; and BIG faith pleases God.  Just keep your eyes fixed on Him and HIS promises.  The world can be noisy...and peace is hard to find when we have deep desires  and the world is shouting how we should meet those!

Not sure why I felt compelled to write this; but I'll trust that the Holy Spirit intended it for someone...:-)  

Have a great day and good luck catching those mice!  
Blessings,
R

Hello

I believe I have some field mice camping out in my home and my neighbors’ home and that’s derailed my plans as I search for their entry points and do a permie form of eliminating them.

You can try this:

I hope it gives good result

Paulo Barros wrote:Hello

You can try this:

I hope it gives good result

Thanks! I haven’t caught any and I was out of town for a week. I didn’t see any evidence of them in my home or my neighbor’s home.

I’m recovering from some dental work and back to caregiving, so I haven’t been back on here for awhile.

John Wibel wrote:  
How you want to live, what you can live with and without...  generally a set of holistic parameters (and actually doing a Holistic resource management course with your prospective partner to work through what your core values are, what tools you will use to live your life and what you want your future to look like).

Anyway, you want a base bear that matches and they add the details along with you (over a much greater span of time)...

I really like the idea of doing a holistic resource management course (even by myself for now.) I downloaded some free resources from permies but have yet to sit down and work through the exercises.

Indeed, I can definitely see how having “a base bear that matches” could be a beneficial jumping off point.

Writing is not my strong suit, but for you, I'd work the 7 years. That's a bit of biblical humor I will get back to that later.

I understand about being peculiar. I'm 43 with red hair and beard. Well it has a little gray now. I was raised by a missionary mom and a hot rod builder dad and both taught me the importance of faith in God.

I think that my peculiarities started in Jamaica ( mission trip). That is where I first realized that there is a different way to live. A good way, a happy way. I was there helping out in an orphanage for boys. Although the people lacked money and fancy things , they had something better- a simple life. I was changed from that moment on and I never had the same desire for an American way of life. I wanted a simple life , and it is good.

No jabs for you or your future kids- that is awesome, I totally agree.

One of the first paintings I sold was titled
" the TV ate my life". It was a reflection of the hours wasted in front of the TV. No TV? No problem. I watch educational or Bible stories Sometimes. Some Ernest P. Worrel movies in the mix. I don't have cable. I've gone without TV before and I would again for you if it would make you happy. The same goes for your diet; I could go Kosher for you.
I really enjoyed your story. Parts of it made me laugh. I like you, and I dig your modesty. It's cool that you sleep on the floor. I know a few floor sleepers. I also think composting toilets are cool and building one is on my to-do list.
I cleared an acre and a half on my land for goat pasture and gardening and to build Shepherds Huts for my guests/airbnb. I live in the mountains of Ellijay, Georgia and most of my neighbors are farmers or have livestock. It's a neat farming Community but my small cabin is private with a good view of the mountains from the pasture . I live close to the beginning of the Appalachian Trail.

I love God and enjoy reading the Bible. I'm skilled at building and metal working. I clean a few houses and do handyman work for income. Although I'm not really into money.

Now, to get back to that joke about Laban....
( Genesis 29)
I am a happily married man of 22 years, with two wonderful young Sons. Boris (6) and Oreck (2) a floor sleeper. My wife, Ashley (42) a writer and a floor sleeper. Ashley has graciously agreed that it would be good for me to have a Biblical marriage 2nd wife if the woman meets everything on her list. She thinks highly of you. You have checked all of the boxes on her list, and my boxes as well. A difficult task in itself .....and you did it in one post. You are the only person I have contacted and you may be the only person I ever ask -due to the difficulty of finding someone like you. You are rare and beautiful. It was me that found you. I have always been inspired by the Bible to have a life like Jacob. It's our favorite story. Also we want more children. Pregnancy and childbirth were difficult for my wife, so we wanted to look for me a lifelong surrogate wife that we could be family with.

And FYI- no favoritism, no comparisons; just acceptance just a loving family.

First of all, I would like to be friends and talk to you. Please pray about it to see if we could be friends and see where God leads us.

May you be blessed with the dew of heaven above . May God give you all the desires of your heart.
P.S. I found a rose bush yesterday hidden behind a small building I tore down. It made me think of you . I'm going to uproot it and move it to my home . I'm going to take care of all of its needs and give its special care and love and plenty of sunshine and see if it will bloom where it is planted.
We can exchange contact info if you would like to talk about composting privies and baby goats
David Nathan Taylor

Source: https://t.me/davidavocadowolfe

Puzzle & relationship humor :)

Kinda gives the whole… “you complete me” a new level of meaning.

Alana,
It has been some months since you started this thread from your post.. and it was all interesting to read. I hope you are doing well and finding inner peace in God's plan.
So I have a similar situation.. in my mid forties, but feel and look young, with a striking head of hair.. I joined a spiritual community at age 21 and lived there for 25 years! We kept Shabat, read the Bible twice a day, we ate vegetarian.. or Kosher.. I lived outside Jerusalem for close to two years.. learned Hebrew pretty good.. oh and belief in Yashua (Jesus) was very important! It would be a long post if I explained the beliefs of the community.. but hope to one day! So about 7 years ago, while taking the PDC and then soon after becoming a permaculture teacher. I visited my parents in middle Tennessee, and noticed problems with the house, and it became a big concern... at the same time some drastic changes in the community started.. basically my permaculture passion was not well received.. composting kitchen scraps was an unwelcome chore.. I was a total odd ball.. single all that time, and most of the other members recently married.. so I decided to move back to Tennessee and use my permaculture skills to prevent the frequent floods from causing more damage to my childhood home, which is were my parents reside. They like permaculture, love raising chickens, gardening, and composting.. even compost toilets they could be open to.. I had plans of transforming their place into a Permaculture School.. and my progress is going good... BUT being alone and the desire to share life with a "permaculture" someone, and become a parent, and maintain and build on my spiritual life... well.. it lead me to this thread.. and I am replying, (on the Shabbath..) and understanding you might be in a totally different situation from when you originally posted this..
It takes such energy.. being single and looking for a good fit .. I often feel like not trying.. just letting the Spirit guide me.. I pray to be lead, and find just being in constant glorification and Thanksgiving gets me through each moment into the next.
I also think compost toilets are problem solvers! I hope to build one soon, but believe the best soil building combo is charcoal and human pee, soaked for a few days or weeks... I started to make children songs about this.. lol!
Best wishes in your journey and will keep you in my prayers!
Geo Robert Rembert

So hard a honest an loyal single full custody father can't find love
Own my home an land 5 acres
870-360-6347

We would make great girl friends! I very much relate to your quirks. While I’m not  Jewish, I used to joke “I’m so Christian I’m practically Jewish.”  I’ve been wearing long shorts and a rash guard as a bathing suit in California for the last 30 years. People think I’m strange because I don’t do TV/ movies etc. and don’t want to.   I married in my teens at one point we had bought land and lived off grid for a few years. Then suddenly, after having seven children with this man, he decided 20 years in that he wanted to have tv, and all the other things including women who show it all off. I now live alone because you can’t exactly convince teenagers to give up video games. Lots of time with just me and Jesus. Dreaming of a sustainable home (even composting toilets ) in my apartment. God bless!

Hi permies!

I am still on here and I do try to check permies regularly. I recently shared with someone, “my search (for a mate/partner/husband) is more like a browse… like a browse one does at a store when they already expect not to find anything they’ll buy but they choose to enjoy the looking anyway.”

I am certainly open to what God has for me and how it comes to pass… even if that would be via this site but most days I do feel content in my singleness. I would LOVE to have a life partner (and a biological family) and enjoy all the many benefits that come along with that… but if it never happens, that’s okay too, I suppose. After living outside of the U.S., I have a new appreciation for some of the simple pleasures in life.

I try to purple moosage people I don’t publicly respond to. Right now, I’m in a bit of a crazy transition where I quit my job (which included my housing) and am figuring out what’s next… slower than I’d like.

I appreciate you all reading my quirky post and your responses. I also very much appreciate having this online community.

Many blessings,