posted 2 years ago
"Planet Earth: it's a planet I'm literally on right now, and unless you are on a long-haul flight or falling off a building, chances are...you are too."
"The Dark Ages were a tragedy for human progress, that put back the roll-out of 5G by hundreds of years."
"For centuries, everything in nature from people to cows ran on this (grabs into thin air) fresh air. If you haven't heard of air, it's an invisible blend of gasses so addictive we suffer fatal withdraw symptoms within minutes of our supply being cut off. This dependency made air's rival, water, jealous. Water needed to up its game; it needed to become more indispensable to us, its natural masters. It was feeling the heat--heat that turned it into something useful: steam. Steam could be harnessed to power all kinds of machines, and nowhere went steam-bonkers quite like America."
"Thanks to Edison's pornograph, classical music could now bore an audience of millions."
"Why don't bicycles have toilets? It would save you from having to get off. I may have to right that down and copyright it."
"We often assume early men were stupid because they had big eyebrows and said 'Ug!' but in fact, they were pioneering inventorers. They were the first men to use tools, which is something most men have forgotten how to do today."
"It's hard to believe I'm walking through the ruins of the first city, because I'm not. That's in Iraq, which is miles away, and fucking dangerous. But the remains of it look pretty much like this, so you'd never know I wasn't actually there if I wasn't telling you now by accident."
"Maybe I'm cold, but I don't give a shit about people in ancient Greece."
"This is Hampton Court Palace, a building so impressive it must be accompanied by harpsicord music."
I've watched some of these videos several times now and they are still just as funny as the first time.
“It’s said war—war never changes. Men do, through the roads they walk. And this road—has reached its end.”