Confident vs conceited

One common theme that popped up often in my counseling experience boiled down to the difference between being confident and being conceited.   I have had people tell me that confidence is sexy but conceit is a real turn off.  Ironically, they could only vaguely identify  the difference.  Obviously,  like beauty ….. it is in the eye of the beholder.  

What do the members here see as the difference?

Off the cuff, my initial guess would be that conceitedness is confidence plus arrogance.

So any time I see the word "confidence" my brain jumps immediately to dog training, and the whole convoluted misuse of that word in all sorts of ways.

When I think Confidence I think;  unflappable, calm, at ease, assured in actions, lack of defensiveness, thoughtful with others, doesn't look for reassurance or permission,  decides what a good choice is without considering social pressure.

I never think loud, big displays, pushy, takes space from others, forceful. blustering, self-centered, defensive.  But I see "confidence" being applied to that sort of package often,  when I think of it as the opposite of confidence.   I sort of think of conceit in the same way..  sort of a trying to cover insecurity behavior.

Confidence is an assurance of yourself or your capabilities.

Conceit is in the comparison with others or their capabilities (or the perceived lack).

I can do this vs I can do this and you can't. Or I am this vs I am this and you aren't.

Conceit is Self-Confidence lacking the Self-Control to know that one has become Conceited.

I know that this is circular logic, but I think it is fair to be Self-Confident as long as one has the Self-Control to not dominate others.

Eric

Hi Eric,

It’s a fair answer.   No matter what, what one person sees as confidence, there will be someone else out there that sees conceit.  Then comes the issue of degrees.  In the end, hairs are being split somewhere.

Here is the way I see this:

Confident vs conceited

Confident could be a successful business person.

Conceited is someone who is a snob.

Hi John Dean, I read your question this morning and I've been thinking about it all day. I'm inclined to  think you are comparing apples to oranges.

According to the Internet dictionaries.... Confidence is a state of being clear-headed either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Confidence comes from a Latin word 'fidere' which means "to trust"; therefore, having self-confidence is having trust in one's self.  A belief in oneself and your own abilities... freedom from doubt of your convictions and/or abilities....faith in oneself, self reliance, self assurance, The concept of self-confidence is commonly defined as self-assurance in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc. One's self-confidence increases as a result of experiences of having satisfactorily completed particular activities.

Conceit is an....Unduly favorable estimation of one's own abilities or worth; overly positive self-regard. Synonyms: conceit, importance, arrogance, pride, egotism, narcissism, vanity, a high, often exaggerated, opinion of oneself or one's accomplishments....


I grew up in a difficult family situation that most of us unfortunate people would rather not talk about and no one really wants to hear. When I became an adult I was immature, uneducated and quite frankly, I was afraid of everything including my own shadow. I was terrified of standing up for myself! At 26 years old I was a divorced high school drop out and a mother of 3 young kids that I had to house, cloth and feed. I was ill prepared for any of it. But do to unusual circumstances I began working construction in 1983 to feed us all. I started as a laborer, then became a helper, then an apprentice and in 1989 I became a licensed electrician against all the odds and roadblocks that lots of guys threw at me. And each year that I worked at it and became better and better at my trade I gained more and more confidence in myself and my abilities. It was wonderful!! I gained the confidence I needed to feel good about myself! That is what confidence is all about! Confidence is your ability to stand up, to persevere and be proud of yourself!

I'm still not so very good at standing up for myself.... but I gained a huge amount of confidence in myself  to continue on, the ability to persevere and the saving grace to forgive. But I can't even imagine being conceited about it. Conceit in oneself in on a whole different level.

And I agree... Confidence is sexy and conceit is a real turnoff!!!

In my opinion, confidence is knowledge wrapped up with empathy or sympathy... it may not be apparent immediately, but it there as a motivation. Conceit is not.

As an example, if a Permie wanted to make a pond, and that is something I have done, and I say, "It's so easy. I'll show you how its done", it sounds conceited because it is. There is no underling empathy or sympathy. I am going to dig the pond as proof that I am good at it. It's about me, not in helping the Permie person learn or get the best pond for their site.

Now it contrast, if I replied, "I've built a pond. I'll come over Saturday, give you some pointers and help you out". That has more of a confidence feel because the motivation is to help the Permie person expand their knowledge, get a little help, forge friendships, etc. The underlying motivation is to help another person with what I know because I have been there, I know what it is like to not have a pond and need one. I am essentially putting myself in their situation (empathy) or realizing how getting a little help can be uplifting (sympathy).

Now let's take it a bit farther, let's say I take the second approach and follow through and help did the pond on Saturday. Doing what I say I am going to do is having integrity. As I help did that pond, for the Permie person who is having the pond dug on their land, there may be feelings generated. We call it "the warm fuzzy feeling". Where did that stem from? I think its because that display of empathy or sympathy,,, what some might call confidence...is really a display of love. It may just be digging a pond, but it's encouraging, helpful, sacrificing time on my own farm to put your needs before mine. It really is no different than a mother caring for an infant... its nurturing at its core, and most of us can relate to that. Now today we call that confidence... sexy, but its for a lack of a better english word. I mean, there is a huge difference between saying I love my car and I love my daughter, those the same word is used. But bringing the best out of someone...nurturing them... is really a show of love.

Repeat.........Everything Steve Zoma said!****************!!!***********