The aging homesteader

A quiet piece of land, a garden, and a hut.  That's my aging homesteader's goal.  In my late 50s, I still negotiate with my back each day.  Lots of stuff to get done on the land.  My back and I usually agree on the type of fulcrums, winches, and 2x4 scaffolds I come up with to cover for my physical decline.  I gave up my plans to change the world long ago, and have given up all the "some day" hopium that plagued my 40s, which were both far worse on my back than sacks of concrete.

Coming to terms with physical limitations is literally a pain.  I have found the older I get, the longer it takes for that pain to go away.  For me, the best approach is prevention through careful planning. Not getting injured, or further injured, in the first place seems like a reasonable idea.

I finally figured how to get an old water heater out of my basement without me falling or the darned thing ending up on top of me. It took 2 come-alongs and a tow strap. But, the water heater is on the back deck and I am not in the hospital

John F Dean wrote:........I finally figured how to get an old water heater out of my basement without me falling or the darned thing ending up on top of me. It took 2 come-alongs and a tow strap. But, the water heater is on the back deck and I am not in the hospital

Glad to hear of the success, John!  I will be doing the same soon enough with a rusty and aged water heater....hopefully not until next year.  What is the plan now that it's out on the deck?  I have an old wood-burning stove sitting out of the front deck....for the third straight year! :-/  Wife says gotta go before the snow flies, so I'm thinking it will be on Craigslist or FB Marketplace soon.  So grateful for tractors and winches available.  Along those lines, if you don't have one, I can much recommend the 'Pullz-All' style plug-in winches.  Cost is a few hundred bucks, but another good helper to save your back.  We've even used it to pull large deceased animals out of stalls when the tractor would have had no room to aid in the tasks.  That said, I continue to use come-alongs as well with tow straps and chains as you noted.  They come in especially handy when you don't want a tree you are felling to land on the house!

Hi John,

In another thread I asked about its uses. In terms of my needs, I think I will try to use it for outside water storage.  The theory presented was that just because it leaked under pressure does not mean it will leak without pressure.

I’m so glad i remembered this thread on this great site!

I had a very rough day in town yesterday.

I spent most of my life being very patient and very kind.  Now, at the three quarters of a century mark, all too often I find myself frustrated with others, and with situations and with what the world has become.  I lose my patience, and in the aftermath find myself wanting to say “I wish you knew me when I was nice”.

It doesn’t matter whether I was right or justified etc, I still feel defeated that I was impatient and, or that some other person was upset.  Then follows an overarching feeling of general hopelessness, the “take me now!” feeling. Anyone else ever feel that one?🤣

This morning I awoke in the same dark discouraged frame of mind as I felt after yesterday’s experiences in which I answered the same question 5 times, what is the point of answering it again, what’s needed here is that you listen to what I am saying…  followed by “register for the vaccine on your smartphone” (I am required to have a smartphone?  We’re here, you are going to administer the vaccine, what’s my phone got to do with it?)… followed by “we need you to complete this legal document about medicare” which doesn’t say anything about medicare, it’s a page and a half of legalese, all about beneficiaries, and what’s that got to do with the business at hand?

This morning I ended up here on permies.  I read a years long thread about persimmons, a fruit which I love, and it was so nice to feel revived, and re enter the world of growing things and sharing things, and the reality of unalterable natural processes.

Then I remembered the existence of this thread where us oldies can discuss our adaptations to the challenges, adventures and realities of aging.

I wonder how others deal with self centered newbies to the adult world, who are not yet ready to perform the duties they have taken on.  Not saying every emerging adult is self centered, there are plenty of helpful competent people both young and old out there.

I’m sure the very recent death of my sister contributes to my current frustrations, and the fact that her death reawakens in me, the experiences of the diverse and extreme abuse we shared, but these are just part of the aging process aren’t they?  We lose people, we remember past traumatic experiences, and there’s more loss to come!

Speaking for myself I can say sometimes I want empathy that isn’t there.  Sometimes I feel disoriented in what seems a foreign culture.  Sometimes I despair for the future.

I take refuge and reaffirm my hopes and beliefs  by planting seeds and gardens, and trees whose fruit I will not eat.  

Anyone have any additional suggestions or strategies for when the going gets tough?  

I make a point to remember that I was much more confident about what I knew when I was 20.   I find I have very little knowledge now.

Also being at the 3/4 of a century mark, I find when when I get into my “whatever happened to…” moods, much too often the person is dead.

Thekla McDaniels wrote: I had a very rough day in town yesterday.

Sending empathy and understanding vibes.

My sister had to go to the next city over to hers to visit a specific bank. Parking could *only* be paid with an ap on a cell phone. She doesn't own a cell phone.

I've seen many seniors embrace technology and see all its good sides. But the cost to an individual on a limited budget is huge. My phone is barely 7 years old and is considered "old". Somewhere in a box, we have an old Bell, rotary dial phone, and if we hauled it out, I guarantee it would still work physically - not sure whether we could still make it interact with the phone company! But the physical phone is in the order of 60 years old and looks perfectly fine!

Hi Jay,

This past summer my IPhone6 was taking its final breaths. I could not get on the net with it, get email, receive text messages, get weather reports, etc. so, I traded it in. It caused a bit of a commotion at the store. It was well over 10 years old. The kids behind the counter said it was the oldest phone they had seen there.   I really dislike the replacement. Frankly, I  would like to go back to the flip phone I had.

Thekla McDaniels wrote: I find myself frustrated...  I lose my patience..... in the aftermath ... I still feel defeated ... Then follows an overarching feeling of general hopelessness, the “take me now!” feeling.

Boy do I hear you. I find myself thinking in horror "i've become my grandmother!" and angry that I yelled at someone who cut me off or was nasty when I could have been nice.

then I remember, i'm still human. I will try to do better tomorrow. Just the fact that I feel bad about it means I'm on the right track.
I'm trying to be fair to myself, which maybe sounds facetious or false, but I can only try to do my best and move on.

I hope your days are increasingly better tomorrow and beyond.

I caught a case of the stupids yesterday. I felt great and put in a long day. I did take a few breaks. My wife insisted I come in at dark. I wasn’t very happy about her messing up my workday, but I did comply.  I took a half hour nap, had supper and chilled for a couple of hours.  A little over 3 hours after came in side I took my pulse..it was 93.  For a baseline, normally it is 67 an hour after I get up in the morning. God only knows what it peaked at.

On the plus side, I got a hell of a lot accomplished.

John F Dean wrote:I caught a case of the stupids yesterday. I felt great and put in a long day. I did take a few breaks. My wife insisted I come in at dark. I wasn’t very happy about her messing up my workday, but I did comply.  I took a half hour nap, had supper and chilled for a couple of hours.  A little over 3 hours after came in side I took my pulse..it was 93.  For a baseline, normally it is 67 an hour after I get up in the morning. God only knows what it peaked at.

On the plus side, I got a hell of a lot accomplished.

🤣
I wonder how that compares to a “stress test”.

But from the empathy side, Great to get things accomplished!  And scary to have the pulse stay up!  
I wonder if what drove your pulse up and kept it up was something other than the physical work…. might even have been a contributing factor in the “stupids” attack.  We’re all different, so this may not apply to you, but many people do try to soothe an internal “unconscious“ feeling of conflict, worry, tension, unease, whatever by applying themselves to something physical and tangible, essentially choosing a context where they do have some control, and can see consequences to their efforts, and can experience satisfaction.

How did you sleep? And how’s your pulse this morning?

My pulse going up is not nearly so much of a concern as it staying up.   I do have a visit with my MD already scheduled.  I suspect he will tell me I am doing fine for my age.   I would rather be doing fine for any age.

Thekla writes,

Anyone have any additional suggestions or strategies for when the going gets tough?  

I find that this mantra helps me cope (and regain my sense of humor):

Forgiveness
Understanding
Courage
Kindness
!

@johnfdean re: "Frankly, I  would like to go back to the flip phone I had."

You can more easily do that these days.  Part of my work is supporting 250± mobility devices.  Many people, both young and older, are dropping the "smart" devices and going back to flip phones.  They allow for greater peace of mind in many ways.  At any rate, because they are popular again, the industry is supporting with more options.  So, take a look and make the switch if you want to go that route. 👍

I find it increasingly harder to save for a homestead of my own. I know many people are in the same exact boat. All I can say with certainty is that if we do not work together and for eachother we will eventually be stripped of the ability.

Welcome to permies, Tristan!

John F Dean wrote:I caught a case of the stupids yesterday. ....
On the plus side, I got a hell of a lot accomplished.

my husband had a case of these yesterday. decided to undertake some crazy projects in insane heat yesterday. i had to keep interrupting my own work to get him to take basic heat protection measures (wet scarf on neck, drinking water, hat wearing, etc) and even so, by afternoon he had that heat exhaustion-melting-away thing happening. I was the one out mowing in the noonday sun, but also with no exposed skin and all the protection. He's not quite realized that as a 55+ he no longer has the capacity to do this stuff without consequences, unless he takes preventive measures. I can't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't been hounding him about what he should be doing.

Of course, it is winter up here.  My wife and I have been on a major clutter reduction project.  I was expecting to find many things we didn’t need. I have also found many things we needed and didn’t use. Chief among these are three rolls of insulation in the attic. Now I am trying to figure out the reason I didn’t unroll them in place … if there is a reason.

John F Dean wrote:....Now I am trying to figure out the reason I didn’t unroll them in place … if there is a reason.

In an inverted corollary to this observation, I find that the best way to find a lost item on the property is to go buy a new one....the old one will magically appear just as soon as you've used the new one past the point of being able to return it!  ...  ;-)

John F Dean wrote:Of course, it is winter up here.  My wife and I have been on a major clutter reduction project.  I was expecting to find many things we didn’t need. I have also found many things we needed and didn’t use. Chief among these are three rolls of insulation in the attic. Now I am trying to figure out the reason I didn’t unroll them in place … if there is a reason.

The reason is likely that it was never the MOST important thing to do, until you lost track of it altogether!  At least that’s how it works at my place.😁

John Weiland wrote:

In an inverted corollary to this observation, I find that the best way to find a lost item on the property is to go buy a new one....the old one will magically appear just as soon as you've used the new one past the point of being able to return it!  ...  

Yup!  Me too!  The people at the hardware store, wherever I live know this about me and are kind

Wiring!!  My mind is like a steel trap!   I held off on unrolling the insulation because I wanted to do some wiring.  Then, a heat wave hit… so working in the attic was off limits.  So, it looks like reasonable weather for attic work now.

John F Dean wrote:Wiring!! ...  So, it looks like reasonable weather for attic work now.

Quick - before it's too cold to work safely!

Thekla McDaniels wrote:

John Weiland wrote:

In an inverted corollary to this observation, I find that the best way to find a lost item on the property is to go buy a new one....the old one will magically appear just as soon as you've used the new one past the point of being able to return it!  ...  ;-)

Yup!  Me too!  The people at the hardware store, wherever I live know this about me and are kind

Second corollary--for winter climate application:  If you've lost something in the snow, search for it with your snowblower.  Like a metal detector, only more efficient, it will suck up and "notify" you of lost item being present.  No annoying beeps either....it will kill your engine pronto! :-)

I suspect I posted something like this before, but it is worth repeating. This might come in handy for a parent or someone else close to their you.  Automatic pill dispensers exist. I find many people don’t know about them.  In general, they all work the same way.  The pills are preloaded (sometimes in packets … sometimes individually.  The device is set to dispense the meds at a certain time (s).  When it is time to take the meds, a button flashes and alarm sounds. The person presses the button. The meds are dispensed.

If the person fails to hit the button, a message is sent to a concerned party for follow up.

These work great for people who want the meds but are forgetful. For those who don’t want the meds, nothing stops them from hitting the button and flushing the pills down the toilet. And of course, those with really serious memory issues might not know what they are supposed to do after the meds are dispensed….or they might set the meds aside for “later”.

How long of a period the pills are preloaded for depends on the manufacturer. The one I saw was preloaded for 7 days.

The pill dispenser might be just right for a few, and helpful for many!  To me it looks like an expensive system.

I just want to say that before my retirement in 2007, a large hospital where I was employed switched to a computerized pharmaceutical dispensing machine.  The system that it replaced was a nurse reading the orders, and the labels on the bottles, and dispensing the pills for each patient into a cup.  With the new system, the nurse read the label on the individual pill packets opened the packets and dispensed the pill into a cup.

What this new system created was a situation where the accuracy of an automated and computerized system was being checked by humans.  1500 patients receiving an average of 10 pills per day is 15,000 items checked per day.  That is a lot of checking!

There were numerous mistakes, numerous numerous numerous…. in the medications supplied and packaged by a state of the art professional pharmaceutical system.  

We’ve been conditioned to accept machines as being more reliable, more accurate than humans, but how do we know that?  I think it’s dangerous to blindly trust our safety to machines.  It may be going too far to say it’s the machines that need oversight, but at least keep in mind that machines are not infallible and devise ways to check accuracy from time to time.

Hi Thekla,

I admit I have not priced them in a few years.  When I last took a good look at them, the prices were all over the place. As with all things, shop around.
What I remember last time was that it was more difficult to get automated dispensers that could be filed with meds that were from your own pharmacy or otc.  

But in determining costs consider the cost of having a nurse come by a couple of times a day … 7 days a week.  

I just did some searching. The lowest cost one with acceptable features is under $350 on Amazon. Acceptable to me is that it can be self loaded, locked, and monitored remotely.

What is disappointing is that the big name ones now cost a small fortune due to subscription costs that didn’t used to be charged and the price of the machine has been jacked. So now it is like a $2000 buy in plus $60 a month.

I guess, but I have seen little boxes with a compartment for every day of the week, and people fill their own box every week.  People do this with vitamins and supplements as well as pharmaceuticals, and if they have really complicated meds, then 4 boxes if they have meds at 4 different times of day.

A nurse or home health aide or friend or neighbor could visit once a week, fill the boxes, visit for awhile.  Human contact is valuable in and of itself.

I guess cost is an issue, but my concern was more about the accuracy of the meds being dispensed.

This business of being old, and part of the silver tsunami is an adventure, and we each have to find our own way.  

I am exceedingly lucky to have stumbled into a smallish remote community. The local EMT and ambulance service provide a dozen exercise classes a week in 3 different locations for seniors.  The exercises are designed to maintain strength and balance.  I guess they got tired of the heartbreak of arriving to find someone lying on the ground with a broken hip, because there’s a high mortality rate in the year following a hip fracture, even among the people who survive the hip fracture.  And so they developed this exercise program.

There are volunteers who visit seniors in the fall to help with winter readiness chores, and in the spring time to help with summer readiness chores.  (This one I confess I don’t quite understand.  Do they need their lawn furniture carried out or uncovered?). Probably if someone wanted their windows washed they would do it 🤣

Probably I could ask for a pill sorter type volunteer through the senior center and a retired person, maybe even a nurse would come fill my weekly pill boxes.

I AM lucky!

John, our posts crossed.  Good to see that there are affordable units.

My sister died of brain cancer in September, metastasized from aggressive breast cancer, but she had a couple years of being seemingly cancer free.  She lived alone until new symptoms took her to the ER in early August.  She told me how she remembered which meds in the morning and which in the evening.

“In the morning I do what’s right, and in the evening I do what’s left”😊

I have a system of placement for my eye drops.  When I had an east wedt window sill, I moved the bottles based on whether I would next use them in the morning (east end) or evening (west end).  

Lots of ways to approach and solve a puzzle.

If you are out there shoveling snow, please remember to take lots of breaks.  I use a pulse rate of 140 as my stop point for the day.  The gold standard is 220 minus your age for max heart rate. I play it on the conservative side.  Do keep in mind there are other factors to consider as well.

A few years ago, I had planned  to keep livestock until I was 85.  At 76 it is becoming clear this is not realistic.   My wife and I have decided to have livestock significantly reduced by the time I turn 80.  I am sure we will have a few “pets”….probably chickens, but 80% of what we have will be gone.   We are currently working out a strategy as to how to bring that reduction about.   We have also decided to move the raised beds closer to the house.  Probably as one falls apart, it will be replaced with one closer to the house.

Re: MEDICATION  dispensing...
Our local pharmacy offers the free option of pre-packaging each month's pills in little blister packed trays. It's labeled with the date and times you should take them. I got them for my stepmother; they were a little tricky to open but scissors did the trick. They can be peeled if you can use your fingers well; I could do it easily but she could not. The plastic packaging could be considered wasteful, as it becomes trash, but of course we can all weigh the pros & cons for ourselves (or for our older loved ones). If your local pharmacy doesn't do it, larger ones all do.

The pic I'm attaching is not mine; I got it off an image search, from a website that trains healthcare workers (so I assume the patient info is fictitious). I'm just clarifying that I'm not exposing anyone's medical info.

Last week I got reminded how quickly our status can change especially for us older women.   One of the terriers managed to trip me and I came down hard on my left hip.   At that point I could very well have been in one of those "help I have fallen and can't get up" commercials.  No phones or means of communicating my plight to anyone not right there.  My husband did eventually come up from the basement as he heard the thud but then it was him wandering in and out and trying to get me to stand up on my own for a good ten minutes before I got him to realize that I needed an ambulance.  
Great EMT and nurses but I am a hard stick and they could not find a vein for pain meds so ended up doing a nasal injection of one to help me tolerate being lifted and carried to the ambulance.  THAT was pure agony....
X-rays of hip to ankle, and a CT scan to be sure I had not injured my head.   Then back for new CT scan of my hip area as it was indeed broken.  Admitted to the hospital that Friday night and surgery was done to repair it on Saturday morning.  Thank goodness it was one of the easiest to repair hip breaks but of course there will still be long weeks of rehab before I am back to normal.  So almost all the planting plans and quail raising plans are out the window until I am fit...  
A friend with a ramp and wheelchair accessible bath told me I was staying here for now while they get my house set up with the accommodations I will need for a while yet.

I am thankful for all the really wonderful folks who are helping me during this time but one of my biggest fears is what if Toli had not been home and what if I had not gotten him to call the ambulance....  What happens if I fall again?  What are you solutions for the possible need to reach outside help when alone and unable to reach a phone or other communication device....

Thank you for the great post. It put a boot up my backside. I do really need to try get a ramp to my house. It is one of those things I plan on doing and never do.   I keep putting it off because there are several access issues…the back door is close to the basement steps.  Poor judgement could result 8n a trip to the basement.  That makes the front door the safer option. But for the front door to be a viable option, I need to get a sidewalk to it.  Oh well, I really  didn’t have enough to do.

Wow, Dorothy!  I am glad for the luck you had on that day, glad you made it this far!

Did you get a hip replacement?


I keep my cell phone charged and on me.  I keep my router on, but I think what you’re asking us to consider is when something happens that puts us outside of all our preventative actions, and we are “on our own.”

And this is something I think about every day and I will be interested to hear from others.  There are probably a good many precautions I haven’t thought of yet.

I try to be philosophical about the fact of immortality… but as my age advances, the nearness and inevitability of my decline, demise, death take on different meanings.

I am aware that I have not completely fulfilled my potential, and I may not.

My sister died in September 2025.  That also changed my perceptions.

She had gone through a phase of listening to Paul Simon’s Seven Psalms every night to go to sleep by.

The last song in the album begins,  “wait, I’m not ready.  I’m just packing my gear.  Wait, my hands are steady.  My mind is still clear.”

The song ends “children get ready, it’s time to come home”.  

I can’t seem to get a link to a video or audio recording, but search and ye shall find…. It’s a beautiful song.  The whole collection is.  I think it helped my sister make her passage.

I think if I am out of range of help, (and if I am lucky) this is where my mind will go.

My strategy in so much as I can control it, is or will be to enter oblivion with curiosity, and a sense of oneness with all who have gone before and will come after.

Of course, we try to prevent and prepare for all contingencies, and as I said, I will be glad to hear from others on this topic, but relaxing and breathing into the pain, replacing fear with curiosity will improve just about anything.  ( in my case, child birth, divorce, 2nd and 3rd degree burns etc)

Hoping for a speedy and complete recovery for you.

Dorothy Pohorelow wrote: What happens if I fall again?  What are you solutions for the possible need to reach outside help when alone and unable to reach a phone or other communication device....

A bit over a year ago a friend my age, but in much worse shape, fell and broke her lower leg in 3 places. Her recovery has been long and painful, and  a strong reminder that step 1 is prevention! So tripping hazards need to be quarantined. In this instance, dog training to keep a certain distance from standing humans.

The contact options are highly dependent on A) one's location, B) one's budget, and C) one's diligence.

Like Thekla, I try to keep my phone on me, but it's a larger one, and I'm more reliable when going outside, than in the house, and I don't take it to the bedroom at night.  We still have a land line with multiple handsets which include an intercom button. Again, that may not help if you're injured badly enough that you can't reach it. That is a good reason to put them on low tables.

My friend had one of the 'emergency call necklaces", but the one time she needed it, it was still on the dresser as she was doing her morning routine. She fell backwards and jammed herself in the bath tub. She was in a semi-independent retirement home, so she was at least found before too much time went by. She wasn't actually hurt - just stuck!

Ultimately, an element of luck is involved. My farm pants have a lanyard with my keys and pocket knife, but recently, I added a whistle as a cougar had been seen in the area. I have no idea if the neighbors will hear it if I'm outside, and even less likely if I was in the house. There is a downside to living far from the maddening crowd - we're not even all that far!

Another idea:  a guardian type dog who will tend to you if you fall or are otherwise immobilized out doors.

I guess you could keep a gun with you, and neighbors are aware of three shots or some other agreed upon code.

I like the idea of a whistle.  I even have one I could start carrying

When I bought my current place and met the neighbors, I thought of a flag pole and a “ need help” flag, but I haven’t done it.  3 sets of neighbors are within sight of a help flag, maybe more…

Also, it’s possible that it might be a good thing to not survive a catastrophic injury, in which case the delay that might be the thing that determines that.

I agree with Jay, luck is an important factor.  

Thekla McDaniels wrote:Wow, Dorothy!  I am glad for the luck you had on that day, glad you made it this far!

Did you get a hip replacement?


Hoping for a speedy and complete recovery for you.

No rebuilding or replacement needed.  The break while very painful was a simple break of the femur head off the femur with very little displacement.  All they had to do was screw me back together... So very lucky there. Another stroke of luck was as a disabled Vet the VA is picking up the total cost of the emergency and rehab treatment or so I have been told.  The home heath care nurse visits were I am told $120 per visit, the PT therapist is even more and for at least the next couple of weeks they will be coming by 3 times a week.

Biggest challenges for now are my 1938 house is not designed for people with walkers.  There is no ramp in front so I need to learn how to do steps before I can go home or we need to get a ramp built.  My small "mid century modest" has of course a small bathroom, with a deep cast iron step over tub... and the toilet is very close to the wall so it will be a tight fit for the potty chair...  Currently on the table is the possibility or removing that lovely tub and transforming the nook into a small walk in shower.  
Like others have mentioned already that ramp has been on our minds but never happened... the thought of turning the tub area into a shower is new but feels like the right choice as it will be months before I have full mobility again and my husband has back issues making using the tub more and more difficult.  

My phones both land line and cell were just out of reach on tables...  One friend suggested I think about an Apple watch which allows calls from the watch...  it is something I may need to look into.  What was and still is terrifying for me was how I became so completely helpless so quickly. I managed to flip from my side to my back but there was no way I was moving anywhere...

No ramps needed, here, but anything with small wheels won't work outside, because of the gravel/ rock/ clay combination. But, if John is gone - permanently, or on a trip, and I'm injured without my phone at hand, I'm screwed. No one would hear me, whether I'm inside or out. Only a very few people would be surprised, if they didn't hear from me at least once a day - and even they wouldn't be surprised until at least the 2nd day of not hearing from me. Even John isn't usually surprised if I disappear for 3 - 5hrs, because I'll go out, working on livestock needs, farm maintenance, or even just foraging/ walking our land. I *usually* try to remember to tell him where I'm going, what I'm doing, if I'm definitely going to be outside for more than 15 - 20 minutes. But, not always - particularly if there is something on my mind or needing time alone (or if I'm pissed off at him) .

But, if John is gone permanently, I'll have to move anyway, for a long list of reasons, so this kind of scenario has been something I've included in my if/when contingency plan. But, that doesn't do me much good, here & now.