no make-up / natural beauty

Joseph Lofthouse wrote:

Heels eh? That's another one of those fashion things that I avoid, because I think that heels are harmful to the body, and greatly increase the risk of injury to the wearer. And yes, I freely admit to being highly prejudiced against women wearing heels. So if my first impression of a woman is of her wearing heels, she's extremely unlikely to get the opportunity to make a second impression. Life to short. I don't have time to waste developing relationships with people that I have to teach basic life principles to, such as: "don't poison yourself", and "don't set yourself up to be injured".

I gather that there is a lot of social pressure to wear heels, though. It can be difficult to navigate the world while bucking all social pressures; especially if one's chosen path is "career professional," one pretty much has to lay aside self-expression and conform to mainstream expectations. "Business casual" is much more formal than I would prefer to be. But seeing as I have not yet figured out how to live without money, I have to play the workplace game.

aw, I fondly remember when I had the time and energy to put into wearing makeup.
I prefer a natural face, and am a much firmer believer in good skin-care over good makeup. ((The better you take care of your skin, the less makeup you'll need in my thinking))
That being said, I'm a mum to three and my littlest hasn't slept through the night in over a year.
...I look like I've been punched in the eye with how purple the bags can get, and when I need to go into town, I'm very thankful for a bit of concealer that can fade those baggies for just a little bit.

I personally find doing a full-face of makeup a waste of time ((who's going to see me? the baby?)) but I don't judge those women who enjoy adding a bit of colour, or mascara or (for those poor sleep deprived mothers like myself) who are trying to look just slightly more human than they feel.

My opinions on this are much weaker than my feelings. I have trouble carrying on a conversation with a girl or woman who has caps on her nails and/or unnaturally long eyelashes, not because I assume something about her personality, (After all, I'm a guy. I understand nothing about the psychology of a woman who wears makeup) but because I get confused by the silliness of the things she hides behind, which to me look drastically grotesque, and certainly unfeminine. I understand that beauty for women is something like strength is for men, and since it's not my domain, I choose to respect that.

I want to say, however, that there are natural "beauty products". For instance, plantain salve apparently works miracles for dry and rough skin.

Jocelyn Campbell wrote:I thought permies might like to talk about going without make-up (is it makeup or make-up?).

In my 20's and now, I LOVE that no makeup is (usually) a toxinectomy, healthier for my skin (and eyes, eyelashes, nails, hair, etc.), far more frugal (d'oh) and a time saver, to boot!

Other thoughts or struggles with makeup?

I really love going without face makeup and have gone without it for many years. I can usually be found wearing makeup maybe 3 times a year. I’ll wear it for a wedding, a funeral or a special event. In my teens and 20’s my friends and I would go out dancing and makeup was a way of self-expression and creativity. I had no idea how toxic it was! Now I try to only purchase products that receive a 0-3 toxicity rating on the ‘Think Dirty’ App.

I’ve never really been into painting my fingernails but I actually really enjoy painting my toenails, so I’ll do that once every 3 months or so using more natural/non-toxic vegan nail polish.

I have some friends that wear makeup everyday and some that don’t leave the house without it. I do often think that they look much more beautiful without makeup and try encouraging them to wear it less or at least choose makeup that’s not causing cancer and hormone disruption. Unfortunately, their insecurities, past experiences of societal expectations and the expectations of men in their lives (past/present) won’t let them get over the hurdle.

Surprisingly, even working as student teachers in a Master’s/credential program, both my classmate and I got write ups on our reviews that we should wear more makeup because we should look more ‘professional.’ She and I talked about how sad that was. Thankfully, we both had times working at a Waldorf inspired school which of course embraced us enjoying the natural look.

I’ve always thought working with children and in education, I wanted to do everything in my power to be a positive influence on both boys and girls to not need to ‘fit in’ with the current fashions, styles and expectations. I cringe at the ‘beauty’ expectations of girls that begin younger and younger now. I don’t have a TV and my life isn’t infiltrated with images of women with photoshopped/filtered bodies and faces but many young people’s lives are and it does effect them.

The hardest thing for me to give up, being only in my late 30’s is coloring my hair. The longest I’ve gone after getting a lot of grey is about 9 months and that was with the encouragement of a partner who I thought I was going to marry, who was 12 years older than me. After things didn’t work out between us, I decided that though I’d love to have the confidence to just be ‘natural’ I just really feel more beautiful coloring my hair and I really like it. I’m not a fanatic about coloring it consistently every 4-6 weeks. I let lots of months go buy and one day look in the mirror and think, “bleh, I need to do something about this.” I’ve written about my choice in natural hair color on my much neglected blog: https://www.myalmostsimplelife.com/hair-color/

I thought about this topic because I colored my hair yesterday. In the past, I diligently took a lot of time self-reflecting about wearing makeup and coloring my hair. Am I doing it for myself? Do I really like ‘such and such’ or has the influence of my culture in some ways forced a belief system on me that I can’t escape? Why am I doing this?

I think many people would benefit from asking these questions to themselves about many of the choices they make in life. Most of us, if we take the time, can find both the messages that have been spoken out loud to us and those subliminal ones that influence the many little decisions in our daily lives. Knowing what we want, what we do and why I think is important to consciously evaluate.

I don’t look in the mirror often, as I find it important to spend more time evaluating my character, thoughts, and actions than my hair and body, but I like feeling good about what I see. For now, the hair coloring remains and assists in giving me that good feeling.

After reading each post on this thread, it seems like most women have a complicated relationship with their self-image. I wonder if it is because modern society is so fractured that there is no true cultural standard for beauty? Do the tribal people in the pictures that Dale shared feel more confident than we do that they are beautiful? It would be interesting to have a conversation with them and ask.

For me, my complicated self-image came from being raised in an evangelical christian fertility cult, in which women were not even supposed to be educated, much less powerful, and were mostly seen as vehicles for husband-pleasing and child-bearing, in that order. In an even more complicated twist, "purity" aka celibacy was held in such importance that young people were quietly encouraged to remain purposely unattractive to the opposite sex in order to avoid "defrauding" them. I wasn't allowed to shave or wear makeup until I was 15, but those 4 years between puberty and when I was allowed to begin looking like a woman were torturous indeed (even my long skirts didn't cover up all that wiry black hair on my legs!) And even after I was allowed to begin more mainstream hygiene practices like shaving and wearing a bit of mascara to church, I was still prohibited from wearing anything that showed the shape of my body or drew attention to myself in any way (read: no colors, no heels, sleeves to the elbow, hems to the ankle and necklines to the chin). I still can't wrap my brain around the fact that there were adults of both genders enforcing these rules on their own offspring. Of course they had mostly good intentions I think and thought they were protecting their beloved children from the evil world--but complicate those intentions with a corrupting chain-of-command power dynamic, and you've got a mess.

So then when I got independent, my self-image was a mess and I did a lot of things just because I could. I wore embarrassing (to me now) amounts of makeup, feeling free since I could finally make my face look "perfect". I bought ridiculous heels and then gave them away because they hurt so bad to wear. I wore funny hats because I thought they were chic, and got the most radical choppy bob just to look rebellious. It was great fun!!! And I still look back on those times fondly. It was wonderful to be able to play around and I was still me, going barefoot down mainstreet just to scandalize everyone, probably in reality not being nearly as wild as I envisioned myself.

Fast forward to now and I don't shave my legs unless it's summer and I'm going out somewhere in shorts, my hair gets cut when I have the energy to plan for it, I haven't worn makeup in 6 years, and my wardrobe consists of flannel shirts, jeans, my beloved wool socks, hats I crochet myself, and shoes that I can hike in. I have gone through a lot of phases to get here, but I think I am here to stay. I like that all it takes for me to get ready is water and a towel, and in reality I don't have time for much more than that. I am grateful that despite all of the strange and confusing messages I got from my parents, I was raised without a lot of toxic makeups or perfumes, and I was taught more about functionality than fashion when dressing.

Something that is interesting to note here is that I now manage my husband's company, or at least I handle the accounting and anything that needs to be done with banks or lawyers or other fancy official things. For those occasions I still wear jeans, but with a pretty blouse and leather boots that have a good platform heel. Why do I wear heels? Well in part I think it's because I get taken a lot more seriously as a rather girlish-looking 20-something when I'm in them. But the real reason I got boots with heels on them is because they raise my foot off the ground and that keeps me 50% warmer while walking around or standing in lines (thanks covid!) on cold wet concrete. It's true! And as someone mentioned earlier up in the thread, heels on cowboy boots were also invented for practical safety reasons. If it weren't for the cold I'd never wear another heel because I am ideologically, principally opposed to the idea, and also because they make me an even bigger giant in a country of...well, let's just say I'm 5 foot 6 inches (1.52 meters I think) and when I'm barefoot I tower over most of my friends and neighbors.

So far as hair dyes, I am awaiting anxiously the day when my hair begins to gray. Perhaps I am wishing for something I'll regret, but I haven't found that looking youthful has given me many great advantages in life. It makes other women jealous and mean, and it makes men chase me which has complicated my life considerably on several occasions. I can't wait to be a non-threatening "older" woman who won't be automatically rejected by half the population based on their own self-esteem issues. 😉

I think it is worth while to look at the flip side if this thread.  I do think I need to share that I have not read every post.   So many people come off as anti makeup, and I admit I tend to dislike it; however,  are valid reasons for its use.  There are numerous people with scars, birth marks, and more serious disfigurements who are terrified to step foot in public for fear of feeling they are part of some carnival side show. Maybe this does show how shallow society is ....  but it is the society we live in.  

John F Dean wrote:I think it is worth while to look at the flip side if this thread.  I do think I need to share that I have not read every post.   So many people come off as anti makeup, and I admit I tend to dislike it; however,  are valid reasons for its use.  There are numerous people with scars, birth marks, and more serious disfigurements who are terrified to step foot in public for fear of feeling they are part of some carnival side show. Maybe this does show how shallow society is ....  but it is the society we live in.  

John, this has been my love-hate relationship with makeup as a woman.  I really can't deal with lipstick or any gunk around my eyes. But as someone who's struggled with acne intermittently well into adulthood, I do appreciate be able to "touch up" my complexion. In a way I feel bad for men who have the same problem that they do not have the social acceptance for using concealer/foundation/powder (or the learned skills for applying it).  Having to speak to people in a professional setting with a giant zit dominating your face is extemely difficult.  I've know other women who skillfully use makeup to cover facial birthmarks.  

I think whatever a woman wants to do is her business. I don't do myself up or down to please other people, I do it for me. I have two daughters. My oldest likes dressing up and wants to wear makeup (but she's too young so I have only let her for ballet recitals) and if she could convince us to buy her heels she would wear the heck out of them. I can assure you she's doing that for her own pleasure and not the opinions of others. Sometimes the way she does her hair......it's crazy. But it makes her very happy and I'm happy that she is confident and self assured. If her future means she spends too much money at Ulta then that's her choice. If she wears jeans and no makeup, that's her choice.

I feel like it is difficult for women. If you dress nicely and wear too much makeup than you are posing, trying to hard, a whore. If you don't do anything you're some sort of rebel feminist person. Women can't win for trying. So, if all I do with my life is raise two daughters that do what makes them happy without consideration for the barrage of outside voices telling them what to be, I've won. If I manage to raise a son who does what makes him happy without consideration for the barrage of outside voices telling him what is acceptable, I've won.

Ooh.  We need to be kind...

I know that in some families, the men are "masculine" and do Manly Things, and their wives (and moms, and daughters) all seem to be extra-feminine...I personally think it is a mental health thing.  And also a social and traditional thing...but it can be really sick.  Often the Manly Men go after other women; sometimes, they go after other men.  Sometimes, women who were supposed to always look and act Like A Lady are terribly bitter and unhappy, because they don't get to express themselves (Ladies Don't Get Ugly).  This was especially true here in the Deep South in past decades, but the residuals are still there.  And then there are the hooker types, who look and act like they are constantly on the make.  It is sad; they were probably programmed to be Desirable and Attractive in certain ways, when they were Daddy's Little Girl.  And they may have bad opinions of women who won't bother to "fix themselves up a little"...

We are free.  We can choose to love others, just because they Are.  We can choose whether to wear makeup or not; for me, as a mature woman, I sometimes ponder it when a really special event is coming up.  Then I say, "Naw..."  But that is me; I could decide to wear some, sometimes, and that would be OKAY now, wouldn't it?!?  Actually, I hate the idea of modern embalming: I will not wear makeup in my coffin, either.  It is already bought and can be delivered quickly; they will have to keep me on ice til they pop me into the family cemetery in my wooden box, without any lead liner or cement outer casing.  Maybe I'll grow a tree...

But the best thing I have read on here is the truth that natural beauty is an inner glow and has nothing to do with ones height, weight, color, or gender: look at old magazines and catalogues from the 1960's, and see what I mean.  We have all been getting sicker and less "beautiful" since they made wheat the first GMO in the mid-70's.  Grrrr.  And now, a healthy person can hardly eat anywhere but at home; if I'm out for the day and have no food, I either wait or go to the grocery store.

Very slowly but very steadily everything that was "normal" (like bread, butter, milk, eggs) have been changed into Frankenfoods; and don't let me get started on the dead chemical-laden stuff in packages!!!  It's amazing how much sugar there is everywhere, even in Organic mess; even Keto things can be sickeningly sweet...we are a nation of Eaters led by our appetites.  If you have gotten off GMO's and processed foods, and drink mostly water and homemade drinks, and grown your own foods, you ARE beautiful: you are doing a beautiful thing, and it makes you not only feel but look and BE amazing!!!

I have had the privilege of being my own cancer doctor for these last 10 years.  I was diagnosed with a fast-growing and aggressive breast cancer; the big mistake I made was allowing a biopsy and a lumpectomy.  Never do that!!!  Those are why I am still fighting it today: if you make a hole in a tumor and leave it, and THEN go on to have surgery which chokes off the immune system completely - you WILL have an ongoing cancer problem, and you may die.  But in my case, the Alternative stuff that has saved my life has given me much better health than most old folks my age.  I was getting a Vitamin C IV the other day and there was this cute little old lady in there with me, I guess about my age. She was fat and had white hair (with a pink pouf in the front) and was all done up with makeup and etc.  In the course of conversation she asked me how old I was.  I said "65".  Then she kind of stopped talking to me - !!  And struck up a conversation with the guy next to her.  I pondered this; I still have mostly brown hair, though it is silvering here and there; I am in good shape I think and have energy; no makeup or fancy tricks.  Was she jealous?  Or just suspicious?  Maybe she thought I was pulling her leg?  Anyway, I returned to my book.

My favorite beauty treatment is carrot juice, also parsley and blueberry smoothies, with sometimes a knob of ginger or whole organic lemon.  The Vitamix: a really important health and beauty tool!