Off grid for women alone

link to possible land and community for women and men who prefer to live alone on your own land OR lease/rent land, in a community of permies:

https://permies.com/t/143173/wanted-space-East-Tennessee

Looks like a good possibility for interested beings.

Hi. I wanted to reply to the woman who is interested in living in Chiapas. I agree that that is an amazing area but also agree about the issue of safety, and not only for women alone. However, ironically, I travelled alone through Mexico and parts of C. America alone for years and never felt safer anywhere. I've also traveled there with boyfriends and spent a lot of time camping and being in remote areas. Again, no serious problems but I've heard lots of bad stories which I do believe.

Just curious as to where you are now with your plan/idea? I would like to find a piece of land with a natural spring/water source, far from any major city, to build off grid and grow food year round. So far it's me and a couple friends (actually all male at this point) who are possibly interested.

Thanks!

Good evening
SWF 59 Huntsville TX
I homestead on 20 acres, but I am not off grid
However, I was raised off grid but it was called poor back then when you had no running water or electricity
Love being back in the country after a career in the city and believe the city was much scarier than the country
Don't think it matters much if you are single or a family as long as you are prudent and carry a big STICK!
Farm/Ranch/Garden/Apairy/Agriculture/Wildlife

Mari Henry wrote: I like a lot of what you were saying, but had to stop reading after what you said about rape. Rape is the fault of rapists, not the victims. No one deserves to be raped or causes it to happen. The rapist causes it. Not the victims.

Mari, what you say is true.  It is more than that, it is about dis-empowerment of the victim. No matter the method. any sort of physical, psychological or financial violence is not acceptable.  Without trying to minimise the trauma suffered by anyone, the mainstream media has a lot to answer for in its dis-empowerment of women.  I.E. making them scared to live a full life, being scared to be alone, being scared to go out - in fact just being scared.

I have a friend who is 82 and lives alone, having done so for the great part of her adult life.  She lives on the edge of town and is as, or more capable than me in a lot of aspects of what she does. But, I and others do get the can you give me a hand phone calls on occasions. And that is OK.  If we use generalised phrases such as "women are the weaker sex" and "I'll get one of the blokes to do that because you probably can't", "that's women's work" we are stereotyping on gender bias.  As we become better at interacting in an equitable manner, we learn to accept that strengths and weaknesses are not divided along gender lines.  It is horses for courses.  It is about experience (s).

A client disclosed that she had completed a building course because she could not afford to pay someone to replace her kitchen and in fact sold her house some years later at a premium price having virtually rebuilt it.  A nurse I worked with bought a new car and sent it in for its first service.  She put nail polish on the filters which should have been changed as well as on the oil sump plug.  When it was returned to her, a torch quickly illuminated the nail polish on the filters and when she checked the oil plug, you guessed it - untouched by hand or spanner.  Long story short, after the mechanics finished servicing the car in their own time, she reported the organisation and they are no longer in business.  It is not particularly a girl thing, there are some individuals who are unscrupulous, bent on violence as a method of control and otherwise imposing their will without an invitation or sometimes just downright dishonest....

As a middle aged portly bloke, there is a lot that I cannot do, but the reason that I know is that I had a go.  The solution is get a hand.  Two people can do more in a day than one person can do in two.  The level of intimacy is on your terms, because you are the one who asked for a hand.  It could be payment=end, sit down and a cuppa after or reciprocal help.  If the person is on your wave length more may happen, but it is always your call because you initiated the engagement.  Even if you have not or do not develop a friendship, there will be someone who will be looking out for you, even from an afar.

If there are any ladies (alone or otherwise) in NE Washington/N Idaho who want to connect, let me know. It'd be great to have some local permie friends, and I'd love to see and/or hear about what you're up to!

Aimee - Hello!  Visited northern Idaho this weekend to confirm it is where my efforts of saving, learning regenerative food-growing, etc during the next 15 months is where I can finally call home.  Currently a dissatisfied Oregonian, my search for land and community led me to a gratifying trip to Bonners Ferry where the folks are down-to-earth and the land is stunning.  Making the decision to go have a look was worth the cash out of pocket.  I now have the landscape branded in my memory to keep the dream-fire fueled when the struggles of my present reality are burdensome.  

Finding like-minded souls on a forum such as this is helpful, but there's nothing like a firm handshake or a hug.  So my name is Dawn, it's good to meet you and here's my virtual firm handshake

Is this still an open platform? Looking to join the off grid community and would like to know more and how to go about it. Thank you for any help or direction.

Jamie

Jamie Petersen wrote:Is this still an open platform? Looking to join the off grid community and would like to know more and how to go about it. Thank you for any help or direction. Jamie

Jamie, welcome to your first Permies post. Posts can often be reactivated by some one posting  and often do.  We look forward to more posts.  Yes, the platform is still open.  It is a good idea to put a little more detail such as general area, willing to relocate and what you want to achieve.  Personal/ private details should not be posted.  Over all this is a great site to explore.  One of the best ways to navigate is to click the circle next to your name, then go to edit profile and complete this then work on the scavenger hunt.
Best wishes

Wow. I was expecting to see tips on moving big things alone or advice on learning skills women aren't usually taught as a matter of course. I wasn't expecting to see so much fear of rape. I don't know if this will help, but here are some numbers to think about.

The actual stat is a bit less, but let's round up and say 450,000 women in the general population of the US are sexually assualted every year. Also in a year, almost 4.5 million people are seriously injured in car accidents, 2 million of them are permanently injured. But you probably don't worry about ending up in hospital every time you get in a car or walk on the street, even though your chances are pretty good, compared to getting sexually assaulted at some point in your life.

If you are going to worry about rape anyway, worry about the people you know. Eighty percent of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone known by the victim, about a third of the time by an intimate partner. Stranger rape is pretty rare.

Almost 80% of sexual assault happens to people under 35.  Did you go to college? Well that was probably the most high risk time in your life. You can relax now.

These numbers are from rainn.org.  We can quibble over exact numbers and sources, but my point is that we do more dangerous stuff every day we don't think about at all.

And according to rainn, sexual assaults have declined by half in the last 20 years.

I really like what Purity has to say about confidence. I don't remember who taught me this, but I learned at a young age to look people in the eye when you're walking on the street and someone is coming towards you. If they meet your eyes, smile, say hello, nod, acknowledge them in some way. This is not to be friendly. This is for safety.  I think, if you're a shy or fearful person, practising looking at people as you walk by would be an easy start. Most people won't be looking at you anyway, so you'll probably have a chance to get used to the action before you actually have to acknowledge anyone.

That kind of confidence, even if it's only a facade, will help you in other ways in life. One of my old managers told me there's a very good chance he would have hired me based solely on the first impression I made. I walked into the office with my resume and said I was looking for so and so. When he said that was him, apparently I immediately made eye contact with him and held it as I walked across the lobby to shake his hand and introduce myself. That was all it took for him to get the impression I wasn't going to let people fuck with me - a good trait to have working at the front desk of a hotel.

And speaking of facades, men put them up all the time. They talk and act like they know what they're doing and are sure they're right, but they don't and they aren't. They're just taught and expected to project confidence in a way women aren't. That's why most of them won't push it with a confident (seeming) woman.

Having said all that, the biggest thing I like having my man around for is moving our 24' extension ladder. At 5'1", trying to prop the ladder up against the tall edge of the shed roof on the house always makes me feel like it's going to lift me into the air as it falls and smashes through a window. That's what I worry about when I'm alone. Of course, if I'd been doing this alone from the beginning, I wouldn't have built such a fucking tall house.

Feeling unsafe, alone, as a woman.

Personally, I am far more afraid of 2 legged creatures, than those with four; and I live where cougars are the most prevelent in North America, along with bear, wolf etc.!

As a young 20-30 something, I resided in a very large metropolitan city, and due to work and other commitments was often about walking or on public transit in the wee hours.  Never once was I knowingly accosted, followed or otherwise had my safety at risk.  I say knowingly because there WERE times those prickly hairs on the back of my neck stood up, I call it "spidey sense"...I would calmly walk a few more steps, and if it persisted, I would turn around with purpose, confronting the invisible threat, and loudly announce that I was REALLY not someone they wanted to *!#& with, stood my ground for a few seconds, then continued on my way.  Was there someone there?  Dunno, but I figured that either everyone would think I was a crazy person, and/or someone not worth messing with.  

I also always made sure I walked swiftly, and with purpose, and yes, had no issue "making a scene" confronting my imaginary stalkers; so I do think there is a bit of self confidence (fake it until you make it!) at play, but also a massive dose of "I will not be a victim, live in fear, or ALLOW someone else to call the shots".  I think how you carry yourself, speak and just "be" is a huge part in those that are at lower risk.  We are FAR less at risk from "stranger danger" than we are from those we know and consider friends; at least in my experience.

Life is too short to live afraid of what MIGHT happen; just ensure you are literally willing to fight tooth and nail if anyone thinks they are going to shorten or affect your life - this is not the time to "be a lady"!!!  It is incredibly freeing to walk away from fear; relegate it to the background kind of like a security system, NEVER ignore your "spidey sense", trust your gut, even if it makes you look ridiculous!  This is the number one reason I think more women end up "victims"; too scared to look like a "b@#*h", be rude, be disrespectful, or otherwise looked at in a negative fashion, RATHER than trust their gut - at the end of the day, we are all animals, with the same built in fight or flight self preservation system - don't let it rule you but also do not ignore it, for fear of folks thinking you might be impolite or weird.

Frankly, this is also a good strategy for predatory animals, as well.  Act like dinner, by being nervous, moving jerkily or erratically, making high pitched screams, squeals or yelps (animal in distress) and it will not be long before you ARE dinner.  Move methodically, with purpose, wear bells or sing so that animals know you are coming and there is not an accidental encounter; make sure they know you are human, and that you are NOT WORTH messing with.  Wildlife wants an "easy" kill, they will skip anything that looks too challenging, as it is not worth the expenditure of calories.

Do not ever let fear of the unknown limit what you can or cannot do; you may be "safer" but I suspect your life will be much poorer for contentment, peace, and fulfillment.  At the end of the day, life is far too short to live in fear.  Lastly, even if you don't actually feel strong, confident or capable, I am a firm believer in "FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT TRUE".  Often times, model a specific behaviour long enough, and before you know it, you are no longer faking!  

I just turned 60. Have lived offgrid here for 20 years, 18 of them by myself. Its high country lots of snow. Could definitely write a book about what I've learned! The hardest thing for me is trying to do "mans work" because if i am successful i risk losing all my femininity. If i am not successful, which is alot lately, i get a real bad attitude, which at my age especially, is far from attractive. I cant seem to do both. But what men close to my age would want to be here with me?

Megan Woods wrote:I just turned 60. Have lived offgrid here for 20 years, 18 of them by myself. Its high country lots of snow. Could definitely write a book about what I've learned! The hardest thing for me is trying to do "mans work" because if i am successful i risk losing all my femininity. If i am not successful, which is a lot lately, i get a real bad attitude, which at my age especially, is far from attractive. I cant seem to do both. But what men close to my age would want to be here with me?

Megan, welcome to Permies and congratulations on your first post.  IMHO the biggest problem is that there are too many people focusing on what you are and not what you bring to the table.  They are bogged down by "equality" instead of embracing equity which is about respect, recognition of achievement and merit.  These same people are often jealous because of what you [generic you] have achieved and can bring to the table by way of experience, and knowledge.  There is no concept that there may have been some monumental failures along the way but that is when the learning occurs.  I will applaud any success achieved by work.

We live in a poly-sexual, multicultural world so who is to say what is "man's work" or "woman's work" ?  The great thing bout Permies is that there are no gender barriers and each member of the Permies' community is celebrated for what they achieve and not what they are.  Never ever sell yourself short.  There are plenty of folk who will do that for you, and without your permission usually.  You go for it and be a proud person, feminine or otherwise,  proud of what you have, and what you can achieve.

If you are looking for inspiration, this woman’s blog is delightful: https://www.themudhome.com/
As is her book, Mudball - haven’t read the rest.

Just turned 60. I live alone and completely off grid (no electricity or running water) in a 250 sq ft cabin in the northern maine woods. I am a woman…100%.

Hi Laura,

Welcome to Permies.