• Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
permaculture forums growies critters building homesteading energy monies kitchen purity ungarbage community wilderness fiber arts art permaculture artisans regional education skip experiences global resources cider press projects digital market permies.com pie forums private forums all forums
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
master stewards:
  • Carla Burke
  • Nancy Reading
  • r ransom
  • John F Dean
  • paul wheaton
  • Jay Angler
stewards:
  • Timothy Norton
  • Pearl Sutton
  • Tereza Okava
master gardeners:
  • Christopher Weeks
  • M Ljin
gardeners:
  • Jeremy VanGelder
  • Matt McSpadden
  • thomas rubino

A single question to learn so much about the other person?

 
Posts: 15
1
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Liberal or conservative? It's a dealbreaker for me.
 
Posts: 10
2
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
It seems to me the one in your initial post is proving effective, at least for revealing some of how people think . Otherwise, maybe something about values (eg. What are some things you value most?
(Their why will likely follow, but in case not, some follow up could ask how they came to develop that particular value, or what experiences may have helped shape it).
Happy asking and learning!
 
Posts: 9
Location: east central Ohio
1
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Why are you the way you are?
 
Posts: 254
52
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you know with certainty?
 
Posts: 741
Location: Iqaluit, Nunavut zone 0 / Mont Sainte-Marie, QC zone 4a
136
3
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If you are trying to find out the most from someone about a subject or quality that YOU care about, you must ask a specific question about what you care about. If you make that question open ended, you will get the most information but not necessarily the kind of answer you were expecting.

So for example if you care about chickens the most, and.a considerable amount of your life revolves around chickens, you might ask them what about chickens appeals to them and why.
A closed question for instance is
What kind of chicken is your favorite?

On the other hand what you care about most may be complex in a social or spiritual aspect.

if you care most about how someone is going to treat you, you need to dig deeper into yourself until you start identifying exact kinds of traits you find most important: someone who isn't going to put you between the bear and them, someone who will walk out with you from a situation where you are compromised in some way, someone who isn't the cheating kind, someone who isn't manipulative... The list goes on. A question in this area would need some self soul searching, but once you've found that, I think spending time with someone and seeing how they behave particularly with others in a subordinate position will give you a good idea about their character and whether it's a good complement to yours.
No easy questions in this regard!
 
gardener
Posts: 3150
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1691
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Besides family... if there was a fire in your house, and you only had time to grab 5 things, what are they?

This can give a peek into what physical items are important to them. Some might grab a musical instrument, some might grab a photo album. Could begin conversations on why those things are important to you.
 
Posts: 314
2
  • Likes 2
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator

Kim Wills wrote:
"If you won a billion dollars what would you do?"... then let them ramble!

Then note how they would live if there were no constraints. Would they still be careful in their choices that affect nature? Do they mention other people and community, or do they just give a list of stuff they'd buy? Of course we might all want to splurge at first, so don't be too judgmental, give the conversation some time and back & forth, remembering you are trying to find out about a lot of categories of the person's life and beliefs from this one question, so don't be too quick to judge on just a couple things the person says.



I have already approached the question of what I would do with lots of money, which I never had, even long ago, it really doesn't change for me, but for certain specific ways, a billion would really make a difference in how possible it will be. I would want to get plenty of land, and compatible people brought in to where I can have a small community there with us growing our food and things that we need and with our simple living leaving the environments alone as far as possible.
Content minimized. Click to view
 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 3150
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1691
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What makes you comfortable? I think this is good to know. Do they like people or no people? Do they like to snuggle with animals? Do they like sweatpants? Do they like it hot or cold? It could go lots of different ways.

or a similar one...

If you just had a great evening... what did it look like? What do they enjoy doing with their time? Watch tv? read a book? Go out dancing? Work on a hobby? Go to the bar/club? Play board games with friends? Play with their kids?
 
Posts: 42
Location: Reno, NV Zone 6-7, High Desert, less than 10 in. rain per year
12
cat urban greening the desert
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
"Do you prefer Star Trek or Star Wars, and why?"
 
master pollinator
Posts: 5649
Location: Canadian Prairies - Zone 3b
1599
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If I were given a one-way ticket to colonize Mars, would you come with me?

(this is more of a dating question methinks)
 
pollinator
Posts: 285
Location: Southern California, USA
115
homeschooling kids purity books cooking composting toilet
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
“If you had unlimited money or resources, what would you spend your life doing?”
 
Posts: 36
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
2
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I have asked every new potential date what their top five values are, and how those inform how they show up in the world.

It takes that one single question to weed a person out- or determine if they’re worth going out with.

It took over two years of trying but I have met my forever, and you better believe that question was asked :)
 
master gardener
Posts: 6075
Location: Carlton County, Minnesota, USA: 3b; Dfb; sandy loam; in the woods
3569
8
forest garden trees books chicken food preservation cooking fiber arts seed woodworking homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator

Joe Sharp wrote:Liberal or conservative? It's a dealbreaker for me.


Identifying as either of those is almost a deal breaker for me too. But I'd be more interested if it was phrased something like: "Do you think you lean more liberal or conservative, what does that mean to you, and why do you?" But I think this is pretty specific to the US.
 
I remember before the flying monkeys became such an invasive species. We had tiny ads then.
rocket mass heater jamboree 2026
https://permies.com/t/369866/rocket-mass-heater-jamboree
reply
    Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic