Overheard out and about

There once was a hilarious collection called "overhead on the subway" or some such. Not all of us live near a subway, though we still overhear funny stuff at the park, church, store, etc.

Earlier tonight, I overheard at the store:  

"and on top of that, she pierced it herself in the wrong spot."

Not really heard out and about. This was from my two year old daughter.

You don't have muscles because you don't have pokies (*pokey beard). Dada has pokies, that's why he has muscles

I guess she's discerned the role of testosterone, LOL!!!

Here's one I heard from another teacher,

Don't put the pony in the fridge!

(a three-year old was putting a My Little Pony in the pretend fridge)

This one is about what a woman I work with over heard me saying and I could tell by her face that I phrased what I was saying badly.  Of course timing is everything too.  

I tell bad jokes at work to co-workers even more than I tell them here in the Joke thread.  I had just finished telling a really bad dad joke (makes you groan bad) to one of the guys I work with who really appreciates the pun types.  After the joke I said to him "the more it hurts, the better it is" just as she came around the corner.  She just kept walking.

I was on a construction project where we were sound proofing and area up above the suspended ceiling. We had issues with the caulking we used so the boss brought us out a new black caulk. I remember the angry stare of the Black office manager as my buddy, innocently, yelled out, “I just love this black caulk!”.

During a meal, a woman leant across her table and hissed at her husband
"The gas heater is under the lace coverlet"
And carried on eating.

We debated possible spy responses inbetween suppressed giggles...

I was in Ireland on a vacation during lambing season, and I had a guy helping out at the farm who had never had a breeched lamb before. While in a restaurant, on a cell phone, 6000 miles away I had to describe in detail how to reach up inside the ewe and pull the newborn lamb out.

I am sure I was overheard...to the dismay of others in the restaurant.

'No. I am not fat. I am sequestering carbon."

Me, preparing to choose a dessert.

I was on Permies last week, reading a thread about Publishing a Book, and my daughter sat next to me and asked what I was doing. I stated that we were discussing books, and that these nice people had some real books made. They are telling me how to get my book published.

She just looked at me for a second, and then said, "It will just be details, and a lot of hard work."

Not bad for a 6 year old just out of kindergarten.

Overheard a conversation between two of my previous co-workers. They both live in cookie-cutter-strip-mall purgatory. The stretch of about 100 miles south of Houston that is highway lined with strip malls with cookie cutter neighbourhoods crammed in behind that on what was once pasture/swamp land. Hell in built form, basically.

"You see that vacant land off such-and-such exit got bought and they're starting construction?"
"Yea, hopefully they put something cool there, like a strip mall or something".

Just confirmed that our views on the world are chalk and cheese..

Mike Harris wrote:Yea, hopefully they put something cool there, like a strip mall or something".
..

Depressingly believable.

Remembering back to my, then, 3 year old in the church nativity play,  and hearing the Sunday school teacher say, in a stage whisper, "John! Take that sheep out of your mouth!" 😂

Oh the stories I could tell from work.

"They fired me for looking at porn and it wasn't porn it was just naked pictures of my girlfriend. You wanna see? (shoves phone in my face) That's not porn is it? I want to sue them for firing me!"

It was porn people.

elle sagenev wrote:Oh the stories I could tell from work.

"They fired me for looking at porn and it wasn't porn it was just naked pictures of my girlfriend. You wanna see? (shoves phone in my face) That's not porn is it? I want to sue them for firing me!"

It was porn people.

Oh the joys of working at an attorneys office Elle! I have a friend that is an attorney, and when someone tries to get out of something, he just asks, "well, did you do it?"

My all ages karate class has times when the whole class participates together, and parts where we're split up according to ability.

One time during a whole-class warm-up, I heard a guy say to his crying son doing sit ups, "That's what you get for eating too much pizza before dinner."

Not pizza FOR dinner. Before dinner. I know the family and it makes sense :/

Travis Johnson wrote:

elle sagenev wrote:Oh the stories I could tell from work.

"They fired me for looking at porn and it wasn't porn it was just naked pictures of my girlfriend. You wanna see? (shoves phone in my face) That's not porn is it? I want to sue them for firing me!"

It was porn people.

Oh the joys of working at an attorneys office Elle! I have a friend that is an attorney, and when someone tries to get out of something, he just asks, "well, did you do it?"

Pfft. Most of them deny doing anything. lol Criminals tend to be extreme narcissists in my experience. We had one deny using meth until the middle of his trial when his urine analysis came back with meth in it. /sigh



Another funny but not out and about either. At church Sunday my husband told me there were a few wasps about in the building and asked what I'd been doing bad. This is extremely funny because he had one crawl down his shirt and sting him and he was in the middle of church, on his knees smacking himself with the Bible. He'd been joking around during the singing so I told him God was smiting him for his bad behavior. :D We also spent one church service watching a wasp fly THROUGH the candle flames. My hubs said it was proof Wasps are from hell. lol

Today my boss in another room muttered, "What the Hell" and I thought he'd called me and went in there. Apparently the fact that he can summon me with the word Hell is hilarious.

My sister-in-law in the Philippines is all ears. She's a natural snoop without much interesting going on in her life.

I enjoy mumbling some unintelligible things but then inserting the words money, or pesos or Isabel, which is her name. She can hear that over the sound of traffic or gunfire. And I leave her to speculate on what we were talking about.

My daughter was less than 2 years old, when she overheard me blaming her for a mess that her mother was bitching about. She was sleeping and she was little, so I figured it was the easiest way to stop the noise, as I cleaned up the mess. My daughter marched out of her room and said "no, no! Dad, it was dad". And I was caught. We thought she was sleeping.

We were at a store buying drinks and just as I went up to the counter, my 6 year old daughter let out a ripper fart that everyone could hear. Everyone looked at me, and then my daughter looked at me and just said, "Daddy". Of course everyone thought I did it, and I could not exactly look at her and accuse her, as I would lose all credibility anyway, and it would be in incredibly poor taste by blaming a child for a mistimed fart.

The worst thing was, it was a fart that not only sounded bad, it smelled like fermented corn silage.

Some time ago, when one of my kids was a toddler we walked into a supermarket during World Cup season. There in the entry was a vast pyramid of boxes of beer. Toddlers eyes opened very wide as she proclaimed "WHAT a lot of Daddy Water!". Cue general amusement.

I was 3 when my mother went to the hospital  and produced my sister, Karen. She became friends with one of the nurses, a lady named Altina, from Guyana.

She was invited to our church, and was already seated, when we arrived. I stood on a pew, surveyed the crowd, and then announced very loudly, "Mom, there's a black lady in church!" Our town was 100% white.

Reverend Hoy, made a quick save, when he said, "Everyone welcome Altina. She's a nurse who helped in delivering Rosalind's baby girl, Karen.
.....
Once I was a little older, the story was retold, with much laughter, by both Altina and my mother, whenever she visited.