Poop knife.

https://www.originalpoopknife.com/

The Legend of the Poop Knife
The earth shooketh when our reluctant hero, LearnedButt, took Reddit by storm with his post about the now infamous Poop Knife. If you missed it because you don’t check Reddit like your life depends on it (aka. You live under a rock?) then let us explain how and why this became a thing.

A long long time ago, in a far off land, some dude with some blessed genetics was raised in a family home where everyone pooped so big that they had a knife on hand to chop up their turds. That's right, they had a communal knife for the sole purpose of dividing dung to save their septic system from total destruction.

When dude grew up, he was blissfully unaware that the friend-folk that surrounded him weren't learned in the fine art of crap-cutting. He had a rude awakening one night when he asked a friend where they kept their "poop knife" and decided to share the experience on the World Wide Web and, well, the rest is history….

The original on reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/7p8puq/light_i_was_22_years_old_when_i_learned_that_not/

Folks, you can't make this stuff up! I highly recommend reading the comments on the reddit post. Enjoy!

I don't go to Reddit to often but when I do ... I find most anything in this world.

More detail on the Poop Knife:

Product Description

Do you, your friends, or your family poop big?? Do those logs sometimes need a little help going down? Endlessly spinning poops will mock you from the toilet vortex no more! 🚽

💩  Be a samurai of the poo poo platter!

💩  Ridiculous gag gift for friends and family, or daily necessity? You decide.

💩  Metal reinforced silicone is strong, hygienic, easy to clean, and dishwasher safe (if you dare)

💩  This will cut poop! Tested on the most ferocious of bog crocodiles without a fight. Curious about what an Original Poop Knife feels like? Imagine a heavy silicone-covered butter knife.

💩  Long enough to keep your hand clear of danger in a standard depth toilet

💩  Hilarious packaging

Poop Knife ships free within the US! Actual shipping calculated at checkout for all other locations worldwide.

EDIT to add link:  https://www.originalpoopknife.com/

Thanks, I hate it.

Http://www.reddit.com/r/TIHI

I was wondering if this was some kind of shiv contrived in prison. I have a cousin though whose girthsome pooping prowess is infamous with every plumber in Polk County. I ought to send him a link;)

My spouse and I were seriously discussing this exact thing last weekend. I swear there is something in the air.

there is a certain unnamed person in my family who really, really needs this knife. When I saw this whole thing blow up I thought of them, and that I knew they weren't the only one with this problem.
I thought about just sending them one in the mail with no message, but I know they'd just absolutely die of shame (body inhibition issues) so I figure I should let that sleeping log dog lie.
In the meantime, I think the plumber has named his truck after this family member, since he's there snaking out the toilet constantly.

If this is such a common issue, one would think Cuisinart would have gotten into the toilet market years ago, lol. I believe boats have such toilets. Hey, I just remembered old German toilets have a poop shelf. Perhaps to make the use of a poop knife easier?

I'll be the first to give a personal story. I can only really recall one time I could have ever needed a poop knife. I was at my parents' house and my mom's cooking just doesn't really jive with me for some reason. It was basically a perfect storm circumstance. What came out was quite longer than normal, and of the perfect consistency that it just happened to kind of double in half in a horseshoe shape. When flushed, the two ends both got sucked down at the same time, and of course it jammed. I didn't want to get the plunger dirty, so I went outside and got a stick about three feet long. I took care of business and took the stick back outside and threw it in the field. Chuckling was involved. It never once crossed my mind to get a kitchen knife. Or a "schatula" or any other kitchen utensil. Maybe that's just the difference between city and country folks?