Is it just the seasons changing or do I need a new adventure?

I've had a dream since I was 5:  Alaska, to live, work and play.  Anchorage, to be exact.  But now I am 62, still in Northern Wyoming with a 29 yo special needs son who does not drive, but is almost capable of caring for himself short term. Almost. He has lived in an apartment by himself before with lots of assistance-mainly me, until he started making "too much money" at his grocery store job, so he now has zero assistance and will always live with me or on my property.  I don't have family within 1200 miles of me now, and we are not that close-haven't seen each other since my mom passed in 2015, so that is not as big a problem for me as for some people.  

I have a job opportunity, if they don't think I am too old-  A really cool job that is the culmination of all the diverse types of geology jobs that I have had over the past 37 years.  In Anchorage.  

My mortgage is at 3.25%, and manageable, and I can sell my house as-is for a pretty good profit. As usual, here in Wyoming (after 34 years and 7 diff properties) my fruit trees have just started to give a few fruit, my gardens are finally self sowing an abundance of food, the "lawns" are over 75% edible and non-toxic, and I have a good-enough newer job that I've been at for 18 months. But I am bored here. I was willing to leave the entire geology career life for something exciting but they offered me a nice place to work and pretty good wages.  I've given up on finding a guy here.  I've succumbed to being housemates with my son and mostly doing what he wants to do and carting him around to his events in my free time, mainly out of guilt that my daughter never got to do much before she passed at 18.  You know all that crap that makes you think "Is this all there is?"  I've volunteered a lot, gave everything I had, raised a good son, put my last horse down, but the spark is gone on everything but my little 'almost half acre' of peace and food and critters. My son loves to be home, too, mostly for the abundance of food and fresh water and heat, except for always playing games on his phone or watching football. I do force him to read to me. It's painful, lol.  

So if I am not too old, and if they offer me a job (for about 25k less than I am making here) "should I stay or should I go?"  I'll take all the pros and cons you can come up with.  

If ever I'm struggling to make a decision, I ask myself which decision is going to make me regret not taking the other one.

My philosophy in life is to live without regrets. And so far I have none...

That is a tough one. I think I know the answer, based on your description, but may I ask if you can take your son with you to Anchorage? Is the struggle leaving the area you are familiar with... or is the struggle that you would not be able to take care of your son with this new job?

In today's world maybe $25,000 less is not much though for me that would be devastating and reason to reconsider the offer.

What affect will this move have on your son?  Will he be leaving a life he loves to go where he knows no one.  Or does he have caregivers where he is at?

Those two factors would be my first concern.

I have lived in several states yet we always return back to our home state.

We were even offer a job in Alaska which we turned down even though that was someplace we wanted to go to.

Best wishes.

Very similar to Burra, I ask if my actions will be helping or hurting …from all angles.l

Re' Burton wrote:A really cool job that is the culmination of all the diverse types of geology jobs that I have had over the past 37 years.  In Anchorage.

This sounds so cool. I would try. But I'm asking myself your main question too, and I want the lessons coming from new adventures.

A) Would you be able to live on 25k a year less? What is price of living in Anchorage? Can you afford to be there? Can you get another job there doing something if that falls through?
B) What does your son think? Is he attached to things there or happy to move?
C) Is there a way you can lease out your place for a year and see if you really want to be in Alaska? I've heard the long darks really affect some people hard, including people who didn't think it would. A test run might be wise.
D) If you do sell and have to come back for some reason, do you have a plan B?

Other than those thoughts, I am also 62 and I made sure I have been the places I wanted to go, saw what I wanted to see, did what I wanted to, and have no unfulfilled dreams like that now.  I'm glad I did when I could, I ended up with health issues that make it very hard to do now. I vote, if Questions A-D are accounted for in your head, DO IT so you don't wish you had. Even if it only lasts 3 months and things go weird and you come back, it'll be off your mind or you'll know better what you are doing when you go back again :D

Having "I wish I had...." in your head for years doesn't look fun when I see others with it. I'm glad I don't have those.

Pearl's asked some very good questions. I remember recently seeing a comment about Alaska's population dropping, and it mentioned that many people only stay 5 years, and the next group, tends to stay 10 years.

A number of people I've read about who mentioned living in Alaska for a period (Mark Shepard of Restoration Agriculture for example), now live in the lower USA states. So I am thinking more research would be a good thing.

It does sound as if you've moved around a lot.

But I am bored here. I was willing to leave the entire geology career life for something exciting but they offered me a nice place to work and pretty good wages.

This statement makes me think you "feel" like you're missing "something". I wonder if you need to make an effort to explore what you're really missing and consider ways to fill that void that doesn't require pulling up roots every so often. There's a thread on permies about "hobbies". Big Business tries to make hobbies about buying a bunch of expensive stuff, rather than going very simple. The Japanese seem to have the ability to make skills much like the game of golf where you constantly compete with yourself to do the task better and better.

Also potentially pricy, many Colleges and Universities offer evening courses to challenge your brain.

Quiet a few good points have been made.but I just gotta ask.can you and your son go there, and spend a month or 2? That way you'll know both of you can deal with the move or not. To like it or not. And If it don't work for one or both of you.then nothing lost.and hopefully you will have gotten that out of your system.

Matt McSpadden wrote:That is a tough one. I think I know the answer, based on your description, but may I ask if you can take your son with you to Anchorage? Is the struggle leaving the area you are familiar with... or is the struggle that you would not be able to take care of your son with this new job?

I will definitely take my son with me wherever I go.  He is stoked one minute and not the next, since his disability is mental more than physical (I was told that he was born prune belly-knee folded into his rib cage so lack of oxygen to brain=club foot and "slow").  I know Alaska has Special Olympics and even more teams than we have, so he will have his people there as well, which is awesome. He lives in a me me me world. Which works for him.  I should have more confidence that we will figure it out since we always have- what will he do when I'm gone for field work, like we do here, but he has never lived anywhere else while cognizent  -he became aware of the world around him like a veil was lifted in 2016.  I know that when he has to step up, he sometimes does.  And he likes some responsibility.

Anne Miller wrote:In today's world maybe $25,000 less is not much though for me that would be devastating and reason to reconsider the offer.

What affect will this move have on your son?  Will he be leaving a life he loves to go where he knows no one.  Or does he have caregivers where he is at?

Those two factors would be my first concern.

Yes, for 26 of his 29 years, he and his needs have come first.  Always.  And it will be forever as long as I'm alive, and his next Mom when I am gone. (it's in my will).  However, he has stagnated here as well.  Fallen into a kind of automatic pilot.  I can break him out of it with having him help me preserve food, or go to dinner, or for a hike, but he even worries if we plan a camping trip and he may miss football on Sunday.  That is the little bit of Autism he has, I'm guessing.  His calendar in his phone has every tv show, game, which week of NFL it is, things like that.  I know I will probably turn down the job and maybe all I need is to know I qualified?  Is that enough?  Maybe.  I would probably just stay in place and be bummed for a while until the next thing happens.  Who knows?  I feel I'm not living, nor being a good steward of what God has given me.  Hmmm.  We shall see, I guess. Thank you for your questions, too.

jim loggin wrote:Quiet a few good points have been made.but I just gotta ask.can you and your son go there, and spend a month or 2? That way you'll know both of you can deal with the move or not. To like it or not. And If it don't work for one or both of you.then nothing lost.and hopefully you will have gotten that out of your system.

That would be my guess as well.  It's not the place for my son, it's how it will provide him what he wants and for now, all he wants is his tv and phone and Special Olympics and golf and bowling.  When he saw all that was there too, he is excited.  He watches the Youtube families that I follow who have made the move and wants them to be his friends if we move. LOL I told him we may get to meet them but who knows?  LOL

Pearl Sutton wrote:A) Would you be able to live on 25k a year less? What is price of living in Anchorage? Can you afford to be there? Can you get another job there doing something if that falls through?
B) What does your son think? Is he attached to things there or happy to move?
C) Is there a way you can lease out your place for a year and see if you really want to be in Alaska? I've heard the long darks really affect some people hard, including people who didn't think it would. A test run might be wise.
D) If you do sell and have to come back for some reason, do you have a plan B?

Other than those thoughts, I am also 62 and I made sure I have been the places I wanted to go, saw what I wanted to see, did what I wanted to, and have no unfulfilled dreams like that now.  I'm glad I did when I could, I ended up with health issues that make it very hard to do now. I vote, if Questions A-D are accounted for in your head, DO IT so you don't wish you had. Even if it only lasts 3 months and things go weird and you come back, it'll be off your mind or you'll know better what you are doing when you go back again :D

Having "I wish I had...." in your head for years doesn't look fun when I see others with it. I'm glad I don't have those.

Thank you Pearl, all of the above.  I'm currently in Sheridan, WY where my property has skyrocketed in value.  I could rent it again which was a disaster when I worked in Williston for 2 years - I didn't know people were so incapable of caring for a home.... As long as I've been here it has become a place that I could leave, as my house is now surrounded by subdivisions and will soon be rezoned into the city limits. I tried to buy other properties a little further out but still where we would keep all we know.  I was outbid by out of state people.  I even figured in the cost of moving, buying with a huge interest rate, LOL. Not meant to be.  I don't have to return to this very house or spot if I need to come back.  I've always planted fruit and nut trees everywhere I have lived. I can do it again. I like other parts of this county way better. The population has increased, of course, since 2020 and I can make some money on the sale since there is always a housing shortage, but then buying here again may not be a good deal.  Renting is the right thing to do for the test drive of Alaska.  I drive my son to and from his grocery store job every day so that would not change no matter where we go. He won't ever drive.  He'd probably work seasonally or maybe not work, but find a cool day-group to hang out with.  We have exhausted those options here. He had a Medicaid account in case he lost his job or to make sure he made 700 bucks a month which he never used since he made too much at work. But we were supposed to have services with Medicaid, but we did not.  Nobody would just check on him or take him with their group except for when I was home, which was moot, so it didn't work. I dropped him out of Medicaid, figuring someone else could use it.  He does have Medicare which will always be his safety net should something happen to me.  That is planned for.  Maybe I should just remodel or finish remodeling the spaces that I've started and get over myself.  Maybe I should just buy a plane ticket once a year and hang out in Alaska fishing and crabbing and then return the mundane with that small, personal adventure in my heart and mind and then plan for the next one.  I just believe I will be living another 30 years so I would love to get bucket list under way.  

Burra Maluca wrote:If ever I'm struggling to make a decision, I ask myself which decision is going to make me regret not taking the other one.

My philosophy in life is to live without regrets. And so far I have none...

Outstanding!  I love your philosophy.  My list of regrets is a long one which I vowed to stop dwelling on and look forward, trying to do what is best for my son and me.  In that order, of course.

Hi everyone,
I'm late to the decision party, but now here.

Wow, I have to say, everyone has such GOOD advice!!!

In the end, every decision is a deeply personal one, based on personal values.

If I were you (but I'm clearly not), I would take the adventure.
Because I'm impulsive and love change and the challenges that come with change.
Like you, I've started more gardens and had heart-ache leaving them behind...but the pull of Life was too strong!

The things I've learned from following the adventure (instead of being 'reasonable' and staying put):
- zero regrets
- it's more expensive than staying, financially
- people roll their eyes
- I really, passionately love my life
- and yes, of course your son is important!!! And so are you.
As his mother, I think you can evaluate the impact moving house would have on him better than anyone else. If it would be ok or not. We mothers love our children, and would never, ever, ever make a choice that is negative to them. When you talk with him about the possibility of moving, I read sometimes he's excited about it, sometimes not. Just like we are - it's a limbo, exciting and scary at the same time.

Here's my method: I get into a meditative state and visualise a nice landscape that I like. Somewhere there is a house, a mansion, a hut - who knows? You find that dwelling, knock on the door and with an invitation from within you step inside.
There, you meet ... your Old You! Ask her for advice. She knows.

Good luck with the decision-making, and when you've made it, whatever it is, really own your decision, don't second guess. Dwell on it as long as you need, but when you've chosen, it's done.

Good luck again!!!

Thank you all so much.  It's been a long time coming.  When my boyfriend died in 2021 I just quit looking and focused on my son, my own property and job. I have a million hobbies without much time made for them except for growing food and preserving and caring for chickens, etc. But at least I have those.  My son likes to assist when it comes to food. He will do any task along side of me, but not on his own, usually.  I learned a painful lesson two years ago when on the mountain together with all of our dogs.  Two dogs were not feeling well so I pulled over for a second before heading to the picnic area where I had planned to start our wonderful day. He had seen me, in the past, force one of my swimming dogs into the creek with me to rinse off, but on this day it was late spring and I told him to keep the dogs away from the raging creek and to put the leash on the old pitbull who couldn't swim a lick.  I took the two that were car sick to deal with that and he was supposed to look after the old pit.  I was about 50 feet away and I heard a splash.  Needless to say, the leash was not on the pit, he was downstream and disappeared. I searched for 8 hours.  He had pushed him in the water.  So there will probably never be any back country of Alaska adventures together or river walks without life vests on everyone or whatever it takes.  But I would be doing those things for me, this go around. I've given up the dream of an Alaska homestead for just the two of us. If I found a man who had one that would be different, but alone would not be wise, as my son is not helpful in an emergency. There are a lot of things that show me that emergencies are a fraction of an inch away - like the old barbed wire fence I took out that sprung and snapped against my neck within an inch of my jugular, laying open an ugly wound.  The tippy ladders, the slippery back steps, the woodstove, etc.  I will not worry about getting the job.  They will see that I graduated long ago and do the math.  Without remorse, I will continue to believe that the dreams we do not get to follow on Earth will be multiplied in Heaven, so that is what I will continue to hope for. And if anyone wants to go fishing or crabbing in Alaska next year, let me know.  Maybe we can meet up!  

Nina Surya wrote:Hi everyone,
I'm late to the decision party, but now here.

Wow, I have to say, everyone has such GOOD advice!!!

In the end, every decision is a deeply personal one, based on personal values.

If I were you (but I'm clearly not), I would take the adventure.
Because I'm impulsive and love change and the challenges that come with change.
Like you, I've started more gardens and had heart-ache leaving them behind...but the pull of Life was too strong!

The things I've learned from following the adventure (instead of being 'reasonable' and staying put):
- zero regrets
- it's more expensive than staying, financially
- people roll their eyes
- I really, passionately love my life
- and yes, of course your son is important!!! And so are you.
As his mother, I think you can evaluate the impact moving house would have on him better than anyone else. If it would be ok or not. We mothers love our children, and would never, ever, ever make a choice that is negative to them. When you talk with him about the possibility of moving, I read sometimes he's excited about it, sometimes not. Just like we are - it's a limbo, exciting and scary at the same time.

Here's my method: I get into a meditative state and visualise a nice landscape that I like. Somewhere there is a house, a mansion, a hut - who knows? You find that dwelling, knock on the door and with an invitation from within you step inside.
There, you meet ... your Old You! Ask her for advice. She knows.

Good luck with the decision-making, and when you've made it, whatever it is, really own your decision, don't second guess. Dwell on it as long as you need, but when you've chosen, it's done.

Good luck again!!!

Thank you, Nina!  Very good advice, too!  I will 'go there' this weekend in my mind and see what I say when I open that door.  Tomorrow I will be at Special Olympics area games...he is an amazing bowler.  

Anne Miller wrote:In today's world maybe $25,000 less is not much though for me that would be devastating and reason to reconsider the offer.

What affect will this move have on your son?  Will he be leaving a life he loves to go where he knows no one.  Or does he have caregivers where he is at?

Those two factors would be my first concern.

I have lived in several states yet we always return back to our home state.

We were even offer a job in Alaska which we turned down even though that was someplace we wanted to go to.

Best wishes.

I was thinking about that wage as well, although the benefits for the job, since it is a State job, may make a difference if I can stay there long enough to become vested in the retirement program.  I know what you mean though. However, that being said, the job may morph into a better one for my experience, who knows?  I don't know why I worry until there is actually something to worry about - maybe it is planning, maybe just premature worry. I like to plan ahead.