When there are no solutions, an ear is needed

As someone who also has an internal voice that tells her that she's lazy, I felt this deep down. But no one who is lazy would keep a beautiful garden like that and care for all those animals. The productivity monkey on our shoulder likes to tell us that if we aren't working our 40 hours for the man that we are useless. But deep down what matters is that we are able to carve out a life for ourselves and truly live it. We're just animals after all.

Thank you!  I've been told this all my life.  I remember a nursing instructor saying to me, "Every time I see you, you're always sitting down!"  Well, I have to.  If I stand too long, I'm either in pain, or I faint.  I found out (at the age of 50!) that I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, and it explained everything.  All of it.  All the weird symptoms I've had ever since I can remember.  Things you would never think are related.  Heart murmur, fainting, fatigue, can't stand for long, bladder problems, panic attacks, joint pain, constant ligament and tendon injuries.  I used to be in the doctors all the time.  Now, I never go.  My old doctor dropped me because I haven't been there in over 4 years.  Because now I know what's wrong and I take care of myself.

Yes, 40 hours for the man.  Exactly.

I too borrowed land for the maintenance of keeping the land from fire hazard and weeds.  The owner decided to develop it.
I was able to get the animals to a rescue.  To say it was a trauma is an understatement: I found them a loving and safe environment-
an animal rescue organization.  They are so happy.  Me, I miss them terribly
I always hoped I could get them back but I too have been unable to move.  i can tell you--We can survive.
Where we are, the Catholic Charities here have houses with rooms for rent that are affordable.  The houses have yards.
I don't know if you can start over; however, if you need to get away from an abusive situation, there are agencies to investigate and groups
to discover to see what may open up.  It may give you a yard.

Consider, giving up is not an option, not you who is able to create such beauty., Your garden says that you have not given up.  You have a lot going for you.  Look what you created!
You may have to go to a church group and ask for help to move.  What I have learned is a person will do what she needs to do find an escape from her circumstances. .

So when everything is upside down, you will be crushed, but you can survive to do again what have learned to do and it is because you tried.  People
would take care of their property are grateful for you to come and make it beautiful.  If it comes to goodbye, it is incredibly
painful.  But as a women who built that garden, your potential is there to make a way for you as you have in the past, I don't see life stopping you.
You grow and create.  You will have to start searching to find out what places and things are available for you to know what is out there and the courage
to see what you can find.  It doesn't mean you are moving, just search.

Laurel,
Just checking in, how are ya doing?

I am an abuse survivor, so my answers come through that lens.

First, prioritize your safety.  Your boyfriend fits the criteria for abusive, and if he has threatened you with a knife, you need to deal with that before anything.  If reporting him would lose you housing, contact social service agencies first.  Be discreet in all that you do from this point forward.

Second, stop worrying about what your landlady will do and ask.  Hopefully, you made the backyard a place where the people in the building could come to do a barbeque or garden themsleves, and that is a selling point for her and an opportunity to teach people what  you've learned if they're interested in pulling a weed.  Make a list of what  you've done to have on hand when you talk with her.  If the apartment you'd like to rent is more than one bedroom, consider renting one room to a student or someone else who needs a quiet place to live.

Third, you don't know of any solutions...yet.  Think outside the box, consider options you haven't before.  

I agree, Karen. If someone threatens you with a knife it is time for them to be out of your life permanently.

This is an older thread, and I haven't seen a response from the OP in a few months. I hope she's doing well.  The photos are a stunning example of what can be done with a bit of permie knowledge, a bit of planning, and a bit of exertion.

j

Karen Isaacson wrote:I am an abuse survivor, so my answers come through that lens.

First, prioritize your safety.  Your boyfriend fits the criteria for abusive, and if he has threatened you with a knife, you need to deal with that before anything.  If reporting him would lose you housing, contact social service agencies first.  Be discreet in all that you do from this point forward.

Second, stop worrying about what your landlady will do and ask.  Hopefully, you made the backyard a place where the people in the building could come to do a barbeque or garden themsleves, and that is a selling point for her and an opportunity to teach people what  you've learned if they're interested in pulling a weed.  Make a list of what  you've done to have on hand when you talk with her.  If the apartment you'd like to rent is more than one bedroom, consider renting one room to a student or someone else who needs a quiet place to live.

Third, you don't know of any solutions...yet.  Think outside the box, consider options you haven't before.