When there are no solutions, an ear is needed

Jay Angler wrote:
I do have a few questions which you can choose to answer or not:
1. Have you, or could you plant nice flowers where the new tenant would see them to help disguise the veggies and chicken area?
2. Can you afford to stay if your boyfriend has to leave for your safety?
3. I've heard that some viruses can trigger mental illness. Physical illness can cause pain/poor sleeping which can change behavior. Is there some way to get your boyfriend thoroughly examined by doctors?

I really, really hope it all works out in the end.

Jordan Holland wrote:One has to wonder just how many other people are in your exact shoes right now.

Laurel Finch wrote:More pix:

Laurel Finch wrote:More pix:

Laurel Finch wrote:More pix:

Laurel Finch wrote:More pix:

Laurel Finch wrote:More pix:

Laurel Finch wrote:More pix:

Rachel Lindsay wrote:Beautiful images, wonderful garden, truly inspiring work. Thank you for sharing all of this! Best wishes as you keep up the good work.  Again, thank you for sharing your treasures here!

Timothy Norton wrote:Ohh my, look at all of the diversity in such a footprint!

I love the photos of your chooks, very well taken! That rooster looks like he has some spunk to him. I wish I had a feisty fella for my ladies but it isn't in the cards at the moment.

Anne Miller wrote:Thank you for the lovely pictures!

Especially the ajuga.  It is a favorite that I have not grown in a long time.

And the roses are beautiful.

Your chickens look so sweet and well-behaved.

Laurel Finch wrote:I just noticed you are in upstate NY.  Where abouts?  When I was a charming maid, 1000 years ago, I lived in Glens Falls for 2 years.

Jane Mulberry wrote:You've created something beautiful there, Laurel. I'm praying it all works out, especially that your boyfriend gets help with his anger issues. If there's any domestic violence counseling available for you, it could give you the additional support you need to set boundaries and stay safe.

Timothy Norton wrote:

Laurel Finch wrote:I just noticed you are in upstate NY.  Where abouts?  When I was a charming maid, 1000 years ago, I lived in Glens Falls for 2 years.

Stop! I am thirty minutes from Glens Falls! What a small world!

Without outing myself too much, I'm over in Washington County near the Hudson.

Timothy Norton wrote:I HAVE CHILLS, I LIVE IN THE VILLAGE OF A GREENWICH. THIS IS CRAZY!

I'm so glad that in all of the world that I got to meet you on Permies! I'm so happy to be able to make your acquaintance. This is so funny!

Timothy Norton wrote:I do not personally know of him, but I have heard of his books. I am going to do some digging and I believe I have something new to read! I'm excited.

Laurel Finch wrote: I wonder how I could find out about domestic violence counseling for me?  The worst part of it for me is when he gaslights me afterward and says he never said that, or that's not what he meant, or acts like I'm the one whose over-reacting.

Douglas Alpenstock wrote:

Laurel Finch wrote: I wonder how I could find out about domestic violence counseling for me?  The worst part of it for me is when he gaslights me afterward and says he never said that, or that's not what he meant, or acts like I'm the one whose over-reacting.

I am glad you reached out. I am very concerned about this. I do not like it. This situation is not okay, Not ever. The history of these events indicates it will get worse, not better, without intervention from your fellow citizens and the authorities.

But yes, it's hard and terrifying to deal with. It is very important to document these events, this serial behaviour. A threat by knife should be a 911 call,  period. I hope you are able to make a 911 call. If there is no immediate danger, there may also be a "soft intervention team" that can attend the call -- it's not automatically a SWAT takedown. But this gets the event on the official record, a police report, which matters a great deal over time.

Also, keep a detailed personal journal of coercive control or violent intimidation. With that evidence, the police and courts can impose anger counselling and other measures that are not punitive, but sort of a restorative justice approach that looks for a win-win.

Jeff Lindsey wrote:She’s in a delicate and precarious situation. ... Concentrate on finding a local solution that will let her maintain what she has ...

Jeff Lindsey wrote:To the original poster:
You Absolutely are a Homesteader.
With all the challenges, you have forged your dreams into a beautiful reality. You have done much more, with much less, than most ever will, even with more resources and help.
You are a Homesteader. I’m not saying that as some sort of participation trophy. You’ve kicked butt.
Don’t let what isn’t obscure your view of what is.

To some of the other posters:
She’s in a delicate and precarious situation. Unless you are going to offer her and all her animals a place to live or money don’t try to impose cookie cutter solutions based on your idea of “how it should be”. He gets arrested right now?  She’s probably going either  homeless or into a shelter.  

Almond Thompson wrote:I see you have a computer, could you try getting a job from home? Something where you may have to go to an office once a week/once a month and then work from the computer? Not sure if that kind of thing is an option in your area. And not sure if you would be able to find anything that pays well enough to cover the disability. Just a thought.

Laurel Finch wrote:Thank you!  I wonder how I could find out about domestic violence counseling for me?  The worst part of it for me is when he gaslights me afterward and says he never said that, or that's not what he meant, or acts like I'm the one whose over-reacting.

Jordan Holland wrote:Holy cow! I was not expecting so much! Bruce in his Super Coop (or maybe "Coupe," lol) really steals the show! That is such an excellent picture, and he is beautiful. Have you ever posted him before? If so, I must have missed it. I can imagine a whole thread on the Adventures of Bruce. It's amazing how much character they can have.

It looks to me like your landlord got several thousand dollars' worth of free landscaping. I think she would be wise to keep you on as the official garden keeper as long as she can. I like Tereza's idea of possibly moving to that apartment if possible, but I would shudder to have to move myself, even if it was just from one apartment to the next. Hopefully things will work out one way or another.

Laurel Finch wrote:  I've never been physically able to work full time, but because my disabilities are invisible,  people have always come down on me for it, like I'm lazy.  After so many years of hearing that, it becomes internalized.