“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”― Albert Einstein
John Weiland wrote: Is it a test of my ability to deal, on the first date, with bathroom particulars in a candid manner? Was she subsequently perched behind a tree, examining my reaction for signs of an 'abandonment complex'? Or simply gauging, as a potential marital prospect, my ability to handle the unforeseen turns and tumults that life might bring.
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Nicole Alderman wrote:
John Weiland wrote: Is it a test of my ability to deal, on the first date, with bathroom particulars in a candid manner? Was she subsequently perched behind a tree, examining my reaction for signs of an 'abandonment complex'? Or simply gauging, as a potential marital prospect, my ability to handle the unforeseen turns and tumults that life might bring.
It could also be that the woman Larry met just needed to pee,
"People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do."
Larry Bock wrote:Todd ( this is in humor) there are also a large percentage of human beings, that wake up next to someone they don't and like mumble " What the {blank} was I thinking". So it seems the spectrum is ......Wide?? lol
"People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do."
"Where will you drive your own picket stake? Where will you choose to make your stand? Give me a threshold, a specific point at which you will finally stop running, at which you will finally fight back." (Derrick Jensen)
Nicole Alderman wrote:I would be drained an miserable if I socialized every day! As it is, I'm drained for hours just after seeing my parents or going shopping or going to church. Everyone is different.
Try and reflect back and see how drained--or energized--you are after socializing. How long are you happy alone before you start really wishing you had someone to talk to, or thinking that that Volleyball has a nice personality....
"People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do."
Devin Lavign wrote:
My advice would be to be clear about what you want. Don't give up on your life just to be with someone. If it is the right person they will want to join you in your adventure rather than side track you from it.
Philipp Mueller wrote:
Devin Lavign wrote:
My advice would be to be clear about what you want. Don't give up on your life just to be with someone. If it is the right person they will want to join you in your adventure rather than side track you from it.
Does that mean that I can never be the right person for somebody else? Only if the other person is willing to give up their life, they are the right one for me? This is a question I have often asked myself. Who should be the one to compromise? Always the other Person? Or are there criteria to determine when I should be the one?
“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”― Albert Einstein
John Weiland wrote:@Larry B: "next thing you know.............You are convinced that your dog actually has mastered the English lauguage and you and he have extensive conversations about philosophy and ancient aliens"
If your new enamorada has a canine allergy, I might be interested in that dog!![]()
Morfydd St. Clair wrote:
Philipp Mueller wrote:
Devin Lavign wrote:
My advice would be to be clear about what you want. Don't give up on your life just to be with someone. If it is the right person they will want to join you in your adventure rather than side track you from it.
Does that mean that I can never be the right person for somebody else? Only if the other person is willing to give up their life, they are the right one for me? This is a question I have often asked myself. Who should be the one to compromise? Always the other Person? Or are there criteria to determine when I should be the one?
Well, you chose one phrasing, "give up on your life". The other one was "join you in your adventure". If your dream is "do X, have no room for anything else, for the rest of my life" (and if it is, I admire that! I've always wished I had a Mission!) then yes, you would need to find someone either whose dream is identical to yours or who is willing to give up on his/her own life for yours. If your dream is "do X as long as it is worthwhile, then be open to someone else's Y for a while" then your field would be wider.
Back when I was married, our plan was that we would both work for a while, then when we were financially stable I would work for a while so he could go back to school, then he would work for a while so I could do something I found valuable. I'm no longer married, but I think it was a good plan.![]()
And you know, most people don't have Missions. They have plans and goals that they're pretty flexible on, as long as they are getting joy and respect from the relationship. So going along with someone else's Mission could be worth it to them.
"Where will you drive your own picket stake? Where will you choose to make your stand? Give me a threshold, a specific point at which you will finally stop running, at which you will finally fight back." (Derrick Jensen)
Devin Lavign wrote:
You might have also noticed I mentioned the woman who I had encountered that she is doing a similar journey and I specifically said "I could not ask her to do so, and would not blame her for not wanting to do so." I don't want to take her away from her journey. I do not want her to give up her life to join me.
Devin Lavign wrote:
Morfydd St. Clair wrote:
Philipp Mueller wrote:
Devin Lavign wrote:
My advice would be to be clear about what you want. Don't give up on your life just to be with someone. If it is the right person they will want to join you in your adventure rather than side track you from it.
Does that mean that I can never be the right person for somebody else? Only if the other person is willing to give up their life, they are the right one for me? This is a question I have often asked myself. Who should be the one to compromise? Always the other Person? Or are there criteria to determine when I should be the one?
Well, you chose one phrasing, "give up on your life". The other one was "join you in your adventure". If your dream is "do X, have no room for anything else, for the rest of my life" (and if it is, I admire that! I've always wished I had a Mission!) then yes, you would need to find someone either whose dream is identical to yours or who is willing to give up on his/her own life for yours. If your dream is "do X as long as it is worthwhile, then be open to someone else's Y for a while" then your field would be wider.
Back when I was married, our plan was that we would both work for a while, then when we were financially stable I would work for a while so he could go back to school, then he would work for a while so I could do something I found valuable. I'm no longer married, but I think it was a good plan.![]()
And you know, most people don't have Missions. They have plans and goals that they're pretty flexible on, as long as they are getting joy and respect from the relationship. So going along with someone else's Mission could be worth it to them.
You might have also noticed I mentioned the woman who I had encountered that she is doing a similar journey and I specifically said "I could not ask her to do so, and would not blame her for not wanting to do so." I don't want to take her away from her journey. I do not want her to give up her life to join me.
My intent was not to say never make compromises. My intent was to say if you have a journey your working on, don't give it up to get involved with someone else. This goes for either side of the relationship. I would not ask someone who wants to become a Hollywood star to give that up and join me in building my homestead where there is little to no chance for her to achieve her dream. For me this means someone I end up getting involved with would need to be looking to move out to rural land and help build a homestead. Since I am already on my dream land, I am not looking to move to someone else's land. I absolutely adore my property and it is the culmination of decades of working towards that goal. The property I got I feel very connected to even though I have not even had it for a year yet. A few years ago before I got land, I would have been quite open to the possibility of a romantic relationship with someone who already had land. At that point it could have been a way to further my journey toward living on property and building a homestead. But now, I am not open to that avenue, instead I am at the point of being open to someone else joining me.
It is not about the other person having to give up their life for you, it is about finding the right person to join you which is a progression for their life direction. A relationship I feel should not be about asking someone to give up their life, but instead helping them progress further toward their goals in life.
Morfydd St. Clair wrote:
To be clear there, I was not responding to you, but to Philipp who had kind of catastrophized your dilemma.![]()
Philipp Mueller wrote:
Morfydd St. Clair wrote:
To be clear there, I was not responding to you, but to Philipp who had kind of catastrophized your dilemma.![]()
Please forgive me, I did not mean to catastrophize. I was asking for a better solution which I dont have but hoped someone had. Writing in english is really an effort for me, so I tend to keep it short and simple and hope the reader figures out the intended meaning. I know, this is not a good approach in an internet forum![]()
"People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do."
Philipp Mueller wrote:
Morfydd St. Clair wrote:
To be clear there, I was not responding to you, but to Philipp who had kind of catastrophized your dilemma.![]()
Please forgive me, I did not mean to catastrophize. I was asking for a better solution which I dont have but hoped someone had. Writing in english is really an effort for me, so I tend to keep it short and simple and hope the reader figures out the intended meaning. I know, this is not a good approach in an internet forum![]()
Larry Bock wrote:Travis, I will take you up on your offer for a PM Later The word Failure can be substituted with " stuff did not work out" or was " not meant to be" no one is a failure till they stuff you in a box LOL Again thank you everybody for your responses Larry
Morfydd St. Clair wrote:To you directly, you say "I could not ask her to do so, and would not blame her for not wanting to do so." Um, why can't you ask her to do so? Maybe your land is better, or she'd find it worth the sacrifice. Of course, the second part of your sentence, that you would not blame her for saying no, is key there. And if you've already had this conversation then never mind.
I'm all about asking for things directly, and being clear with all involved that a No response is fine.
"Where will you drive your own picket stake? Where will you choose to make your stand? Give me a threshold, a specific point at which you will finally stop running, at which you will finally fight back." (Derrick Jensen)
Travis Johnson wrote:
Larry Bock wrote:Travis, I will take you up on your offer for a PM Later The word Failure can be substituted with " stuff did not work out" or was " not meant to be" no one is a failure till they stuff you in a box LOL Again thank you everybody for your responses Larry
No problem Larry...take me up on that.
I apologize for being slow in responding it was because I just got out of the Hospital (EMMC for hat it is worth). Just after typing my response to you, I was in a major logging accident and spent the last 4 days in the hospital...so I just just got back online...
"Where will you drive your own picket stake? Where will you choose to make your stand? Give me a threshold, a specific point at which you will finally stop running, at which you will finally fight back." (Derrick Jensen)
Devin Lavign wrote:Travis, your accident and many other potentials for accidents are something to consider about isolation for folks.
If your alone, it can be critical to have some form of communication to be able to call for help if needed.
“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”― Albert Einstein
Travis Johnson wrote:Part of logging.
I don't have an electronic leash (cell phone) so I could not call for help, 1/2 mile from the road, and the skidder is hitched to 7 big trees so there was no driving that out fast so I had to run out of the woods on foot. I passed out once on the way out, came too, saw the blood and figured I better keep going.
Once I got to the house the wife called 911 and got the ambulance on the way, but my skidder was still out in the woods idling. So I hung up on 911, called my truck driver and told him what happened and if he could shut the skidder off. The wife was mad, but it was a good thing I did because I was in the hospital for four days; that skidder would have idled itself out of fuel by then. She laughs about it now...911 did call back.
I'll make a post on this soon so other permies people can learn from that accident.
BTW: I have a lot of family up in Fort Fairfield, I live near Belfast.
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