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Would it be odd for a parent to move across the country after the last kid leaves the nest?  RSS feed

 
pollinator
Posts: 302
Location: Colville, WA Zone 5b
55
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Just curious... kinda musing some things over in my head.

I'm in NE WA state, homesteading. But I'm not entirely happy here. There's part of me that feels unsettled. There's lots of reasons behind this (both an unhappiness with the political & cultural climate, and also that my land doesn't really meet my desires as far as what I want out of a homestead) and the truth is I'd really like to move to the Midwest, like to MO.

But I have kids, and I'm divorced, and their dad is local and I would never try to take them away. I'll be 50 when my youngest kid turns 18 and I won't feel obligated to stay for the ex's sake anymore. So at that point, I'd be free to move. But would that be detrimental to the kids? Just curious what you guys think. I mean I know she would be 18 but I also know that kids often need "home" longer than they are 18 for... although she might also go with me, who knows. I wouldn't be surprised if they all did, if I decided to move.
 
pollinator
Posts: 10175
Location: Central Texas USA Latitude 30 Zone 8
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I think it is a good time to move as long as you give your kids a chance to have belongings you don't want but which have sentimental value to them.  Too often at nest-leaving time, parents throw out old belongings of the children (treasured collections of comic books and old toys are a favorite to trash at this time) which are stored at the parents' home.  Heartbreak ensues.

 
Posts: 580
Location: Bendigo , Australia
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At 50 do what you want.
I am 69 and have raced motorcycle since I was 22.
My children felt it was ok to criticise me for still racing at 50yp.
After a while I decided ….. its my life and I told them I was sick of the judgements and go away and shut up.
I have not seen or spoken to them since.
I am happy content and know little of what they do,
I am bringing up their niece by chance, and have for the last 13 years.
She sees them from time to time, I never ask what is happening with them and I don't know what she tells them.
I did hear I may have about 3- 6 more grand children, but I don't care.
My grand daughter and I still go racing and we still build our machines.
If I took notice of what my family wanted, I would probably be sitting around wondering if I still had it in me to race.
Now I know!
Do what ever you want and ignore all comments.
 
pollinator
Posts: 377
Location: SF Bay Area
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Bethany - I think that it's an excellent time to move. That's kind of like what I'm doing, except my oldest is moving with me, and I'm not going so far. It's a plan that's been in the works for years. I told my kids that I was going to sell the house when my youngest graduated college, her graduation date has been pushed back but we are moving from California to Oregon in a few months. I don't think that I would be happy being too far away from my kids, we are a very close family, but I'm so sick of the Bay Area, too many people.

Anyway, you do need to do what makes you happy, as do your kids.
 
Posts: 273
Location: Middle Georgia
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IMO if you give her the option to move with you, and if she doesn't move with you make it clear that if she needs you or needs a place to stay you will send her a plane/train/bus ticket so she can join you in MO it would be fine.

Most kids are not out of the nest at 18, and if they do move out they often move back in.
 
Posts: 100
Location: South of Capricorn
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Mine is about to turn 19 and we're about to see whether she stays local for college or goes far. It's a scary time, but I'm also so excited for her. Your kid may want to spread her own wings and fly, and personally I think it is good for them to see their parents trying new things and making changes with courage.

You can still offer your daughter a place to be whether you are there or in another state. After all, home will be where YOU are, as well as where she grew up.
 
pollinator
Posts: 2014
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio,Price Hill 45205
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I'm nearing 50, and I will not move,  unless my parents do!
No,  I don't live with them,  but I want to be nearby.
My family is  close,  I can't even grok John's situation, but it is an alternative.

Unless you have the means to scout ahead now, maybe plan on traveling when you turn 50,looking for a place with or without your by then 18 year old.
Talking about your future plans early on when they are young teens will make whatever you choose to do less traumatic.
 
Posts: 1879
Location: Massachusetts, Zone:6/7, AHS:4, Rainfall:48in even Soil:SandyLoam pH6 Flat
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I think that before they are 18 years old legally you have to go out of your way to provide them a home, and give them a stable nice foundation. after they turn 18 years old you can legally kick them out with the police and do your own thing. I understand that you might want to wait until they finish college aka 22 years old. 

But after they are done with school (18yr or 22yr) I think that you have done enough and they should survive on their own. And you should go and do something fun. Now if while you are in Florida/etc they hit some hard times and have to come back to the nest TEMPORARILY in Florida/etc then yes, they can then choose come and then leave quickly once they figure out their next step

The other concern is the grandkids. If you have "retired in Florida" and the grandkids are in PNW, then you will not be able to babysit on the weekend/etc. but they can still come and spend the summer vacation with you.
 
pollinator
Posts: 1147
Location: RRV of da Nort
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I think if you've deliberately stayed near their dad up until the last one reached 18 you've done more than your fair share here.  Psychologically speaking all of the sensitive periods have been covered by that time and the home you provide after those years can be elsewhere IMHO.
 
pollinator
Posts: 367
Location: SoCal USA
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Giving them access to both parents up until 18 is a nice thing to do, and yeah they may want to move with you at 18. Depending on how a kid is raised, they may not be ready to move out until 25 or 30, let alone 18 or 22. My last girlfriend has a 25yo daughter just finishing up college who will likely get her own place after a year of saving, and her son is 22 and moved out for a bit to live with a girlfriend and is now back at home after a big fight.

So it's hard to say if your kids will be ready to leave the nest for good, and a big move might have them stay with you longer as they get established in a new state and city.

Now, you're supposed to stay where you're at, so when I move to my land in a little over 4 years (when I turn 50 and retire) to start building, I'll at least know about 1 permie in the area!
 
Posts: 561
Location: Chicago/San Francisco
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Sometimes it helps us stand up, make decisions and get a move on when a person close to us does something - like a parent who ups and moves when we're 18! Not necessarily a bad thing.

Rufus
 
Bethany Dutch
pollinator
Posts: 302
Location: Colville, WA Zone 5b
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Thanks you guys! Sometimes I need a reminder that i’m Not a bad guy for wanting to do something for myself. I appreciate the validation more than you know. What’s funny is my kids (three of them) want us to move to MO now, but I can’t. Maybe the ex will be willing to relocate someday. Either way though i’m moving out of WA when they are all over 18 (even if they come with me, which they are more than welcome to do).
 
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