THE SPECIALIST
By Charles Sale
YOU'VE heard a lot of pratin' and prattlin' about this bein' the age of specialization. I'm a carpenter by trade.At one time I could of built a house, barn, church, or chicken coop. But I seen the need of a specialist in my line, so I studied her. I got her, she's mine. Gentlemen, you are face to face with the champion privy builder of Sangamon County.Luke Harkins was my first customer. He heerd about me specializin' and decided to take a chance. I built fer him the average eight family, three holer. With that job my reputation was made, and since then I have devoted all my time and thought to that special line. Of course, when business is slack, I do do a little paperhangin' on the side. But my heart is just in privy buildin'. And when I finish a job, I ain't through. I giveall my customers six months' privy service free gratis. I explained this to Luke, and one day he calls me us and sez: "Lem, I wish you'd come out here, I'm havin' privy trouble."
So I gits in the car and drives out to Luke's place, and hid behind them Baldwins, where I could get a good view of the situation.It was right in the middle of hayin' time, and them hired hands was goin' in and stayin' anywheres from forty minutes to an hour. Think of that!I sez: "Luke, you sure have got privy trouble." So I takes out my kit of tools and goes in to examine the structure.First I looks at the catalogue hangin' there, thinkin' it might be that; but it wasn't even from a reckonized house. Then I looks at the seats proper, and I see what the trouble was. I had made them holes too durn comfortable. So I gets out a scroll saw and cuts 'em square with hard edges. Then I go back and takes up my position as before -- me here, the Baldwins here, and the privy there. And I watched them hired hands goin'in and out for nearly two hours; and not one of them was stayin' more then four minutes."Luke," I sez, "I've solved her." That's what comes of bein' a specialist.'Twarn't long after I built that twin job for the school house, then after that the biggest plant up to date -- an eight holer. Elmer Ridgway was down and looked it over. And he came to me one day and sez: "Lem, I seen that eight hole job you done down there at the Corners, and it sure is a dandy; and figgerin' as how I'm goin' to build on the old Roberson property, I thought I'd ask you to kind of estimate on a job for me."You come to the right man, Elmer," I sez. "I'll be out as soon as I get the roof on the two-seater I'm puttin up for the Sheriff."Couple of days later I drives out to Elmer's place, getin' there about dinner time. I knocks a couple of timeson the door and I see they got a lot of folks to dinner, so not wishin' to disturb 'em, I sneaks around to the sidedoor and yells: "Hey, Elmer, here I am; where do you want that privy put?"Elmer comes out and we get to talkin' about a good location. He was all fer puttin' her right alongside a jagged path runnin' by a Northern Spy...
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