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Advice From Women (request)

 
Posts: 4
Location: Edmonton, Canada
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Invite women to come out to visit and bring their dog(s) and male friends along as well.  

Have options for a shorter visit:  an overview and walk through of the buildings/property then a short walk in the woods or meadow.  If puppy dog likes the place it will make a great impression.

For longer visits: Host educators from the nearby town to present sessions: gardening, how to do it 'off grid', our water source etc.

Maintain a list of reputable references from the nearby town that can vouch for what nice respectable fellas you all are.

Perhaps rent garden plots to allow woman to first create a relationship with the land. This may also be an opportunity to welcome older women to the property to provide  a sense of security to the younger ones.

Talk with the Ministers, Chaplains etc of local churches about your education sessions and garden plots as well as your sincere wishes to offer a home and lifestyle for some suitable young women.

Good luck!
 
pioneer
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Interesting question.

I asked my wife.  She says the biggest turn off for event/place/people is to be treated first and most as a genital.  She is a human first.  She don't go to woman-only or woman focus events.  

So I ask single women friends who are younger.  They have same reaction, but kinder language.  

They like language that is inclusive instead of language that divides.  I ask more questions - but have a hard time understanding.  Something about sensitivity.  Something about culture is too quick to seporate and give girl treament.

What is girl treatment I ask?  When go to buy powertools or fix a car but men say 'cand do that if you are girl"  But they do it anyway and man pats them on the hair and say "well done you you did something special even though man can do this all the time without praise".  Girl treatment is assuming they like pink and yoga and icecream (although much dicussion of the best flavour of icecream so I get confused)

My thought - maybe seek more people in general.  Stop looking for girl stuff and women.  Use language that is for all people first.  

Universal theme when I ask friends - Woman-seeking language creaps out and makes feel like predators so they will avoid.  

sorry - trouble writing online in english.  Maybe meaning can be claer without words perfection?_
 
gardener
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Ok, my wife and daughters will never say I have a feminine side but here are my 2 cents worth after showing them your inquiry, and their thoughts. I think the emphasis should be folks interested in your projects eliminating the gender restriction that I percieve, right or wrong from your post.
I think that social interaction with men, women and couples would create a far bigger pool than just asking for "women" to come to your remote location. a group of interested people have friends (women) that they would be be able to tell this group/location is cool and they should come see.
Again, I apologize if my wife and daughter's interpretation is wrong but of the three, none of them would be comfortable when presented with, " Come to our place, a tribe of men, looking for women".  Even though there is nothing that is untoward or predatory in your post they indicated that they felt unease after reading this thread and would not go alone.
I think you need to flesh out just what you're doing. A working weekend where there is hands on learning could be a draw, with the added bonus of accomplishing a project.
 
Posts: 154
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Okay here is my take:

Build relationships with those women who do show up (those 4 out the 14) and of course those you mentioned in other places the Yoga people etc.

It will take time and such word-of-mouth will help most i think. Right if those 4 women feel like coming back they would probably tell their friends, in your case hopefully women. and slowly there might be more females...may be then you find the 'right one'... how about then do you still want more women to arrive?

does every event have to have equal sex ratios or more women?? How about once you all have a woman??  IF Yes then do what seems best......YET if No then i'd say

A) be patient

B) go into the local community and talk to people/women

-----
basically i'd say 'work' less and find time for 'play' .....may be you go to other events and meet women there....finding a nice lady is soemtimes easy yet in my experience a good relationship take a Good Investment of time...time probably AWAY from your community garden event space...not saying it isn't possible to have the 'dream women' walk through your front door.....or trellis....BUT you might have to resort to option A) above

either I wish you find contentment with your current situation!



 
pollinator
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Derek, I think that I and some other commenters were responding under the misperception that the sanctuaries you host events at were something like an intentional community where you live, and that you were hoping women would join the community. I've re-read the original post and see that you never said that, I just somehow read into the description.

So we were answering the question "How does a group of men get women to visit their home space and maybe decide to stay." But that is not the question you were asking.

Now that I better understand the actual situation, I see that the call of the question  is more of how to ensure your activities are gender inclusive and how to make your now-small organization becomes more gender-balanced as it grows.

A collective I participate in has the same issue, gender-reversed.

I still think the advice to partner with other, existing organizations is a good path forward, and also that advise to ensure that your facilities are inclusive and inviting.

Also think about what roles exist within your group and how they are defined. How do you determine who is a member of the group?  How does a person who participates in some activities know whether you think she is a member or not? Who makes decisions for the group? Who decides who gets to weigh in on decisions? How does an outsider join?
 
pollinator
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ray Bunbury wrote:

I asked my wife.  She says the biggest turn off for event/place/people is to be treated first and most as a genital.  She is a human first.  She don't go to woman-only or woman focus events.  




I think these two things sum up what your wife means
If a woman is praised for changing a light switch..
If a man is praised for looking after children.

A man would never be praised for changing the switch and a woman doesn't receive praise for looking after children, it's just something your expected to be able to do because of your sex.
 
Posts: 36
Location: United States
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I have been a Domestic violence victims, women and children Advocate decades, an elected official, volunteer and President of Lions, Lions International and did many events. I know safety is a concern, and rightfully so. I always try to put that and things in perspective. I truly don't get that vibe from you and your post so will address your original post.

Doing many dear sister events, planned events,classes, meetings, women events, charity and mountain biking events at one point in a forest with many age groups as a charity run, some sleeping over there, I would put some great learning experiences and highlight the great guys or women, mentoring or teaching. I had the unlucky experience of investing tons of time, energy and heart into helping being self sufficient to one who never appreciated it, so I come from the other end though not your age group, I wish I had met and did classes with people men and women who thought and did same prior to a relationship that was not balanced.

 I think focusing on fun, learning and shared experiences like even urban homestead did with music, food, learning and experiences before you know it word of mouth you will have many women signed up, fun and making a great name for your group. I would be very specific times, events, classes, who teaching, highlighting their experience and special amenities on site.
 
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Thank you again, everyone!

While this is an amalgamation of all the helpful advice, we have enough of a plan to begin manifesting it.

Spring this year will be our time for a large orchard expansion.

We will be planting between 1-2 dozen fruit and nut trees in spacial shapes and patterns.

Inspired by your advice, we are compiling a list of all the women we know that would of potentially be interested, and we are reaching out to all of them before anyone else.

We are inviting them to come out, offering to pay them to help plan and lead the organizing of the event, and supervise the preparations and decorations. (Boss us around lol)

And we will ask them to bring their friends.

It sounds so simple and obvious, but sometimes you just need to talk, and think, and listen, to reach the obvious logical solution.

If the post is still active, I'll keep you posted as to turn out/success. I anticipate success!

Thank you all again!

P.s. we're in a celebratory mood, not only are we now planning a big celebration event, but we just completed a major phase of a big project, 40% ahead of schedule and 40% under budget!  (In construction, artistic development, design, and permaculture projects, that seems to be largely unheard of!!!)

It is going to be a good year!

 
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Location: Goldsboro, United States
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As an older female and a therapist may I offer a few suggestions??
1. write down the rules - people like to know the rules - when you know the rules you can win - everyone likes to win - how does this community function and what are the values?  
2. if you are inviting females do it in groups - women like to meet men in public places - where there are others around and they are free to leave at any time
3. look your best!!  yes women like the Brawny guy - have you notice how neat and clean he looks and smells!
4. write letters to these ladies!!!  if you meet at a social - ask for her mailing address - she will be impressed - tell her you want to write her about your homestead and YOU.  Then the next day sent her a card or post card and say something like - yesterday was great - I enjoyed the time spent with you.  BE SURE SHE HAS YOUR RETURN ADDRESS  because you add something like - would like to hear from you!!  
5. give her a few days and send her a letter about you and your homestead and encourage her to write.  or call if she would like.
6. You want her to get to know you so soon you can see each other again and she can decide if it is to be with others - group date!! or just the two of you doing something together.  
Good luck guys - if you know any older single guys send them this way!!  if you want more ideas let me know.  
 
Derek Dendro
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Anne Miller,

   Thank you for your ideas and suggestions. A couple of us are in the western Austin for the next week, and I saw you are also weat of Austin.

    If you were interested in meeting for tea or lunch one or two of us would certainly enjoy meeting you and sharing ideas, etc.

    I think that'd be pretty cool.
 
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