Advice From Women (request)

Invite women to come out to visit and bring their dog(s) and male friends along as well.  

Have options for a shorter visit:  an overview and walk through of the buildings/property then a short walk in the woods or meadow.  If puppy dog likes the place it will make a great impression.

For longer visits: Host educators from the nearby town to present sessions: gardening, how to do it 'off grid', our water source etc.

Maintain a list of reputable references from the nearby town that can vouch for what nice respectable fellas you all are.

Perhaps rent garden plots to allow woman to first create a relationship with the land. This may also be an opportunity to welcome older women to the property to provide  a sense of security to the younger ones.

Talk with the Ministers, Chaplains etc of local churches about your education sessions and garden plots as well as your sincere wishes to offer a home and lifestyle for some suitable young women.

Good luck!

Interesting question.

I asked my wife.  She says the biggest turn off for event/place/people is to be treated first and most as a genital.  She is a human first.  She don't go to woman-only or woman focus events.  

So I ask single women friends who are younger.  They have same reaction, but kinder language.  

They like language that is inclusive instead of language that divides.  I ask more questions - but have a hard time understanding.  Something about sensitivity.  Something about culture is too quick to seporate and give girl treament.

What is girl treatment I ask?  When go to buy powertools or fix a car but men say 'cand do that if you are girl"  But they do it anyway and man pats them on the hair and say "well done you you did something special even though man can do this all the time without praise".  Girl treatment is assuming they like pink and yoga and icecream (although much dicussion of the best flavour of icecream so I get confused)

My thought - maybe seek more people in general.  Stop looking for girl stuff and women.  Use language that is for all people first.  

Universal theme when I ask friends - Woman-seeking language creaps out and makes feel like predators so they will avoid.  

sorry - trouble writing online in english.  Maybe meaning can be claer without words perfection?_

Ok, my wife and daughters will never say I have a feminine side but here are my 2 cents worth after showing them your inquiry, and their thoughts. I think the emphasis should be folks interested in your projects eliminating the gender restriction that I percieve, right or wrong from your post.
I think that social interaction with men, women and couples would create a far bigger pool than just asking for "women" to come to your remote location. a group of interested people have friends (women) that they would be be able to tell this group/location is cool and they should come see.
Again, I apologize if my wife and daughter's interpretation is wrong but of the three, none of them would be comfortable when presented with, " Come to our place, a tribe of men, looking for women".  Even though there is nothing that is untoward or predatory in your post they indicated that they felt unease after reading this thread and would not go alone.
I think you need to flesh out just what you're doing. A working weekend where there is hands on learning could be a draw, with the added bonus of accomplishing a project.

Okay here is my take:

Build relationships with those women who do show up (those 4 out the 14) and of course those you mentioned in other places the Yoga people etc.

It will take time and such word-of-mouth will help most i think. Right if those 4 women feel like coming back they would probably tell their friends, in your case hopefully women. and slowly there might be more females...may be then you find the 'right one'... how about then do you still want more women to arrive?

does every event have to have equal sex ratios or more women?? How about once you all have a woman??  IF Yes then do what seems best......YET if No then i'd say

A) be patient

B) go into the local community and talk to people/women

-----
basically i'd say 'work' less and find time for 'play' .....may be you go to other events and meet women there....finding a nice lady is soemtimes easy yet in my experience a good relationship take a Good Investment of time...time probably AWAY from your community garden event space...not saying it isn't possible to have the 'dream women' walk through your front door.....or trellis....BUT you might have to resort to option A) above

either I wish you find contentment with your current situation!

Derek, I think that I and some other commenters were responding under the misperception that the sanctuaries you host events at were something like an intentional community where you live, and that you were hoping women would join the community. I've re-read the original post and see that you never said that, I just somehow read into the description.

So we were answering the question "How does a group of men get women to visit their home space and maybe decide to stay." But that is not the question you were asking.

Now that I better understand the actual situation, I see that the call of the question  is more of how to ensure your activities are gender inclusive and how to make your now-small organization becomes more gender-balanced as it grows.

A collective I participate in has the same issue, gender-reversed.

I still think the advice to partner with other, existing organizations is a good path forward, and also that advise to ensure that your facilities are inclusive and inviting.

Also think about what roles exist within your group and how they are defined. How do you determine who is a member of the group?  How does a person who participates in some activities know whether you think she is a member or not? Who makes decisions for the group? Who decides who gets to weigh in on decisions? How does an outsider join?

ray Bunbury wrote:

I asked my wife.  She says the biggest turn off for event/place/people is to be treated first and most as a genital.  She is a human first.  She don't go to woman-only or woman focus events.  

I think these two things sum up what your wife means
If a woman is praised for changing a light switch..
If a man is praised for looking after children.

A man would never be praised for changing the switch and a woman doesn't receive praise for looking after children, it's just something your expected to be able to do because of your sex.

I have been a Domestic violence victims, women and children Advocate decades, an elected official, volunteer and President of Lions, Lions International and did many events. I know safety is a concern, and rightfully so. I always try to put that and things in perspective. I truly don't get that vibe from you and your post so will address your original post.

Doing many dear sister events, planned events,classes, meetings, women events, charity and mountain biking events at one point in a forest with many age groups as a charity run, some sleeping over there, I would put some great learning experiences and highlight the great guys or women, mentoring or teaching. I had the unlucky experience of investing tons of time, energy and heart into helping being self sufficient to one who never appreciated it, so I come from the other end though not your age group, I wish I had met and did classes with people men and women who thought and did same prior to a relationship that was not balanced.

 I think focusing on fun, learning and shared experiences like even urban homestead did with music, food, learning and experiences before you know it word of mouth you will have many women signed up, fun and making a great name for your group. I would be very specific times, events, classes, who teaching, highlighting their experience and special amenities on site.

Thank you again, everyone!

While this is an amalgamation of all the helpful advice, we have enough of a plan to begin manifesting it.

Spring this year will be our time for a large orchard expansion.

We will be planting between 1-2 dozen fruit and nut trees in spacial shapes and patterns.

Inspired by your advice, we are compiling a list of all the women we know that would of potentially be interested, and we are reaching out to all of them before anyone else.

We are inviting them to come out, offering to pay them to help plan and lead the organizing of the event, and supervise the preparations and decorations. (Boss us around lol)

And we will ask them to bring their friends.

It sounds so simple and obvious, but sometimes you just need to talk, and think, and listen, to reach the obvious logical solution.

If the post is still active, I'll keep you posted as to turn out/success. I anticipate success!

Thank you all again!

P.s. we're in a celebratory mood, not only are we now planning a big celebration event, but we just completed a major phase of a big project, 40% ahead of schedule and 40% under budget!  (In construction, artistic development, design, and permaculture projects, that seems to be largely unheard of!!!)

It is going to be a good year!

As an older female and a therapist may I offer a few suggestions??
1. write down the rules - people like to know the rules - when you know the rules you can win - everyone likes to win - how does this community function and what are the values?  
2. if you are inviting females do it in groups - women like to meet men in public places - where there are others around and they are free to leave at any time
3. look your best!!  yes women like the Brawny guy - have you notice how neat and clean he looks and smells!
4. write letters to these ladies!!!  if you meet at a social - ask for her mailing address - she will be impressed - tell her you want to write her about your homestead and YOU.  Then the next day sent her a card or post card and say something like - yesterday was great - I enjoyed the time spent with you.  BE SURE SHE HAS YOUR RETURN ADDRESS  because you add something like - would like to hear from you!!  
5. give her a few days and send her a letter about you and your homestead and encourage her to write.  or call if she would like.
6. You want her to get to know you so soon you can see each other again and she can decide if it is to be with others - group date!! or just the two of you doing something together.  
Good luck guys - if you know any older single guys send them this way!!  if you want more ideas let me know.  

Anne Miller,

   Thank you for your ideas and suggestions. A couple of us are in the western Austin for the next week, and I saw you are also weat of Austin.

    If you were interested in meeting for tea or lunch one or two of us would certainly enjoy meeting you and sharing ideas, etc.

    I think that'd be pretty cool.

To get more women to attend your events, along with the sanitation issue, I have two magic phrases for you:

Children welcome
or
Childcare available

Having children at events signals to people that it is a safe space.  You do have to look at the space from the eyes of a child to ensure some level of safety first.  Contact a local Waldorf or Montessori school. They often have community newsletters where you could advertise to hire a qualified teacher or assistant teacher to run a parallel children’s program at your event. It could be a minimal cost, maybe $5 per child.  Or your group could provide that for families who attend, showing them that you value their presence enough to relieve them of conflicting duties that might keep them from attending. Duties that often fall disproportionately to women.

A family friendly environment can also feel safer for single people.

Lastly, the tone of your example event sounds a bit like it’s a workshop with the intent of extracting labor from the participants.  Make the focus on community, learning, and what you’re going to give to the participants.  Include an aspect of social permaculture or discussion.

Focusing on the why as well as the what appeals to me as a woman when choosing events to attend.

Skandi Rogers wrote:

I think these two things sum up what your wife means
If a woman is praised for changing a light switch..
If a man is praised for looking after children.

A man would never be praised for changing the switch and a woman doesn't receive praise for looking after children, it's just something your expected to be able to do because of your sex.

Yeah this.  I was on a call last week with a colleague who has just come back from 6 months parental leave, and someone asked him "so, how are the dad duties going?"  Can you imagine a woman being asked "so, how are the mum duties going?".  1) that they are described as "duties" and 2) that there's some implication that they must have been a struggle to learn...

But anyhow.  I saw this thread come back up and had a thought, and opened it only to find that others had had similar thoughts already.  Why DO you need women?  Why not just kind of get in touch with your inner woman?  Or, the skills and qualities that you perceive women to have, that you would like to have in your group?

I won’t lie, I didn’t read every single comment in this thread so something might be a duplication here but my friend group is 99% women, 1% their boyfriends.

When it comes to group activities and getting people together and things like that, we do a lot of classes utilizing the skills of someone. Glassblowers, mechanic, welder, etc. If you can find anyone, female, to host those types of workshops at your place, provided you have the capability to do so, then you could essentially advertise that as female classes. If the person hosting the class or experienced has a public social media platform, then you could reach others as well as facilitate some questions from potential participants.

I might be down to do some thing based on all that but would definitely be more likely if it was posted by a woman for women etc.  that’s all the rage these days, at least in my circle, of getting women into various trades that are typically male dominated.

Hm, well I would consider going and actually drive there if there were a few indications in the flyer or poster such as:

- children are welcome and there is space or activities designed for them (I likely wouldn't use them, but knowing this has been organised gives me the impression that the organisers are considerate and conscientious)
- on-site facilities for water, toilets, and even better would be for eating like even just picnic tables and fire-pits or charcoal bbqs available for use
- workshops or demonstrations of skills throughout the day, or at certain times- the reason for going, haha
- animals- both welcome, such as well-behaved dogs, and maybe on-site livestock (a nice touch, optional, and only if it relates to the purpose of the event)
- day-time events and activities, workshops, and an evening wrap-up of a bonfire and bbq, music, or something else for everyone still there to enjoy before having to leave for children's bedtimes, even if it does go on longer for everyone else. This should have a time on it, such as bonfire at 8pm, and not be left to whenever people get bored or stop doing things- that tends to get long and I may not want to linger, just plan to stay for a song or two.

If it's treated like a fair at least once or twice each summer, with ongoing classes or workshops throughout the yr, I would go to the fair or "open-house" to check it out, and then I would come for classes or sign up for workshops that interest me. I wish this were happening near me, and I'm always looking out for it. I'd do it myself, only I don't have the ability at this time in my life. If it were organised this way, I would also assume that all ages would come to the ongoing workshops and classes, probably mostly teens to people in their last quarter all coming to learn and work together, since I would not have any impression otherwise, and that makes sense to me. I am not deterred by an imbalance of sexes, so I'd come again even if I were only one of four women there the first time.

I differ in opinion from some of what has been expressed here, in spite of having had severely traumatic experiences, in that if I see a flyer or poster up for an event, I don't consider whether or not I'd be safe; I assume it. I rely on my intuition as I arrive to tell me that I'm not safe, in which case, I would leave. But I've never thought of danger when deciding if I'll go to an event, even if it is rural or small town or even wilderness-related if it is on a highway and I don't have to portage or fly in for it. I live in Canada though, and I'm unfamiliar with how other places may differ from my own experience of relying on goodwill and safety in publicly-offered events.