Tj Jefferson wrote:Nicole, you were much more mature than I was, I hate to say. I didn't intend to accuse you of that behavior, need to be more careful in my writing. I don't think I had that kind of insight until I got it the hard way with a nearly failed marriage.
Come to think about it, I don't hate to say. I'm a pretty crappy person inherently. The only reason I don't behave as much like that anymore is the interval experiences. They were some tough lessons.
Dale Hodgins wrote: Can an atheist get into trouble for trying to spread religion on the forum?
Dale Hodgins wrote:So here it is, the verses that Travis referred to. He obviously holds his wife in high regard
Stacy Witscher wrote:Nicole - I feel the same way, never done online dating, never will. And I hear it's not a great way to weed out people, because everyone lies. There are sites for hook-ups and sites for relationships, but I hear that most people on the relationship sites are just looking for hook-ups. I don't get it. It's 2018, it's not difficult finding people who just want to hook-up, why lie?
I'm no longer Christian, but even when I was God was not something to be feared, but I do like the rest of it. And I completely agree that 'game' and the rest of that nonsense is just that, nonsense. Be authentic, anything else will be found out.
That being said, my ex was lying to himself as much as he was lying to me, so maybe figure out who you are and what you want.
Nicole Alderman wrote:
Sometimes, perhaps, Dale's writing comes off sounding to some people like he might be a "jerk." Sometimes I wondered this myself... And then he went out of his way, to a country far away, to work his butt off for a moderator who had just lost her husband.
Sarah Koster wrote:I wish a mature, sensible lady would make a thread like this for the women!
I'm having a hell of a time finding anybody online who doesn't give off a predatory vibe. As a woman, I find that pick up lines are a clear signal that I'm not being viewed as a fellow human, but rather as an antelope unto a lion. This obviously is uncomfortable and makes me want to stay away from that person. I'm never going to feel comfortable enough with a dude to be open to a relationship unless he can talk to me like I'm one of the dudes, minus the dirty jokes. Once we've established a basic human connection, the options open but as long as I'm treated as a distinct species I'm gonna make for the woods and hide from the menfolk. They're cannibals, I tell you. Cannibals.
Dale Hodgins wrote:Let's make a list of things that women like to go to but men are also welcome.
Travis Johnson wrote:I used a picture of me holding a lamb in my profile...and actually wrote meaningful conversation to Katie on Christian Mingle.
Dale Hodgins wrote:Be wary of deal killers.
There are some things that someone could find out about you, that will instantly put them off, at least in the beginning.
I think it's important that you eventually come clean about every single thing that you think and do. Well, maybe everything except for explaining those porn spikes on your data plan.
For me, this means not bringing up the fact that I live at my job sites, in the first two minutes of a conversation. But, if we've been talking about a dozen other things, then it's not going to even be much of a surprise, since so much of what I talk about is rather unorthodox. By the time I've been talking to someone for 10 minutes, I'm able to easily explain why I've chosen to live at work and the financial benefits of not paying rent, while earning a good living.
Then there's my disdain for certain groups of people. Druggies, drunks and a few others. Eventually this is going to come out, but I don't think the first 2 minutes is the time for a long diatribe about who ought to be killed. Let's leave that up to George Carlin.
Sometimes a deal-killer just jumps out at you. An insistence on being religious is an obvious one for me. When there is something glaringly obvious like that, I don't think it's a good idea to conceal it. Put it out there and you can part as friends.
I've had women present deal killers, completely accidentally. One woman describe a a litany of problems she had had with various exes. Every man she had ever known was no good. So I decided not to join that list. Another told me about her plan to cover most of her body in tattoos. No thanks. But mostly it's much more mild things that tell you when something couldn't possibly work out. It might be something as simple as learning that she believes aromatherapy can cure all cancers. That's a really nice thought, but that's where we need to part ways.
Here's one that should have been a deal killer, but somehow it wasn't. My dad really didn't like to eat slop. He liked food that you could identify, because it wasn't covered in some sort of goo. And my mom is a slop cook. She could take nice steak and turn it into shoe leather or other palatable ingredients, and make them all into a sort of mush, fit for pigs. Dad ate that slop for 50 years. I remember one time, he said "didn't we have swill last night?" That didn't go over very well.
I'm a very good cook, and I think my mother deserves some of the credit. I got tired of the slop.
Dale Hodgins wrote:There are some Canadian fellows living on the cold prairies. I'll bet you could get a traditional Ukrainian costume, dance it up and before long some nice girl will be feeding you pierogies.
Dale Hodgins wrote:You're a sick man J. But each to his own when it comes to food.
Dale Hodgins wrote:
But for the benefit of young fellows who need more game, let's hear from the ladies. Suppose a young fellow is posting himself on a dating site. Do you just want to see his smiling face? What if he's an athlete of some sort and he super ripped. Do you want to see that? I have always figured that if you have some advantage, it should be flaunted. Not necessary in an extreme way. But if that young fellow were competing with guys whose idea of exercise is Xbox and Coca-Cola, I don't think a few Beefcake photos would hurt him at all.
My daughter's weighed in on this. They said that if a guy looks reasonably fit, that's good. But if he's got muscles that come up to touch his ears and his thighs rub together, that's bad. Not so much that they don't like the look as much as they assume that he's a gym rat who is in love with the mirror. When I first started exercising a couple months ago, I was doing it in 3 hours a week. Now that I've split up some of the workouts, I might be up to four and a half hours a week and I don't expect to increase that. To me, that's not a gym rat. I won't be taking any roids and I don't expect to continue until I sound like a kid in a snowsuit because my thighs rub together.
Let's hear it ladies. And let's break it down according to age. If a guy is 25 and he post some photos showing that he's in good shape, is that a negative?
Now suppose that he's 54 like I am, where much of the competition are flabby guys with man boobs. If I were still looking, would it work to my advantage, to display the results of my efforts, if I gave a little blurb explaining just how much time I put into it.
Dale Hodgins wrote:So I'll start the list off.
Clubs of all sorts. Women like to join clubs. I've never been a joiner. I joined this site in 2011 and I don't think I've joined anything since. But some of you are probably joiners.
Sports. Some women like to play sports and some like to watch. If you choose UFC fighting, the pool of women is going to be small. Develop a taste for figure skating or synchronized swimming, and the pool is as large as the one they're swimming in.
There are sports like baseball, which have male and female players on the same team. I'm sure these could be good. The only issue I have with them is that they often turn into drinking clubs.
Church, mosque, synagogue and devil worshipping caves. All great places to meet like-minded women. Maybe not mosques, I think they separate them, but I could be wrong.
Thrift stores. Women love to sort through stuff and they like to chat while they do it. All you have to do is come out of the changing room and ask whether this shirt looks good on you. You're going to get numerous opinions offered.
Bars and nightclubs. Most people will be familiar. I have never drank alcohol, so I haven't spent huge amounts of time in those places. But there was a time when I would go only to places that had open mic night, and I would get up and sing. That's a highly effective way to meet women. I sometimes tailored my song list to fit a woman in the audience.
You don't have to be able to sing. There are poetry slams and creative writing get-togethers where you hop on stage and deliver your stuff and lots more things like that. Once you come down off of that stage, any woman who is interested in you, has a good excuse to strike up a conversation. She may tell you that that was a wonderful song or a very interesting poem, and that might be all that it means. But it could just as easily mean that she's interested in you.