Aurora House wrote:Thank you Elizabeth. I don't deserve this I know that. I deserve far better than this I'm just trying to hold on till my son's birthday then even with no job or savings I'll try to find somewhere and some how to live.
As far as the physical he's never hit me or our son, just walls, doors, and one very unlucky tray of muffins that I couldn't get out of the oven because I was nursing our son. I almost think it's on purpose words don't show bruises.
He's stated that he used to feel Dread when on his homeward commute, and that he doesn't like how I make him behave. So even he knows somewhere deep down things are toxic. And when that deep knowledge makes him realize he's out of line he'll come back and apologize followed by him repeating every point of his rant and working himself back into a froth. I'd rather he didn't apologize as that is apparently justification and permission to start everything All over again.
Lots of life ahead. Sounds like you're in farm country though, so what sort of support systems are out there?
Lilace Green wrote:I'm only 23 (F) and still with my high school sweetheart.
Do you have any idea if the "life we wanted" was your vision, his vision, or genuinely something you came together on? What was that vision? Can you still see it? Can you see the steps you need to take to get there? Can he see them?
serious discussion about the life we wanted to live
What would that support look like to you? What has your spouse been doing for the last 5 years? Working on doing the same thing over and over?
I've gotten next to 0 support or help
Absolutely - so maybe you need to figure out what can help change that? Do you have any ability to make money independently? Do you have any ability to start socking bits of money away? It could be something small, like baby-sitting, dog-walking, an elderly neighbor who'd pay you to wash ceiling lights - look for possibilities.
im next to fucked if we break up
So do you have those skills? Can you start to develop them? Can you get something mobile to build a portable "camping" trailer on so you at least feel you could take your house with you? (Or rent it out for income?)
I'd definitely have to build a shack or something to live in...