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What to do? Different goals than the spouse

 
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Thank you Elizabeth. I don't deserve this I know that. I deserve far better than this I'm just trying to hold on till my son's birthday then even with no job or savings I'll try to find somewhere and some how to live.
As far as the physical he's never hit me or our son, just walls, doors, and one very unlucky tray of muffins that I couldn't get out of the oven because I was nursing our son. I almost think it's on purpose words don't show bruises.
He's stated that he used to feel Dread when on his homeward commute, and that he doesn't like how I make him behave. So even he knows somewhere deep down things are toxic. And when that deep knowledge makes him realize he's out of line he'll come back and apologize followed by him repeating every point of his rant and working himself back into a froth. I'd rather he didn't apologize as that is apparently justification and permission to start everything All over again.
 
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Location: My little house on the prairie
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Aurora House wrote:Thank you Elizabeth. I don't deserve this I know that. I deserve far better than this I'm just trying to hold on till my son's birthday then even with no job or savings I'll try to find somewhere and some how to live.
As far as the physical he's never hit me or our son, just walls, doors, and one very unlucky tray of muffins that I couldn't get out of the oven because I was nursing our son. I almost think it's on purpose words don't show bruises.
He's stated that he used to feel Dread when on his homeward commute, and that he doesn't like how I make him behave. So even he knows somewhere deep down things are toxic. And when that deep knowledge makes him realize he's out of line he'll come back and apologize followed by him repeating every point of his rant and working himself back into a froth. I'd rather he didn't apologize as that is apparently justification and permission to start everything All over again.



https://ncadv.org/get-help has resources for getting out with limited to no resources.

North Dakota has 12 months of rental assistance for any hardship, including domestic abuse. Utilities too.

I hate to say it but if your son is 17, you don't have to wait to give him a great b day, but that is your choice to make. Reach out to your local Human Services folks for resources too, lots of states have them and they can help you maybe more than you know.

 
Aurora House
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Thank you for the resources! I'm trying to make it as clean a legal break as possible. If he's 18 he's an adult and can live wherever he wants. No child support or custody BS to comply with. I've heard what a hell divorce court is and would like to avoid it if possible but I've earned half of everything so I don't know if I can keep lawyers and their fees out of everything.
 
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I agree, this is not okay. Do not be a doormat.

A thought: has he spoken with a physician, and described what he is going through (his perspective)? Disability and the long-term stress of Covid disruption is a path to depression, which is a genuine mental illness, and that can manifest itself in ugly ways. Depression is treatable, if the patient is willing.

Have you spoken with a physician about this (your experience)? They may have resources you have not considered, and this is also establishes a paper trail you may need later.

To be clear, though, depression or other mental illness does not justify abusive behaviour. Do not be a doormat. My 2c.
 
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