$2,500-$3,000 Garden Repair Funds needed.

Morgwino Stur wrote:...but most posts here are based on 'You're an adult' and while that is true, I assure you all that Ryan's parent doesn't see it that way.

That's one of the great things about being an adult.  You can leave, and then you can do what you like.  At this point, there is probably going to be an urge to list all the reasons that isn't possible.  I am of the mindset that if someone wants to do something badly enough, they will find a way to do it.  If someone doesn't want something badly enough, they always have reasons they can't do something until xxxxxx happens.  Then they wake up and it's 40 years later and they still haven't done what they wanted to do because xxxxxx never happened.  People are not powerless and our lives are a product of choices we make every day to change what we want to change, or to accept that the situation we are in is beyond our control.  I understand that it isn't easy.  Nothing worthwhile ever seems to be easy, but those are the very things worth doing.

Morgwino, Nicole and Trace, I agree with all of you.

I spent my childhood with a controlling parent, first married a controlling husband and later married a man whose parents always brought up his past mistakes and made him feel worthless.  

The biggest challenge with my second husband has been building his self-confidence. He has went from being afraid of failing at everything to being a fairly successful small business owner doing something he loves.  To be honest, we're barely above poverty level, but our house and property are paid off, our bills are paid and we are able to provide everything our child needs.  This didn't happen overnight as it's taken years to overcome obstacles and we've made a few bad decisions along the way.  I tend to be the optimist, while my husband tends to be the pessimist.

The key for us has been determination. I have learned over the years that it's okay to have big plans, but much better to approach them in small chunks than to worry about getting everything completed at once.  Don't expect family and friends to understand or be supportive of what you want to do.  As much as I love my family, they are by far the most critical of every decision we make.

Ryan, the best advice I can offer you is to just do it.  Don't wait for the perfect opportunity.  Don't wait until you have the perfect materials.  Don't wait for someone else to give you permission to live your life.  If you do, you will seriously limit your ability and pass up opportunities to grow and learn.  I understand it's not easy, but you have to make the first step.

As for your student loan debt, I know there currently is a forgiveness program for government sponsored loans providing you work at least ten years for a nonprofit organization.  Check out PSLF and see if there is a qualifying nonprofit near you.  Ten years working for a nonprofit whose purpose you agree with and enjoy sure beats racking up more debt to work in a field you don't enjoy.

Ryan, I’m not encouraging you to go on disability, but I think it might help your stress level to know a little more about it.  Disability benefits are not necessarily permanent. Some people improve and get off  disability. Vocational Rehabilitation is an agency that helps people get back to work and pays for job training and education. Also,people on Social Security Disability are allowed to work some and still get benefits. I think you can earn around 1200.00 a month from work.  SSI disability has different rules but does allow people to do some work.

I took disability applications for 22 years.  Now, I am disabled myself and trying to qualify for the kidney transplant list.

You can send me a private message if you want.

Michelle Heath wrote:
Ryan, the best advice I can offer you is to just do it.  Don't wait for the perfect opportunity.  Don't wait until you have the perfect materials.  Don't wait for someone else to give you permission to live your life.  If you do, you will seriously limit your ability and pass up opportunities to grow and learn.  I understand it's not easy, but you have to make the first step.

As for your student loan debt, I know there currently is a forgiveness program for government sponsored loans providing you work at least ten years for a nonprofit organization.  Check out PSLF and see if there is a qualifying nonprofit near you.  Ten years working for a nonprofit whose purpose you agree with and enjoy sure beats racking up more debt to work in a field you don't enjoy.

I have more bad news. It seems that my father is putting off buying cedar garden beds indefinitely and every time I called the local garden center this week to find out if they had any leftover wooden palettes, they still didn't have any. I don't have much time left to plant. I guess I have to call every single hardware store in the area until I get a yes. Even if I do find someone who has enough wooden palettes, I still have to find some way to haul them back to my house without a car (a rideshare could cost up to $20).

I've been having what appear to be anxiety attacks all week (bloody nose from high blood pressure and grief). If these anxiety attacks, or whatever they are, keep happening after I get hired at a medical laboratory, there is a good chance I'll get fired. There is no room for error or grief in a medical laboratory. I'm already on a high dose of antidepressants so my psichiatrist won't adjust my medication anymore. I've spoken with some fellow alumni from my previous degree and they are not able to offer much new advice to help me. It doesn't help that I still don't have a car or a driver's license so I cannot routinely leave the house to go to appointments.

If it weren't for the fact that a good portion of my student loans are private loans, I would be working for a nonprofit organization right not. I don't think the government program applies to private loans.

There is only so much I can do to actually live my live if I have no means to do so unless I rely on the charity of others. Guerilla gardening is not a viable option in a manicured suburb full of monoculture lawns that are mowed weekly and sprayed with chemical herbicides.

I can only suggest from my own perspective...keep that in mind...I've never let circumstances or my parents stand in my way.  I've caused my share of disappointment but they got over it

I would walk away from the loans and my family for the moment, not forever, just for enough time to give myself some breathing space.  

Find some work that involves physical labor, on a farm somewhere maybe a nursery?  Something with pay and maybe room and board?

Try for disability as someone suggested.  

I think you have shared much of your story and have personal reasons for the approach you have chosen...from my perspective what you have described seems quite self defeating?  

Sometimes an abrupt change gives us some freedom to think differently and maybe more clearly.

It doesn't sound like disability is a viable option the way my father describes it, but I don't know anymore since he has a bad habit of exaggerating details when he is upset. Here are his assuptions:
1. If I go on disability, I will be forced to live in a halfway house with a bunch of drug addicts on the other side of town.
2. If I go on disability, I will default on my student loans and be unable to borrow money in the future due to permanent damage to my credit score.
3. If I go on disability, it will be nearly impossible for me to get off it.
4. If I go on disability, I will become a "ward of the state" for the rest of my life.

Ryan M Miller wrote:It doesn't sound like disability is a viable option the way my father describes it, but I don't know anymore since he has a bad habit of exaggerating details when he is upset. Here are his assuptions:
1. If I go on disability, I will be forced to live in a halfway house with a bunch of drug addicts on the other side of town.
2. If I go on disability, I will default on my student loans and be unable to borrow money in the future due to permanent damage to my credit score.
3. If I go on disability, it will be nearly impossible for me to get off it.
4. If I go on disability, I will become a "ward of the state" for the rest of my life.

Forget disability then...have you ever lived on your own?

Judith Browning wrote:
Forget disability then...have you ever lived on your own?

The closest I've ever been to living on my own is staying at the dorms in college, but what good is living on my own if I don't have a car or a job pr even a driver's license? The Ohio BMV in Greene county is still closed even while other businesses are reopening. The only thing I could possibly do is ask what few people I know who live in the Dayton area to help me practice driving until the BMV opens again. Meanwhile, my father is still affraid of taking me out driving because of the several times I have almost gotten into a crash and because I still don't get regular sleep.

Ryan M Miller wrote:

Judith Browning wrote:
Forget disability then...have you ever lived on your own?

The closest I've ever been to living on my own is staying at the dorms in college, but what good is living on my own if I don't have a car or a job pr even a driver's license? The Ohio BMV in Greene county is still closed even while other businesses are reopening. The only thing I could possibly do is ask what few people I know who live in the Dayton area to help me practice driving until the BMV opens again. Meanwhile, my father is still affraid of taking me out driving because of the several times I have almost gotten into a crash and because I still don't get regular sleep.

There are many folks who have a job who don't drive,, who have never had a license...it might take moving closer to the job or biking or using public transportation...there are many ways to do this if one is determined to break out of their situation.

I think the biggest challenge now is 'social distancing' and that might narrow job possibilities.  

Ryan M Miller wrote:
The closest I've ever been to living on my own is staying at the dorms in college, but what good is living on my own if I don't have a car or a job pr even a driver's license? The Ohio BMV in Greene county is still closed even while other businesses are reopening. The only thing I could possibly do is ask what few people I know who live in the Dayton area to help me practice driving until the BMV opens again. Meanwhile, my father is still affraid of taking me out driving because of the several times I have almost gotten into a crash and because I still don't get regular sleep.

Ryan, like I said in my previous post, just do it!  If you really want something bad enough, nothing will stop you.  I think fear of failure is stopping you.

If you are in that much debt and have no income, then maybe bankruptcy is your best bet.  Yes, it will ruin your credit for a few years but would give you the opportunity to make a fresh start.  As far as a lack of income, look into selling stuff online or on Facebook marketplace. You can do this without leaving your home.  

Does bankruptcy cancel out school loans? I had a feeling it did not, but I'm not positive...

Nicole Alderman wrote:Does bankruptcy cancel out school loans? I had a feeling it did not, but I'm not positive...

I'm pretty sure it does not cancel student loans nor back taxes?

Judith Browning wrote:

Nicole Alderman wrote:Does bankruptcy cancel out school loans? I had a feeling it did not, but I'm not positive...

I'm pretty sure it does not cancel student loans nor back taxes?

Correct

Ryan, most of your father’s statements about disability are wrong. I took disability applications at the Social Security office for 22 years. I can give you accurate information.  I just retired 18 months ago. I will even send you my phone number if you want to talk.

I know bankruptcy didn't cancel government sponsored loans, but I thought it would some private loans.  I stand corrected.

Michelle Heath wrote:I know bankruptcy didn't cancel government sponsored loans, but I thought it would some private loans.  I stand corrected.

Apparently it's difficult though not impossible according to this site.

It does kind of sound like you're really focused on doing things a certain way. Instead of getting so stressed about doing things the right way or even just the way you have them in your head, it might help to just do *something*  I often think about things too much before starting and get stressed over how I'm going to make it work - this huge project in front of me. When I can just start something, I'm able to focus on what's in front of me. After some work, I can see the progress I've made and the whole thing isn't so daunting anymore.

Maybe you can just get some seeds in the ground without worrying about spacing. If things are too crowded, pull something out later. Do the rotting beds really need to be replaced? If they're still even somewhat holding the soil in place, I'd consider them good to go.  Later on when you're able to find some pallets, you could build new boxes around the old ones and let the old wood rot in place. It'll be a little while before you need a trellis, so same thing - get the seeds planted and build the trellis later. Planting seeds is quick.

It sounds like your dad is possibly a bit held back by wanting things to be perfect as well. Maybe start planting without talking to him and potentially overanalyzing it. Once he sees stuff growing, he might just let it go. He might even be impressed at how well you've done and give you more leeway in the future. Worst case scenario, he rips it all out. But the end result is no different than if you can't get past the obstacles you're encountering right now and never get a garden in at all.

And really, it kinda sounds like you should just stop discussing things in general with your dad.

I hope you figure something out.

Ryan M Miller wrote:It doesn't sound like disability is a viable option the way my father describes it, but I don't know anymore since he has a bad habit of exaggerating details when he is upset. Here are his assuptions:
1. If I go on disability, I will be forced to live in a halfway house with a bunch of drug addicts on the other side of town.
2. If I go on disability, I will default on my student loans and be unable to borrow money in the future due to permanent damage to my credit score.
3. If I go on disability, it will be nearly impossible for me to get off it.
4. If I go on disability, I will become a "ward of the state" for the rest of my life.

The absolute last person I would talk to for advice in this situation is the person that seems to be making you miserable.  If a person wants to control you, do you think they would ever help you do the things you need to become independent?

All of the things your father told you about disability are untrue.

Ryan M Miller wrote:Guerilla gardening is not a viable option in a manicured suburb full of monoculture lawns that are mowed weekly and sprayed with chemical herbicides.

I completely forgot about the one abandoned house in my neighborhood. It is whithin walking distance of my house, but I would have to use low-maintenace techniques or ride a bike to the location since it's about half a mile walk from my house. I'm sure the nextdoor neighbors to the abandoned house woudn't mind if I guerilla garden on the land. I'll try asking tomorrow. I got this photograph of the location from Google Earth.

I have one suggestion that requires very little startup costs and no land.  Have you considered growing microgreens?  You can really harvest a lot of very healthy food, and it only takes about two weeks to begin harvesting.  There's a really excellent book on the topic called "Year Round Indoor Salad Gardening" by Peter Burke.  If I was in OP's situation, I would certainly not invest thousands of dollars towards building garden beds on a property I did not control and was not happy living in.  Something like a microgreens setup would be portable if/when you move on to a better living situation.

That is a good idea. Microgreens taste great. They don’t take up much room and don’t even need much light. Daikon radishes are my favorite.

It takes a lot of seeds. You can buy a pound for the same price as a couple tiny packets.

Ryan M Miller wrote:The worst part about the whole affair is the frequent threats from my father to put me on disability so that I can never support myself at all at any time in the future.

I’m puzzled by this part. You are an adult. How can someone else “put you on” disability? In my experience (multi family members and friends) it’s quite hard to get on disability even if you have quite serious health issues. And they usually encourage you to get off it if you can, so you’re not stuck there for the rest of your life.