Amusing things kids say:

My kids have been cracking me up at Church lately. Here are a couple of Children's Sermons gone awry thanks to my babies.

Pastor: Can anyone tell me how you get to heaven?
Daughter: You have to be dead!

Pastor during Father's Day sermon: Who is in charge at your house?
Son: MOMMY!!!
Me: That's my boy!!!

My 6-year-old's first trip on a plane. The first leg of a many-stop international journey, she was so excited that she couldn't contain herself, from Providence to Boston if I recall correctly. Short hop, you basically go up and then go back down again.
Which was exactly what she was so excited about.
"Mommy, when are we going down??"
gulp
Louder, louder yells of
"We're going down! Going down!"
gulp gulp, people looking at us funny.
"landing, darling, we're LANDING."
aaaaawkward!! At least we were spared trips to the special room when we got to Boston and got to go on our way!

We are trying to come up with a summer vacation for next week, but we are coming up short. With 4 daughters, that is almost impossible: ages 6-14.

My 13 year old is the worst. When I asked her last month how her trip to Paris was, she shrugged and said, "it was alright, but the city is filthy." Let me ask you this: if a 13 year old is not going to be impressed with a trip to Paris, France, what can we do as a family to impress her?

We are thinking about going to the Creation Museum if our house sells though. That would be fun.

lol. Bless her heart, it is filthy!! And how cosmopolitan for her first reaction to be "pshaw, it's filthy." Somewhere that is a test of blueblood (or something).

Also, bless *your* heart. Impressing a 13-year-old is a tall order!! (mine has been an old lady for years now [she's now 19] but at 13 she had a baby fledgeling wren land on her head as it left the nest on its first flight/plummet, and it was the best thing ever. Totally shook her out of her jaded-i-know-everything phase for a minute or two and I got to see the awestruck little kid again. You never know when these little treasures are going to pop up.)

Travis Johnson wrote:We are trying to come up with a summer vacation for next week, but we are coming up short. With 4 daughters, that is almost impossible: ages 6-14.

My 13 year old is the worst. When I asked her last month how her trip to Paris was, she shrugged and said, "it was alright, but the city is filthy." Let me ask you this: if a 13 year old is not going to be impressed with a trip to Paris, France, what can we do as a family to impress her?

We are thinking about going to the Creation Museum if our house sells though. That would be fun.

You let her house sit for me while you take me to Paris!!!

My four year old pointed at our cat's fur and said "when I first saw that, I thought it was her clothes"!

elle sagenev wrote:You let her house sit for me while you take me to Paris!!!

Now hold on, you live in Wyoming, so I will just give you the money to go to Paris, and I will house sit for you while you are gone!

Now I have no idea where you live in Wyoming, but I was based out of that state in my Railroad Days. We were part of the "Coal Loop" so we stayed a lot in Sheridan, Gillette, Wright, Gournsey, and Douglass Wyoming. I always laughed when driving through Spotted Horse, Wyoming...population 9...now that is my kind of town! I really liked Wright, Wyoming too though. And would buy a house in Arvada, Wyoming if one of the two houses there ever went up for sale! So yes, I really liked Wyoming...

As for my daughter, she has an aunt that cannot tell her children no, so when they ask their mother if they can go to Switzerland, Ireland, Alaska, France, or anywhere else in the world; off they go. I think they are going to Madagascar next!

Travis Johnson wrote:

elle sagenev wrote:You let her house sit for me while you take me to Paris!!!

Now hold on, you live in Wyoming, so I will just give you the money to go to Paris, and I will house sit for you while you are gone!

Now I have no idea where you live in Wyoming, but I was based out of that state in my Railroad Days. We were part of the "Coal Loop" so we stayed a lot in Sheridan, Gillette, Wright, Gournsey, and Douglass Wyoming. I always laughed when driving through Spotted Horse, Wyoming...population 9...now that is my kind of town! I really liked Wright, Wyoming too though. And would buy a house in Arvada, Wyoming if one of the two houses there ever went up for sale! So yes, I really liked Wyoming...

As for my daughter, she has an aunt that cannot tell her children no, so when they ask their mother if they can go to Switzerland, Ireland, Alaska, France, or anywhere else in the world; off they go. I think they are going to Madagascar next!

I live outside of the capitol of Wyoming. Pretty close to the Colorado border. Parts of my state are quite picturesque and I like most of it simply because blank spaces are something I've grown used to over my life.

Well I can certainly tell my kiddos no but I wouldn't mind being adopted by your sister. LOL Travel is something I've always enjoyed but we do not do a ton of. Limited by the age of our kids and the occupations we've chosen.

My little girl was about 3 and ground beef was for dinner.  She called it sausage so I explained that this was cow, not piggy.  
"Mom, this cow does not moo anymore cuz we are eating it."

However, her prize quote was, " Mom, I really like that dress. Can I have it when you die?"

Oh I absolutely ADORE the unintentionally amusing things young children say!  
Here are some that spring to mind...

"Sometimes I help mummy work....I stay out of the way!"

"What did God stand on when he made the world?"  😕

"When mummy wears a dress, she looks like a real person!" 😮

"When the baby won't stop crying, mummy puts a plug in their mouth!"  😊

"Vicars don't laugh much because Jesus didn't tell any jokes" 😄  

"Grandad, was life in black and white when you were alive!?"  😳

Me: Well it's a gloomy day outside today.
Daughter: What does gloomy mean?
Me: Gloomy means dull and gray.
Daughter: Oh, so daddy's hair is very gloomy!

On overhearing that a condom was found on the patio...'mummy, what's a patio?'

This is an amusing thing my kids did:

Today, 2 hours into quarantine, my kids have already gotten into trouble. So we bought rye bread to make something very specific. Dark rye, of course. Apparently our son couldn't find the "regular" bread, saw the rye and though YAY CHOCOLATE BREAD. Made toast with it and it was horrible. So when his sister was pissing him off he decided to tell her about the "chocolate bread" and get her to eat it. Then husband made them write about their experience. lol

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

Cousin, to her daughter:  Go to your room and think about what you've done.
Cousin's daughter, as she stomps to her room:  I'm SO MAD at you mom, I'm gonna call you names!  JAMES!!!
(she apparently proceeded to yell out men's names at her mom in an effort to "call her names")

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.  After a while he asked: 'Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

Hearing a child praying....'Our father, watch out in heaven...'

When my oldest son was 6 or so, I went into the bathroom immediately after him and found pee all over the seat.

"Son, how in the world did you manage to pee ALL OVER THE SEAT?"
"I was scratching my ear."
"Well, then, you scratch with one hand and hold on with the other."
"But both ears were itchy."

Sunday sermon.

'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face,
'Without you, we are but dust...'
He would have continued but at that moment a very obedient little girl who was listening intently leaned over to her mum and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old voice:
'Mum, what is butt dust?'

Young children put on a nativity play at their school. Enter the 3 wise men, overdressed.
"I bring you gold!"
"I bring you myrrh"
The 3rd wise man looked flustered, held out the gift, blurting out "and Frank sent this!"

At a high Mass celebrated by a bishop, where the mitre-bearer places the mitre on the bishop's head.

"Daddy, why can't that man put on his own hat?"

When a little boy was caught letting a milk bottle slip and smash on the floor, he looked up at his mother and exclaimed "the bottle fainted!"

When my husband, who was raised Catholic, was about 4 he observed the priest wiping the chalice after communion. He understood that 1. they went to church to pray to God, and that they all faced towards the altar when they pray. He also understood that 2. God was important (in a social hierarchy sense). So making the next logical step, he asked his mother why God was washing the dishes.

---

When he was 5, his father was in the national guard and his grandfather needed a lot leveled, so his father asked a national guard engineering unit if they wanted to do it for training, and so they came to level his grandfather's lot (for the cost of fuel). My husband, being a 5 year old boy, was overjoyed to watch the proceedings. One of the engineers drove a big Army dump truck. While his father and the engineer were talking, my husband wandered over to the truck and squatted down on his heels peering at the tires. Seeing this, the engineer loudly and proudly called out to ask him what he thought of his truck? and was shocked and dismayed to be told in no uncertain terms "this is not a real truck!" While the soldier sputtered, my father in law asked his son why he didn't think the truck was real, and the boy replied, "because it doesn't say Tonka on the tires." A month of so later when his father drilled, my husband went to pick him up from post, where he was greeted by the same engineer who asked "now it it a real truck?" because he had written Tonka in white chalk on each tire. He was assured that it was.

When my husband and I married and he was a young soldier, my father inlaw took us to his old national guard post. Because my husband  was in the Army, we knew that military vehicles are often named by soldiers that crew/drive them with names that start with the letter of the company or troop- so "A" company all have vehicles with names that start with A, etc. But we were confused when we saw one vehicle that had a name which defied this rule and did not match the unit it belonged to and asked his father about  "Tonka Truck."  And that's how we both learned how he had named its predecessor more than 15 years before.