Maybe Life is always like being on a trapeze or a tightrope at the circus...
A build too cool to miss:Mike's GreenhouseA great example:Joseph's Garden
All the soil info you'll ever need:
Redhawk's excellent soil-building series
Trace Oswald wrote:You don't really have to "say" anything. children learn more from the example they see set than they do from being told how things are. The best advice I have is to be the example of the person you want your child to be.
Maybe Life is always like being on a trapeze or a tightrope at the circus...
Cargo bikes are cool
"Study books and observe nature; if they do not agree, throw away the books." ~ William A. Albrecht
Our inability to change everything should not stop us from changing what we can.
Living a life that requires no vacation.
Edward Norton wrote:The one piece of advice I was given which has served me well, when I remember it, is called the three A’s - Affection, Attention and Acceptance. The first comes naturally to me - I’m a hugger, but hardest for my wife as she comes from a family who have little or no physical contact and little requirement. So as my son grew up, he wanted hugs less and less, so the acceptance kicked in and I had to accept that he’s wired that way. Attention can be hard. I used to think that routine was a good fix - set times of the day that I spent with them, read them books, talking to them walking home from school. But that was a parent ticking the attention box. So I’ve got better at being available, putting my phone down, fitting in with their needs. Acceptance is what you wanted from your father or at least I did, not doom and gloom and meeting his expectations.
Maybe Life is always like being on a trapeze or a tightrope at the circus...
James Freyr wrote:I don't have children. I would like to offer one piece of advice based on my observation of what seems to me to be common in todays families. I see them too busy to have a sit down meal together at supper time. I grew up with this - a meal prepared and my siblings and I sat down at the kitchen table with mom & dad every evening. We shared a meal together and talked about the day. It was a rare event that we didn't do this. Today it seems, to me, families are busy this, busy that, gotta work late, got soccer practice, got this to do, got that to do, - just get something from the drive-thru and eat in the car on the way to something. Family supper time seems to have become collateral damage, falling to the wayside in the "busyness" of modern life.
Maybe Life is always like being on a trapeze or a tightrope at the circus...
Stacy Witscher wrote:I agree with Trace, just be yourself and they will see your acting on your beliefs and values.
Honestly, it feels very strange to me that your father would explicitly tell you that you will have a mortgage and debt. That's typically things that people just learn along the way in my experience.
My parents are granolas, so my childhood was quite different than yours. And I have never been a childless adult.
My perspective on parenting has always been that it's my job to help my children become the best version of themselves whoever they are and to love them unconditionally. To be down in the trenches with them through all of life's hardships and to never abandon them, even when they want you to leave them alone. In my mind, it's not a job that you get to quit. They are my responsibility always and forever.
I wish you well.
Maybe Life is always like being on a trapeze or a tightrope at the circus...
Brody Ekberg wrote:
Stacy Witscher wrote:I agree with Trace, just be yourself and they will see your acting on your beliefs and values.
Honestly, it feels very strange to me that your father would explicitly tell you that you will have a mortgage and debt. That's typically things that people just learn along the way in my experience.
My parents are granolas, so my childhood was quite different than yours. And I have never been a childless adult.
My perspective on parenting has always been that it's my job to help my children become the best version of themselves whoever they are and to love them unconditionally. To be down in the trenches with them through all of life's hardships and to never abandon them, even when they want you to leave them alone. In my mind, it's not a job that you get to quit. They are my responsibility always and forever.
I wish you well.
I asked a lot of questions as a child (still do!) and it used to annoy my dad. I’m assuming because he couldn’t answer most of them and most of them had to do with questioning the “normal” way of doing things. He always accused me of trying to go against the grain or buck the system, which I was. I was probably complaining as a teenager about how money doesnt make sense and that working for money seems insane when he told me that I will always have debt and whatnot. I cant help but wonder what my life would be like right now if he would have explained some alternative lifestyles at that time instead of telling me my life would be the same as his and everyone elses.
I think my dad (like most “normal” Americans) believe people have to be a certain way. Have to conform to a certain lifestyle in order to be acceptable. That never resonated with me as a child and now that I’m aware of the alternatives, I will do my best to not push that belief on our children. I do believe that people should live a certain way for the sake of sustainability and having a viable and worthwhile future, but I’m very aware that not everyone cares about sustainability or the future and that is their right. I will certainly try to help our children to see the value of human life on earth and show them a way to keep on trucking. But, if they would rather let it slide and not care so much, I will do my best to not force my beliefs on them and love them for who they are despite our differences.
A build too cool to miss:Mike's GreenhouseA great example:Joseph's Garden
All the soil info you'll ever need:
Redhawk's excellent soil-building series
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
-Robert A. Heinlein
Trace Oswald wrote:
It sounds to me like you're going to do just fine.
Come join me at www.peacockorchard.com
Chris Kott wrote:I agree with Trace. If you find yourself about to utter the words, "Do as I say, not as I do," you're in the middle of a teaching moment where you can correct your own behaviour and educate your child.
I also agree with Robert. No battle plan ever survived contact with the enemy, to paraphrase the saying.
It is difficult to parent as part of a person. You can't really compartmentalise yourself as some would like to do, to be the work person at work, and the dad person at home. I mean, you can try, but one persona invariably bleeds into another, and you find dad person acting in ways perhaps only after-work person allows.
Basically, you have to own your own shit. Kids will pick up everything, most especially those things you try to hide from them. You'll think you're doing fine, and then you'll mash your thumb with a hammer and yell, "FUCK!" Suddenly, it's the only word they know, and it's hilarious to them. (To us as well, though we can't admit it).
Behaviours are the most important. If you come home from a day of work and plop yourself in front of the TV while your significant other does all the home tasks, you're ingraining into your children what it means to go to work and come home. If as a person and parent, you're constantly not only deferring to, but waiting for, your significant other to make the decisions, you're teaching your children that it's the job of the male to shirk the mental load, and that it's the job of the female to do all the planning and execution, excepting the tasks she specifically allocates to the male.
If you're going to focus on one thing, let it be the sharing of the mental load between couples. It's good to check in, even constantly, with the other partner in the mix, to make sure you're on the same page, but it's critical that each do their share of the heavy lifting where it comes to not only execution, but planning.
As to the future, you can't dictate what your kids will like or decide to do. The best you can do is design your property to do what you need for it to do for the rest of your life, so you can age with your land. If they're of the same mindset as you, they will want to be a part of it. If not, they won't have to worry about you as you age, because you will have taken care of your collective needs already.
And after you're gone, they might decide to sell. But you won't be there to suffer that. And hopefully one of your children will see the value in it, to carry on for another generation, at which point they will face their own version of this question.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
-CK
Maybe Life is always like being on a trapeze or a tightrope at the circus...
Living a life that requires no vacation.
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