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Real life "Jokes"

 
pollinator
Posts: 259
Location: Utah
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Last year we got a visit from a man selling his pest control service. He told me that he was working for one of our neighbors (without actually saying "All their bugs will be moving to your house") and asked if we had any insect problems they could take care of.

I told him if we have any insect problems the spiders will take care of it.

His expression was priceless.


What are your favorite real life experiences that stand as permie "jokes"?
 
gardener
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Location: Pacific Wet Coast
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Years ago I was helping with a high school trip and we were sitting around chatting. I happened to mention that "I got into chickens for a really shitty reason - I want the manure for my garden."
A sweet teen-aged girl piped up, "that's not a shitty reason".
The silence in the room was deafening...
 
gardener
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A guy came by and said he needed one of my timber logs

I asked " how long?"

He said "a long time. I'm building a shed"
 
pollinator
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Location: Victoria British Columbia-Canada
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When I was a kid, our neighbor was spraying his corn with atrazine. He offered to spray the corn that my mother was growing in the garden, telling my dad that it's great because it kills everything except corn. Dad said, "no thanks, we are not corn."
 
pollinator
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Location: Bothell, WA - USA
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We had a telephone energy survey and the asked what energy source our clothes dryer was.  When I responded "solar" he acted suprised like he had never heard anything like that "new" technology in a dryer!
Ok, I should have said it's powered by a fusion reactor and he would have been even more confused!
 
Posts: 75
Location: Sweden
10
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Once upon a time I worked in a sugar factory.There were many heavy lifts which impacted the body and especially the back bone.
One day a lady came to teach us workplace ergonomic.She told us that the bad impact on our bodies started already in the morning when we brusched our teeth.We lean forward and that is not good she said.One man told her that he never leaned forward when brusching his teeth.No? She replied.How do you do it then?
The man took out his teeth and put them in a cup with water. The lady begun womiting.
 
Lauren Ritz
pollinator
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Location: Utah
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Eric Thompson wrote:We had a telephone energy survey and the asked what energy source our clothes dryer was.  When I responded "solar" he acted suprised like he had never heard anything like that "new" technology in a dryer!
Ok, I should have said it's powered by a fusion reactor and he would have been even more confused!


He probably would have accepted that more easily!
 
Dale Hodgins
pollinator
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It was obvious to everyone that I was living in my car after the house I was working on was just too torn down to stay in. So I slept in the car, beside the building that I was salvaging materials from.

I explained that "I'm not homeless, I'm living off grid." :-)
 
Dale Hodgins
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I just finished trimming a hedge, using my cordless electric Stihl machine. My customer, Nick, was quite pleased. He said, "thanks, that was awesome, I'm glad we did it, that's an awesome tool."

I've known Nick for 20 years, so there was only one response that would make sense.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID  !!!๐Ÿ˜‚
 
Jay Angler
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One day a well-meaning lady told me I *really* should get those dandelions out of my front garden. I replied that it was on my list, but not until I had a space by the chicken run to transplant them to. The looks on both my husband's and the lady's face were priceless!

(The only reason it was on my list to get them out of that garden, was that I figured the chickens needed them more than the Flowering Dogwood did! Our chickens are mostly on pasture, but we have a coop and attached run for brooding and back-up.)
 
wayne fajkus
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I was in a movie theater. About half way through a cell phone rings,  then i can hear a jolly voice talking on the phone. A strong voice that can be heard through the whole auditorium. A familiar voice.

Then it starts

"DUDE, GET OFF THE PHONE!"

"YOU'RE SCREWING UP THE MOVIE!"

I look closer and see the guy on the phone. I then stand up and say

PEOPLE, THIS IS PAUL! FUCKING! WHEATON! YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT HE IS ON THE PHONE, CAUSE WHEN HE IS ON THE PHONE, THINGS ARE HAPPENING AND THE WORLD IS BECOMING A BETTER PLACE. THE ONLY TIME TO GET CONCERNED IS WHEN HE IS NOT ON THE PHONE. ... SO SIT DOWN, BE HAPPY, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!



if the story was true (which it's not), it probably would have worked...


 
Jay Angler
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I've spent a lot of time this week chopping and dropping weeds I don't want and encouraging plants I do want. I came in the other day needing to get right to work on dinner, and my son comes up to me and starts picking bed-straw leaves off me and says, "Mom, you've got to stop bringing your work home with you," in his usual, total deadpan way! I'd have laughed harder if I hadn't been so tired!
 
master steward
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Posts: 68
Location: West Michigan Zone 5
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Jay Angler wrote:I've spent a lot of time this week chopping and dropping weeds I don't want and encouraging plants I do want. I came in the other day needing to get right to work on dinner, and my son comes up to me and starts picking bed-straw leaves off me and says, "Mom, you've got to stop bringing your work home with you," in his usual, total deadpan way! I'd have laughed harder if I hadn't been so tired!



It must be a boy thing. My then 8 yo told me one day โ€œ Mom , you must be really bad at your job since all your patients die โ€œ.  
Iโ€™m a hospice nurse.
 
Jay Angler
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I put in a small plot of wheat last fall at a friend's property. Two days ago I biked over and harvested 1/2 of it, figuring it could just sit out for a couple of days before I worried about getting it home. As I was finishing the section I was working on, I looked up and saw dark clouds coming from the west. Now, technically, it wasn't calling for rain. Usually, it doesn't rain at this time of year. But I looked at those clouds and just *knew* that if I didn't get the wheat under cover, this would be the year we got a thunder storm. My friend has an oval garden table with a large market umbrella over it. I stacked the bundles of wheat on the table around the umbrella pipe and tied it in place with a kids skipping rope.

Today I went back with a vehicle to harvest the rest of the wheat and bring it home. Adam saw me and said, "I just *loved* that beautiful center piece you left on the table!"
 
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