50+ and single discussion thread!

I thought I'd try starting a thread for those of us singles "of a certain age" could chat and share and get to know one another.   Instead of a "wanted" ad so to speak.   Where we can visit a bit as a group and talk about some of the struggles of being single at this point in life,  as well as still being interested in participating in permaculture, homesteading, etc.   We are in a different place than the younger folks looking to start and raise a family and looking to grow into and develop at lifestyle for children.   We have a different skills set and abilities to offer and looking towards our "end game" situations and how and where we want to spend that.   I'd really LOVE to hear from others,  men or women,  about the struggles and challenges and just what life and lifestyle generally looks like for us all!  

For me personally,  I had an 8 acre farm that I loved, but it was an hour north,  a 3 hour round trip commute to my day job, and doing it alone quickly got to be "too much" under those conditions.   I am not as heat and cold tolerant as I was at, say, 30.   I'm into my early 50s now and really looking at how to downsize both my living space and my budget and income needs.  As well as looking for maybe a sale of my small business, moving into some consulting work (dog trainer by trade) and a more friendly climate.    My daughter is in her 30s with no kids (so no grandchildren here)  and I've been single for 15 years.    I'd love to have some land and garden space again, and some animals.   I'm in an urbanish place now and have done a lot with the property, such as it is, but outdoor animals are not legal.   I really want a smaller scale of what I had with my 8 acres;  some ducks, rabbits, running room for my dogs.   I am not as physically able as I once was to toss and stack hay, or pound fence posts all day!   So at this point, making connections with community is more important to me than it used to be,  to reach out for help when needed.   I'm a bit insecure as being seen as having any value in return though.   I can offer lessons,  childcare?  seeds and plants?  Do you still feel you have things to offer to homesteading community moving into this phase?  

Hi Heather,

I am a bit in the same boat as you. Single, mid 50's, I'm living with MS (so tossing hay can't be done on a regular basis), but I have no children. I've only ever gardened on .25 acre (and just a small portion of that), 8 acres sounds like enough and too much at the same time. My 'end game' vision is a 'family compound' with plenty of 28–38-year old's to support and be supported by. I keep looking in southeastern US, namely NC, GA, & TN. I would love to have a husband in the picture during this journey but realize it may not be in the cards. My preference for livestock would be chickens and goats and LSD, though I've had pet rabbits in the past. I also struggle with what value I'd bring to the kind of community I'd like to be a part of, I can jam/jelly and learning to pressure can, I seed/plant/weed/harvest, learning to make vinegars, pickles and fermenting is on the list. I'm good with finances, a recycle and reuse type of Gal, seed collector, and stick propagator ...LOL, if I could afford what it took to be off grid, I'd probably give it a go. Thanks for starting this thread, I hope all of us reach our goals.

Reading the single ads here on permies, I'm struck by how many people have land and are looking for others to join them. I guess I expected more of the opposite. I have land and am not looking to relocate. I'm 51, have been single for about a decade. I have 80 acres and three of my four adult children live here with me, although my youngest is moving back to the bay area after their wedding in May. I only work on the property. My kids have other jobs. My goal was always a family compound. The kids know that they are always welcome. They just aren't real happy with the locals. I'm not either but I'm not much of a people person so it doesn't bother me so much.

I'm into my early fifties and I have two sons living with me, aged 16 and 23.  I think they are the main challenge in my quest towards my ideal "end game"!  They are both great kids, but graduating from uni into a pandemic amongst other factors has not made life simple for the eldest.  He is on track to move out in the next couple of years, but who can tell what the economic climate is bringing us.  The younger will go to university too, so it will be a few years before he is fully independent.  I am very aware of friends whose kids bounce back home well into their thirties...  I think this is the way things are going these days and it may be I need to explore flexible living arrangements.  If grandchildren is part of the future, I'd like to be involved in that too.  On the plus side is having grown up kids who could come and look after small livestock so I could still have holidays!

I have a day job which does good things for the environment, and I don't aspire to give it up and move to a wilderness.  In any case I live in a relatively densely populated country where this isn't practical for more than a very small percentage of the population.  I grow a bit of food, I forage a bit, I preserve a bit.  I'd like to do more of all of those, but within reach of society for what I can get out of and contribute to that (volunteering, morris dancing, community involvement, music etc).

I'd like a life partner as much from a practical viewpoint as a romantic or emotional one.  Some jobs it is just easier to get done with two, even if it's just sense checking ideas, and yes, getting a bit older and creakier is probably part of that!

Would like to have a life partner but it seems at are age they are all set at there homestead and settled in, or they are looking to leave the rat race at any cost.

I just turned 58 and would like to find someone else who's into permaculture. I have 3 acres and a cabin in southern Ohio. I plan on being here for a while but will eventually relocate out west. I worked at several permaculture farms when I lived in Oregon and Colorado many years ago. I think teaming up with someone seems like a good option as I get older and start slowing down a little. Still in good shape and love running and hiking in the woods with my dogs. Good luck everyone!

[quote=Tom Berens]Would like to have a life partner but it seems at are age they are all set at there homestead and settled in, or they are looking to leave the rat race at any cost.[/quote]

Well I fit nicely in between those two ends of the spectrum, but then my other big disadvantage on this particular forum is that I am the wrong side of the Atlantic!

Is there a wrong side of the Atlantic?  

I’m 54, have pondered the life I’m living all my life. Having drawn up ecovillages in the 70s. My son has a decent job, no degree yet, but programming certifications and might be promoted to near senior software engineer so that is nice.

Understands that the world is not right and appreciates where I’m located, but as I sees benefits of moving or completing a housing expansion this year.  Recently divorced as my ex and I have different visions on life and have had for 15 years until the end was seen.  Anyway, at this point not sure I am looking for a life partner as much as simply others who might share the same beliefs

A low impact life, less things, moderate work, socially liberal and fiscally conservative (no debt) and wanting to keep any income out of the financial systems as best as possible.

I also don’t like heat or cold. But cold can be dealt with and ideally there are others to share in dealing with the cold (and younger ones who do more of the cold work). Though the barn should be heated soon, and the cold is time for rest and introspection, books, games and…

My kid does want to return here or similar…but with wheee the world is, I have a hard time thinking of a better place. Just need others, with open minds, to share.

Great thread. Interesting topic. I am widowed and have thought much about this topic over the past 5 years. I live on a small homestead in South Georgia. It’s great to find people who are dealing with the same side of life.

Hester Winterbourne wrote:I'm into my early fifties and I have two sons living with me, aged 16 and 23.  I think they are the main challenge in my quest towards my ideal "end game"!  They are both great kids, but graduating from uni into a pandemic amongst other factors has not made life simple for the eldest.  He is on track to move out in the next couple of years, but who can tell what the economic climate is bringing us.  The younger will go to university too, so it will be a few years before he is fully independent.  I am very aware of friends whose kids bounce back home well into their thirties...  I think this is the way things are going these days and it may be I need to explore flexible living arrangements.  If grandchildren is part of the future, I'd like to be involved in that too.  On the plus side is having grown up kids who could come and look after small livestock so I could still have holidays!

I have a day job which does good things for the environment, and I don't aspire to give it up and move to a wilderness.  In any case I live in a relatively densely populated country where this isn't practical for more than a very small percentage of the population.  I grow a bit of food, I forage a bit, I preserve a bit.  I'd like to do more of all of those, but within reach of society for what I can get out of and contribute to that (volunteering, morris dancing, community involvement, music etc).

I'd like a life partner as much from a practical viewpoint as a romantic or emotional one.  Some jobs it is just easier to get done with two, even if it's just sense checking ideas, and yes, getting a bit older and creakier is probably part of that!

I just revisited the thread about going on permaculture courses or similar just to meet people.  I'm thinking about that idea again.

Someone took a picture of me last weekend... this most often happens when I am dressed like this.  You would think having a social hobby where you often meet people who are engaged in the same social hobby would be conducive to meeting single compatible people.  But without coming across like some sort of predator, it is difficult to pick them out.  Or am I just lacking in singles-radar?  

LOL. I don't know if "that look" you are donning would go over well with the single permie ladies in the US or particularly in my area!

You know, it's odd as of late. I am single and am in a community in mid-western WA that's full of single women over 60 and all have nice parcels of land (5 acres +). I'm talking about over 100 of them (including myself). Funny thing is, each one of them is different and each one has a quirk that may be challenging to live with. What they mostly have in common is their association with the land for the most part. Some are gardener/farmers, some are into just animals, most wish to be independent of the system. Our climate does allow for year-round food harvesting if planned well enough and this area is just now getting around to setting this up (but on such a small scale that could be expanded). We do see more than our fair share of cloudy/drizzly winter days but will go 90-120 with no rain in the summer. The soils here are rocky and acidic which requires building up of soil and changing pH balance.

All have access to permaculture people (big in my community). Many don't even work their land. Many are widowed or came to this country to be free of yokes in their country. Very large variety of cultures here from Russia, Japan, China, UK, NZ, Australia, Canada, France. Heck, we had a food coalition meeting last night (about 80 people showed up) and I fraternized with all these people of various cultures all with a common goal, how to establish our own health, food system aside from the current system. Most all wish to collaborate, teach and share.

Most all were NOT ok with the mask/vax mandates at all and are well educated on the "poisoning" intent of our government/corporations. All practice herbal and alternative medicine along with food health. We need a dentist who is willing to go out on a limb and perform alternative dental care. And barely any of these gals can do basic carpentry. Our western culture sure created a conundrum in separating the sexes from various important occupations. Men are in a much better position to be self-reliant due to strength and skill sets.

Seems we need more men in this area.

Lovely thread!  I'm 51, female, living and loving it in the west of Ireland in my old cottage and 1 acre permie site.  Not as physically capable as I used to be.  Been single for 4 years now and it would be wonderful to meet the right person to share my dreams and grow old with, but perhaps unlikely to happen now.  So its lovely to see others' posts and feel a connection with you all out there.  I usually host wwoofers here in the summer, which helps with the physical stuff and bring wonderful shared experiences and good company.  Would love to make more connections with those in a similar boat, wherever you are in the world
This is my place: https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipN1EHAIZ6nXLnyuuhIKtroSgxZndDL6XIC84-G5SvVPeb5LXYYo5VOcM-CvlW4itQ?key=UE00aVVuXzZJVmxDR3N2dHNUZnZseEtPblltbXFn

Hi! Geat thread. The problem as I see things is there are lots of great people here from all over the world. The thing is while I am single with no one in my life I am in love. With my land. I suspect most people on in this thread are the same. It's a big ask to expect me to sell the land I have poured my blood sweat and tears into for 16 years and move to be with someone I met on permits singles. How can I expect the same from anyone else?  Sure would be great to share my piece of paradise with someone. To split the chores and companionship and someone to share the trials and tribulations with would be wonderful.

For what's it's worth I'm a 53 year old swm in Eastern Ontario who raised grass fed beef on 50 acres.

Have a great day everyone.

Jeff - I completely agree with you. As I think I've mentioned elsewhere, most permies singles ads seem to be people who have land and want another to join them. It's like the opposite of a gold digger. Or it's people who aren't currently living a permies lifestyle but have some idyllic view of it. It's lovely when that works out but seems improbable. For me, I put myself out there just in case it works out, but I'm fine either way.

Really great points about the trials and struggles with our situation.   I figured that's where we could really use a discussion thread like this rather than just an "ad" posting.   We might not find our "match" but it's still nice to connect and know we aren't alone with our struggles.  And hey,  sometimes friendships lead to compromises, or someone's situation changes and down the road things work out in a way we didn't expect.   Maybe now we are each in love with our own property or not looking to relocate but that isn't to say that will still be the case in 2 or 5 years.  

I had a great farm that I loved and ran for several years.   Then it was time to let it go to someone younger and focus on my small business.  

Now I'm in the city and my small business is downsized and I'm considering selling it next year if I can again find a young buyer looking to get into the industry.

Then I'm thinking I might be done with our long/cold winters here and considering letting my sweet little urban permaculture plot go in favor of paying cash somewhere a little warmer with a longer growing season and "retiring" early with no more home/land monthly expense.  

Who knows.  For me, I embrace change and I haven't been a settle down in one place and stay there kind of person.   I always really enjoy where I am, but also am open to new opportunities and improvements.  But that's just me.   It's part of why I'm divorced.   My ex is a nice guy, loyal, helpful.   We are friends after 15 years apart.   BUT.   He's a hunker down and make the best of it kind of guy.   I'm a stepping stone to the next chapter kind of girl.   If something isn't working I don't mind letting it go.  

I was first introduced to "Permies" at Koinonia Farms in Americus, Georgia, where I took my first intensive permaculture design course from our friends from "Earth Haven". Thanks Chuck and Patricia! It was Awesome and they are incredible! :  ) This is my first time back to the site and I found this Post! Cool stuff! I love the spiritual path I am on and firmly believe that there are no coincidences. The Grand Divine Design orchestrating all our best interests! :  )  Currently found friends and community on the border of Zions National Park putting in a big garden and new batch of animals! Very comforting and satisfying, good friends and having a wonderful experience. Also looking forward to the gift of a special friendship! :  ) I have been seasoned in the principal of non-attachment :  ) In other words I accept what is present and no longer trying to make things out to be a certain way but finding myself quite content with what presents itself and the tools to remain at peace and enjoy the humour , I now see in all this madness, :  ). So much nicer than getting all upset about the gamut. I look forward to sharing more and interested in expanding this thread to share more about our experiences. I just bought some new video equipment and I would love to share more! :  )

Truly,
brian kent
peace:  )

What's in a name?
If there is an interest in seeing more of our farm and activities, you can e-mail me at 2bknowlton@protonmail.com
I would love to share more experiences! :  )

Apple Valley, UT.
bryan

I am a 58 year old female looking for more of a rural permaculture way of life. Right now it is just me and my small dog. I was raised in the country. We raised pigs and chickens and maintained a large garden. Would really like to get back to my roots, as tedious office work, which I have a associates in business, is not the life for me. I enjoy nature and have a big love for animals. I believe in the simple way of life and how it should be. The powers that be have gotten way out of control and our way of life is on the verge of extinction. This weekend a vote will be taken place to give away our body sovereignty. I for one am not in favor of having a trackable computer chip put into my body.

dame frank wrote:LOL. I don't know if "that look" you are donning would go over well with the single permie ladies in the US or particularly in my area!

You know, it's odd as of late. I am single and am in a community in mid-western WA that's full of single women over 60 and all have nice parcels of land (5 acres +). I'm talking about over 100 of them (including myself). Funny thing is, each one of them is different and each one has a quirk that may be challenging to live with. What they mostly have in common is their association with the land for the most part. Some are gardener/farmers, some are into just animals, most wish to be independent of the system. Our climate does allow for year-round food harvesting if planned well enough and this area is just now getting around to setting this up (but on such a small scale that could be expanded). We do see more than our fair share of cloudy/drizzly winter days but will go 90-120 with no rain in the summer. The soils here are rocky and acidic which requires building up of soil and changing pH balance.

All have access to permaculture people (big in my community). Many don't even work their land. Many are widowed or came to this country to be free of yokes in their country. Very large variety of cultures here from Russia, Japan, China, UK, NZ, Australia, Canada, France. Heck, we had a food coalition meeting last night (about 80 people showed up) and I fraternized with all these people of various cultures all with a common goal, how to establish our own health, food system aside from the current system. Most all wish to collaborate, teach and share.

Most all were NOT ok with the mask/vax mandates at all and are well educated on the "poisoning" intent of our government/corporations. All practice herbal and alternative medicine along with food health. We need a dentist who is willing to go out on a limb and perform alternative dental care. And barely any of these gals can do basic carpentry. Our western culture sure created a conundrum in separating the sexes from various important occupations. Men are in a much better position to be self-reliant due to strength and skill sets.

Seems we need more men in this area.

Hi Dame
My wife and I are planning some permaculture gatherings in the area around Rochester WA and we would love to know more about your food coalition group. We have a small 8+ acres but very unique permaculture food forest and herbal medicine nursery started that is progressing steadily. We want to meet mature singles and adults interested in permaculture and sustainability to join us for seed and plant swaps knowledge sharing and socializing on our farm. We're thinking we will have tables for farms to use to represent their passions and have potlucks with a fire and home brews mead and ciders for beverages. We even have a full sized Tepee we are putting up for the drier weather that could beca fun place to pow wow! Send us a message or email and we can talk about collaboration on social learning events for local permies!

Your plans in Rochester pretty much sums up what is being attempted here! Personally, Rochester has more favorable growing soil and perhaps less restrictions than here! Most of the group shares info on FB but I was banned several months ago for posting TRUE stories the cabal fact checked! LOL
Anyhow, one of the networking sites we use is... https://www.foodprosperitycentral.org where events are posted. You might post your event there. PM me when you'd like concerning what you are doing on your farm! I can pass the word around, also would like to check it out myself, see if I can offer something!

[quote=Tom Berens]Would like to have a life partner but it seems at are age they are all set at there homestead and settled in, or they are looking to leave the rat race at any cost.[/quote]

But not necessarily. Life situations change quickly around here lately! In fact, I, myself, will be hitting the road in July seeking a new homesteading option and will be seeking permies like a bee to honey. I have much to offer and eager to be helpful. I'd rather do that then squander my $ on purchasing land where I'll be sitting there doing nothing but dreaming. I'm a doer and good at helping others fulfill their dreams.

Seems to me, over the decades that I've either had all the "stuff" but not the land and then I've had the land but not the "stuff". I'm back to having the "stuff" and not the land. Rather have "stuff" to share than sit alone on land. PM me if anyone is interested in a helping hand! I'm in WA and heading East by Southeast. Or perhaps heading southeast by east?

I have the dream, with seeing the great value in being away from modern urban environments where I would be with any involved in growing our own food on the land where we are. Yet I am limited with my age, health concerns and resources, while yet fit and capable anyway, that have kept me from that unless I find any I really might join with. So as important as that is to me I am not finding others where I am with the same interests and values, while those remain more important to me. I communicate with any in looking for a way I would come to that, with familiarizing myself with knowledge I find would be useful in planting and growing things productively, and I write besides that, with some things for publishing.

Count me in. Single, later in life and missing companionship. Have land, plans and dreams.
I just wonder why it appears to be so difficult to connect with like-minded individuals.
r

Well that's me, single later in life, though for plenty of years now. I am distinct, and among other things my being oriented to not being involved with urban living and preferring to live on land growing things, which I think is right for any to do, does not help in finding others that value the same things, which I  expect in any woman who would be right for me. So I communicate more for getting to that. That is important to me, just maybe I will find the right one along this way, but I know that is the way I should be going.

Any samples of my writing would need to be shown in some other way, I am pretty sure. I guess I can put my contact email here as in other threads, anyway, if there is communication desired that Purple Mooseages are not preferred for, so it's vegrox@aol.com.

I am 54, and an empty nester.  I keep looking at properties, then thinking "I really don't want to do this all by myself!!"  I went on a three month adventure and stopped at multiple homesteads on the way and stayed for varying amounts of time to help with establishing regenerative practices.  I had a blast!!  I would love to continue doing that in a camper van, but with gas prices going up, I am afraid that might not work well.  I have a full sized skoolie that needs changing and then finishing, because I used it to go help in Texas a few years ago after the hurricane.  So now it needs changes to make it more for living, although it is too big for just me.  I was considering looking for raw land and living in the bus until I was able to build something earth friendly, but alas, see above for why I haven't.  
Right now I am in WI trying to get my "stuff" into storage and get my financial base figured out.  But I need to get back to the land and animals and LEARN so much more.  I have participated in homesteading events and conferences, programs teaching intensive grazing management, and basic classes on food storage options.  Prepping without a home base, is proving VERY difficult.  So I am looking for friends to farm, homestead, prep, hunt, cook, garden, discuss Paul Wheaton's books and videos, and learn or teach with instead of doing it all with just me and Pippin (the grinning Springer!)
Mid June, I will be at Max Kane's party for homesteading and health at his homestead in Viroqua, WI.  Joel Salatin, Sally Fallon Morell, Del Bigtree and more are participating.  Then a trip to a few homesteads in western WI, before embarking on the adventure for finding my tribe and community.
Thanks for reading this!  I hope you guys will be a part of my tribe!
Brigitte in Wisconsin

Single empty nester here as well on a small plot of land (enough to raise sheep and poultry and have my gardens). Social worker (just finished my MSW!), with no plans to retire any time soon (or maybe ever) and a strong drive to serve the most vulnerable and marginalized in my community (also a pretty darn good therapist). Independent and capable of doing pretty much anything I need to do here, including building, fencing, stacking hay, etc.

All of which adds up to being "intimidating" to a lot of guys my age (that's a quote from more than one first date, BTW). Yes, I would like a partner to share my life with, but I'm not willing to settle or hide who I am to do so, and I think that's the problem because I don't fit neatly into other people's definitions of who I am or what I should be. I'm grateful to have found this thread because it helps me to remember that I am not alone in this.  In a world where too often people are expected to meet arbitrary social norms, it seems like the permies I've met on here tend to go their own way--and just as importantly respect people who's ways may be different than their own. That's a rare combination in my experience!

It seems to me that a lot of us that are single at this point in life recognize that, while we don't NEED a significant other, having someone to share our lives with is desirable and would enrich our experiences.  I am fortunate to have a close circle of friends that can fill many of the socio-emotional needs day to day (and I'm pretty introverted, so work can often be sufficient "peopling"), but it's not quite the same as having one consistent person to come home to.....Beyond continuing to cultivate and nurture my circle of friends, anyone have any ideas for how to address the loneliness factor? Besides becoming a crazy cat lady?

Catherine

Catherine Carney wrote:having one consistent person to come home to.....Beyond continuing to cultivate and nurture my circle of friends, anyone have any ideas for how to address the loneliness factor? Besides becoming a crazy cat lady?

This is it in a nutshell, isn't it.  Having one person who you would never feel guilty about demanding time from, because you are each other's priority.  I wish I had the answer.  I think the only way is to continue to cultivate the circle of friends.  It is possible to have a platonic best friend, and having more/better friends (and being a good one) has to be always a good thing, surely.

Appreciate the support, Hester, and glad I found this thread. You're spot on in your comment about having one person who I would not feel guilty about demanding time from and being each other's priority. That is EXACTLY what I'm missing.

Yes, I have close platonic friends, including people that are my "found family" and with whom I am closer than my parents or brother. And I do cultivate that found family as well as my other close friends, because I recognize the value of their support and insights as I hope they value mine. Unfortunately, they're pretty much all "city people" so while they have an interest in sustainable living, they aren't into looking at greener living options or the more rural life that I lean toward.

I know that part of the solution is to be more involved in groups that support my interests, but as an introvert I tend to be "peopled out" by the end of the day and find being around people I don't know well exhausting. So, joining a group is tough, though once I get to know people and if the group is small enough it's easier.

Guess there aren't a lot of easy answers (if I'd known "adulting" was going to be this hard when I was a kid I wouldn't have wanted to grow up) beyond keep working on becoming a healthier and more rounded person and fostering the friendships I have now.

Hi All, I’m new to Permies.  I’m in Scotland and have been a gardener on and off all my life.  Currently supporting my dad on his smallholding and taking opportunity to get back into gardening and all it’s challenges.  Exploring no dig, natural methods and want to go fully permie in future.  I’m reading this thread with interest and find it refreshing to see people think out of the box and consider what I would term non-traditional minority preferences.  In future I would like to have someone to come and be a permie with me.  I’m in my early 50’s and to be honest I have no interest in romantic relationships and up until now I’ve felt that’s me doomed cos no-one else will want a platonic life partner/companion with similar interests in permaculture, gardening and nature and to journey through this war with.

As a matter of interest, is everyone here aware of Michael Tellinger’s One Small Town?  I love the concept of this and it is perfect for these times, but tricky to get enough of us together in one place to do this.

PS:  I love Morris dancing although we don’t have it in Scotland....and I do dig that look!😉😂

Sas Gardener wrote:

PS:  I love Morris dancing although we don’t have it in Scotland....and I do dig that look!😉😂

Ha ha that made me laugh, thankyou!  There are a couple of Morris sides in Scotland.  Banchory-Ternan Morris Men dance Cotswold, and Border Reivers Morris are a Border side in Glasgow.  There may be more!  Of course it's not traditional to the country, but there are non-traditional dance display teams in England (some amazing belly dancers), so why not.  Maybe the anti-English sentiments are too strong?

Hester Winterbourne wrote:

Sas Gardener wrote:

PS:  I love Morris dancing although we don’t have it in Scotland....and I do dig that look!😉😂

Ha ha that made me laugh, thankyou!  There are a couple of Morris sides in Scotland.  Banchory-Ternan Morris Men dance Cotswold, and Border Reivers Morris are a Border side in Glasgow.  There may be more!  Of course it's not traditional to the country, but there are non-traditional dance display teams in England (some amazing belly dancers), so why not.  Maybe the anti-English sentiments are too strong?

I’ve only witnessed Morris dancing on one occasion years ago, and that was on a day trip to Alnwick Gardens.  🙏😀

Hello, so not sure if a singles thread or a community one but as there is a similar dynamic even with finding community and safety just trying to get ideas.

So I have a question what can be done to make women feel safe comfortable becoming a part of this. At times women live in the main home and share spaces, but today hopefully it changes soon where everyone has there own bathroom and kit here with a shared kitchen living room.

Anyway, while I do not necessarily care wether a man or a woman helps out, I believe the dynamics might be better with a woman helping out.  It doesn’t even need to be a single person, but at times it’s been hard to find the right fit… and as I say that I have had somewhat the right people show up at the right time. Just would like a woman around to maybe grow into something more.

I guess while I want another to share life with not sure I need it.

I'm Emily, in rural north central Florida, USA.  I am a 52-yr-old woman, have always been single, no kids.  I am striving to be independent, but have to be stuck in the rat race just to afford the bare minimum.  I rent a tiny apartment in a 3BR/2BA mobile home that's been divided into two apartments.  While I am happily single after many "failed" relationships (upside: they were all important lessons for my personal growth), I often wish I had a partner.  It's just so impractical to try to do it all alone.  Yet I don't want to settle for less than what I need and deserve, as far as a partner is concerned.  After all, I'm not getting any younger.  A roommate arrangement would be great at this point, but only with a compatible person.  For now, I need to stay close to my job, so relocating isn't feasible.  Plus, I have family here, so I wouldn't want to move too far away.  This is a very rural area, though, great for practicing permaculture on a larger scale (than, say, the suburbs or urban areas).  There is a lot of monoculture here.  I could definitely use more permie-minded friends, local ones.  I'm connected with a few people, but meetups have been difficult for me to pursue and plan, because of the busy-ness and demands of work and life.

I think that’s a big part of our problems. We are somewhat settled and want a life most don’t, today… I think that changes soon, but the reality is who knows.  Some days I just want to let go of everything and see where the winds take me. Simply a connection to the divine. Add my desire for a rural life, my brand of spiritualism and being averse to medical procedures and you have to cast a VERY wide net to catch something.

Are we too selective and want perfection as opposed to pretty darn good?

I appreciate this thread. I am also on my own, 53, with an 18-yr-old son living with me but no help, as he's rebelling and not interested in my "voo doo" way of life right now. I think it will come back to him eventually. I live in the city, in a small house with a large lot, where I have been trying to improve the land, garden, plant fruit trees, and live as sustainably as possible. I do still have to work full time, which is a drain on my energy that I'd rather put toward other things, but that's the reality.

Anyway, in an area supposedly full of like-minded people, I struggle to find community anymore. When I first came to the NW in 2008, everyone was broke, so it was easy to find groups of people into buying local, growing food, DIY, living sustainably, etc. Now that the influx of people has brought wealth and gentrification, things have changed, and I am missing that community. I run what seems to be the last food buying club in the area, where there used to be several, buying direct/bulk from farmers for things we can't grow/raise ourselves. And now that kids are grown, people don't seem as interested in living the same lifestyle.

Now that I have energy and time to devote to a relationship, I am wishing for a partner to share things with. But living without toilet paper or air conditioning has scared off the few men I've dated. Isn't it funny how quickly we become dependent on so many things? When I was a kid, my mother never would have spent money on all the stuff many just have to have today, and we lived just fine. I am guilty of collecting much more stuff in my life than I need, but I am really trying to live a different life going forward.

Anyway, glad to have found this forum to share info and ideas.

Brian here from beautiful East Texas.
I agree with all of the sentiments expressed. Single in my 60's with 40 acres means a huge amount of work. Jeff said it best with "I am in love with my land". And I dread the idea of this place going to the State of Texas when I pass with no heirs. I have been attempting an eco-village/intentional community however finding individuals to coalesce as a tribe is difficult. I am shifting my plans to shared homestead. Brigitte, maybe we could turn my homestead into a regenerative homestead experience lab. Two or three anchor homesteaders and two or three apprentice homesteaders.
Or if anyone has some suggestions on how to go about sharing the homestead and how to ensure it passes to the group when I check out, please offer.
Brian