50+ and single discussion thread!

I don't know Hester, I don't think there is anything WRONG with wanting a full physical romantic partner of our preference in our life.   Why not focus on it if it's something we really desire?   That doesn't preclude neglecting the other whole fulfilling aspects of life, community, and relationship.  It doesn't need to be "the thing" that makes us whole, complete.  But it sure can be something we desire.  Even if we can find happiness without it.  

And Amy YES of course you are welcome!   It's just a guideline for folks to find comradery, not a rule

Cynthia Shelton wrote:Thinking out loud.  There are many people fleeing war, poverty, climate change... this site seems pretty international.  This must have been discussed somewhere here before.
Our town just hosted a number of Ukrainians, Argentinians, and others who needed a safe soft landing place to regroup.  

Perhaps that is one answer?  Working through a refugee help agency to sponsor an individual or family to assist them in their new home search journey?  It's not a long term relationship, but you might end up being friends forever.  I think often about the women caring for children alone because their menfolk have been killed or are still fighting.  It's an emotional thing for sure.  But maybe our concept of Community could encompass a wider world this way?  

I'm not yet ready to take my own advice.  140 sq. ft too small for more than one.  Possibly future will allow for space to host people seeking shelter.  

I did reach out to such organizations.  We would, of course, have to provide year-round shelter.  No one was offering to fund that.  So that is a significant barrier.  I'm engaged in completely rebuilding a mobile home for a loved on and it took me a year to raise a nominal sum for the project.  It still may not be enough.  And I have to provide the labour myself - no help.  The limiting factors seem to be singleness and lack of social capital.

Nissa Gadbois wrote:

Cynthia Shelton wrote:There are many people fleeing war, poverty, climate change...  

 And I have to provide the labour myself - no help.  

Am I missing something here?

Hester Winterbourne wrote:

Nissa Gadbois wrote:

Cynthia Shelton wrote:There are many people fleeing war, poverty, climate change...  

 And I have to provide the labour myself - no help.  

Am I missing something here?

Not insignificant that you have to have the safe year round shelter ready before any refugees can come and "potentially" be help.  Otherwise, what a nightmare for them.  Me too with the DIY situation.  And it's not just the shelter, you have to have yourself together too.  Oxygen mask firmly on before you can help others.  PTSD is a real thing and tends to creep as a secondary affliction.  There are un-homed people right here in Vermont, not to mention the many kids who need forever homes.  I think about that too but can't imagine how I would take care of someone (with whom I have no established relationship yet) when I am still at the hand pumping water stage of building.  

So I keep plugging along (between rain squalls) hoping that, like a high school musical, it all comes out right in the end.

I'd LOVE to be a foster home for children.  I have a safe clean drug and alcohol free home, spare furnished bedroom,  yard, work part time, experienced with kids, really enjoy having children around.  But here in MA German Shepherds are on the short list for dogs that can't be in a home for foster kids sadly.   I don't ever see myself NOT having them so I'll have to find other ways to help.

Cynthia Shelton wrote:

PTSD is a real thing and tends to creep as a secondary affliction.  There are un-homed people right here in Vermont, not to mention the many kids who need forever homes.  

This I know well.  Three of my kids came to me as near-teens with massive trauma.  It's not an easy road.  I've learned so much.  And it's why I actually want to help folks who are coming out of that situation.  In Bulgaria, I'm planning a project to serve young people from the orphanage system, like my own.  It may be that  once my youngest bio (now 10) is grown and flown, I pass along my US farm and move on to Bulgaria and retire to that project.

Picture this.  A bunch of adoptive Permie Aunties of various ages taking care of kiddos and teaching them how to be strong, resilient, community minded and self sufficient!  With enough Aunties around the kids would always find an open door and open arms and the Aunties would have opportunity to take a break and hide out when needed.  Not to mention continue to be Self, which often goes out the door when caring for others.  Could be some Uncles show up at some point too.  

Maybe it should be called Permie Tias?  

Maybe I just need to read Herland again.

Putting on my spiffy magic moderator hat!


Posts have been removed.
I HIGHLY recommend reading this thread Concise Guide to Permies' Publishing Standards
Especially the part about Be Nice.
There are ways to be nice while disagreeing, a few that are NOT nice is generalizing a whole group of people, stating that what some people of that group does is what they all do, and arguing back with someone who you think is not being nice.
If you think a post is not nice, REPORT IT. You have a button on each post.

A lot of what we look for is intent and tone.
"I knew someone who did this" is not likely to be a problem "all people like this do that"  IS a problem. You can disagree without pissing each other off.
EDIT: A good discussion isn’t one where someone wins, it’s where nobody thinks they’ve lost.

I REALLY vote that before you hit submit on a post, reread it, if it was aimed at you, would you be ticked off? If so, it is NOT nice. And if you get a reply like that, report it.
And if you can't say anything nice, find a thread you like to reply to.

Any comments about moderation go into the tinkering forum https://permies.com/f/11/tnk  
Any commentary here will be removed.

BE NICE.

Hi.. my first post and so happy I found this page and group.  I've been actively looking at locations the past couple of years (and major anxiety about doing it solo) and just when I was about to decide on a location (leaning towards NC, GA, AR, TN), I got sucked back into Corporate for at least 2 years.. but it gives me solid time to really plan what homesteading would look like and make sure I'm set for the long term.   I did work virtually for 2 years and traveled around in a 30 foot converted school bus that was amazing.. met some great people and it really guided me to this way of life.

In any case.. I am looking for a life partner that wants to fall madly in love, plan our future compound (kids optional since I don't have any).. but like the idea of family/friends compound as 10-20 acres is a lot to manage, especially if you want it to be somewhat revenue producing as well as provide for everyone on the land.

Questions for those that have posted.. are there dating sites that are more geared towards this type of lifestyle or is it really just catering your "ad" to try and attract like minded individuals?

Becks Franz wrote:Hi.. my first post and so happy I found this page
Questions for those that have posted.. are there dating sites that are more geared towards this type of lifestyle or is it really just catering your "ad" to try and attract like minded individuals?

Welcome Becks!   If there is a site for "us" I haven't found it.   There is "farmers only" but that's not been a good source of connection for me over the years.  Have poked around on there a bit now and then.   Match had a bigger pool of diverse people,  eharmony doesn't let you post photos of your hobbies, yard, etc. so that makes it difficult to share who you are as easily, imo.   I'm trying FB dating now that I have my first smartphone.  Meh.   At least it's free but most matches are not close enough to develop, and others are really just looking for an easy weekend hookup.   That's not appealing to me at this age/point in life.   I want to wake up touching the same person every morning and banter about who's turn it is to get up and make coffee    

Two suggestions - and I should be outside working but there's a steady drizzle that's disheartening.  Not unlike the dating scene, but I digress.  

When I worked in the produce dept of my local co op I noticed that the same people came to shop at the same time each week and were clearly scoping each other.  The produce dept had become a real meat market, in other words.  

A friend who worked as a guard at the Met in NYC reported the same thing.  Friday nights in particular, the singles were lurking near their favorite paintings every week.  Of course I was a lifetime younger then, but I decided to test this Same Bat Time Same Bat Channel method.

Scene:  Hannafords at 4 pm on a Thursday.  Two different guys, one with his employer's logo on his shirt, loose in the aisles, flirty, but moving fast.  Interesting.  And the truck drivers who have been delivering building supplies and crushed rock have been very chatty and enthusiastic about my property.  Especially the returning drivers who have seen it evolve.

Oh, and the third is a geographic group meet up.  If you could drive an hour (two?) or less for a Permies meet up - at a farmers market or co op or farmstand / coffee house or picking blueberries etc.  would you risk it?  I would.  I'm afraid I'm in Central VT so I'm two hours from the border on any side.  But I could get to MA, NH, NY or even ME if I push it.  Canada is attractive, but that's a lot of driving.  

So any Permies in New England game for a no - small talk, activity-based, no-pressure group meet up?  I am informed that there are no map features on this site but we could develop our own organically.  PM me to get it going.  Tell me your one? two? hour radius.  If you're not in my radius, maybe I can link you to someone elses.  No car?  Perhaps a train or carpool.  Cheers.

It does seem like a lot of folks have the land and not the person - that’s been mentioned here a few times.

One thought: Choose a city or town that isn’t far away from you but one that you identify well with, where you’d go to date if you could be there full time. Using a normie dating app, post openly and honestly about what you’re looking for / what would make you happy / how you’d like to make another happy and what you have to offer - and where it is. As more people become collapse aware I bet that you’d find some potential partners who might make you the happiest person alive : )

Reading through this thread I keep thinking about how much precious human nature is going on here. So candid and communal. It could be the basis of a great book. I noticed things shifted for me when I turned 70. Some kind of deep sea-change occurred that is part physical and part spiritual. My dad is 100 years old. He lives 12 hours away from me in an independent living facility in northwest Iowa. I talk to him on the phone every evening after supper, which he still prepares himself. He has a great attitude about life and walks at least 20 minutes every day. So, I am blessed, for sure. I have an incredible role model. And I spend a lot of time trying to be a good role model for my two daughters and five grandkids, too. Reading through this thread filled with the tender hopes and dreams of those of us in the second half of our lives is truly an honor. Thank you all for opening up and sharing. It feeds my own hopes and dreams for conscious, caring community. And Pearl, I am not ashamed to admit I REALLY want your gorgeous hat!!!

Well, I’ve not reached out in regards to wanting a partner in the recent decade for a lot of reasons.  Mostly, it was a time issue.  I had been working really long hours and the nature of my employment was that I never knew when I’d be home on any given day.  That was not only a problem on a day to day during the work week basis, but it also called into question how much energy I could put out on the weekend.  I really didn’t think that that was fair to a dog much less to a special human someone who I wanted to develop a real relationship with.  So, dogless and without a lady, I have been going it alone, but with hours like I was working, I didn’t get much done in the interim.  I have to say that it is pretty lonely.  I’m not ashamed to admit that.  

Now that I have dropped the slave job, the situation might be starting to be more conducive to poke my head out into the world and see what I can see in this regard.  I have an absolutely fantastic community of people where I live, so social values are actually massively out of proportion to the population, and that is what most people think can’t possibly be in such a tiny hamlet and valley with limited other populations.  I have a pretty ideal property if you can wrap your brain around not being able to productively grow bananas or mangos.  Yeah, that means it gets cold here.  Not cold like it used to get according to the old-timers, apparently, but it aint Cancun or Goa.  And the place is isolated (well, it’s only 10 minute's drive to the General Store, 25 minutes to a bigger grocer in the nearby village, and 2.5 hours to the big box stores at a smallish city, so it’s not undoable, but it kind of works better with some planning).  Markets exist, but creativity is essential to make a living off the land here.  The land is paid for, and it has massive potential, but with life the way it had been, I’ve been overwhelmed by the daunting tasks before me to actualize my many dreams and long to have a partner to create a shared vision and make things happen together.  

On top of all that, I’m looking for a specific type of gal.  Near my age and fit, permaculturist/gardener, mountain hiker/wilderness explorer, wilderness protector/activist, grounded in spirit and in work ethic.  She loves saunas and cold plunges, wood-fired hot tubs, wildcrafting, getting dirt under her nails, greywater, greenhouses, a passive solar house, a workshop, nuts fruit and berries, chickens, rabbits, and probably a dog and a cat and some fish.  If trying to grow wild rice and dragonflies in gravity-fed pure sweet mountain water, encouraging bats and birds, and Sepp Holzering the shit out of a feral meadow all sound really cool and you think it might be possible to relocate to a semi-isolated mountain paradise in Canada (tourists around the world pay big money to tick off their bucket list to spend time near here), we should probably maybe chat.

I’m also not so lonely that I’m in a desperate state.  I’ve been in a few relationships in my time, and I have done some work on myself to be a pretty decent fellow.  The community, as I mentioned, is pretty great so the social element is kind of taken care of.  I have love because of that, but I have no romance in it.  I’m looking for someone who is interested in working on helping one another out as we develop something that we think is special and powerful in its abundance and finding our own brand of happiness and peace in that.    

Most of the things I’ve mentioned haven’t been manifested, so keep that in mind.  That’s part of the overwhelm that I am getting over with now that I am free of the dragon master corporate railway job I had taken on to pay for the land and the house I own in ‘town’ (actually a village-and house is where my parents now live).  I have strength, endurance, some skills, lots of tools, a sawmill, two trucks, and way too many ideas, and I’d like to think that I also have flexibility on how things unfold.  I’ve also made myself very busy...  that’s another thing I’d like to change, or at least focus differently.  I volunteer on a lot of boards and committees in my community and region (the latter for wilderness protection work), and I know that I need to let some of that involvement go as well.  I used to be a lot more zen and chill and I know I have that in me.  I’m also a little hard on myself, and that is probably one of the reasons that I haven’t moved forward on many of the bigger projects.  In that regard, I’m a bit of a perfectionist, and yet life is NEVER perfect, so I am working on giving up on and getting over that apparent need.  So, yeah, part of the overwhelm is of my own design and creation, and I'm becoming more aware of that.

This week I’m going to look at a small free starter house to move to the property but it can’t be moved until the spring.  I’m also looking to buy a mid-sized used excavator to do the Earthworks/ponds.

Probably not much of a catch, but perhaps I am, and...  I’m working on it.  Lol.  I’ll be 54 in January ‘24.  

Hi all,
I am 60 years old and terminally single. I am an artist looking for land up north I am in New England. And I do have a tiny house and I would like to start a small farm. I still don’t know if I want animals that’s a whole other level of work ( well definitely chickens at the very least) but I absolutely want to be in the mountains and off the grid and near a water source, and very much away from most people.

I have built small structures and work with herbs, can, cook, and garden. I’m a non religious spiritual person who loves wildlife, trees, plants and respects all life.  

It would be so nice to have a partner although it seems like it might be easier to win the lottery at this point in my life. But as I read through this lovely thread, I can’t help but see all the other people interested in this lifestyle, many of whom already have their land but some of you -if you don’t have land and you’d like to contact me - maybe live on my land help out, I don’t know just seeing a lot of other single women out there in my age group and feeling like maybe we could help each other ….. that said, I know it gets complicated though when you put a couple of humans together lol. Just thinking out loud, but  if I could choose the best possible outcome for myself, it would be to find someone again and head on into my last third of my life with a partner.

If not, I’ll do it alone and sublet to people and look for help that way -maybe I could woof, etc. But having a partner would be lovely. I’m not willing to relocate out of New England.  

I think it’s so wonderful that there are people our age also willing to do this. I’ve waited my whole life to do this and I’ve wanted to do this my whole life. And I can’t wait. Good luck to everyone here.

Give me a shout if you want to stay in contact as friends etc. Agirllllll@gmail.com

What a great post!

I just turned 53, and while I always knew I'd go off-grid, the past several years inclined me to step up my game and get away from the city I'd been working in for much of my adult life.

While it would have been beneficial to wait until I had some more things situated, I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. My job, the city, the traffic, crime, and all the things going on in our world.. I just wanted out. So in March 2023, I moved to my property full time. My 28 year old son chose to make the move with me however, his job has him traveling 85% of the time. My job's role has changed a few times + they made me part-time, as they are not fond of employees working remotely. Still, I am grateful for the employment I do have and it is enough.

I was raised in the country and we had a huge garden, hunted for meat (or raised it), utilized a wood stove and all the things of a normal homestead. So I came here already having some skills. Also brushed up on some things I couldn't quite remember or that I needed to learn. And did my best to acquire and prepare prior to moving in. But ultimately, I moved in with no insulation or many amenities to make life more convenient. That said, I often feel as though I'm living like I'm camping.. but I do enjoy it! Things are taking much longer than I anticipated to accomplish and I do realize some of that has to do with my age, though I am in pretty good shape for 53. The world continues to spin and bit-by-bit, I'm making progress. As important, I am learning to breathe again. To just 'be'.

Been single for over 7 years, mostly because I had worked so many hours at above-mentioned job that I didn't have time/energy left for much else. Though did try to get something going in Oct 2022, but it turned out he was already in a relationship (he lied to me about that.) Have attempted dating sites, but found them full of scammers and catfish. The rare exception seemed to be men who only wanted to hookup. I'm not about one-night-stands or FWB. Ended up deleting my profiles out of frustration. Dating has changed exponentially since I was younger. I don't 'get' the rules. And the sense of detachment goes against who I am as a person.

Being introverted, I do not mind being alone, and can entertain myself with a plethora of tasks and interests. And I've learned that I actually do not even like leaving my land. Not even when I have to drive to the nearest town for supplies. However, I will admit that I wonder if I will grow old alone. I do miss the idea of being in a partnership and all that goes with it. But I'm also realizing that I'm not willing up leave this place I'm now at.. and many men already have their own digs. I suspect it would be rare to encounter anyone with whom I could feel a mutual connection, who would also be willing to move here and make a life with me on my land. Unless maybe they have a place in a different part of the country and we'd decide to bounce between both places through the year? I don't know how that would work..

I do wonder where my soulmate is. Is he in a tree stand somewhere? Or way back in the boonies building his own off-grid life?

Hi I am dropping a line to day hi. I am not always in Nunavut LOL

In fact sadly I will be selling -- I am not sure how safe I am.

I sure hope we don't get more covid
But we will

I would love to join a bootcamp in Montana in 2025 or 2026 if no covid. I want to learn a lot more.

The border is a problem if we get more covid, but we had a border problem with Quebec too: after masses of people were allowed to sneak over from Vermont, police stopped Ontarians getting to their Quebec properties that got ransacked at best.

I had an eye opener in how unsafe I was if neighbors were going to get hungry. Many of us stockpile food: no stores and just too expensive in gas and time to drive 90 minutes for food but hardly anyone else grows/raises theirs.

No way to get gasoline for a while during covid (mountain passes with uo to 12 foot snowfall or you must cross police lines if allowed -- even for the post office -- no I didn't try a second time, thank God for Nunavut plates)

I will not store more gas than usual: under 20gal

I do need to supplement food and have a farmer, but I currently have 150 meat pigeons for food security and soil building, who get whole grain I buy in the fall. That number dwindles as our cooper's hawk takes her tax. I prefer this to municipal taxes so we we're all good: she takes the stupid ones and the fall babies, and i get a hardier flock.

Seasons greetings to all!

Excited to see this forum and this particular thread.  I'm stuck in a large city on the East Coast of US and am at a point where I'm trying to a) find where best to live, b) find a community to join or start up, and c) if something more relationship wise happens, even better.  

Raquel McIntosh wrote: a) find where best to live, b) find a community to join or start up, and c) if something more relationship wise happens, even better.  

Yes I am open to where, and ideally a community which is why I thought boot camp would be a great idea: learn about what works for a community

It is logical there would be more women and we're tougher than many think!

I've probably given up on a relationship but I'm okay with that. Friendship begins to be more important, which is why I joined this thread

I've been reading this thread while. I'm the guy without land. It would be wonderful to find a compatible lady with a place in the country who is or wants to be gardening and living simply and would like a friend, help and maybe some romance. I'm 65 and use only alternative forms of healing- no meds for me. I hike, wander in the woods, read a lot, play a little guitar, forage for medicinals and have tools and can fix most things that aren't computerized- then I have to get lucky .

Happy new years Steve !
I had to laugh-- the guy with no land!
I thought I would see who else likes to spend new years doing nothing but hang out on permies!

Happy New Year to you also and everyone else. 'Let's hope it's a good one. Without any fear.'- J Lennon

My name is jason I am 52 single and still very healthy and single and lonely I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life I would love to help with a homestead I know some about plant and can learn and I can work email me at jasonw41971@gmail.com I would love to talk

I understand, I am 56 widower with my own homestead in central NH.

Hi Jon! 20 years ago in April, I bought my homestead for 24k usd in frontier-land of the Gatineau mountains, and dropped out of the rat race, the same time I was at the notary's getting the title, my partner dropped dead of a heart attack at 46. Left me and my 10 yr old son. Not safe at all! I prayed for strength: I got trials! I prayed for more strength and got more trials! Now I count my blessings and somewhere along the way I have gotten really strong LMAO! I have had my latest biting rescue dog for 10 years: const.Tonto LOL  -- one of my blessings

Welcome to the lonely hearts club garden party

[quote=Tom Berens]Would like to have a life partner but it seems at are age they are all set at there homestead and settled in, or they are looking to leave the rat race at any cost.[/quote] I am willing to go work beside the right man. That man is hard to find since I am Torah observant and looking for the same.

My name is jason I am looking for a partner for the rest  of my life I am 52 good health I don’t have land you can e mail my if you would like to get to know each other email jasonw41971@gmail.com

Helen you have your priorities straight and thats what matters most . God bless you. I hope you find your Torah man soon

Well I am selling hopefully this summer, anyway soon. Things are getting more and more squirrelly for anglophones in my neck of the frontier. I have lived in many places, and ready for the next chapter wherever that may be. Meanwhile, I am overwintering in Iqaluit Nunavut and I am dressed for walking around. Life is short, and I am happy being alone, but I would love to have a real soul mate, it's true. But he would need to be a non drinker or a once a year drinker, and I can't live with tobacco smoke, and am not interested in a heavy pot smoker. It would be really nice if he were a permie or a homesteaders though.

Ra Kenworth wrote:Helen you have your priorities straight and thats what matters most . God bless you. I hope you find your Torah man soon

Thank you and I pray your perfect lady come quickly too

Lol Ra is short for Rachel and I have only ever been into men. Lol I got so sick of Rrra-shell and being corrected, I figured if they can say Raymond, they can say Ray

So it stuck and I like Ra better

Besides, when looking for old Dodge parts or shared accommodation I didn't want to give away too early that I am female

Hey if I am missing out because the men think I am gay that's OK lol

Ra Kenworth wrote:Lol Ra is short for Rachel and I have only ever been into men. Lol I got so sick of Rrra-shell and being corrected, I figured if they can say Raymond, they can say Ray

So it stuck and I like Ra better

Besides, when looking for old Dodge parts or shared accommodation I didn't want to give away too early that I am female

Hey if I am missing out because the men think I am gay that's OK lol

I am sorry Rachel then in that case I pray your man come speedily. I also only like men.

Lol it's all good! Really hard to offend me lol. One of the best ways to get to know someone is having a good laugh together!