Introducing kids to people that are "different" from ourselves

So me and wifey homeschool our 5 kids. We very much enjoy introducing our children to all sorts of new experiences and people. We feel that this is a huge part of our chidren's education and learning to be decent human beings. But, sometimes, it can be hard to do. It's nice if interesting people walk into our lives organically. As example, right now we're hosting 2 college kids from estonia that happened to be going door to door selling books in our town. It's been fun and good for the kids. But we'd like to introduce other people, and the problem is, we  worry about if asking people to come over for dinner or whatever might come off as bizarre or make them feel like some sort of sideshow freak. For example.....our kids have a very few gay friends. But they don't talk about it. I think it would be good for my kids to meet people of other preferences, who can discuss it from their adult point of view in a way appropriate for children. But  would it be super weird to go up to a gay person I'm aquainted with and say "hey, you're gay, come have dinner so my kids can meet a gay person"? Same with other people that are different from our own family. I'd love to have a black person, for example, come and talk to them in a casual setting about what it's like to be black,  but I don't want to make someone feel like a circus sideshow freak either, like I'm just putting them on display for my kids to examine and ohh and ahh over. I'd love for my kids to meet a muslim person, but I don't want to make someone feel like their religion is being put on the stand. I'd love for my kids to meet and talk with a homeless person, without making someone feel like bum. I can think of all sorts of people that I'd like for my kids to meet, these are just some examples of course.

So I'm curious, fellow homeschoolers, how do you introduce your kids to people that are "different" than yourselves? Or do you avoid it? Afterall, I'm aware that thats why some people choose to homeschool, to avoid putting their children around certain people groups and to avoid introducing certain ideas to their children.

I am not a homeschooler, but I was at one point a child that was not exposed to the 'realities' of the world.

I would HIGHLY encourage you to consider instead of bringing someone into your environment where they might feel out of place, consider opportunities to bring your kids into THEIR environment (That is safe and appropriate).

An example I can bring up is community group potlucks. I went to an event hosted by a predominantly black church community organization and it was a wonderful culture shock. People were welcoming, conversations were plenty, and I felt I had a truer authentic impression of this particular local demographic by experiencing it. People are people, sometimes its hard to get a true sense from a pointed conversation.

Libraries might hold events, especially historical, that can lead to this learning experiences. Museums as well.

I applaud you for wanting to make sure your children are well rounded. I hope you find something that works for you!

Hi James,

I would contact leaders of the groups you mention and present your “problem “ the same way you have here. Ask for their input and advice.

Sometimes it's easy to figure out what a leader is -- I bet it's easy to find a Muslim or Jew to come have (halal/kosher) dinner just by reaching out to a mosque or temple. But who are black and gay and homeless leaders? And I think a substantial portion of homelessness is caused by addiction or other mental health issues, you'd want to be careful about who you brought into your kids' lives.

It's a laudable goal and a bit of a thorny problem.

Hi James,
I'm going to try to be generic, so I don't end up in Cider Press territory :)

I don't think I would want to actively try to introduce my kids to people different from me. I know that sounds horrible at face value, but hear me out.

First, I don't think I could ever succeed. There are a bazillion people different from me, and I would never be able to introduce my kids to all of them. There is just not enough time. Also, it puts the focus on the differences. Different color skin, different idea of family, or different religious beliefs. I don't like focusing on those things. We are all people. Just treat all people with respect and according to their actions regardless of those differences.

Secondly, I believe it is a parent's job to teach children right from wrong. Parents want their children to make their own decisions, but some people take this to an extreme and never teach the child anything. They ended up with some very confused children with a lot of problems later in life. My philosophy for kids is much like it is with plants. You do your best to protect them when they are young and vulnerable, and prepare them for life in the garden. Some things like skin color I just let it happen naturally. My kids have some friends of different color skin and its not a big deal because no one focuses on that. For the belief system stuff, I think the kids should be older before they are exposed to some things. Much like I wouldn't want my tomato seedling exposed to cutworms and a hailstorm when its still only a few inches high.

***Please note, I am NOT saying all differences are like cutworms and hailstorms :) I am just trying to make an analogy that the plant is not ready for that yet, and I think sometimes kids are exposed to things before they are ready.

I like all these ideas. We're just a "regular" family, white folks living in a small midwest town, go to church etc etc etc. People that grow up that way sometimes tend to not get a lot of experience with people unlike themselves. The same is true of people that grow up anywhere, really. If I had been born to a muslim goat herder on the plains of uzbekistan, I likely wouldn't meet a lot of nonmuslim goat herding uzbekistanis.)  We're just trying to broaden our kids experiences beyond what they find in their local neighborhood.

James Bridger wrote:I like all these ideas. We're just a "regular" family, white folks living in a small midwest town, go to church etc etc etc. People that grow up that way sometimes tend to not get a lot of experience with people unlike themselves. The same is true of people that grow up anywhere, really. If I had been born to a muslim goat herder on the plains of uzbekistan, I likely wouldn't meet a lot of nonmuslim goat herding uzbekistanis.)  We're just trying to broaden our kids experiences beyond what they find in their local neighborhood.

There are so many things I would like to say, but it was turning into a rant

I will just say that most of the rural world lives their whole life with people like themselves, and... provided there is no superiority thing going on... there is nothing wrong with that either.

I grew up in upper-middle-class suburbs. My natural peers were educated white working people. In 1980, I volunteered to participate in a desegregation program and went to a magnet school ten miles from my house (which is a big deal in the city). My fifth through eighth grades were at a school that was just slightly over 50% black students and probably 90% poorer than my family. It was the single most valuable formative experience of my life.

Hang out at Walmart lol
(with supervision of course!!!)

meeting those different from you can be huge. i applaud that you want to do so. i agree with timothy that bringing your family to those ‘others’ is likely better. is there a soup kitchen or food pantry that you could volunteer at as a family? ethnic food events that you could go to to meet people? family-friendly pride events? without knowing how big or how diverse your town is, i’m not sure exactly what to recommend, but there are likely a lot of possibilities.

In the case of homeless people, search for an organization that provides hands on services . For example having your family spend a Saturday assisting in a “soup kitchen” could be useful.   As has been brought up, there are potential dangers. Be sure those have been evaluated.  Keeping your children within eye contact at ALL times would be prudent.  I have worked in human services most of my life.  I can’t count the number of times I have been invited to go to the bathroom with someone.  I often worked with the worst of the worst, so am not trying to paint a picture that all are dangerous, but it just takes one.

We have homeschooled "since the beginning" and my eldest is almost 19, about to go to college. We are white organic farmers in a very white area of Wisconsin and I loathe to think I am raising close-minded children that don't welcome differences and diversity in their lives without judgement, curiosity and/or compassion.

Think about how you expose your family to different experiences in and out of your house.

Here's some things we did/do:
- diverse books, lots of intentionally diverse books at all ages and stages
- TALK about it whenever there are teachable moments
- we rent land every year to farmers and most are Hmong. We advocate for them in places where our culture hasn't served them well or they feel intimidated, we process chickens together (kids don't but they know it happens), we share food, our kids play together during harvest season, we are going to a renter's wedding soon...it's just being friends really. landshare programs are great if you have land.
- volunteer anywhere- some of ours have been food pantries, refugee support non-profits, serving food at shelters, fixing bikes for kids in need, 4-H/fairs
- Our Whole Lives is a modern sexuality course taught through Unitarian churches that is FAB if you can find one
- Outschool- online classes on absolutely any subject matter and taught be people all over the world; you can seek out well reviewed teachers of different ethnicities or backgrounds to have exposure that you do not have in your community, AND you can find classes/conversations addressing the topics directly
- attend camps, converences, etc in the region based on interests and seek diversity there- primitive skills, herbalism, homeschooling conferences (SEA is secular but an option)
- seek out ehtnic restaurants and cook diverse foods, sometimes part of unit study
- we have friends of various political beliefs and talk about it
- listen to podcasts like The Moth
- host exchanges (just dropped off a 14yo this morning to head back to Spain)
- "adopt" kids through holiday gift-giving programs- they often requested things like electric razors, craft supplies, pillows, socks, basketballs...
- travel, support local/indigenous economies

One really difficult incident we encountered homeschooling was going out for lunch at an arcade across from a suburban school. It didn't dawn on me that it was lunchbreak at the high school across the street. The place got BUSY.  It was a diverse bunch and fine, despite being hectic and full. Same day the next week, we went for tacos across from a different high school and the same thing happened (duh, still lunch hour)- inundated with high school students. My two kids and I were the only white people in the packed restaurant, which is so unusual (or so I thought) in our region. It was a sea of all black teens (I did not see a single brown, Latino, Hmong, only 100 or so black students). There were fist fights and black eyes, choking, swearing, name calling, throwing backpacks, leaving backpacks and coats in street puddles- it was mayhem. We finished our lunch and got in our car and drove a block before being blocked by a  fistfight in the street. With not a single adult around but me, feeling entirely ill-equipped and responsible, I told my kids to lock the car after I left and I'd be right back. Just as I was getting out a teacher ran up and broke up the fight. Whew!

That was really hard to explain, such contrast in experience and only different neighborhoods. We talked A LOT about entitlement, gangs, suppression, history of racism and current racism, public schools and how they aren't very resilient places or accommodating for many, etc, etc. It was a pivotal learning experience and we were just eating tacos. You can absolutely invite diversity and understanding into your life without asking someone to come "teach" it.

Jay's Story Time

Once upon a time, a young Jay lived in a Canadian, white, urban neighbourhood and attended an almost totally white Elementary school. (We had 1 Asian student and if you count them as "not quite white" 3 or so Italian students out of something like 700 students.)

Jay's parents got the newspaper every day and Jay was a good reader, so she read about arguing and fighting in the USA about "segregation" and "Black Civil Rights" and how the "white neighbourhoods" didn't want black kids attending their school. She had never met a black person. She didn't understand the problem.

Then near Christmas, Jay's dad held a party for the people he worked with. He introduced Jay to a very tall, very black man. Jay looked waaayyyyyy up, and thought to herself, "he looks just like all the other really big, scary adult strangers I'm supposed to be polite to - what difference does the colour make???" and she shook his hand.

The End*

So I would look for some sort of group that your family would gravitate to anyway - a permaculture group, an environmental group, a hiking group, etc. Try to find one that already has a wider social base than your children have been exposed to, and start there. I am concerned that too many of the "charitable" organizations, are all about helping the Givers feel good about themselves, rather than the Receivers really getting a hand up without being made to feel poor. I've read a couple of books and articles about that problem, and how it does much harm to people. How many "soup kitchens" do you know of that invite the meal takers to wash their hands and come help serve?  The people receiving food from the food bank being asked if they'd like to come and pick fruit being donated?  

*Yes, considering that happened about 60 years ago, it's as accurate as I can remember.  

It's common actually, to sit and eat with folks coming for free meals. That's what the program does that our family has participated in. There are also a few programs around here that have kids from urban schools/programs harvest food on our farms to use for various business endeavors, classes, etc...."teach a man to fish" and eating alongside with them, etc. Those programs absolutely exist in many communities. Both are helpful! It's not about being heroic, it's helping where help is needed. More stuff to talk about as we lend a hand.

I have always felt that it is a good thing to get kids involved in sports and other activities outside the home when they are young.

Bring young they will be exposed to others that are different then themselves.  This way these folks are not so different/

You could also look for homeschool meetups in your area. I know in our area, the homeschool population is very diverse. There's people of all sorts of religions, ethnicities, orientations, political-leanings, ideology, philosophies, etc.

Sure, they're all homeschoolers, so we all share that in common. But there's a lot my kids learn from the fellow homeschoolers we meet.

We have a somewhat similar issue as we live in a very small French village with very little diversity and little tolerance for any diversity (overwhelmingly they vote ‘extreme right’).

Solutions will depend on your geographic setting. If you have a reasonable sized city nearby, there would be lots of organizations that have people of diverse backgrounds/origins/ethnicities/orientations/worldviews.
I grew up in a Unitarian Church (Vancouver Canada). I did not become a believer in God; that wasn’t a necessary aspect of that (very liberal) community. There were hard core atheists, Buddhists, Baha’i, every religion and every shading. What they all shared was a commitment to a more just world and respect for the choices of others. That upbringing made me who I am: a feminist, lifelong gay ally, fighter for social justice and the environment.
I’m not saying that specific community is the solution; just that there are groups, organizations and communities who have diverse members and diverse values. Go visit them instead of asking them to visit you. Your kids (and you) will see more range instead of one token representative of a certain ‘other’.

I like the idea of going and doing things with people and exposing the kids to difference and diversity that way.  As a person with multiple disabilities I think organic interactions are really the best, as you've already noticed, but short of organic interactions, taking the kids to events and places seems like the best way to go.

If I had a neighbour who asked me, after a couple of times of saying hi, "Would you come over so my kids can learn about disabilities?"  I would be conflicted.  I mean food is yummy, and I applaud the goal of making sure homeschooled kids aren't too sheltered, ... but it would feel peculiar to be invited over for that specific reason.  Maybe if that neighbour were covert enough that I wasn't wise to what was up then I'd slide in and meet that family's desires.

But on the other hand honesty is good. ... I'm glad this has never happened before, even though I wish more homeschooling families cared enough to do it for their kids.

Yeah I'm a contradictory mess haha sorry.