Jennie Little wrote:
When we have a bad day, universally, people tend to dismiss the issue. Because we cope and cope well most of the time, that does not mean that we always will.
I hear you Jennie and it must be incredibly frustrating, and at times very scary. Triggers aren't like simple light switches, they're like the annoying 3 way switch for a motion sensor light someone installed on our property - the reaction depended on the time of day, whether the garage switch was in the up or down position, and whether the hallway switch was in the up or down position - my husband was the only person who seemed to be able to get the thing to do what we wanted it to (and *not* do what we didn't want it to do) and he's an electrical engineer. The human body is far more complex and doesn't come with an owner's manual. Simple things like how much sleep you got last night, coupled with your body fighting a virus, coupled with an unexpected noise raising your hormone level, to any number more factors can make the difference in a moment.
I don’t always have any warning.
Pearl Sutton wrote: maybe he has stuff you can make the fence out of.
Sometimes the first step to solving a problem is to find a safe place to rant. You aren't the first and you won't be the last - the trick is to rant politely and nicely!
This seems like it's just a rant, so no problem if it gets deleted.
Pearl Sutton wrote:Joshua: I vote for a good fence with rowdy vines.
Whatever climate you are in, something grows fast and amok.
And maybe he has stuff you . . . .
*********And in the end, it's MUCH easier to change my reaction to people than to change them.**********
Tereza Okava wrote:wow. that`s a lotta stuff.
You`re lucky you don`t have dengue or other mosquito-borne illnesses to worry about. Neighbor stuff is so hard, and hoarding is even harder. It is a fire hazard, a public health hazard, etc, but you have to deal with the guy and his kids looking at you.
A good friend of mine had a sunbathe-in-a-speedo party in response to a jerky neighbor looking into his yard. It ended with them in court, multiple times, not advised. I think sunchokes are an excellent idea, as soon as possible (probably grow faster than anything else.... do they stay in the winter?)
(as for the hoarding. my mother accumulated 35 years of crap and I had to help her get rid of it to sell her house. I am probably the only kid she`ll listen to, and I still had a heck of a time convincing her and there were lots of angry words, even though I tried really hard. And yet she listened to me, if it were a neighbor i probably would have been shot. You`re in a hard position. if the kids don`t see a problem, there`s not much you can do besides call the health department, and then deal with the consequences. I`d be planting things ASAP.)
Pearl Sutton wrote:Joshua: I vote for a good fence with rowdy vines. Whatever climate you are in, something grows fast and amok. And maybe he has stuff you can make the fence out of.
Personally, if it were my neighbor, I'd be asking him if I could have the stuff he can't use, and do things I want out of it, I'm a reuser type. I'd LOVE a bunch of the panels off those appliances to make garden beds etc... and I'd have begged for or offered to buy that spiral staircase the minute I saw it!! I'll trade you neighbors, I'll take yours, you can have the one I have who sprays chemicals and mows the grass obsessively to 2 inches high. :D
In the end, if I want to be free to do what I want on my property (like garden where I want to) I feel I need to accept other people's choices too. And my choice includes rowdy vegetation so we don't have to look at each others choices. My last home I had bamboo along all my fence lines, I had a very private place in the middle of a tight packed neighborhood, I'm with you, I like my privacy, people wear me out mentally. And in the end, it's MUCH easier to change my reaction to people than to change them.
Jay Angler wrote:Joshua Bertram wrote:Sometimes the first step to solving a problem is to find a safe place to rant. You aren't the first and you won't be the last - the trick is to rant politely and nicely!
This seems like it's just a rant, so no problem if it gets deleted.
Tereza's suggestion about turning the tables is excellent - if the neighbor feels you're helping to make his life better, that's always a good thing. Maybe he'd even let you plant some stuff on his side of the property line?
The important thing here is really identifying how the neighbor's behavior is impacting you as this will help to make sure that the changes you make will actually solve the important issues.
Have you considered suggesting to the guy that if he separated the metal out, he might actually get money for it if he can fill a whole metal recycle bin with it? To some degree, I agree with Pearl that it would be nice to actually get useful reuse ideas going. I've heard of people using the washing machine tops with the doors as chicken pop doors for example. (I've got one in storage and I already know where it will go if I can get the run built, although I admit will be a "duck pop-door".) Maybe put the idea over in the Ungarbage Forum https://permies.com/c/ungarbage and see if we can generate a bunch of ideas that will help move some of the problem? (laundry tubs can make great planters?) That said, if his tendency is to collect until there's no more room for his collection, finding useful things to block the view or planting stuff "for him" that blocks the space you have to look at, might be a better long term solution!
Hang in there!
Jordan Holland wrote: Look at all the great poets, writers, singers, artists: how many of them had issues? But these mental issues are inextricably linked to the art they produced. People who are emotionally strong are needed to be the rocks, the anchors to keep the world running, but it is the emotionally weak who have the ability to make life worth living. I am always reminded of the movie Bladerunner, specifically the "Tears in the Rain" monologue. "I have seen things you people wouldn't believe..." I often feel pity for the strong people who can't feel the depths of emotion that some do. But then, they also don't feel the pain. Everything is a trade-off. In the end, we are all the same. Just imagine what the world would be if both sides worked together!
Pearl Sutton wrote:And then's there's the flip side of what has been mentioned about how how society treats someone with issues: I had severe physical illness ignored because of my mental issues
Pearl Sutton wrote:How many people are falling through the cracks of the medical system, and society's habit of looking at surfaces only, and not causes. Part of what I like about permaculture is we look at the deeper causes of things. I'd love to see more medical people who look at the world like that.
Sarah Koster wrote:
Dude, one time I went to the hospital because I was having a severe asthma attack and it wouldn't calm down on its own. I had taken a shower hoping the water vapor would soothe my lungs, and then not brushed my hair. I hadn't been able to sleep so eventually just went to the hospital to get a breathing treatment. Not only did they NOT treat my asthma attack, they pink slipped me (labeled me as a danger to myself and forcibly kept me in the hospital to be "observed") because I "looked disheveled" after almost dying and not being able to sleep.
But... at least in America we have and ATTEMPT at mental health treatment. Things are changing. We no longer lock people up permanently in glorified prison wards for having bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. (Although we do lock a lot of people in actual prisons because of substance abuse related behavioral problems.) Electrocuting peoples' brains is no longer standard treatment. Some doctors are realizing that our minds are an integral part of our bodies, and vis versa. Something that the medicine men and women and shamans have known all along.
So as much as we are in an age of burgeoning new knowledge, we are also in a dark age of medicine, having lost most of the knowledge and wisdom that was preserved for thousands of years through oral tradition. Thankfully we still are able to preserve some of that knowledge. But I guess in a sense we humans are victims of our own species' success. Not the only victims, heh.
Some places like Japan for example, there's little to no mental health treatment available for most people. There are a lot of suicides and people who lock themselves up in their rooms or apartments and don't come out for years. If they ask for therapy or to see a doctor about these issues, there's a tendency for their family to discourage them ("Don't embarrass us!") and they may be ostracized by classmates, co-workers etc. They still have the cultural assumption that mental health problems are a problem of will or character, and emphasize the importance of not causing trouble for others, to the point that people suffer so much on an individual basis that it very negatively affects their society as a whole. I think it's a holdover from the period of fascist military rule that culminated in Japan's involvement in WWII; anyone dissident was killed in the years leading up to that (and there were many fantastic scholars that were dissident!) so even now the emphasis is on tow the line or be totally ostracized. Anyone who struggles or stands out tends to be psychologically abused by basically everyone else.
Amy Arnett wrote:
Mental health treatment is available to anyone, anywhere. They just have to go. Some clinics will pick you up if you need. If you are embarrassed, you can go to the next town where no one knows you. National health insurance is available to everyone and accepted anywhere in the country. All medication is covered. There is a monthly cap on how much you have to pay. Cost is not a barrier for anyone. No referral is necessary, just go to the doctor you think you need. You don't need to convince a primary care physician that you need a specialist, you just go to the specialist.
My experience with Japanese doctors has mostly been positive. They have listened compassionately and never dismissed anything I've said. Of course, I read up on the doctors I choose, so of course there will be some doctors who are not so great...There is no in-network bullshit, I can go to the qualified doctor that's 50 miles away without any insurance problems. And I could likely get there without a car using pubic transportation.
Suicides and hikikomori (staying inside) are issues for sure and complicated. I don't think it's for lack of access anymore. There is still some stigma depending on where you are or who you are with. But if families were found to deny medical treatment, they would be charged with abuse and neglect. I have seen it on the news a couple times, but it's not the general culture anymore.
I am correctly diagnosed and treated thanks to a Japanese doctor. I never have to worry about the cost of medication for the rest of my life. I, even as a foreigner (granted I speak japanese), have experienced less barriers and more compassion in Japan than I ever did in the US. Sorry to jump on your post, Sarah, I just didn't want anyone reading to be put off Japan.
I'm fortunate to have found a very open minded village with new residents coming from all over with new ideas. We kind of joke that our village attracts people who couldn't take the mainstream culture and want to live in peace and heal the earth. The only difference to consider would be that sometimes drugs that are approved in the US take some years to then be approved in Japan, so anyone coming to Japan with medication should check on that.
Pearl Sutton wrote:
How many people are falling through the cracks of the medical system, and society's habit of looking at surfaces only, and not causes. Part of what I like about permaculture is we look at the deeper causes of things. I'd love to see more medical people who look at the world like that.
Sarah Koster wrote:
So maybe the documentary I watched was outdated or just incorrect? It stated that therapy is not covered by health insurance, is very expensive and that there are not enough therapists or doctors trained in psychiatry to be able to treat most of the people who need it. Maybe my source of information is just incorrect?
That would be very encouraging. I actually want to go WWOOFing in Japan (I got my degree in Japanese, but I'm still not fluent, how lame is that?) but my concerns about persistent depression and PTSD and potentially being unable to cope have held me back. (And now the virus and such.) I assumed I would just frighten people. My teachers never gave me that impression, in fact I felt a lot of warmth from them and a very deep connection with them, but they were Japanese expats living in the United States.
Like you I just lie on certain questions whenever I'm getting any kind of medical care. If I tell them I have to talk myself down on a daily basis, or that I fantasize about my death and bodily decay in order to stop panic attacks, they'll invariably put me on a useless 36 or 48 hour hold, which means I'll be in a strange place with lights on and strangers milling about and I won't sleep, which lack of sleep will cause me to become psychotic. So it's better to just lie because they don't know how to differentiate between ideation and intention. "No no doctor it's okay, I don't want to kill myself, I just don't want to be alive." But I refuse any meds because they make my symptoms worse so they give up and let me out eventually.