The aging homesteader

Carla Burke wrote: .....Even John isn't usually surprised if I disappear for 3 - 5hrs, because I'll go out, working on livestock needs, farm maintenance, or even just foraging/ walking our land. I *usually* try to remember to tell him where I'm going, what I'm doing, if I'm definitely going to be outside for more than 15 - 20 minutes. But, not always - particularly if there is something on my mind or needing time alone (or if I'm pissed off at him) .
....

Same with my wife.....right down to the fine print! ;-)  Even though neither of us are cell-phone huggers, I've tried to impress upon her to keep her phone on her when out feeding several large animals, none of which are behind fencing.  Someone brought up the idea of a whistle during an emergency, which actually might be better if like a referee's whistle....she might be more willing to have that around her neck than a cell phone in her pocket.

Earlier this year on a cross-country ski, I fell in a rather deep pocket of snow about a mile from the house and could not get up...never had that problem before, but since the stroke, strength, balance, and coordination all impaired and it's like learning to walk all over again.  That brief flash of becoming coyote food crossed my mind before methodically removing skis and clearing snow to stand back up. Now today dealing with large LGD who came up lame at end of last week....won't put rear foot down.  Getting dogs into cars for vet visits never easy with these breeds, but we're at the 'creative ramp' phase of animal shuttling and hope we can get her to walk up the ramp into the back of the SUV.  Seriously considering a used, low-cost mini-van as a replacement for such purposes.  As they say, aging ain't for the faint of heart...  :-/

John Weiland wrote:...we're at the 'creative ramp' phase of animal shuttling and hope we can get her to walk up the ramp into the back of the SUV.  Seriously considering a used, low-cost mini-van as a replacement for such purposes.  As they say, aging ain't for the faint of heart...  :-/

A friend bought a second hand wheelchair lift designed to fit on a hitch socket. It might be cheaper than running a second vehicle.

Dorothy, Sorry about your hip! I wish you a speedy recovery!

I realize that this video will not help if someone has broken a bone, but if anyone has trouble getting up off the floor and is not injured, check it out! This doctor gives 4 methods of getting up, and suggests practicing them (along with some related exercises at the end of the video) every day, in order to prevent not being able to get up.
Do your sit-ups and squats, everyone!

https://youtu.be/J1JfWe1YL-U?si=aBrBd96Zkx1nQ2Qe


And here's me doing a hip exercise that I would teach my tai chi class if I had one. (haven't taught much since the pandemic)
It's slow & can be done at any level. It's good for flexibility, strength (if you put your feet farther apart as you get better), moving lymphatic fluids (the opening & closing part I talk about), and coordination (many things are going on at once).

https://youtu.be/Y3BZDP2h8NQ?si=RXKX3FZQrcq7LA_U

I finally used a measuring tape and realized a new sidewalk would not be needed for a ramp….at least not a major one.  Allowing for a 1:12 ramp rise, the ramp itself would cover around 30+ feet.  Then there is the issue of someone working their way up such a ramp.  I figure it will need 1 or 2 landings …level areas…where a person could take a rest.  Now I am trying to figure out if it needs to be covered.  I can see where keeping at least some ice and snow off of it could be an advantage.

John F Dean wrote:...........Now I am trying to figure out if it needs to be covered.  I can see where keeping at least some ice and snow off of it could be an advantage.

We battle the snow-on-ramp issue poorly, but in a way that may work out for your situation, depending on the length of ramp needed.  Carpet stores that have remnants often will have strips of durable, exterior use carpet for relatively cheap.  We try to buy 2'-wide sections of variable length, then cut down accordingly.  The key....which we can't keep up with during bad winters....is to roll them up before a storm.  Then after snow is mostly removed from the ramp after a storm, just unroll the carpet piece over the frozen ramp for use again.  Our house pig, Wilbur, will not go out to pee if the carpet is too full of ice! (eyeroll..).   If I forget to roll it up ahead of time, the ice and snow-encrusted carpet piece is dragged into the basement where it slow melts and drains into the sump-pump hole....dry extra pieces in the garage are substituted until the original piece is ready again for use.  Most of these remnant pieces will last 5+ years and remain on the ramp through the summer.  Maybe even a short term fix before you can build ramp covers on them.....?  Good luck!

I would imagine pushing oneself up any ramp that long, in the rain would be incredibly uncomfortable and difficult. I've had to use a wheelchair on carpet - even on a level surface, it can be incredibly difficult, depending on the type of carpet, of course. My experience was with the Atlanta airport's carpet. It gave too much resistance. I think a cover/roof, if you can manage it, over the ramp would be a wonderful feature, for both safety and comfort.

I am examining how I built my back deck and stairs.  I overbuilt at critical points so that if a board rotted without being noticed it would not end in disaster.  I am envisioning a person going up the ramp by themselves and having a board fail.  It is clear I will build it myself.  Past experiences have told be that if I  hire someone, they will take shortcuts I don’t want to take.

I think someone mentioned flat "rest" areas and that is critical.
Make them big enough that if someone gets a bit out of control, the flat area will help them stop?

Whatever slope has been recommended, try to find a ramp and a wheelchair you can borrow, and see how it feels. Shallower is definitely better. A 10% slope seems like not much until you're elderly and in a wheechair!

Hi Jay,

Nice point. The most common recommended ratio is 12 feet of length for every 1 ft of rise.  I love it that here in the states people who have never read the Americans with Disabilities Act will quickly attribute various measures to the Act.  All the ADA says is “ reasonable accommodation”. ( Because others will be reading this well into the future, in some instances a 1:8 ratio is used.   My feeling is that the person in the chair might appreciate the more gentle slope.)

Good point on the landings.  My current plan is to place them where the ramp takes a 90 degree turn.  I may have a third one added one. One key issue is to allow enough space for the person and a helper to turn around at the landings.   I originally thought 4x 4 feet.  I am now thinking 6x6 might be more to the point.

Yes, I /we have a WC.   Of course, there needs to be a realization that another WC might have different dimensions.  

I find planning is everything.   I have been putting off moving some heavy stuff around.  Things that I could move by myself 20 years ago are more of a challenge.  The problem is I can still move them, but the risk of injury is much higher.  Anyway, it’s time to bring in a helper to put in a few hours work.   So far my wife and I have come up with list of 6 items that need to be moved up  steps or from outside to inside. Of course to do that, I need to open up the areas when they need to go.  That involves finishing a couple of projects.  In the end, it is not simply a matter of making a phone call to have someone come over. Rather there is a need to schedule the day a few weeks in advance.

John F Dean wrote:moving some heavy stuff around.....bring in a helper to put in a few hours work.  ..... That involves finishing a couple of projects. ....

The planning is a pain, but I think wise.

A couple of years ago we had 4 people in our close circle die from falls during the same year (one lingered a bit, the others were immediate. Only one was "aging".).
We are both over 50, but active. Still, my husband and I made a pact that neither would go up a ladder, for whatever reason, without the other one at the bottom.
This means that we need to plan ladder-based activities ahead of time, like you mention. He wants to patch the roof at his business, he has to wait for me to be available. This inevitably leads us to identify other two-person projects to sort out while I'm there in order to not waste the trip.
It's more planning but I think ultimately useful. Still, another list on the fridge to catch those ideas....

I found that breaking jobs into tiny chunks helped me more than anything. I used to push through a whole garden row in one go, and then I'd be wiped out for days. Now I set a timer, do a bit, rest, and come back later. I also swapped a lot of bending work for rolling seats and long-handled tools. It feels slower, but I get more done in the long run without feeling wrecked.

Agreed! John and I also have an agreement about ladders. Anything more than the little,  purple, folding stepstool, we keep in the kitchen is a 'team-lift' activity. We have other similar ones, too. I no longer mess with fencing, unless he's home, and knows what I'm doing. Neither of us uses the chainsaw, without the other nearby. Heavy things to move are leveraged onto/ into a cart, dolly, wagon, or sled, rather than lifted and carried...

Decreased balance as part of aging is well documented and common. Adding some balance exercises to your daily or several times/week routine is well worth it and can help maintain/improve balance up to a point.

It may not be symmetrical either. I can balance better with my eyes closed on my left foot than my right? I wouldn't have guessed that there would be a difference!

Hi Tereza,


Yes, a person I knew a few years back fell off a ladder while cleaning gutters.  He was on blood thinners. He bled out.

I have my hired helper coming over July 1 to help me with a number of tasks … mostly moving heavy stuff.  My wife and I are making a list.  One goal is especially important; we are trying to put in a second laundry room.  This one to be upstairs. Those basement stairs will be challenging in another decade.  Another one is to move a wood heating stove to the fireplace.  I do love the open fire, but heat is pretty important too. Anyway,  I have finally gained enough sense to realize I can do serious damage to myself by trying to lift stuff I shouldn’t.

Ain’t it the truth, John!

I drove to a city near here.. It’s almost a 2 hour drive.  I got in and out of my low to the ground prius several times, these are not a big deal, except that I have right sided pain through my lower back, through the hip joint itself, down the outside of my thigh and calf, extending to my ankle.  It eases when I am lying down, and if I am up too long, first I feel a dull ache, then it gets closer to sharper muscle spasm pain.

I probably need to get a different car because the closest town is half an hour, and that’s the accelerator and brake foot.

Probably the worry/stress of construction on my house for the last month, the beloved puppy killing the chickens and the background stresses contributed.

It’s just one adjustment after another, isn’t it?

And good news and improvements happen!  The other dog, the not chicken killer, who has what I was told was autoimmune and incurable…. I got a new vet who did tissue analysis, changed her drugs, and she is getting better!  More energetic and playful.

The improvements and good news look different than they used to, and I think that making adjustments and accepting limitations like not carrying heavy things, that’s where I feel I have improved over “past me”.
😊

My daily mantra is “ Don’t do dumb things.”

I like it!

It has been 15 weeks since my fall.  The hip is healing nicely and PT is going well with another 4 weeks still ahead of me.  I am lucky that as a disabled vet the VA  or Tricare has covered everything.  But some of the amounts are staggering. The ambulance ride was over $2,000. The home health nurse visits were $120 per visit and the home therapy visits were $150 a visit and I started with 3 visits a week then went down to 2 a week before I was discharged from Home Health and moved to the VA for my PT. The surgery and hospital stay was over $5,000.   And there have been follow up visits with Ortho to monitor how the hip is healing.   That single fall  could have sent us into bankruptcy!

The weeks of limited mobility have affected my stamina so I need to add walking to my regular exercises for PT.  For other vets that may end up in a similar situation.  You can get the docs to order mobility aids from the VA such as walkers or canes and can get shower seats and toilet chairs if needed.  You can also ask for a fall detection watch or pendent if you feel the need for one.

From speaking with others, I get the feeling TriCare is pretty good…though I have heard some negatives.  For people with other coverage in the USA, the Devil is in the details.  Do ask questions about coverage…lots of questions.  Do not stop with …is xxx covered. Ask about % and actual dollars.  Ask about uncovered extras.  I have encounter situations where a person was told that xxx was covered. Then they got the bill.  Yes, xxx was covered….for 10%.  Of course, the base price was so high, that 10% went from having little impact to having a negative impact.

About a year ago, our well meaning MD wrote my wife an Rx for shoes.  He told us the shoes were covered by our insurance.  By the time the sales place finished, those were going to be the most expensive pair of shoes on earth.  Thankfully, I insisted on the details first.

My helper came over July 1.  We knocked out all the heavy lifting in less than an hour.  He is a Hulk Hogan clone. Although having some years on him, he was still well up on his game.  I paid him for the  full hour plus and extra  $5.   He was well worth it.

Jumping in on this older post, has anyone tried using raised garden beds for easier management? As I've gotten older, they make gardening much less physically demanding and a real joy. Also, has anyone found practical solutions for other tasks that have gotten trickier with age? Interested to hear more ideas and learn what's worked for others!

Dylan Simpson wrote:.............has anyone found practical solutions for other tasks that have gotten trickier with age? Interested to hear more ideas and learn what's worked for others!

Likely mentioned already in numerous threads, but I'm ever grateful for the transition over the past few decades to battery-powered tools, from drill/drivers to riding mowers.  A main impediment overcome with these is the need to pull-start gasoline-based machines like chainsaws, tillers, etc.  Installing or replacing a lithium battery pack is far easier and in recent years no longer so deficient in power or run-time.  As the offerings diversify, more items like car jacks and tree pruners are coming out to assist as our strength declines with age.

An ongoing thought that has been in the back of my mind is the purchase of a cargo e-bike.  My rural location demands some access to transportation. Although there is no immediate need ( I am looking off 10 or more years in the future), I am left wondering what happens if I am unable to drive.

A wise thing to consider, John. My dad was on the intersection of a dead end gravel road and a fairly busy, 55mph, paved country road. In his last few years, his little truck had more and more dings, every time I saw it, and though none had happened at that intersection I grew more and more concerned that he would inevitably hit or be hit, there. My uncle finally convinced him to just stop driving, but he absolutely fought against it, for nearly a year, because he hated asking his neighbors down the road to take him places (my uncle was 2.5hrs away, and by then, I was 9hrs away).

My mom is surrounded by close neighbors, but the majority of their little neighborhood is in their 70s & 80s, and not doing all that great, either - plus their little neighborhood is in the middle of nowhere, about 9 miles from the closest... anything. Even an ebike isn't going to work for them, because again - paved, but busy, higher speed roads to get to... anywhere.

My daughter is worried that I'll end up in the same boat - and it's a valid concern. I may not always be able to drive or ride my motorcycle - in fact, I've recently been considering selling it, because last year, I only went out on it 3x, and my little car needs work that we can't afford to get done. I'm only in my 60s, but have physical difficulties, and I'm already feeling the transportation crunch - and like my parents, these roads wouldn't be even remotely safe, on a bike - electric or straight pedal. I haven't found a solution, yet, other than the one already looming - if I lose (my) John, I'll have to sell this place and find something smaller, more manageable, and on safer roads.

Carla Burke wrote:My mom is surrounded by close neighbors, but the majority of their little neighborhood is in their 70s & 80s, and not doing all that great, either - plus their little neighborhood is in the middle of nowhere, about 9 miles from the closest... anything. Even an ebike isn't going to work for them, because again - paved, but busy, higher speed roads to get to... anywhere.

Ugh, this is my mother as well. Her partner is already at the "shouldn't really be driving" stage (but is still doing so) and she really doesn't like to drive, and between the two of them having to go to the VA medical center in the 'big city' it's becoming problematic. For the time being my brother is there and drives them occasionally but... they don't like being driven. And he's not going to be there forever. I'm not sure what's going to happen.

My husband and I (just slightly younger) have been talking about moving out to a farm but I'm also talking to friends of mine who are just slightly older and buying apartments in city centers for their older age: easy transport to health services, culture, etc. Part of me thinks I'm getting ahead of myself (we're only early 50s) but the other part of me wonders if maybe not.

From my perspective, it is important to plan through the “what ifs” well in advance.   When a crisis does hit, there is a much clearer vision of what needs to be done.

Earlier this year I spent some time examining a detailed map of my area.  I was looking for a safer route to town for access to a doctor, pharmacy, hardware, and grocery store.  I found a route that crossed a state highway 1x and added a mile to the trip. All other routes required traveling at least a mile on a state highway.  So I took that as a small victory. And yes, I have driven it in my car.

My choice of car that I recently bought had several factors. One major one was that it was 20+ inches shorter than my previous car.

The one major thing I need to do is to put together a to do list for my wife ..both monthly and yearly…of bills to be paid and routine things to do.   I have 3 trustworthy people lined up who will help in a crisis.

John F Dean wrote:From my perspective, it is important to plan through the “what ifs” well in advance.   When a crisis does hit, there is a much clearer vision of what needs to be done.

Yep....same boat and approach.  So far, I've been able to re-up my driver's license without incident and have not had a requirement for eyeglasses on my licence.  I don't know if that's a testament to the state of my eyes or the examiner, but I'm not complaining about the outcome at this point.  Still, eyesight decline is an important factor of keeping mobile via automobile....at least until we are all buckled into self-driving vehicles! :-/  But this brings up a request and question that I hope is still keeping 'in-topic' for the discussion: Is there already a thread here somewhere on personal/home-based approaches to maintaining eyesight health as we age?  Certainly there will be a never-ending stream of videos and products hawked on the internet at large on this topic, but I'm more interested in members of this group....either exercises, home treatments, garden/herbal-based nutritives, or other such approaches for eyesight health as we nevertheless engage with a natural physical decline.  My longer distance sight is okay....good enough for driving....but I often find reading or small-detail work in need of reader glasses, a headlamp for more focused lighting, or both.  I don't know about others, but I'm also curious with the natural tendency with aging to spend a bit more time each year in that easy chair or propped up in bed if this is impacting your 'screen time' on a phone, laptop, tablet PC or TV.  Are you having to set time limit rules for yourself on this or do you natrually 'self-limit' without the need for a structured time-frame?  Thanks for responses and looking forward to learning what has helped others here.

Tereza Okava wrote: My husband and I (just slightly younger) have been talking about moving out to a farm but I'm also talking to friends of mine who are just slightly older and buying apartments in city centers for their older age: easy transport to health services, culture, etc. Part of me thinks I'm getting ahead of myself (we're only early 50s) but the other part of me wonders if maybe not.

I am very leery of people "moving to the country" to retire for exactly the reasons Tereza mentions. If you genuinely have a multigenerational home, I would be less leery, but those are not the normal North American approach to the problem, although I'm seeing gentle shifts due to our immigrant population setting a good example.

That said, I also wouldn't want an apartment if the area wasn't walkable and welcoming, as I think John Weilands comment about the risk of "just sitting" is very real also. I truly wish we had more of the focus of Britain and Northern Europe about "allotment" gardens being a right, not a privilege as my British Grandparents gardened until they were quite old.

Yes, worry about driving!! A friend had a seizure and here, that means an automatic loss of license for 6 months. I understand the rule - a seizure while driving puts everyone on the road, or near the road, at risk.

However, the Chinese are coming out with some incredibly small electric cars some of which may well qualify as "enclosed mobility scooters". Hopefully people will see their way to start being more accommodating and designing our city/suburb infrastructure to accommodate them. The lighter weight and slower speeds doesn't eliminate risks, but it lowers them. However, we do *not* want them competing with huge pick-up trucks for road space!

Tereza Okava wrote:My husband and I (just slightly younger) have been talking about moving out to a farm but I'm also talking to friends of mine who are just slightly older and buying apartments in city centers for their older age: easy transport to health services, culture, etc. Part of me thinks I'm getting ahead of myself (we're only early 50s) but the other part of me wonders if maybe not.

I was just shy of 55 when we bought this place. I'm 62, now, so it's only been 7yrs. My advice is don't do it. At least, not going 'out to the country', where you'll be far from everything. My strong suggestion would be to just move to the outskirts of town - outside of city limits, where you'll have more space, more freedom to do 'all the things', but still be close to the infrastructure that provides easy access to grocers, healthcare, pharmacy, emergency services, gas stations, friends, entertainment, auto repair, and hardware stores.

Don't get me wrong - I still love our place, and when I/we eventually have to give it up - and it will happen, I'll be heartbroken. I don't regret our move, but, all those things being close is not merely a matter of convenience or 'frivolous' entertainment. Having a vehicle towed for repairs that we can't do ourselves (that would be the vast majority, at this point in our health) is COSTLY. Being 25 minutes from the fire station could cost us our entire farm - being that distance from the ambulance (housed in the same place) could easily cost one or both our lives.

Being this far from the closest stores can and has already, when we're tired or not feeling well, made the trip to town for almost anything, feel like too daunting a chore to bother with, leaving us putting off important things (or missing business hours by 2 minutes!), like meds, repairs on necessary things like plumbing, etc. Going someplace to meet up with friends for coffee ends up killing half a day - or more, making it far too easy to lose touch with important people in our lives that could be a lifeline for us &/or them. It all seems like no big deal, when you're younger, or maybe even not so young, but moving someplace where it feels like it doesn't matter because you don't know anyone, anyway, as was our case. But, lemme tell ya - a spur of the moment lunch or cup of coffee (or tea) might seem like no big deal, when they're easy. But, it can be depressing, when it comes up, and you can't do it, because they only have half an hour to visit, and you can't even get there, before they have to go.

Just goes to show how different we all are.

Before I bought this place, I considered being closer to town, made a few offers on old houses in downtown neighborhoods undergoing gentrification…

I had a contract on a newly built modern custom home with half an acre and some irrigation water.  I quit that contract because of the homeowners’ association.  Vague information, nothing solid, and about to modify their rules, with zero clarity on what they were going to change, and why.  Assurances that “we are all nice people”.  I truly get physical symptoms from such exchanges.

Then before I quit that contract I thought I would look around and see what else there was, just a little further out.

I found this place chest high in junk in the areas of the outbuildings, house filthy, and lots of deferred maintenance.  But I felt it was what I had been wanting all my life…. Clear view of sunset (and sunrise!) broad expanse of bright stars.  My place is the smallest around, so I am surrounded by fields pastures and native “scrub forest”.  It’s quiet, but not isolated.  

What would I do in town with the background noise of traffic, the air tainted with exhaust fumes, the winter inversions and the urban heat island and people still on the xeroscaping bandwagon, complete with landscape fabric and rocks.

I don’t like modern movies, don’t like current trends, am exhausted by the continuous need to accept and adapt to what others are willing to adapt to.  Tired of the neighbors threatening me because they think that’s normal.   Tired of greed because the greedy ones believe “everybody does it”.  I don’t think fighting is ever the answer but many people are unwilling to find common ground.

I am so tired of hype and dishonesty.  These things that sadden me and tire me are no more intrinsic human nature than kindness and generosity.

Here in this out of the way place, people don’t rely on the anonymity of crowds.  People know that what they do does affect others.  I’m not saying there aren’t exhausting people, not in the least, but there are none across a standard suburban street, or just through the wall.

I bet my blood pressure is improving because of how little time I spend mixing with strangers.

I am sitting in my recliner, looking east towards a white aspen trunk and a dramatic sky, distant shadows on the mountains and clouds.  I hear my guinea hens buckwheating away.  The wall I am facing is a “silvery blue”, and I have just changed my mind about the trim outside the window.  I had a color that was too violet.  The silver blue of my interior wall in the same field of vision pushes the violet towards magenta.  I have switched to a blue, sort of the color of chicory flowers and just a darker hue of the silvery blue.

It’s been too hot to paint.  Ladders and tarp and paint buckets are between me and the windows.

It doesn’t matter at all if I do nothing or something.  Usually I choose something.
I planted 45 trees, no taller than 18 inches, trunk about as fat as a match stick.  I water them every other day.  
Next year I hope to have them down to twice a week.  I have construction workers.  Last year they leveled the house and installed supports under the floor.  This year:  rotted decks removed, rotting siding and framing beneath it removed, & replaced.  

As for medical care, the hospital in this county is considered “a good place to die”.  The local ambulance service is staffed by townspeople and have an excellent service, but they are required to take a person to the closest hospital.  I joined a medical practice as a patient… fearing I might end up in the dying place, I joined the practice in the next further town.  If I do end up in the dying place, I have an established relationship with a physician in the better place.  My son or neighbor could transport me…. I am sure I would have to go AMA, and they would try to obstruct my departure. I am 75.25 years old.  I still drive, safely.  😊. I am still healthy.  No meds but glaucoma drops.  The ophthalmologist told me my macular degeneration has progressed a little bit… just in time to try the first treatment that (may) reverse and retard macular degeneration.

But my point in all this rambling is that I am at peace here.  It would be alright if I died in my sleep, but not any time soon!  I might fall and end up lying in the snow one winter.  If so, I’m hoping it will be a clear night with millions and millions of stars.  I will deep breathe and try to hypnotize myself to remain peaceful.

What would I do in town?  Town is about standardization and entertainment for all the people living there.  It’s about people competing with each other.  It’s about majority rules, regardless of what makes sense or if we already tried that.  Town is about “marketing”; not just merchandise but ideas and values.  I spent all but the last decade dedicated to building a better community, teaching others alternatives to fighting.  I may have done tremendous good but it is not the kind of thing that lends itself to being quantified.  I will never know, so I can believe what I want.  I believe the unspoken message is always more powerful than the spoken message.  I wrote a masters thesis on that.  What a paradox, seeking to say in scientific language that what I am not saying is more important.

It’s a crazy old world.

I wanted to do more, but have to give all that up and take care of myself, as my body has said No to participating in that project.  

And so I seek out the song of the meadowlark.  And wonder what will happen next, because as always, this is a world where anything can happen.

I was just shy of 55 when we bought this place. I'm 62, now, so it's only been 7yrs. My advice is don't do it. At least, not going 'out to the country', where you'll be far from everything. My strong suggestion would be to just move to the outskirts of town - outside of city limits, where you'll have more space, more freedom to do 'all the things', but still be close to the infrastructure that provides easy access to grocers, healthcare, pharmacy, emergency services, gas stations, friends, entertainment, auto repair, and hardware stores.  

Carla, this is what we did eventually.
after 18 yrs off grid, half of that in a cabin in the woods...then ten years in a more normal home near a paved road when my mom (with alzheimers) lived with us and the boys were in high school and we were in our forties.
When she died we found the piece of land of our dreams at 50 yrs old that would have been wonderful in our twenties...we spent a fulfilling fifteen years there before deciding it was too remote to 'age in place' so we moved to 'town'....selectively.
We already loved this small rural village of less than 400.  Our son and family live here and we found a sweet little house on the edge of town with almost an acre of land. No regrets.
Street lights, lawn mowers and barking dogs have taken some getting used to but otherwise life goes on just fine.

My younger self thought we would live out our lives in the cabin...then in my fifties, after each of us had transported the other once to town on miles of gravel for an emergency, reality hit a little stronger....we never could afford the type of vehicle that would survive those roads.

.....and that impromptu cup of coffee with a friend became more and more important for me..for folks to come visit our previous homes they would have to plan in advance and consider a day long journey to have any sort of visit...
Same for us going somewhere was never spontaneous, always planned out in detail and budgeted to the penny.
There were times I packed overnight things and food whenever we left in the old truck because we could just as likely end up sleeping in it on the side of the road.

And I loved our crazy life....I think the most important thing is to  realize we have choices and can take steps to change what isn't working...and we're never to old to do so.

Thank you all so much for opening your hearts up with this discussion, which is leading to good debate here in my house.

We are at an important time right now(ish), my daughter graduates from college on Monday. She is still somewhat living at home-ish (lots of time at the houses of friends) but is now actively looking at where she's going to be. Considering buying a house together with her friends, actually, as she already has her life plan in order-- she wants to build her life around her community of friends and live in this city, which is a much better plan than I've ever had.
Our deadline for deciding what to do has always been "when the kid goes". Now that is getting closer. It's been really easy to just keep cruising along.
But now we're both also at a bit of a crossroads- my work has crashed thanks to AI, and the extra money I had for travel and investments is gone. I now make just enough to pay bills and that's it (which is more than most of my colleagues can say right now, and I'm very thankful to have savings). Between all the various economic, global and financial silliness going on right now my husband's work is also really slow (we've both had months this year where our own salaries were delayed or decreased, although we're not dipping into savings yet). We're both considering pivots, which of course would involve money. Not the time to be buying a farm or even moving, put it that way.
Then there's always the fact that my mother in law is pushing 90 and lives alone, my own mother is 76, and who is going to take care of them? And where? They will need access to medical care and equipment and who even knows what (I try not to think too much about this, even though it's right around the corner, because it's going to be a series of impossible choices, not least of all what country am i going to live in. it's too much to face right now).
So our dream of the farm for right now is on hold. I've always said this house was 'just for now' but i'm starting to treat it like we'll hang on to it for a bit. The garden is getting more trees and I'm starting to think beyond just next year. But I'm also taking into account everything everyone is saying here, filing it away to think about where we're headed and how we're going to do it.

This is funny to me:  I said I was 75.25years old.  I am a STEMy sort, pretty good at mental arithmetic.  I actually have .25 year left of being 75.  I’m 75.75 years old.  

The funny part is that I caught the mistake in retrospect, likely because something in me knew something wasn’t accurate. About an hour later involved in another activity, I said to myself “Wait a minute…..”

I was completely accurate in knowing I had been inaccurate🤣, and when, where and how.

Thekla McDaniels wrote:......I believe the unspoken message is always more powerful than the spoken message.  I wrote a masters thesis on that.  What a paradox, seeking to say in scientific language that what I am not saying is more important.

My wife could have written all of that.

For much of her life, she was in cities, from large to small.  But she never could purge those early years running around barefoot in rural central Pennsylvania.  Finding our place in northern Minnesota many decades later was a sort of 'coming home' for her.  Similar in age to you, she cares for rescued animals with cleaning stalls and feeding chores 365 days a year....no vacations from that in the past 20 years. (Yet, what passes in our modern culture as a 'vacation' probably would induce such a violent allergic-style reaction that she would shun this proposal anyway.) Her stepfather in northern California is following in the same path; with the death of his wife (my wife's mother) some years back, he remains in his late 80s on a high ridge and ventures into town in a 1980s Toyota pickup for supplies, reaching out occasionally for help on firewood supplies and off-grid solar maintenance on a system installed in the 1970s.  My wife only interfaces with the death health care system for emergencies.  Although we both will need to address the possible/probably more 'invalid' stage of life to come, she is determined to die here if possible....it will/might be that very tough decision on my part if she needs other care and is unwilling to leave the property, but I'm hoping in-home care of some type will still be both available and affordable when that time comes.

As for your lines I clipped above, it reminds me of the book "The Spell of the Sensuous: Perception and Language in a More-than-Human World" by David Abram.  The title is playing with the meaning of "to spell" which sought to apply words to our sensations and experiences as well as the fact that, to non-literate cultures, writing was perceived as a form of 'magic'...of casting a spell on the reader.  Anyway, your entry resonated much with my wife's views and that of other friends and family members.

Thanks, John.

On “to spell”.  That is how I taught my youngest child to read.  We had read Ursula LeGuin’s “the Earth sea trilogy “, which includes wizards and dragons and magic, long before harry potter was ever dreamed of.

My boy has a strong will.  If he’s not motivated (from within) you can’t make him, and if he IS motivated you can’t stop him.  

To send him off to school not knowing how to read would have been a recipe for disaster as the “expert” teacher underestimated his motivations and comprehension, and through those misunderstandings embarked on a battle of wills and control.  I believed being labeled with dyslexia, ADHD lay in store for him, and I didn’t believe it would be good for him.

So, I made him a dark blue wizard cape with gold stars.  If he was wearing the cape, then on the way home from taking his older sibling to school, if he spelled D O N U T S T O R E then the car would turn… as time passed the spells had to be more elaborate.  Things like “please mama” had to be added.  That boy was hooked.  In no time we no longer went to food rewards.  Once he grasped the meaning and power of the written word, he could not be stopped!

To me, the power of casting spells is very much included in “spelling”.

I will look for a copy of the book you mentioned 😊