posted 4 years ago
In my ideal scenario...
I would wake up in bed next to my much better half, woken by the sun on my face, or maybe the insistent, disgruntled thump of our Flemish giant, wanting food, because the hay we free-feed her is somehow insufficient. We would linger in bed as long as possible. I won't get into details.
I would go to the kitchen and boil water for my spiced oatmeal and bullet coffee, with a necessary pit-stop, and get my much better half some strawberry yogurt with granola.
At some point in this process, we'd be interrupted by a mess of children.
We'd eat breakfast in the early morning sunlight at stools at the breakfast bar of the kitchen island. Oatmeal or yogurt and granola for the kids. No coffee for them.
I would, at some point during all this, have checked my smart farm app, which would have woken me in the night had anything required emergency attention. The self-contained chicken tanks (upgraded semi-automated chicken tractors) would have travelled to a new piece of pasture and deployed, about five to eight days after the ruminants had used it. The barn would have opened, our llama would have led the alpacas and sheep out to the newly-opened fresh paddock adjacent to the one they'd grazed yesterday, and the LGDs would race to run the perimeter before the llama was halfway out.
I would walk through our greenhouse, checking that all the electric pumps are functioning and moving the water in the in-ground ponds under our feet properly, and that temperature, oxygenation, and filtration are being maintained. I would stop briefly by our saline tank, where the baby freshwater shrimp were raised until their freshwater phase, and where our adult salmon were finished. I would decide that salmon sashimi was on the menu that night, and make a mental note to fish one out later.
If they were in season, I would grab a grapefruit off one of our trees, and collect whatever avocados had fallen. I would bring it all back to the kitchen and tell my thoughts to my much better half, who would tell me again that she had no interest in eating salmon, though the kids devour it raw or cooked, nor did she appreciate my jokes about brussel sprouts, which the kids would again just destroy, and I would tell her I wasn't joking, but that I would make candied carrots and caramelised onions as well, and that I wasn't joking. Her bread would just have cooled enough to cut, and I would spread slices with fresh butter from our mini jersey herd.
The spider drone responsible for the milking of our heritage miniature Jersey herd would have finished its task long before the doors opened to let the livestock run and play, and the milk within the swappable abdomen-like collection tank now absent its head, legs, and thorax would already have been transferred to a chilling unit. I would take the first 150 mL of milk reserved from each cow to deliver to the pig slop and feed the porkers before they'd be pastured for the day.
Finally changing out of my PJ pants, I'd don my overalls, billowy long-sleeve shirt and giant straw hat, and walk the farm, probably joined by several rugrats. Each kid would have a dog with them.
Tablet in hand, I would make notes on the land map app, noting where more wood chips were needed, and where food hedges needed emergency pruning versus pruning that could wait until the appropriate season. I would walk all the pasture or field crop alleys between my food forest hedges at least once a week by walking a portion each day. I would take my companion LGD, the mother of the males guarding the livestock, with me on my rounds. I would carry with me a large customised cattle prod, designed to be able to dissuade anything I would need to dissuade short of a charging bear, for which I would probably be carrying a firearm suitable for emergency self-defense, like an appropriately loaded shotgun (slugs, I would imagine).
My assisted rewilding of my zones 4-5+ would include wood bison and beaver as keystone species. I would also run a nursery for the new North American Mammophants we'll engineer, winterized pachyderms for packing the snow in the winter and accelerating the nutrient cycle in the temperate months, hardy from warm temperate climates all the way up to the arctic. They would excel in selective logging operations, but especially in the winter, when the ground freezes solid, and would make soil in such volumes, we'd need to get them to graze and browse it just to make sure it occurs in many places, rather than accumulating in one.
I might process a batch of ethanol derived from my fuel grapes, an engineered variety of super-sweet grape with high-test champagne yeast in the skins that not only ferment on the vine and stay there into the winter, but also make one hell of an icewine jack. Just let them freeze, give 'em a squeeze, and it'll run your engine, literally and figuratively.
At lunch, I would grab that salmon and make sashimi for the fish-inclined, which we'd eat with our own soy sauce and wasabi. I would look over the aerial drone footage to determine if anything in the fibre, seed, and fuel crop areas needed attention.
I would harvest what was in season either in the morning before 9, or after 4 in the afternoon, when the sun wouldn't be so scorchy. With a lot of perennials and permanent structures in-place, I would probably build a track-based cart system, probably with electric motors. These would follow me as I made progress harvesting a row.
I would sacrifice all my livestock on-site, and they would live according to the One Bad Day theory, and nothing would be used or consumed without mentally acknowledging its cost in material and mortal terms, be it plant, animal, or fungus.
We would eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, and everything we'd need would either come directly off the land and our systems, or be traded for with neighbours.
And the soil... oh, the soil. I would need to buy the adjacent land just to spread the wealth around. My operation would exist as a model to show to get others to live abundantly while producing soil as a priceless byproduct.
Because our house would be built within a greenhouse, we'd go to sleep with the stars in our eyes each night, except for when we get light shows from lightning or the aurora borealis. And because we always dream, even when living our dreams, I would go to sleep planning the construction of the farm's 1000 tonne cargo capacity heavy-lift airship, which would take us to our boreal/tundra rangeland, to our maritime playground out in Nova Scotia, or to our island getaway in Jamaica.
-CK
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
-Robert A. Heinlein