Dez's Bootcamp Experience (BRK)

POST 131 (DAY 138, Saturday, 2020.12.26)
[Morning Entry]

.. today, i chopped a bunch of wood.. i wanted to see how fast i could fill up the chopped wood shelf.. 1.5 hours.. 90% filled.. still not enough in my opinion.. in my ideal world, i would have 3-4 times this much chopped wood, ready for the RMH.. not because i think i'd run out, but because i wouldn't have to be in a rush to meet demands.. a buffer.. a plentiful buffer..
..here's a noteworthy example: toilet paper.. now this IS something that is a little inconvenient if personal supply is at zero.. if i'm out of firewood, i can put on another jacket.. if i'm out of toilet paper, i would have to take a shower i guess.. which isn't necessarily that inconvenient.. i guess i just prefer not to run out.. and i like to be ready for things in general.. SO--back to my story: when i was in the city i would have 1 to 3 cases of toilet paper at any given time, in my closet.. another example: gas tank--i'd prefer to fill up my gas when it was around half tank level (because i'd drive by a gas station every day, it was just a matter of stopping by; and not making an extra trip)..
.. i've always been pretty adamant about preparedness, and i love that i can put that "paranoia" to practical use, such as ready firewood supply.. i don't have a lot of skills, and i don't consider myself a particularly "smart" individual, but i can be a contributing member of this community in seemingly mundane ways, like chopping wood.. and that makes me feel good.. =D

enjoy the pics~!

POST 132 (DAY 139, Sunday, 2020.12.27)
[Morning Entry]

.. freedom.. yesterday, i felt a thorough sensation of freedom.. freedom to eat candy.. freedom to chop wood.. freedom to clean the kitchen.. freedom to watch two movies back to back--while eating and taking bathroom breaks.. freedom to enjoy company and self expression.. freedom to spend time with kittens.. to pee on some dirt outside.. ahhhhh..
.. its snowed about an inch last night.. i was super warm because santa got me an alpaca-wool blankie.. such a generous gift.. and so amazingly exactly what i wanted.. have i been a good boy this year?.. hmm.. dont answer that~!

enjoy the pics~!

POST 133 (DAY 140, Monday, 2020.12.28)
[Morning Entry]

.. this morning's rise was a bit challenging.. the inertia of xmas weekend certainly made suggestions of sleeping in until the last minute.. my bathroom routine suggested otherwise.. is that all that gets me up in the morning these days? .. i remember being able to "hold it" for as long as i needed to, while laying in bed.. once i slept for 36 hours, only waking up to use the toilet a few times and maybe snack a bite or sip on water.. i was super tired from the month-long missions trip where 5-6 hours of sleep per night was a daily thing.. now i can't seem to go 4 hours without a call from my bladder.. so what got me up then, after 36 hours of slumber?.. i was just done sleeping.. the next day i went back to my normal sleep routine.. unhindered by anything.. as sweet as sleep is, there is definitely the realization that its a luxury that can take a third or more of my life, depending on my own mental discipline.. i still love naps..

enjoy the pics~!

POST 134 (DAY 141, Tuesday, 2020.12.29)
[Morning Entry]

.. it was bound to happen eventually.. today i am senior boot.. for the next week or so.. so what does it mean to be senior boot?.. probably just that i have a little more time under my belt of being at Wheaton Labs.. does it make me a leader?--certainly not in my opinion (lol).. does it give me authority over the less-senior boots? no, again.. a younger me may have taken this pseudo-title to mean something more than what it is.. today, i'm just a guy that has 4.5 months experience of being a boot.. that's all.. please don't look to me for leadership or authority.. those things are available within one's self.. you can look to me as a partner looks to a partner.. i'll be there by your side to complete the task.. i'll be there to watch your back.. i'll be there to support your human-ness.. but please lead yourself, and give yourself the permission to do whats best for the boat.. this is what i've learned in life, and as a boot.. it seems to work well~!

enjoy the pics~!

POST 135 (DAY 142, Wednesday, 2020.12.30)
[Morning Entry]

.. they said its a revealing of my own flaws.. and THAT is why it bothers me so much.. these flaws we see in others--the things that trigger my bother-button.. if life happens FOR me and not TO me, then it must be concluded that i'll look back someday with gratitude, and not resentment.. am i a tree with bitter fruit, or sweet?.. am i done growing, or do i have more stretching to do?.. in other words, the flaws in others show me my comfort zone--the types of behavior that i'm willing to live with; anything outside of these types of behavior patterns are uncomfortably annoying.. that's not very inclusive though.. seem rather exclusive in fact.. and non-accepting.. yet these inclinations are revealed, discovered, uncovered.. what IS my true character?.. am i victim or victor?.. do i fold or overcome?.. tough times pass; but the tough keep going..
.. i had a dream this morning.. woke up angry and kind of depressed.. i was in a room with the door closed.. it was a double door, with a faulty hinge on one side.. so even though i locked it, anyone could simply wiggle it open from the outside or the inside.. in the middle of what i was really enjoying, my father barges in.. he's enthused about something, and insistent on hanging out with me RIGHT THIS MOMENT.. with an acoustic guitar in his hand and a big dumb grin on his face.. as if to say "wanna play together??".. being the scrooge that i sometimes am, i ask, "i'm busy, can it wait?".. he insists and calls me his best friend.. at this point in my dream, i'm flabbergasted by the inconsiderate nature of this best friend.. that's when my friend from the burrito restaurant pops into the room and asks, "does a best friend interrupt lifestyle in this way??" standing in my defense.. thank you, burrito man.. in the heat of this butting of lifestyle-horns, i awake.. maybe i am too comfortable?
.. i'm grateful for where i am today.. but maybe i am much too comfortable.. is my "father" cramping my lifestyle?.. odd.. i think i get the interpretation though.. i'm angry about something, somewhere deep inside.. and i wish to figure it out.. so i can find peace about the very thing that makes me so heated.. in the meantime, my will to live and procreate are at near all time low.. just kidding.. kinda? Haha.. alas I am not my feelings nor my thoughts.. So we row on.. one row at a time ..

pics..~!

POST 136 (DAY 143, Thursday, 2020.12.31)
[Morning Entry]

.. final day of the year.. 2020 in a sentence.. filled with growth..
.. i've been exercising my power of brevity..

enjoy the pics~!

POST 137 (DAY 144, Friday, 2021.1.1)
[Morning Entry]

.. First day of the year~!.. another fire, another flower.. another cat pic~!
.. I have much on my mind, and wish to share these things.. and yet its slow to express.. =D .. more to come of this