Sepper-hood as Dez

A thread that journals my experience as a Sepper after 2+years of boot-hood..

Last week on a Monday night I heard the call
Starting tomorrow you might wanna put on your Sepper outfit..
Tuesday morning it just felt right and good through and through

Have you ever been 40-something..?
I’m pretty new to it
And it’s a blast
Growing into my skin
Taking on my true leaves
Taking past lessons in stride while
Remembering the future
As if I’m playing legend of Zelda
For the again-th time
That very uncanny familiar deja vu

There’s so much to describe
The feelings thoughts ideas new lessons etc
Timing is still a big theme

TR says that life boils down to emotions and the meanings that we put to things
RW says person needs a purpose
T says to think in terms of frequency and vibration
AE says everything is a miracle..

More to come :)

There is an old saying that, “ life begins at 40.”   I found it offensive when I was younger.  I thought it discounted anyone younger. But when I hit 40 many things changed in my life.  I became far more directed in my goals….both defining them and seeking them.  

John F Dean wrote:There is an old saying that, “ life begins at 40.”   I found it offensive when I was younger.  I thought it discounted anyone younger. But when I hit 40 many things changed in my life.  I became far more directed in my goals….both defining them and seeking them.  

Yes, that's a saying here in the Netherlands too ('het leven begint met 40'). Of course when you're under 40 you have a life ... but about around 40 there's often a change in life. It may sound strange, but at the age of 40 I had my first paid job! That wasn't my own choice (I'm glad to be retired now), but it was a big change.

So, Dez, enjoy your new phase in life!

The money game

This part of my journey
Has baffled me long time
 Money affords convenience of exchange
 Yet there’s an invisible cost to this convenience
My own relationship with money
had been one of convenience-focus
I often missed the human delivery of connection
Webbed and blinded by the sparkles of the bargain rate or cool factor of spending money
 A recent belief that resonates strongly
 And vaguely at the same time
    Is that
    Money is Energy
 It’s a physically manifested form
 Of life energy packets
 It takes life energy to “make” it
 It can be exchanged for time/convenience
It likes to flow
Or it stagnates
 And when it flows
 Some kind of magic happens
How will you direct your energies today dez?

Good question..
what offers the big joy today?
Another good question..
dear money—I’d like to spend one hour with you, in the form of organizing my past months income/outgo..
Dear big joy—I think you’re waiting for me at the end of this money hour that I propose; I’ll be overjoyed when I’m caught up with post month’s money stuff.. plus it’s a computer thing so I can go a little slow..

Today is a slow day
Monday through Wednesday I went pretty hard
So hard that I had a near accident yesterday
Biking on slippery roads (a completely avoidable situation)
(I understand some people bike slippery roads for the thrill of it, on purpose
For me personally falling hurts more than the thrill feels good)
“Accidents happen when the body is tired but the brain wants to keep going.. think again please..”
How truly grateful I am
To be in a season of life that
Afford me the kindness and luxury of
Just slowing down for a bit
I don’t have to be so hard-going for so long
“Frequent small breaks inspire creativity, replenishes energy stores, and allows space for presence with just being with earth.. so remember to breathe.. deeply, fully, gloriously..”

Ever wonder how Money and energy are correlated? What’s the grander meaning of these flows and currents?

Ps.. I said “baffled” because just when I thought I understood, an unexpected turn reveals that I understood in fact very little.. the idea that money is energy feels right and simple.. a step in the direction of possibly unfogging this personal road of scarcity mindset.. to enter abundance in pomp and circumstance.. hehe

Back in my teaching days, I would ask each new management class, “How much money is enough.”   Over the 15 years that I taught, it became very clear that those who felt there were no limits ended up being slaves to the dollar.  I do not discount the value of money . Money can buy freedom as well as slavery. The problem I see is that far too many don’t understand where the boundary is.

I miss Taco Tuesday with you guys!
Sending Love <3
P.S. I left you some boneless chicken thighs in the boot freezer ;) (in case you hadn't found them yet).

In sepperhood
I am allowing my self to
be

Each day I wake up to the sun
or my bladder
And ask where shall I go today?

Each day I
feed my soul with
 Delicious food
 Delicious youtub3 tutorials
 Speaking inspiring thoughts of a land rich with huntable game, to the kittens, if they just reach a little
 Deep breathing 10 times every hour or so
 Telling myself “it’s okay,” if I feel anxiety about no matter what
 Helping someone else in one small way; and even if it’s just a smile in their direction
 Being silly at least once
 Writing 1-5 things that I want

John—thanks! After reading your message, I calculated my number to be $700,000.. it’s not bare minimum or extravagant. Just enough to be a nice donut to keep me afloat through most expectables. With that in mind, reaching that sum seems very doable in a matter of 5-10 years if I just work some workie jobs.. then I came to ask myself, “then what?” Do other folks need a life donut (life-ring) too? And if so how can I leverage my talents to help them get theirs and so on.. I believe it’s the beginning of a vision.. now if I can pause my adhd long enough to keep asking the digging questions that might lead me to an inner spark of some kind.. something that give me a clue to “what drives me..?” Service is my vague answer so far.. whats yours? (Curious to hear what other folks carry in their heart of hearts.. family, sure; and what if family was abundantly covered..?)

Cat—thanks!

reaching that sum seems very doable in a matter of 5-10 years if I just work some workie jobs.. then I came to ask myself, “then what?”

Did you hear the story of the rich man that sailed his catamaran to a tropical island and while buying some fish from a local suggested that if he fished longer hours he could catch more fish and make more money. the man replied "then what"  you can buy another boat and hire someone to fish from that and make more money. The Man replied "then what"  you can retire and fish a little bit when you want to and enjoy time with your family. The man replied " I am already doing that"

Indeed, I never questioned the sum identified…if one was. Or how it was calculated…annual income, lifetime, retirement savings,etc.   I did get concerned when students said there were no limits. There is nothing like signing your life away to chase a dollar.

2023.12.25
It’s 10 deg and climbing this morn
Kevon isn’t in the car?
Somebody please honk the horn
And merry Xmas ya filthy animals!

Bean

These days money tells me, “think about me more as flow than accumulation..” that’s simple enough for me actually.. a paradigm shift..
 So instead of “how little/much cost?”, the question becomes, “how can this use of money multiply flow? [exponentially?]”
 I’ve always looked for the bargain or deal of the century. And more than the actual thing being purchased, the sheer efficiency of spending was the high.. so the thing purchased could have been a tool that I’ve really been wanting, and the amount of pleasure was proportional to the savings at the bottom of the receipt.. I think it’s time to shift this way of thinking.. in an attempt to find a more peaceful coexistence.. I’ve been encouraged to write a letter to Money as if it was a person in my life..
 Dear money, I feel I’ve known you all my life and yet we haven’t connected deeply.. and I believe that my perspective has been short sighted.. I wish for us to really understand how to dance together, whether it’s bargain or not..I wish to partner up with you instead of competing with you.. would you be open to please help me understand how you like to flow? What kind of flow brings you the most joy and meaning?
Sincerely
Dez

Thank you john and Dean!

Made some fermented veg yesterday
Testing in about a week
I found myself spending
A good bulk of time
Glorifying past memories
Or fantasizing about an ideal partnership
And the now whispering, challenges near my ear
“Channel that energy into flow..”
Okay
This one is for my friend
Who(m) I miss a lot
For some reason right now
Instead of wondering why I miss them
I’ll pretend they are here making ferments
By my side
 Maybe that’s what I miss
Having someone I could dance with
 But actually there is a bit more to it
I think it’s flow
Making ferments is inherently
A future focused endeavor
Yet if I’m not present enough
To mind the preservation tools
Ingredients And workspace
Then I’m likely not in flow
 To be in flow
Is to be present
Is to be mindful
Is to be honoring the memory of dear friends
Is to be honoring of self care
Remember self

Hi Dez. Your furry four-legged friends probably don't like fermenting ...
Please tell us in about a week (or two) how your kimchi tastes.

People are delicate
Like a flower
Blooming against the elements
That such a beautiful thing
Could be so strong
But only in short bursts
An eternity in seasons
 Encourage the blossom
Dare to be delicate back to it
The petals of Petunia
Are no match for the crush
Of Helen’s heel
People are just as delicate
In ways
In lifetimes
Let the delicate be the best goram delicate they came to be
For a single poppy can spring fields of poppies that garb the landscape with a golden velvet
The alternative being
Just
fields
Which is still great in and of itself
I’m a sauce guy what can I say?
Gotta have that sauce

—in memory of mom
She was a delicate powerhouse
Wise and kind
Thanks ma:)

Using a hammer
To dig a hole
Repeatedly
Means that one day
A shovel will
Try its best to strike a nail
Because
The hammer is now
A broken hammer
Improper for hammering
As well as digging a hole
 Then the shovel breaks
And loses its main purpose

People have different strengths
Building a community
Seems more like a poly culture garden
Than a mono crop field
Not one individual person
Or plant
Or microbe
Can do every task that
Is part of building a community
Or a garden

And yet each part of
The diverse group
Gardens
“Everything gardens”
Can the fungi say to the bacteria
“Hey stop being such a boring bacteria!..
 Why aren’t you doing fun stuff like me, stupid?”
First of all that’s kind mean
Secondly, No, they literally cannot
Shame the bacteria into fungi behaviors
They are individually different creatures
Besides—fungi has FUN in their name
Of course they’re doing FUN stuff!
but so is bacteria, man!
Everything gardens
And gardening is fun

My community is made of
The people/beings that
Show up in my garden/proximity
That’s it
A community that grows
Is like the greener grass
Somehow it’s getting some
Good watering

===
Inge.. today I try my kimchi.. update coming soon! Do you know what Koreans say when snapping a photo? Kimchiiiiiiiiii~

Dez Choi wrote:.....
Making ferments is inherently
A future focused endeavor
Yet if I’m not present enough
To mind the preservation tools
Ingredients And workspace
Then I’m likely not in flow
 To be in flow
Is to be present
Is to be mindful
.....

If the edible ferment is the destination, then minding the ingredients and observing the fermentation is the journey.  And we are reminded to be present in the journey.

Money:  As much as we are beholden the concept in our current version of 'civilized' human, its development seems almost a deliberate crippling of human possibility.  That is, we turn to money to solve problems that we may once have been, or still might be, able to solve ourselves and with our tribe/community.  

Mmmmm...pickles and kimchi!

Photos of kimchi experience below in chronological order

Thanks john!

I used to equate money with riches
And kinda still do
Really I think it boils down to choice freedom
as the ultimate end
And money is a fair vehicle for some
It just isn’t mine, as I’m discovering

Recently I’ve felt riches
In the form of connection
Positivity of mind
Nearly full functioning 21 year old body
Plus 20 more years actually

Apparently eating good kimchi keeps one youthful
(You know, bc the guy bacteria are happy and stuff)

[

If the edible ferment is the destination, then minding the ingredients and observing the fermentation is the journey.  And we are reminded to be present in the journey.
]
And then once you reach that destination the new journey begins, because the flavors keep developing, perhaps.. I can only take analogies so far, but really a ferment in a jar is building a tiny community of organisms.. haha

—-
Some rmh info I found
1) how does dez like to run an rmh? Ideally/when possible like this.. When there’s 1-2 inches (no more, for safety) of embers are formed at the bottom of the feed tube, the center top of the barrel reaches 900-1100 degrees F. Precaution is every rmh is different and this is fire, so if you try it proceed with vigilance and caution, bc when the embers get too high, so does the elevation of heat and flame. If it gets too hot, it will form an undesirable chimey effect, as we know already. Average burn temp at center top of barrel I’ve see at 300-800 degrees. This happens when I’m not focused in building the embers and taking breaks from feeding the fire, or if the embers just don’t stack that day.
2) does size matter? skinnier sticks definitely burn faster than not that skinny.. which often means heat builds in shorter time.
3) how many loads in the feeder? it takes about one fresh load in the feeder to raise the temp by about 4-5 degrees in the FPH. Today started at 67F and went up to 76F with 2-3 loads. So it took about 1 compartment in our firewood cubby to warm the FPH about 10 degrees. Low Mid 20s F, high mid 30s F yesterday and today. Outside temps will determine how often the house needs a fire ran also.

Picture of our cubby is below. Each cubby is 16.5Wx11Hx16D inches.  That emptier cubby was 75% full this morning.

Inge the kimchi was good. A bit tart-er than I expected. Next time I’ll go in for taste on day 5 or 6, instead of day 7, for a milder flavor experience. I’m definitely going back for more! Lol

———
Dear future person,

Remember that one time..?
:

Yesterday was a breakthrough moment
For me
My person vehicle
On this earth

I had recently asked
For riches in all forms
Including money
To allow myself some
Relief and fresh air
From the worries of the tomorrows
 Then
 Actually
 I released the weight’s handle this time

Fast forward a few weeks……

Yesterday January 20 2024,
the breakthrough that happened
Was a progress step
in communication
And connection
With another human
  Today I woke up with more energy and clarity (gift #1)
  Feeling refreshed (#2)
  Optimistic (#3)
  A customized sleeping surface (Huge gift#4; let’s just say my back is grateful also!)
  An open workspace in a warm house(#5,6)
  And more

—It’s just a good day, you know? :)
It’s a rich rich day
Ask and you shall _______…..
Congratulations to you
This is what making space
Must feel like
It’s always yours to carry
And feel when things
Might look down or low
In the meantime
 Immerse into the
  Present
 Keep practicing
Those principles that came up
During conversation
  Clarity in communication
  Curiosity before furiosity
  Ferocity in background supportiveness
  Connecting
  Listening to understand [from the other personsperson’s shoes]
  Benefit of the doubt
  Vocalizing self value
  Apologizing to improve
  Avoid blaming and shaming
  Cultivate honor and respect
    Through minimizing expectations
  Encouraged speaking freely
  Ask questions that explore
    Rather than judge
These are just
Some that keep proving true
To worthiness
Glad to know such a future person like you
You amazing future person you
Ciao for now
Dez

Connect .. the current frontier..

A neural pathway
A handshake
A Highway
A fist bump
An eye bat
A butt bump
A chin nudge
A laugh

Dear fellow ferments and ferwoments,

Being raised in a South Korean home, Kimchi has been a big part of my childhood.. it was a given that every meal had the optional kimchi side dish, pretty much every single day in bottomless abundance.. though I took it for granted then and didn’t even understand the major health benefits, these days it’s a different story.. Today, I understand a little bit about the bacteria’s protagonist role AND I can FEEL the effects of this simple food preparation method every time I eat sauerkraut or kimchi or fermented carrots etc.. my gut tells me how wonderful the good bacteria makes it feel and so forth.. maybe something like a supportive relationship with a long time best good friend..
 I wish to do a Fermented Veggies Tour in the US.. it’s just an idea at the moment.. and basically in my head it looks likes this:
 Dez shows up in your neighborhood [by invitation], makes ferments and visits with fellow PERMIES folk, and then shimmies along to the next visit, after ferments are ripened.. leaving behind a small pantry of gut-loving cultures for the partakers to enjoy or gift etc for weeks or months.. it’s not the originalest idea sure—does this sound fun to anyone? :) moosage me if so.

 (I’m not sure what I would ask for in exchange, if anything at all. Suggestions welcome. It is an experiment after all. Just putting the idea out there to see if anyone vibes with it..)
 
 The vision is happier guys and guts, and spreading yummy food techniques with laughter and brine.. Fermented veggies can be a regular occurrence in everyone’s diet, and I’m fairly confident that there’s a flavor of ferment that could suit even the wariest of such a funky super food..
 What’s my favorite thing about ferments? The feels—it’s refreshing, supportive, and so simple. As soon as I finished jarring the sixth mason jar of veggies a few weeks back (from my previous post), the joy in uncle-ing them for seven days grew, but so did the fear of messing up.. turns out this amateur didn’t mess any of them up! They all six taste better than expected and all I did was allow them the space and time to do their thing.. Katt the cook is here with her daughter and I almost witnessed them enjoying my kimchi with their steak.. (almost I say because they ate it so fast! I was shocked and thrilled lol!).. suffice it to say that the fear of messing up has shrunk, and I just want to share more of the joy of a simple way to eat tastier, friendlier vegetables..
 
Sincerely
Dez

Ps. By the way the ingredients for my kimchi recipe are Napa cabbage, carrot, onion, garlic, ginger, turmeric, coriander, black pepper, salt.
Pps. The veggies now have an ever so slightly fizzy texture which if you know me, I gotta have some fizzy bubbly in my life! Why not through this method?

I had good success with kale ferment. Nice dark green color and the acid moderated the bitterness some object to in kale.

Back again! Got a few weeks this time..
Arrived on Saturday June 14, 2025
As the sunset was reaching horizon

First day I spoke with most of the cats.. they’re doing good

Second day I communed with the baby kitties.. one I’ve named French Bean (after Frances Prances and Bean as an homage to their super friendly energy).. all gray and comes up to greet you.. probably Gandalfs with Roez genetics..

Today .. Oh I dunno.. maybe more cats

The focus this season is healing and organizing..
And I happen to be here during health week!

Welcome back Dez!

Good to see Dez again!

Post 4.2
June 17, 2025
Adventures

Hey Dez! Welcome back to WL!

The kids and I loved seeing the kitten photos that you posted! This spring, Gemini had a litter of 4 kittens whom we named Sapphire, Ruby, Onyx, and Emerald after mama "Gem". Lucy says: I love the kitten with the little mohawk, it looks like my kitten Emerald.

My kids are very fond of WL and Paul's storytelling and would like to return for Christmas again this year -- they both said that it was their favorite Christmas ever!

They'd like to request a photo of Banjo =)

Alex
Granted
And more to come

Tim and Inge!
Hello!
Here the weather is fair
And the blessings abound..
It’s great to hear from you :)

Following up..
What is it about 40 that prompts such shifts in mind body spirit?
 Apparently my body is speaking louder to me than before, through a rash on the skin.. the root cause seems to be leaky gut.. and I seek to acknowledge the message from my body and improve my diet breathing and exercise habits..
 Coincidental that histamine sensitivity began after my fermentation tour in which my dosage of homemade probiotics was at an all time high.. could the two be correlated? Maybe I over dosed on kimchi.. too much of anything could be counter productive.. watching some wimhoff—perhaps I’m lacking oxygen, as my breathing pattern was shallower than ever since 2021.. now I’m getting back into yoga and stretching practice.. and slowly introducing variety into my diet after going carnivore for 3 months.. my faith in God is gaining a traction that’s new to me..
 Update on father son relationship—I saw my dad a month ago and through a rather emotional conversation realized that he simultaneously hates and loves my existence.. hates that I haven’t met the potential that he sees in me but only cares so much because of his great love for his son.. perhaps a feeling I can only imagine until I have a child of my own.. understanding anew this element of our relationship I was able to recognize the heavy and unnecessary grasp of “seeking fathers approval”.. it was a feeling that no one wanted for me to carry—not father nor son.. yet here I was thinking and believing subconsciously that this was somehow of primary importance.. it isn’t.. father loves son—this is the primary.. approval or disapproval is quite irrelevant as long as I do my very best—and to this I can profess that I indeed have..    
 the frustration of seeing someone miss their “potential” is a farce.. respectfully, and definitely valid, this specific frustration is in fact the heavy weight that father himself carries on his shoulder.. and in my empathy of witnessing such a burden on fathers shoulder I chose at some point to hopefully lighten that load by becoming a great success.. something father could easily be proud of.. is it easy to be proud of a son that can fart as a newborn? Yes.. is it just as easy to expect a bigger and better fart as the son grows older? Yes.. but let’s not get caught up in the farts.. the moment a parent chooses to expect bigger and better from their child is when the mirror shows up.. and that can become stinky pretty fast..
 I love my father. And I now know that he loves me despite the simultaneous frustration feelings (which he has chosen to carry, respectfully).. to me love is acceptance as one is.. and to make my father proud, I will be successful in doing my best even if I don’t reach his vision of my potential.. to be human and humane.. to potentially be a bumbling fool on the way to becoming kind and generous.. to utterly fail at reaching society’s standards while upholding my personal values.. to dropping the superfluous in reaching for the essential.. humbly yet unapologetically as I am.. taking full and radical responsibility and improving every day.. this is my very best, and I’m sure father can be proud of that.. and so can I..
 it’s up to us to encourage our own human sometimes.. I Hope this sheds some light in the world dear and beloved children.. you are loved and lovable..
 Happy Thursday
Yours truly
Z

The missing gut microbe.  You are suposed to get it in your mothers milk but it is the most sensitive to antibiotics in our food.

If you knew Dutch I would have some interesting information for you on healthy food, healthy guts, a.a. But sorry, this lady (her name is Rineke Dijkinga) gives that information in Dutch only. And the translations from Dutch to English I have seen on the internet ..... (not good).

Inge and Hans—thank you :)

Once there were three roommates
Zachary
Sofia
Charlie
Zachary was the newest addition to the roommate situation
A gentle
Considerate
Joyful person..
and prior when it was just the two girls a nice rhythm of communication and co existing had been found
It was a pleasant way
It was three people
getting along
Co existing well but still getting to know each other
 One night the window was left open and the fan running
Charlie doesn’t usually like the noise of the fan during her rest because because
Sofia doesn’t really mind fan on or off as long as the window is open
Zachary loves the fan on because of the white noise and air circulation
He has a thing for fresh air you see
They all got along well because each were very considerate roommates
This particular night was a specially cold night
And all three of them woke up uncomfortably cold
Each of them wished for warmth
Or at least less cold
Or less wind from the fan
Later after everyone was awake and discussing
“How’d you sleep?”
“Okay.. but maybe a bit cold..”
And all three agreed about the cold
Zachary thanked the original roommate for their consideration and explained
That as much s as he likes the fan and window a certain way
If it’s uncomfortably cold
Then anyone can take the initiative to seek adjustments as necessary
Even if it could mean that the others might prefer something else..

All three agreed
And accepted the permission to make an executive decision about discomforting coldness..

This is the essence
Of communication in Co existing
All three had suffered a little that night
because nothing was said
Turning the fan off would have been saying something non verbally of course
For which there may have been a consequence
And yet there came a consequence anyway
Of an uncomfortably cold night for all the roommates

The three had found a new rhythm
that was good
And established another inch of trust between them
Based on considering the other while communicating individual needs
The next night they tried sleeping with the window open but the fan off
It was less cold
A bit warmer and lighter in their hearts
Knowing they each had each other’s wellness in mind
And it made room for communicating other things about living together
More available approachable kind