help me repurpose horrible "cookies"

Tis the season, and here that means many people selling things to raise money for various causes.

I am now the proud owner of two bags of "spice cookies" that are, frankly, inedible.
They are... not cookies.
They're strangely light (taste like they used LOTS of baking soda) I'd call them flatbreads, or a really tough and low scone, and they are not sweet, appear to have no oil, and have only the tiniest whiff of maybe cinnamon.
They were clearly baked in an oven on a tray (maybe rolled out like a scone), and are not starting to crumble like cookies, but come apart like bread. They are supposed to be "whole grain and healthy" but I don't see any proof of either.

I bought these things to help the charity, so didn't have expectations about them, but I hate to throw away food.
I'm thinking I can probably chop them up to make a bread pudding. Any other suggestions?
We don't really use breadcrumbs (with the whiff of cinnamon that might be odd); no chickens or ducks to feed, and the rabbits and dogs have both turned up their noses.
Thanks!

Wow. I'd take the hint from the dog -- if a professional scavenger won't touch it, it's destined for the trash bin.

Does your compost pile need any carbon?

Perhaps crush them, add butter and a little sugar and use as a base for a small cheese cake slice? Small as in make a test size to see if you like the taste and work out the correct ratio of butter to add.

Alternatively, use them as a base for a trifle or tiramisu type dessert - line a dish with them, sprinkle over sweet liqueur, layer with cream, custard, lemon curd, jam etc

James Alun wrote:Does your compost pile need any carbon?

alas, we have vermin (urban setting) so no compost pile. it ultimately can go into the bokashi bin if needed.

I've put a few culinary disasters into the biochar retort...

Megan Palmer wrote:Perhaps crush them, add butter and a little sugar and use as a base for a small cheese cake slice?

I can see this being a base for some kind of cream or pudding pie I was going to make for New Year, good idea! (that should use up about a tenth of them! laugh/cry)

I'm guessing if you smash them up, the birds might eat them.
Hungry stray dogs might chomp them down quickly as well.

Could you fry them in a pan with oil and eat them like pancakes with toppings?

Douglas Alpenstock wrote:Could you fry them in a pan with oil and eat them like pancakes with toppings?

This was one of two things we tried- and they are just so dry and crumbly that.... phphphphphphttt like eating sand! (the other thing was covering them with a nice icing, since I just made fresh peach jam..... it was a waste of peach jam).
I was thinking afterwards about soaking them in milk to eat like some sort of soggy breakfast cereal when I realized maybe I was in over my head and should ask for help......

Tereza Okava wrote:
I can see this being a base for some kind of cream or pudding pie I was going to make for New Year, good idea! (that should use up about a tenth of them! laugh/cry)

How about making a few extra pies to give away if the horrible cookies make an edible pie base?

The ultimate in repurposing/ regifting😉

A favourite pie in our household is a version of key lime pie that uses a tin of sweetened condensed milk, 4 egg yolks and 200ml lime juice, beaten and poured into a baked crushed biscuit base.

I usually make a meringue topping with the egg whites for the pie

Megan Palmer wrote:
The ultimate in repurposing/ regifting😉

Ha, I like the way you think.
Most everyone is at the beach this week and our shop is closed til after the new year, otherwise I'd just pass on the problem and send them to my husband's shop: those guys will eat anything (although to be fair I usually send them good, lovely, delicious things, not our rejects!).

Tereza Okava wrote:(the other thing was covering them with a nice icing, since I just made fresh peach jam..... it was a waste of peach jam).

Dip them in chocolate! If that doesn't work, dip them again! (And keep dipping them until the ratio of chocolate is high enough to make them edible.)

Tereza, like you, I hate to throw food away especially if I paid good money for it.

My suggestion is something like Megan suggested.

Make it like a graham cracker pie crust with as you suggested something creamy like a pudding.

I also like your suggestion for something like bread pudding.

Crumble the cookies and mix them with peanut butter for truffles.

It is my opinion that just about any extra/waste food can be added to either A) rice and beans, B) oatmeal, or C) salad. If I was in your situation, I try adding the cookies to my oatmeal. This Christmas my kids made gingerbread houses. While the gingerbread is now hard as a rock, when added to oatmeal it's actually pretty good.

Could they be dipped in egg/milk and fried like French toast?

Douglas Alpenstock wrote:Could they be dipped in egg/milk and fried like French toast?

An excellent idea, probably easier and uses less gas than bread pudding.

maybe soaked in a can of sweetened condensed milk? (sort of like a tres leches cake?) then topped with whipped cream, or buttercream frosting?

Maybe added to a chili to thicken it up?
Or mixed into tamales?

I also like the French toast idea, and the crumb pie crust idea.

You have to treat it as an ingredient and make something else from it.

I was going to suggest Megan's idea of trifle or tiramisu. I just made an almost but not quite savoury tiramisu-type thing with silken tofu I needed to use up, coconut milk, and rye crackers. It was actually really good.

If the cookies aren't sweet, you might be able to use them as a crumb base or crumb topping for a savoury pie or casserole with middle Eastern flavours (so the cinnamon isn't weird). Maybe use them in place of breadcrumbs in a kofta/meatball type mashup. If it works, you could use up a lot more in a loaf.

I could see slightly cinnamony breadcrumbs working in stuffed squash, maybe with some pomegranate molasses drizzled over top.

I have seen recipes for cookies that use breadcrumbs either in place of or in addition to flour, so maybe you could make some nicer cookies.

When DW mixes up homemade hamburger patties or The-Meatloaf-of-the-Gods (my term for it) she adds oatmeal to the mix along with chopped onion and spices. This keeps it moist even when it's well done and well browned. You could probably use these crumbs as part of the mix. A little cinnamon won't be out of place.

I vote for French toast too.  But serve them with something like cream cheese whipped with some heavy cream and grated orange or lemon zest, plus berries and some syrup, topped with chopped nuts.  Sprinkle of cinnamon on top, perhaps...or some chiffonaded basil or mint.

In other words, drown it in other stuff that tastes so good, it becomes the canvas for the painting.

Some nice combos:  raspberry, lemon zest, mint....orange segments, orange zest, cardamom and cinnamon...sauteed apples, cinnamon, ginger, orange zest, a tiny bit of finely chopped rosemary, topped with chopped walnuts or pecans...peaches, ginger, cardamom, topped with pecans and shredded coconut.

Then call it something French, so you feel like you've elevated it.  haha.

(Geez, I'm starting to drool.  Pretty soon you'll have to sell US some of them!    hahahaha)

And you better take a picture and post it for us.  We feel like we have a stake in the outcome now!

Out of curiosity... what happens if you deep fry them in batter? Perhaps duck fat if you have some?

That tends to transition a lot of things from edible to palatable.

My first thought was pie crumbs, second was crumb them into a bird feeder.

Sorry for the late update.
Saturday we took half and made french toast. They crumbled and the texture became really weird (think stuffing inside a turkey, not French toast pieces), it stuck to my nonstick pan, and despite doctoring they tasted nasty (i could still taste baking soda). We ate it but it took lots of butter and salt and molasses.
The other half got put out for the street dogs and birds. I saw one dog chewing on one and looking at me like "this is inhumane"; we've had some crazy storms and by now I imagine they've been washed down the hill or else the slugs and worms are eating them (and also complaining).
Thanks for all the ideas. I'm used to doing magical transformations in the kitchen but this was more like putting lipstick on a pig, in the end it was still the pig.
Moral of the story: next time just donate the money and tell them to keep the cookies.