Dez's Bootcamp Experience (BRK)

POST 91 (DAY 97, Sunday, 2020.11.15)
[Morning Entry]  ::: Somber :::

Yesterday, I went out for a drive to recharge my car battery a bit.. on the way back, a trooper issued me a warning for a headlight bulb.. I've been pulled over for a handful of traffic violations like driving on the shoulder, going 10 mph over the limit, not having my current registration sticker, in the 20+ years of driving.. each time, it gets more annoying to have a personal vehicle.. I call this annoyance "car-tax".. ultimately, its my own fault for having this tax in my life; and yet, the universe nudges me again to sell my car.. how long am I putting this off?
    Usually when I procrastinate, that means I need a target deadline.. I shall set it to something near, but also not intimidating/stressful--BY END OF MARCH 2021.. (please feel free to keep me accountable! =D)
    WHY SOMBER?.. Well, the idea that I'm breaking some rules makes me a little angry.. and usually, anger turns into sadness for me.. in anger, I instinctively seek to retaliate.. but a moment later, I realize how hopeless is vengeance.. then I wonder why the world's people must pass judgement about right and wrong, guilty or innocent.. and I remember separation, which makes me sad.. "can't we all just get along?.." .. I'd rather be sad than angry.. rather be together than separate.. thus the somber.. or perhaps melancholy.. at least now I know that my headlight is out--its information, and not insult!

enjoy the pics~!

POST 92 (DAY 98, Monday, 2020.11.16)
[Morning Entry]

.. Such a relaxing weekend.. cleaned the house, baked some bread, hung out with the peeps.. Clayton did a tarot reading for me--my first time ever.. I used to think tarot was "evil".. these days I realize that belief was unfounded.. now I have no firm opinion about it, probably because I've established my own set of beliefs about how life works.. "be accepting of everything.." said someone who has had such an influential part in my earthly journey thus far.. so thankful for peace-spreading humans that have come my way.. who's been helpful to you along your journey? .. I'd be curious to hear your takes..
.. Also Clayton made bread from scratch scratch (except for growing the wheat himself; pics below)..
.. today, we begin the work week.. its 33 degrees outside, so really not that cold.. might be kinda muddy though because the recent snow is melting.. it means water for the soil, so that's pretty awesome..

enjoy the pics~!

POST 93 (DAY 99, Tuesday, 2020.11.17)
[Morning Entry]

THE WORK (yesterday): AM/PM--Allerton Abbey, The First Wofati Greehouse, man~!!! .. cut out some notches, and built a retaining wall on the west wingwall.. its really starting to take shape.. walking through the slippery, sticky, muddy slush of snow and wet dirt with a 120 inch log in my arms was.. interesting.. definitely saw my life flash before my eyes a few times.. Working with Josiah and Clayton, in a team effort to stack the logs, proved steady and smiley.. we were joking about random things like air compressor hoses.. This lighthearted banter carried through in the form of dill-pickles, for a moment during our brief lunch back at the Fisher Price House.. we get work done, having fun.. we row on..

    Slept deeply last night.. Jen is on vacation, so the house is all male currently.. somehow I feel more relaxed.. growing up around females (4 aunts, 8 female cousins, 2 older sisters), I always believed I was more relaxed around feminine energy.. maybe I'm learning something new?.. Had a dream that I was working in an office.. a gentleman arrived to wait in the waiting lounge early morning.. he was there as a walk-in to meet with someone.. this someone ended up not being in the office that day.. towards the afternoon, we see this visitor no longer sitting on a chair--instead he's actually LOUNGING in the waiting lounge.. sleeping bag, clothes, food--camping out in our foyer.. it was Davin~!.. not sure what this dream means, but Davin was a visitor here at Wheaton Labs.. yes he camped out here, and I thought he brought the utmost respect and diligence to our community.. maybe I miss him?.. Davin, if you're reading this, HELLO~! =D

enjoy the pics~!

POST 94 (DAY 100, Wednesday, 2020.11.18)
[Morning Entry]

THE WORK (yesterday): AM/PM--Allerton Abbey.. The First Wofati Greehouse, man~!!!.. (again).. we had the weather window until this morning, so logically, it made sense to be outdoors, moving the greenhouse forward.. we install the plastic layer at the southern retaining wall, as well as the northern side of the west wing wall.. Josiah moved some dirt to the respective walls, as well as creating a path for rain water to drain away from the building.. I helped with some videography..
    Yesterday was an odd day for me, emotionally.. I kept sensing feelings of inadequacy and or unworthiness.. but there was also a sense that these were not of my own.. sometimes, I think I confuse others' emotions as my own.. this season, I ask for the sensitivity to know the difference, and the wisdom to navigate either sets of waves appropriately.. today, i hear rain, so likely I will tidy the Shop.. after yesterday's emotional "battle", I think some solo-work time might be nice.. last week I got to peel logs for four hours solo--this was amazingly therapeutic.. interested to see how this next 90 days will grow and challenge me.. my goal will be to remain in the present through all..

enjoy the pics~!

Congratulations on Day 100, Dez!!

Liv Smith wrote:Congratulations on Day 100, Dez!!

Thanks so much Liv!!! =D

Dez Choi wrote:POST 94 (DAY 100, Wednesday, 2020.11.18)
[Morning Entry]

THE WORK (yesterday): AM/PM--Allerton Abbey.. The First Wofati Greehouse, man~!!!.. (again).. we had the weather window until this morning, so logically, it made sense to be outdoors, moving the greenhouse forward.. we install the plastic layer at the southern retaining wall, as well as the northern side of the west wing wall.. Josiah moved some dirt to the respective walls, as well as creating a path for rain water to drain away from the building.. I helped with some videography..
    Yesterday was an odd day for me, emotionally.. I kept sensing feelings of inadequacy and or unworthiness.. but there was also a sense that these were not of my own.. sometimes, I think I confuse others' emotions as my own.. this season, I ask for the sensitivity to know the difference, and the wisdom to navigate either sets of waves appropriately.. today, i hear rain, so likely I will tidy the Shop.. after yesterday's emotional "battle", I think some solo-work time might be nice.. last week I got to peel logs for four hours solo--this was amazingly therapeutic.. interested to see how this next 90 days will grow and challenge me.. my goal will be to remain in the present through all..

enjoy the pics~!

I completely forgot to upload pics for this entry, so..
POST 94 (re-do) (DAY 101, Thursday, 2020.11.19)
[Morning Entry]

let me post the pics first..

perhaps the new system for me will be to post pics first, then write the entry.. since the pics/vids are what count as an entry.. I think that's how I did it in the very beginning anyway.. and then it became all about writing--gosh, Dez~!!.. =D

Community Living..
    the other day, I had asked Jen how her experience was as a caretaker for another person.. she mentioned how upsetting it was at first, being responsible for another person's inabilities/inactions.. How did you find a way through the upset?.. "Once I let go of the notion of what is 'fair' it got easier.." (paraphrasing).. this idea of letting go of Fairness seemed to stick in my brain like a.. well, a very sticky thing to another very sticky thing..
    In learning about and adapting to community living here at Wheaton Labs, I wonder if I am willing to let go of this notion of fairness.. for each thing I see as an infraction from another resident/participant here, I probably have ten others.. so what gives me the gumption to cast the first stone, so to speak?.. for example, the kitchen is the main communal area where errors are in the spotlight.. we all use the kitchen every single day and there's usually something there like a stray dirty dish, or crumbs left on the counter, or stove burners left on without an attendee.. these things happen.. but how often does it become my duty or obligation to pick up after "my brother" or "sister"?.. and how often is too often?.. how many times did my mom or dad pick up after me?.. are we each other's parents in a way?.. shall I consider it an honor and privilege to steward these kind people who are here for the work-trade program (rather than an obligation)?.. perhaps so, since stewardship is my modus operandi, after all.. say I do that..
    ...Say I clean that randomly left dirty dish--then the kitchen becomes cleaner and whoever did that dish got a favor.. but does this take spoons from me?.. and does the other person "learn their lesson"?.. perhaps this is where non-confrontational communication becomes the teaching tool.. and if we are to lead by example, perhaps then, this is the best kind of example, because it is likely to perpetuate beyond one other person.. perhaps this kind of kind act can reach two, three, or four other people, because it carries with it so much more emotional intelligence.. and we know that new learning of new habits really only happens when there is a strong emotion tied to the lesson.. the kittens respond to a call for feeding time "HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY~!!!", because they know that their hunger will be sated.. so is it a matter of hunger and not idiocy?.. are the people just hungry for good teachings through grace and communication, rather than reprimand and correction?.. so radical these thoughts that are entering my brain this morning.. its hard to love them.. but love is hard i guess..

Happy Thursday ^^v

ps. thank you mom and dad for picking up after me.. I hope i have the willingness to feed my brothers and sisters with the real food of loving unconditionally, and not simply stop at the self-centered thoughts.. as you did for me..