How to avoid annoying your spouse

Husband sends me a pic:   "This is not how you hang this up..."

Me:   "If you don't loop it THE EXACT SAME WAY it's a nightmare yo"

Husband:   "Maybe"

Me:   "I feel like....I got it looped and hung. A for effort"



I admit, I'm a great user of tools and a terrible putter upper of tools. So the fact that I put every tool I used back is a big deal and he shouldn't criticize HOW it was done.

I suspect I'm going to be in another comic here soon.

I don’t know the intricacies of your situation but it reminds me of the line I’ve had to draw in my own relationship. It is important not to mock, tease, or otherwise add to the burden of my spouse’s OCD issues when they want/need/demand that certain items be ordered or maintained in a highly-specific or overly-meticulous way, but at the same time I am not (cannot POSSIBLY be) responsible for implementing and carrying out their overly effortful desires.  If they need to spend an extra twenty minutes making all the spoons line up in the drawer (I made that up) I must not display impatience; to them it is IMPORTANT. But I won’t line them up myself; my own mental health won’t survive if I try.

Dan Boone wrote: If they need to spend an extra twenty minutes making all the spoons line up in the drawer (I made that up).....

Admit it, Dan... you are not making this up!   (...just kidding!  ;-)  )

But along similar lines, my spouse is the only one I know who can be glued to the computer screen watching re-caps of British royal functions.....commenting on the hats, attire, color schemes, etc......all while her boots are dripping pig doo-doo on the floor under the workstation.  She recognizes it as being a study in contrasts, but seems pretty comfortable with the situation from her end.  I've solved the problem by hosting social occasions......in town.  Saves the stress of if, when, and how much to clean for visitors.   Elle, your cord hanging looks spot-on spiffy to me.  I mean, it's not on the floor, right?... :-)

Mostly for fun, but after a long day of projects, nothing like kicking off your boots and sinking back into that easy chair for a bit of relaxation.

.......just make sure that you kick those boots off with CORRECT placement in front of the door threshold!......

John Weiland wrote:.......just make sure that you kick those boots off with CORRECT placement in front of the door threshold!......

I'm guessing that putting one on the edge of the green bucket and the other on the side of the door jamb wouldn't be proper placement?

Not to get in to the maritial woes of the Segenev's, but that is NOT how that airline gets hung up.

But it almost looks like one of you is right handed, and the other left. I say that because if a right handed person takes a cord, or airline and coils it up, it gets a natural twist in one direction. This is called "memory of material". But when a left hand person goes to coil up the same thing, it is never right because the item being coiled is fighting itself, it normally is not twisted in that direction. But if you are both right, or both left handed, then I can only say; why not take a second and coil it p properly?

Travis Johnson wrote:But it almost looks like one of you is right handed, and the other left.

This is my life right here. I try to remember to use my non dominant hand to coil but after 3 hours of chipping brush or weed wacking it`s not likely.
The way I figure it we have three options:
1) just leave the cord in a pile on the ground for Mr Right Hand to coil when he gets back from whatever he is doing
2) buy his-and-hers extension cords
3) simply accept buying a new one a bit earlier than we might have had to otherwise (so far, 12 years on this one is not bad).

1 would be rude, so we go with 3.
(we have a rule: don`t screw with each other`s space. My tools get put back exactly as they were, his too. It`s almost like a game to get it exactly the way it was so the borrowing is imperceptible)

I would love it if my partner had a place for things and a way she wanted them placed.
I love it when my partner has a place for things and a way she wants them placed.
And its explained to me.
Fair is fair, she sometimes does have a form of organization I can follow.
More often I am annoying her with requests to put the socks in her sock basket, or the recycling in any recycling bin or the rabbit bedding in that compost pile...

She prioritizes getting rid of stuff, to radically cut down on what needs to be put it away, I desire a place for everything, so we can put things away.

I organize the dirty dishes, before doing them.
I even had a system of containers that separated the flatware from the other utensils!
Dirty clothes,are sorted,not by color but by ownership, function and priority.
At one point, levels of dirtiness!

Obviously I've had to loosen up.
I still sort materials,to help myself through tasks,  but I'm happy if the family puts the dirty stuff in the dirty stuff receptacle.
If they won't do that much, I probably wont wash the stuff. Probably.

She's compromised as well, she hardly ever gets mad when I ask her to put things away. Really!

In all seriousness, we need purging AND organizing of our marital material possessions.

Dan Boone wrote:I don’t know the intricacies of your situation but it reminds me of the line I’ve had to draw in my own relationship. It is important not to mock, tease, or otherwise add to the burden of my spouse’s OCD issues when they want/need/demand that certain items be ordered or maintained in a highly-specific or overly-meticulous way, but at the same time I am not (cannot POSSIBLY be) responsible for implementing and carrying out their overly effortful desires.  If they need to spend an extra twenty minutes making all the spoons line up in the drawer (I made that up) I must not display impatience; to them it is IMPORTANT. But I won’t line them up myself; my own mental health won’t survive if I try.

I don't know if he has OCD about it. There are just a few things that are "his" domain. He has a ratchet set I don't touch and for the most part the air compressor is "his" because I don't do car things. However, I was using a nail gun on the greenhouse so had the air compressor out. Guess he's become quite accustomed to how he puts it up. I put it up. I figure that's all that matters. :P I don't think he's all that upset, just annoyed. I can't help but tease him about it.

John Weiland wrote:  Elle, your cord hanging looks spot-on spiffy to me.  I mean, it's not on the floor, right?... :-)

Totally agree. If it's hung up it counts!!! lol

Travis Johnson wrote:Not to get in to the maritial woes of the Segenev's, but that is NOT how that airline gets hung up.

But it almost looks like one of you is right handed, and the other left. I say that because if a right handed person takes a cord, or airline and coils it up, it gets a natural twist in one direction. This is called "memory of material". But when a left hand person goes to coil up the same thing, it is never right because the item being coiled is fighting itself, it normally is not twisted in that direction. But if you are both right, or both left handed, then I can only say; why not take a second and coil it p properly?

I think it's more that my spouse has incredible attention to detail and I'm a get 'er done person. So when he coils it up he would make sure it was perfect. I just grabbed it, randomly twisted it and threw it in the wagon with the other tools to be carted back to the garage. For me, sufficient. For him, not. lol Luckily he's picky about very little or the way I shoved the tarps into the bin would probably drive him crazy!!!

William Bronson wrote:I would love it if my partner had a place for things and a way she wanted them placed.
I love it when my partner has a place for things and a way she wants them placed.
And its explained to me.
Fair is fair, she sometimes does have a form of organization I can follow.
More often I am annoying her with requests to put the socks in her sock basket, or the recycling in any recycling bin or the rabbit bedding in that compost pile...

She prioritizes getting rid of stuff, to radically cut down on what needs to be put it away, I desire a place for everything, so we can put things away.

I organize the dirty dishes, before doing them.
I even had a system of containers that separated the flatware from the other utensils!
Dirty clothes,are sorted,not by color but by ownership, function and priority.
At one point, levels of dirtiness!

Obviously I've had to loosen up.
I still sort materials,to help myself through tasks,  but I'm happy if the family puts the dirty stuff in the dirty stuff receptacle.
If they won't do that much, I probably wont wash the stuff. Probably.

She's compromised as well, she hardly ever gets mad when I ask her to put things away. Really!

In all seriousness, we need purging AND organizing of our marital material possessions.

In our house I feel like I'm the ONLY PERSON who ever throws anything away. This has caused problems because if it's on the counter for too long I toss indiscriminately. I've thrown away "important" things before. I put that in quotes because it was clearly not important enough to move to the paper keeping file so I don't see why my throwing it away is such a big deal!

At this point in our 15 year marriage if hubs can't find something he automatically assumes I've thrown it away. I probably did. No regrets!

why not take a second and coil it properly?

I can’t help parsing the word “properly” here as doing the thing that this thread is in reaction to.

“Properly” here perhaps encodes some mixture of desire for order, belief that there’s some special merit in the order and lay of coils on a peg, and probably a belief that stowing the item one correct way will extend its service life or improve workplace safety.  Odds are that I have many of these same beliefs, but I also understand these things to be PREFERENCES.  To a person who does not share the preferences, there’s nothing “proper” about them. In which case, the answer to a “why not” question is a simple shrug and the words “because I don’t care about it.”  

Have to say if someone hung up my airline (or extension leads) like that I would complain, because the next time I go to use it, it will inevitably get in a knot and I'll have to stop doing what I'm trying to work on to untie it.  If you wind it right it hangs in nice loops and doesn't twist and (mostly) it unwinds again nicely.  The longer it is, the more important to get it right - if you've got a 50 yard extension cable with knots in it's a pain to put right.  I'm not about to explain in words how to wind it so it don't twist, that needs a video.  I could maybe be persuaded to arrange that if need be, but maybe it's better if you talk to your other half and ask how it should be done, it's not hard to learn.  A bit like working the toilet seat...

Oh Boy. I live this every day, and straddle both sides of the issue.
We each have things we feel are important, and others less so. What one sees as a bit nuts, or obsessive, is the other's foothold on sanity amidst the chaos.

Sometimes halfway isn't far enough, like the tools making it back to the garage, but not put away "properly", or the end of the kitchen counter near the back door and stairs... piled high with things "halfway between" waiting for the next trip to the car or downstairs... next time...
Sometimes you have to make a second trip to the basement, or empty the whole dishwasher (and put it all away in the cabinets... no stashing things on the dishrack! )

Other times, halfway is just fine, like the tools making it back to the garage, so that you can put them away "properly" yourself, since you know how you want it done.

To Dan Boone's point, "properly" can mean all those things.
Travis and Austin are both right! (go figure...) that is NOT how it ought to be coiled.

It can be just as joyful an experience working with a "properly" coiled hose/cable/rope/strap, as it can be a frustrating experience working to untangle one done carelessly.
If one coils a cable in the same manner (round and round, as around the hand and elbow; or coil after coil in the same motion) a twist forms which causes the coil to twist into "figure eights" which are easily tangled, and also cause the cable to not lay flat when stretched out (tripping hazard)

Instead, if you form the first loop (overhand), then on the next loop you give a twist of your coiling hand (underhand), that loop is then "tucked behind itself" and most importantly it counteracts the twisting of the cable. The loops stay "round" and lay neatly beside each other.
Proceed coiling by alternating overhand, underhand, overhand, underhand....
The best part is (if you can keep it coiled neatly this way) you can hold one end and throw the coil and it will unfurl without kinking up. It also works when coiling up a garden hose on the ground, just pull the end and walk... no kinks.

Just putting this here, and not saying a word...

I honestly had NO idea there was a right way to coil that thing. I'm so amused. Well I shall tell the hubs that he wins this round. As revenge I shall make him coil it "right" when I use it from now on. :P

You guys think air hoses are bad, power-washer hoses are worse. I will have to try the method in the video, but my solution when my husband bought a really long power-washer hose for the back field was to insist he also by a hose roller. After seeing how much easier it made dealing with it, he actually got around to installing similar on the front of the barn for the air hose. Now if I could just train him to reliably use it...

I will also make the point that people need to recognize the abilities of those around them. The 2 BSB's I live with (Big Strong Boys) seem to have difficulty remembering that my hand is *not* large enough or strong enough to hold a heavy duty 200 ft extension cord to roll it up.

My solution for long heavy water hoses is to have a hose hanger at about eye height so I do large loops from it to the ground. Fewer turns means even if you don't use that cool trick in the above video, there are fewer coils to get tangled. This ticks hubby off, because he's just as happy to wrap it around his hand and elbow and that doesn't work reliably with my high hangers as he's now having to lift a large coil to 5 ft up and if he tries anyway, he knows he'll have to get it back down again. We all tend to do what works for us!

I can wind a hose, he can prep 3 meals a day from scratch. No problem.

Anyone with OCD problems, PM me your address.  I'll send you two kids that will make your spouse look like a neat freak!

Gray Henon wrote:Anyone with OCD problems, PM me your address.  I'll send you two kids that will make your spouse look like a neat freak!

I see your two kids, and raise the stakes to four.

I was at a friends house where the house is so spotless you dare not even step into the kitchen. I mentioned this to Katie who was pretty quick to say, "that is because she only has an only child!"

Katie's mother useed to really get after her if the house was not perfectly cleaned, but that was back when Katie had only two kids. Now that we have four, her mother no longer says, "Jeesh Kate, taking a break from cleaning", but rather, "I do not know how you do it." That was because her mother only had two daughters. With kids, messes go up expotentially!

You know, I was thinking about this thread and it dawned on me why I do not have these problems in my marriage...

I do not have a cell phone!

Katie could not send me a picture of something I did wrong even if she could. (LOL)

Travis Johnson wrote:You know, I was thinking about this thread and it dawned on me why I do not have these problems in my marriage...

I do not have a cell phone!

Katie could not send me a picture of something I did wrong even if she could. (LOL)

He likes this thread, because I told him he was apparently completely validated, and said he only sent me the pic because one of the ends of the hose was on the ground and he didn't want the kids trampling it.

He did say he appreciated that I put the tools away since that doesn't usually happen but next time I roll up his hose I should think of this thread. LOL

Travis Johnson wrote:

Gray Henon wrote:Anyone with OCD problems, PM me your address.  I'll send you two kids that will make your spouse look like a neat freak!

I see your two kids, and raise the stakes to four.

I was at a friends house where the house is so spotless you dare not even step into the kitchen. I mentioned this to Katie who was pretty quick to say, "that is because she only has an only child!"

Katie's mother useed to really get after her if the house was not perfectly cleaned, but that was back when Katie had only two kids. Now that we have four, her mother no longer says, "Jeesh Kate, taking a break from cleaning", but rather, "I do not know how you do it." That was because her mother only had two daughters. With kids, messes go up expotentially!

I grew up in a house with 4 kids. The house always looked really nice. My Mom had a cleaning schedule and we had a chore a day to keep it sparkling. Her house looks as good now, with 10 grandchildren running around in it. Some people are just CLEAN. lol

elle sagenev wrote:

Travis Johnson wrote:You know, I was thinking about this thread and it dawned on me why I do not have these problems in my marriage...

I do not have a cell phone!

Katie could not send me a picture of something I did wrong even if she could. (LOL)

He likes this thread, because I told him he was apparently completely validated, and said he only sent me the pic because one of the ends of the hose was on the ground and he didn't want the kids trampling it.

He did say he appreciated that I put the tools away since that doesn't usually happen but next time I roll up his hose I should think of this thread. LOL

I do not know how he won "this battle" and was "validated" because you are pregnant with his third child, and as far as I know, in that condition a woman always wins.

It goes back to waddling, peeing every 5 minutes, and being extremely uncomfortable all summer in the heat and saying, "you did this to me!"

Yeah Elle...you win. (LOL)

Travis Johnson wrote:

elle sagenev wrote:

Travis Johnson wrote:You know, I was thinking about this thread and it dawned on me why I do not have these problems in my marriage...

I do not have a cell phone!

Katie could not send me a picture of something I did wrong even if she could. (LOL)

He likes this thread, because I told him he was apparently completely validated, and said he only sent me the pic because one of the ends of the hose was on the ground and he didn't want the kids trampling it.

He did say he appreciated that I put the tools away since that doesn't usually happen but next time I roll up his hose I should think of this thread. LOL

I do not know how he won "this battle" and was "validated" because you are pregnant with his third child, and as far as I know, in that condition a woman always wins.

It goes back to waddling, peeing every 5 minutes, and being extremely uncomfortable all summer in the heat and saying, "you did this to me!"

Yeah Elle...you win. (LOL)

Ahahahahahah YES!!! Though I don't know how frail I can claim to be when I'm using power tools. lol

elle sagenev wrote:

Travis Johnson wrote:

elle sagenev wrote:

Travis Johnson wrote:You know, I was thinking about this thread and it dawned on me why I do not have these problems in my marriage...

I do not have a cell phone!

Katie could not send me a picture of something I did wrong even if she could. (LOL)

He likes this thread, because I told him he was apparently completely validated, and said he only sent me the pic because one of the ends of the hose was on the ground and he didn't want the kids trampling it.

He did say he appreciated that I put the tools away since that doesn't usually happen but next time I roll up his hose I should think of this thread. LOL

I do not know how he won "this battle" and was "validated" because you are pregnant with his third child, and as far as I know, in that condition a woman always wins.

It goes back to waddling, peeing every 5 minutes, and being extremely uncomfortable all summer in the heat and saying, "you did this to me!"

Yeah Elle...you win. (LOL)

Ahahahahahah YES!!! Though I don't know how frail I can claim to be when I'm using power tools. lol

Frail?

You operate an excavator. That is one big power tool!

Katie...I could get her on just about anything, except for a skidder. She HATED the skidder because it was so stupid loud. It just had a shrill  sound to its exhaust. They call them 2 stroke screaming Detroit engines for a reason!

Travis Johnson wrote:Frail?

You operate an excavator. That is one big power tool!

Katie...I could get her on just about anything, except for a skidder. She HATED the skidder because it was so stupid loud. It just had a shrill  sound to its exhaust. They call them 2 stroke screaming Detroit engines for a reason!

It's been a weird time. My veins are really bad on one leg so I can't stand or walk too long but I'm out there building crap anyway. I'm impossible. Just like my offspring. SO compared to usual, I'm super frail right now.

Lord help hubs if he ever gets a skidsteer. I think I'd dig even more holes with that thing.

Whoops...I forget you do not have trees out there. :-)

I was referring to a skidder, not a skid steer. A skidder pulls wood out of the woods and that is the machine she refuses to drive. She has driven the bulldozer's, but did not like the rough ride.

Jay Angler wrote:
I will also make the point that people need to recognize the abilities of those around them. The 2 BSB's I live with (Big Strong Boys) seem to have difficulty remembering that my hand is *not* large enough or strong enough to hold a heavy duty 200 ft extension cord to roll it up.

THIS! We have some good 100 and 200 foot extension cords. I have no hopes of winding those right. They're so heavy and my hands are so small (for a few years when I was younger, I used to compare my hand size to everyone else who said they had tiny hands. Mine were always as small or smaller.) I'm just happy if I get them up off the ground. Of course, my husband isn't too good at winding things either, so we just resign ourselves to untangling the cord every time we use it...

@Nicole Alderman - fake yourself up something like this?   https://www.aliexpress.com/item/1992741718.html
I had something like it on wheels until it died. It would certainly be handy for a 200 ft cord!

The easier solution is to not have long cords.

I am not being mean on this. I know the temptation to buy long cords and why, but 95% of the time a person just needs a few extra feet, not massive lengths.

When you do need extra length, just put a few shorter cords together, this makes handling them a lot easier. And if you have to use a long cord in the same spot more than twice, buy the electrical cord, and make an outlet close by. It really is well worth it, and will save a lot of untangling. If you added up all the extra minutes untangling, it would shock you. Kind of like having an unkempt tool room. I like farming, I dislike looking for something I just had in my hands.

This all applies to air hoses as well.

Re "winding" vrs "coiling"

All our longer extension cords come with integrated spools and handles.  It makes a big difference to general neatness. In the context of this conversation; if you are going to be fussy about how things are stored, then you need to ensure your storage system is appropriate for the people using it.

Michael Cox wrote:Re "winding" vrs "coiling"

All our longer extension cords come with integrated spools and handles.  It makes a big difference to general neatness. In the context of this conversation; if you are going to be fussy about how things are stored, then you need to ensure your storage system is appropriate for the people using it.

When I went to visit my mother and I pressure washed the outside of her house for her, I found to my delight that her monstrous extension cord came in a winding device that a kid (or older lady) could easily handle. It was like night and day. Of course I have never seen such a thing here in Bananaland, but when I do.....

I asked my husband what I do to annoy him, and he says he has learnt to ignore it and tidy up after me ! Sometimes his tidying up annoys me because I left things out because I'm going to need them again. But mostly I love and value his magic tidying up abilities, which I apparently lack.

Between a normal person and myself, I am not well organized. However, between my wife and myself, I am the organizer.