Permie dating activities?

So I was going to ask the mushroom gal at the farmers market on a "date" but I couldn't think of a good activity. Starbucks? Lame. I'm sure there are some other options for coffee type scenario that would be more appropriate. Restaurant? Gross. Bowling? Maybe...

I've never tried to initiate a courtship with someone who lives / farms in a rural area so I don't have a good frame of reference for determining the time commitment someone might consider reasonable.

I was considering asking if she would watch the (now postponed) webinar about RMH in a Greenhouse, as it may be useful to her operation.

I chickened out anyway, but the question still stands :

What are some other ideas for a first date that follow the ethos, are not weather dependent, and don't require going to someone's home or remote location?

Not exactly permie-esque, but the dates I've had the most fun on have been visits to the arcade. Pretty cheap, making conversation isn't central to it being a good time, and the fun competition brings a lot of laughs.

Otherwise, hikes are often good if you have trails nearby. If there are mapped out loops, it provides a lot of flexibility. If the date is going well, go for a long walk! If not, you can cut it short without it being too awkward. Also if there is snow on the ground you can start a snowball fight. Did this on one date and I don't regret it!

Coffee/tea is a good safe date. The big downside to it for me is the conversation being central to the outcome of the date. I'm introverted, so I can talk about deeper topics all day long, but the inital small talk can be awkward. The two other options provide conversation as a by product of the activity which I find much more natural.

If none of these things are available, check out what the touristy stuff is in your area. Even if you're already well-acquainted with it, doing it with a new lady will make it feel new. This could be anything from tree top trekking to going to a local fishing spot. Anything where the activity is likely to be a good time, and where you can both relax, is a good option. Best of luck!

And do ask her. The worst you'll get is a no. The best...who knows? I got a girl's number recently, then texted her, and never got a response. It sucked, but that was about the worst case scenario. And here I am, still having a good time. So go and take the risk!

This:

https://permies.com/wiki/153784/Meeting-special-values-similar-permaculture

Farmers Market, Come on  it's ready made, go grab some cheese an apple some crusty artisan bread and bring her lunch. No pressure and everybody has to eat.

Robert Ray wrote:Farmers Market, Come on  it's ready made go grab some cheese an apple some crusty artisan bread and bring her lunch. No pressure and everybody has to eat.

So true.

Brent Bowden wrote:So I was going to ask the mushroom gal at the farmers market on a "date" but I couldn't think of a good activity. Starbucks? Lame. I'm sure there are some other options for coffee type scenario that would be more appropriate. Restaurant? Gross. Bowling? Maybe...

I've never tried to initiate a courtship with someone who lives / farms in a rural area so I don't have a good frame of reference for determining the time commitment someone might consider reasonable.

I was considering asking if she would watch the (now postponed) webinar about RMH in a Greenhouse, as it may be useful to her operation.

I chickened out anyway, but the question still stands :

What are some other ideas for a first date that follow the ethos, are not weather dependent, and don't require going to someone's home or remote location?

Just buy mushrooms from her.. all of them.. every time.

Brent Bowden wrote:
I chickened out anyway, but the question still stands

If you would allow an old single guy to give some perspective...  The pain of rejection is always less than the regret of never taking the risk after a short time.  Ask her.

The worst that can happen is she say no, 'not interested', which is effectively where you are right now.  Nothing to lose.  Your pride will heal.

Best of luck.

Wow dude. If she could read this thread ...! She would know you're the real deal.

We are all moved by flattery. Especially if it's genuine. If the mushrooms are top quality, say so.

Ask advice, deferring to her expertise: Is there a good way to preserve mushrooms like these? I'm trying to learn how to be a better cook, and everyone tells me quality ingredients are kinda critical.

Gently suggest that you'd like to learn how to grow mushrooms like this. Don't ask for trade secrets, that's creepy. But "someday I'd like to have a place to grow good stuff like this" is appropriate.

If that gets any traction, CREATE A SAFE SPACE for first encounters. Starbucks isn't real coffee, but it's a safe space with people all around and an escape route. Women view the world differently, with good reason. And you can talk about mushrooms and bad coffee and a dream or two you'd like to pursue and maybe ...?

Myself, I think in any first-date situation...

First it should be parsed out for compatibility by texting, emailing and conversation on the phone. I know the latter is outdated it seems, but talking to someone in a real conversation can really help solidify things, or negate them. Trust me, I know all about that!

But for an actual first-date meeting? I think having a range of foods helps so that the other person has a lot of choices. As an example, I am not a huge sprout-on-my-sandwich guy, so while that might be Permie fare... the most wonderful lady will leave me with a negative impression if that is all I have to eat. Unfair I know, but choices are good.

I always took my dates to buffet places so they had a lot of self-choice options, but there are few Permie Fare places like that I know. But as others have said, giving her the option to tell you is always good. So many people, men and women, have had former relationships by naricistic people that giving them options conveys to them a sense of trust. If she is hesitant to make a decision (many people are) it's nice to have a few places to suggest. This is a great way to offer compassionate confidence.

Casually ask her if she is into wild-foraging ...if she is, maybe she would be interested in going on a 'date' to go mushroom-hunting sometime.  

However, most woman I know would be rather wary (and rightfully so) about going for a hike with a man they have just met & don't know, so she needs to feel comfortable & safe around you first.
This probably also applies to offering her unsolicited food and/or drink (roofies, anyone?). Unless it's meeting-up at a coffee-shop, don't be surprised if this action makes her suspicious and put up her defenses.

If she seems hesitient, perhaps she has a friend that can go along with and chaperone -?

If not,  meeting for lunch at a restaurant and/or going to a public garden or a stroll at nearby beach might be more appropriate.

Robert Ray wrote:Farmers Market, Come on  it's ready made, go grab some cheese an apple some crusty artisan bread and bring her lunch. No pressure and everybody has to eat.

Unless it's a busy farmer's market and then splitting her attention between customers and a prospective love interest might add a lot of stress to her day....

And remember...  Just because she's a permie it doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy doing normal things too.  As long as it isn't shooting bottles at the gravel pit...

You could always...   ask her what she'd like to do.   ;)   Don't make it harder than it needs to be,  she's a person too.    "I'd like to get together sometime if you are up for it?"   and then work out the when/where/what together,  with her feedback.  

Honestly, one of my BEST dates was a visit to a livestock auction I hadn't been to before.  It was so interesting to me and something I'd always wanted to check out.   My date was super skeptical, but it was what I WANTED to do.  They even had a pretty good coffee, and BONUS a flea market that weekend.    Was a great time, casual,  things to discuss,  learned some stuff (that I would never send livestock there lol) and found a great little used trinket to take home.  

I second what Heather said. I tend to be a fairly blunt person. I visited my girlfriend (now wife) at college. We went to the cafeteria where her friends were waiting to ask me all sorts of embarrassing questions and watch me squirm. Her best friend looks me in the face and asks "and just what are you intentions?"... I looked her friend in the face and said "I intend to convince her to be my wife by the end of the summer"... she didn't know how to respond :) haha, and the conversation fell into more normal stuff of what she was doing at college.

Being that sort of blunt person, I would go regularly to the farmers market, say hi, be polite and friendly, buy some mushrooms (even though I don't eat them). Then after she gets to where you are a "regular"... then I would ask her opinion, mostly direct, but with enough tact to allow her to bow out if she is not interested. Also, make sure it is a quiet time of day... maybe towards the end of the market time. Something like "Hi, can I ask you a question?.... If a guy wanted to ask you out on a date, do you have any tips for how he should go about it? or what fun thing would make you say yes?". She will know what you are doing, and you know what you are doing, but there is still that fun "I figured out what he is doing" moment. If if she turns you down, you can play it cool, like you were asking for a friend :)

I just found this website yesterday. And for all of you beautiful people that have replied to this post, I give you my thanks. Funny, witty, beautifully written, absolutely entertaining ideas for this young man on his quest to date the beautiful mushroom lady, well they have had me laughing, smiling, and made me tear up as well.

Welcome to Permies, Rachel!

Thank you for bumping this thread up, it indeed was a wholesome read.

I joined Permies in the end of December last year.. I was soon amazed on how beautiful place this is. Such a wonderful community. I hope you have fun diving in!



I wonder if we have an update available for the situation.. Brent, did you ask the mushroom lady out on a date?

I enjoy going for walks with people, whether as a date or just with a friend. I especially like walks in botanical gardens or arboretums, river walks, scenic parks, or waterfront walkways. They provide something to look and and talk about if you get stuck conversationally, it's usually a beautiful place, and they aren't too secluded or isolated for relative strangers to spend time together.

And with walking, it just seems easier to talk alongside someone rather than face to face sometimes if you tend to be a bit more reserved; the direct gaze can be a conversation queller for some. But just strolling along chatting, maybe sitting on a bench, seeing natural beauty around you, is easygoing, relaxes tension, and is a nice way to get to know someone without a lot of pressure.

(Not that this would ever happen to anyone else,  walks are also a good way to hash out disagreements for a lot of the same reasons. At least for me, it diffuses some tension, the side by side vs face to face talking ends up less combative, and the movement and momentum just has a positive aspect to it that tamps down on some petty circling back and nit-picking. I've seen plenty of sidewalk squabbles where I live but they usually stay pretty civil. )

I also think some kind of you-pick could be fun, apple picking, berry picking etc (as long as it's not a crazy scene swarming with children- nothing wrong with crowds or children, they are just distracting on dates) since it's also kind of a scenic, active, but low pressure activity.

One thing is to not pick something that either of you is unable to leave gracefully at any time (like a boat ride or something). Nothing like being stuck in a slow moving conveyance for another hour with a person you aren't enjoying or who is giving you bad vibes.

Saana Jalimauchi wrote:Welcome to Permies, Rachel!

Thank you for bumping this thread up, it indeed was a wholesome read.

I joined Permies in the end of December last year.. I was soon amazed on how beautiful place this is. Such a wonderful community. I hope you have fun diving in!



I wonder if we have an update available for the situation.. Brent, did you ask the mushroom lady out on a date?

Sadly, no. There was a long gap and the next few times I went someone else was working at the stand. Thanks for asking!

Mercy Pergande wrote:And with walking, it just seems easier to talk alongside someone rather than face to face sometimes if you tend to be a bit more reserved; the direct gaze can be a conversation queller for some. But just strolling along chatting, maybe sitting on a bench, seeing natural beauty around you, is easygoing, relaxes tension, and is a nice way to get to know someone without a lot of pressure.

First 'date' with my now husband was walking round the serpentine in Hyde park. Although we had know each other as friends for nearly a year we hadn't talked much about personal stuff before. Yeah, it was good.