How do you encourage communication and relationships at block party?

Any time I've hosted a party or get together, it seems like most people stick to talking with others that they already know. Or the conversation gets stuck after one or two basic comments.

What are your tips, suggestions, or anecdotes for encouraging conversation between neighbors who don't know each other?

I'd like to host a block party, but past experiences make me a little nervous that it'll be awkward with people just standing around quietly eating and staring at each other or talking only to the family members who came with them.

Icebreakers!

I've done tons and tons of icebreakers over the years. They all work well to make people more comfortable with each other.

My favorite is the "Gaze of Death". Everyone stands in a circle, looks down, then on a cue everyone looks at one other person's face. If any people make eye contact they both must act out horrible deaths, and they fall out of the circle. The game continues until everyone dies or one person is left standing.

Another good one is 2 true, one false (or any other variation). Each person says three things about themselves, two of which are true but one is false. Everyone else must guess which is true and which is false.

For example.
I have been punched in the face exactly twice, only one time hurt.
I have survived a car crash where the car was completely totaled.
I have a skydiving license.

One of the above is false. It gives people a chance to learn about you and gives you an opportunity to tell stories later.

Nikki Roche wrote:Any time I've hosted a party or get together, it seems like most people stick to talking with others that they already know. Or the conversation gets stuck after one or two basic comments.

What are your tips, suggestions, or anecdotes for encouraging conversation between neighbors who don't know each other?  

First, if I were to have something like a block party, I would approach one of these groups of people and introduce myself.

Then I would go to the next group, introduce myself and then ask if they have met ... (pick someone from the 1st group).

I would continue this until everyone seems to know at least a lot of new people.

Another approach might be to pick one person to take with you when you are introducing yourself.  Then leave that person with that group and find another new person to introduce.

What about asking several folks to take the dish they brought to pass around to the guest and introduce themselves?  I feel this would work for appetizers and chips, etc.

I like L Johnson's suggestion for icebreakers, too.

I am looking forward to hearing how others would handle this.

L. Johnson wrote:

For example.
I have been punched in the face exactly twice, only one time hurt.
I have survived a car crash where the car was completely totaled.
I have a skydiving license.

One of the above is false. It gives people a chance to learn about you and gives you an opportunity to tell stories later.

The few attempts I've made at games during gatherings didn't work because of poor participation. Maybe I need to be more assertive, with "we're going to do this" instead of "who wants to do this."

Icebreakers sound fun, and now you have me curious! Which is the lie?? I didn't realize a license was required to skydive alone (never had a reason to look into it.) I'm hoping the punches in the face is true just because I want to hear the story of how one time didn't hurt.

Anne Miller wrote:
First, if I were to have something like a block party, I would approach one of these groups of people and introduce myself.

Then I would go to the next group, introduce myself and then ask if they have met ... (pick someone from the 1st group).

I would continue this until everyone seems to know at least a lot of new people.

Another approach might be to pick one person to take with you when you are introducing yourself.  Then leave that person with that group and find another new person to introduce.

Anne, I love these ideas! I could see it being especially helpful if I knew something about the people already. Working my way from one group to another, "come with me, I want you to meet someone. They have this thing in common with you."

Nikki Roche wrote:
The few attempts I've made at games during gatherings didn't work because of poor participation. Maybe I need to be more assertive, with "we're going to do this" instead of "who wants to do this."

Yes. I'm a teacher, so it comes pretty natural to me to turn on teacher voice and say "Everybody round up, it's time for an activity so that we can all get to know each other a little better. TRUST ME! It's going to be fun." And that is exactly how I would do it in this case.

Nikki Roche wrote:
Icebreakers sound fun, and now you have me curious! Which is the lie?? I didn't realize a license was required to skydive alone (never had a reason to look into it.) I'm hoping the punches in the face is true just because I want to hear the story of how one time didn't hurt.

I have never been skydiving, though my wife has and was interested in getting a license for a while. She was way more into thrill sports than I ever was. (Edit:) It's fun to include anecdotes or stories with the false statements as well.

The story of how I got punched is mostly an example of how drunk people can be frustrating to deal with. When I was in college I went out with six friends who were all couples, to a bar in town on sangria night. There was a karaoke machine and a dance floor open. It wasn't very crowded. We were enjoying dancing and singing and sangria and pointedly ignoring a couple of extremely drunk guys across the room. Unfortunately one of them was very interested in all of my female friends and continued asking them to dance with him even after they all politely declined. Eventually I got fed up with him and offered to dance with him. He declined this time and I may have called him a not nice word starting with the letter "P". If I did do that, I regret it, the result was not good for me. At this point I was fairly drunk myself and I thought he had changed his mind and decided to start dancing with me for a moment, until I realized he was drunkenly flailing at me in an attempt to fight me. He failed to knee me in the crotch several times and then punched me in the face, but he was so drunk it barely connected. Somehow I thought that was really really funny and must have pointed and laughed. I am a non-violent person, so I had no intention of fighting back, but his next punch landed and actually knocked me back pretty far. Soon after the bouncer kicked him out and apologized to us. My jaw started hurting the next day and clicked when I chewed for about a week afterwards. We should have just left early.

Also, I find that icebreakers are best to do before the food is served. That way eating is contingent on getting to know people.

If you have a 'core' of good friends at the function that are willing to help facilitate activities, you can use the power of peer pressure for good! If you have a few people on the same page when it comes to just start up conversations, you might find others just naturally start mingling.

If you organize a party, and you know everyone, but not everyone knows each other, you can text everyone a word which connects you two.

Then, you print a list with all the names, and distribute it. Everyone must find out the word connecting you with each one. But: the people can only reply "yes" or "no" to the questions.

Sounds strange, but is a nice ice-breaker, as it gives the people not knowing anyone an excuse to start a conversation.

Example:
Is it an object?
Yes
Is it big?
No
Is it made of natural material?
No
Is it a common household item?
Yes
...
etc until they find the word, e.g. Bandage, and you can then tell the story of how you carried a plaster and bandaged his cutting wound on a hiking trip to mount Everest...

Nikki Roche wrote:Any time I've hosted a party or get together, it seems like most people stick to talking with others that they already know. Or the conversation gets stuck after one or two basic comments.

What are your tips, suggestions, or anecdotes for encouraging conversation between neighbors who don't know each other?

I'd like to host a block party, but past experiences make me a little nervous that it'll be awkward with people just standing around quietly eating and staring at each other or talking only to the family members who came with them.

Priya Parker has lots of suggestions on getting people to talk, and on setting the stage in advance, in her book "The Art of Gathering."  It's a breezy read that makes lots of good points about how we bring people into community.

Some people like icebreakers. I find most of them sort of cringy. But that's me.

A genuine non-intrusive icebreaker is for random teams to be selected, competing against each other to completely melt a solid block of ice with hands or whatever. It's silly and harmless. If one team invents shenanigans to speed the process, the others will mimic.

The other friendly icebreaker starts with a positive assumption -- everyone has a "superpower," something they are very good at. It's generally true, though people don't think of it as a big deal. E.g., I grow roses, I play guitar a little, I'm a good listener, I bake really good brownies/cookies, I make jam, I know how to fix things ... everybody has a superpower of some kind.

"Hi, I'm Doug from #17. So tell me, what's your superpower?"

Here's another icebreaker that requires a little advance planning. Each attendee tells the host something about themselves that no one else is likely to know or guess. The host hands out a list of these things and sends the guests off to find the people for each item. The first person to complete the list matching people to unexpected facts is the winner. A prize is optional or perhaps dinner will not be served until there is a winner. It's similar to the superpower icebreaker Doug mentioned but the guests should be instructed not to immediately give it away. The goal is to encourage others to ask them questions to try and figure it out.

You could also arrange seating by the color of people's shirts or hair color, etc. in order to break up groups that already know each other.

Ask the guests to drop their name in a basket. After they are mixed up, each guest randomly draws a name. They have 15 minutes to find that person and jot down 3 interesting facts about them. Next, they get to introduce their person to the rest of the guests.

My favorite permaculture tool is........
What is your favorite?

My favorite is the "Gaze of Death". Everyone stands in a circle, looks down, then on a cue everyone looks at one other person's face. If any people make eye contact they both must act out horrible deaths, and they fall out of the circle. The game continues until everyone dies or one person is left standing.

I would approach one of these groups of people and introduce myself.

Then I would go to the next group, introduce myself and then ask if they have met ... (pick someone from the 1st group).

The few attempts I've made at games during gatherings didn't work because of poor participation. Maybe I need to be more assertive, with "we're going to do this" instead of "who wants to do this."

"Everybody round up, it's time for an activity so that we can all get to know each other a little better. TRUST ME! It's going to be fun."  

text everyone a word which connects you two. Then, you print a list with all the names, and distribute it. Everyone must find out the word connecting you with each one. But: the people can only reply "yes" or "no" to the questions.

Hmmm. These have just consolidated my intention to never, ever attend any kind of party ever again as long as I live.

Terrifying. Totally, utterly terrifying...

Icebreakers can be good, but after a certain age, it will be hard to get buy-in. For me, meeting someone new at a large party is hard - the noise and distractions make it hard to focus and sometimes even hear!
Here is an option that will take longer, but end up more organic: start small. If you have a few neighbors you think will like each other, invite them for a cookout, drinks, game night, whatever. Keep the group small enough that there will mostly just be one circle - about 6 people, I would say.
Next time, invite a few more people from a different set. Hopefully leaving out a few from the first set if you can do so without hurting feelings. Once you have made connections between several groups, they will naturally mingle even at a large block party, and bring other members of their group with them.

I live rural so there are no block parties and too most are up in age but there are few young people. I just turned 60 in May. I bought my 10 acer homestead which was raw land in 2007, and permanently moved here in 2015. My biggest problem is that I have no real friends. I know my neighbors but they pretty much stay to themselves and I never see any women outside doing the work that I do. I grow all my.l own produce in no till garden, use my tractor to cut the grass in my yard and pasture and yes so till only where I grow my corn and sweet potatoes. So im outside alot during warm months. So does anyone have any ideas on how a woman my age can meet a friend or two? I've tried the churches around here but didn't really care for it. I do my Bible stidy at home. Any tips are appreciated. It gets lonely sometimes but I have to stay busy so thar doesn't happen. Ps. I have no family here. I was a single lady when I sold everything I had to move out of my home state to retire and live this lifestyle. Though it would be really nice to have atleast a friend two. Thank you.

Donna Ratliff wrote:I know my neighbors but they pretty much stay to themselves and I never see any women outside doing the work that I do. I grow all my.l own produce in no till garden, use my tractor to cut the grass in my yard and pasture and yes so till only where I grow my corn and sweet potatoes. So im outside alot during warm months. So does anyone have any ideas on how a woman my age can meet a friend or two? I've tried the churches around here but didn't really care for it. I do my Bible stidy at home. Any tips are appreciated. It gets lonely sometimes but I have to stay busy so thar doesn't happen. Ps. I have no family here. I was a single lady when I sold everything I had to move out of my home state to retire and live this lifestyle. Though it would be really nice to have atleast a friend two. Thank you.

Rural areas are hard - some communities can be very insular.
A few suggestions: some churches have craft groups, food pantries, and other outreach programs. It depends on the church, but some of them welcome non-church members. Something like that, either a common interest or a volunteer opportunity, can be a great way to meet like minded folks. You might also see if there is a local community on nextdoor.com. Events are often listed there, see what strikes your fancy.
Another suggestion- do you particularly like any of your neighbors? Had a conversation that left you smiling? If so, it never hurts to drop off some extra produce. Maybe invite them over to dinner. I often find that you need to make the first, second, and third move with people. Not because they don’t want friendship, but because they are busy, their house is too messy for company, etc….

Funny thread. I've started doing BBQ s with people who produce food or drinks or grafts and have an interest in being busy with nature or animals or wehatever. It was a good success, although still small, under ten mostly, and people organize to see each other outside of that to do things together, like get raw milk, where can i get second hand IBC's. We've been doing them weekly for a while, which i think is a bit much, but people are looking for connection apparently...
I wouldn't know how to include the people in my little village in this group. But i have faith that as this small group of doers get things done in the future, we'll be more interesting for others to want to join.
I've gone to a spiritual chocolate ceremony, and had to stare into strangers eyes for 5 minutes long. That was pretty intense way of getting to 'know' each other, but it didn't result in lasting relationships.
I believe sharing surplus is at the base of getting people involved with each other. Soemtimes people don't give back, but after a while they will want to share what they have. Maybe that's at the base of what community is and modern society has taken that away, because we can all have everything(buying), so there is no need for needing anybody. If people pride themselves in that ' i need none of you and i'm better than you' mentality then it's difficult to break through, but there are always little moments with some people where you can share some lovely produce or fruit and get people talking.

Hugo Morvan wrote:
I believe sharing surplus is at the base of getting people involved with each other. Soemtimes people don't give back, but after a while they will want to share what they have. Maybe that's at the base of what community is and modern society has taken that away, because we can all have everything(buying), so there is no need for needing anybody. If people pride themselves in that ' i need none of you and i'm better than you' mentality then it's difficult to break through, but there are always little moments with some people where you can share some lovely produce or fruit and get people talking.

Agreed!  I think it's part of the reason why dinner parties work so well if the hosts put guests to work a bit - it gives us a pleasant feeling of interdependence, experiencing how we can help others out and receive something from them, with no one demanding it of one another.

Guess I'd also add that I find icebreakers uncomfortable because they try to force emotional connection faster than we're designed, as humans, to experience it.  Conversational questions that are introduced after people have experienced enough social floundering to take up the questions have worked well enough for me - stuff that people can take to a profound level if they want to, but where they aren't forced to (favourite place in the world, book or TV or movie character you most wanted to be as a kid, something you love about your community, etc.).