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Giving up

 
Posts: 82
Location: St Charles, MO
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6 years into my search for a true partnership and love and I'm on the verge of giving up. I'm curious how many others have given up on searching for a loving partnership and how homesteading has been for them. It seems extremely hard if not impossible to homestead solo. But I am leaning towards this and curious how others fair alone, without help and without companionship. I recognize that I fit in no where and it's time to just accept that. I have always sought to be the true authentic me, but in the end it leaves me far too different than anyone else out there.
 
Posts: 79
Location: Linton Bay Marina, Panama
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Give up your mind as to thinking you need someone. The neededness can or is an issue. It's like fear, other sense it.

It's best to set one self up. Seems most women are looking for independence. And that done seem to include a relationship in the normal ways.

Most are online looking, for they are jot out and about looking locally for life is busy and one is working.

So we go online seeking the world for someone that may match one's lifestyle, or close enough that one can have or start a relationship.

Do I need a partner. No
Would I like a partner, yes.
Should I have a partner. Only God knows and if it happens. Of great. If not, or great. I still will ne happy and content.

Sometimes the things we wish for, don't aways work out as we wish.

Keep working away. And be observant to those around us. And start with a coffee or a walk. And build up from there.

Maybe Love or Partner is local 🤔

 
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I'd suggest signing up for Jiu-jitsu classes for a while. Not to meet the girls there, they will all be able to beat you at jiu-jitsu and are there to train. You will learn a lot about yourself and your limits, you will get excellent cardio and functional strength, you will will fit in by way of sharing the same techniques as the rest of the class, you will stand out by finding the techniques that work best for you. If the coaches or people from the gym invite you out, say yes. You'll find yourself walking around feeling differently and thinking differently, work becomes easier as you think back on your old mentality and when things felt harder, you might find yourself drifting off into thought about the things you want to try in class later. Good luck.
 
Posts: 74
Location: Wisconsin born and raised. Staying here forever. Zone 5a
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I hear you. Only thing is, you are wrong about fitting in. You being a member here proves you fit in with a great many people.  Don't stress about finding a mate. You could have an instant family in joining a makerspace, or church. Think outside this boxed-in expectation you have set upon yourself.
 
Posts: 56
Location: South Central Virginia
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Good topic.

I've been off grid homesteading since 2008 and as a single father of two girls from 2011 until last year when the youngest started life out on her own.  Now it's just me and while it can be done it is tough. Even when the girls were here the last few years as teens they did very little to help but that was okay as they were following their own dreams and ambitions.

Since my youngest moved away to college last fall I decided to start looking for someone of the fairer persuasion to share this life with. Hopefully first as friends working toward a common goal then maybe more. To be honest I haven't had much luck but that's okay. I have no problem being alone and would much much rather be alone than with the wrong person again!

I say never give up on finding the right person for yourself but go on with life and don't worry about it and it  will find you when and if the time is right. I know that's a lot harder for those of you who can't handle being alone but you just have to try because believe me being alone is way better than being in a bad relationship!

For myself for now I've started looking for someone to offer free housing to in exchange for help around the place. While I can almost maintain what I've built here over the years I can not go any farther forward without some help and I do still want to march on towards being sustainable and thrive!
 
Posts: 51
Location: South West Oregon
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George Said: "I'd suggest signing up for Jiu-jitsu classes for a while. Not to meet the girls there, they will all be able to beat you at jiu-jitsu and are there to train."

Funny story. After years of training in MMA at various clubs, I stumbled into a Jiu Jitsu school. 10th Planet. Totally legit. Anyway, I rolled with the students and wasn't able to tap out anyone. That wasn't a problem for me as I was there as a student. However, here were two of my most informative experiences: First, after not being able to get any of the dudes to tap out, during the open mat, I encounter a female, about 115 lbs, and maybe 5 ft. Real sweet looking. I'm like- I'll just use my weight and strength, should be enough. Ha Ha Ha!

She got me to tap out about 4 times in the 5 minute clock based on technique. Most memorable was when she had my arm extended; Her legs around my legs in some sort of lock, and my face buried in her Netherlands- And I'm thinking: This should be sexy but I could die cause she's chocking me out. Of course I tapped. For the record, as a student, I didn't suffer an ego problem. I was there to learn and to this day, have fond memories of that lesson; But certainly nothing erotic. No, not when you're getting chocked out and fading to black.

Next up, same night: 15 year old high school student. The kid's just smiling at me when we met after the last 5 min clock beep. Okay. Well, now this I should get the tap. Wrong. He has me tapping out about 5 times in 5 minutes. I out weighed him by 50 lbs, and I'm sure I was stronger. Still, no ego problem. Just fond memories.

Yeah. Jiu Jitsu is cool. But in in any endeavor I would suggest: Be a student. As a learner, you always have the grace of being a half full cup and the understanding: Hey, I'm just here to learn. You can't put anything into a full cup, and you'll be stuck with a broken ego if there's no room to pour knowledge into the glass.
 
Posts: 37
Location: Portugal
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Craig Lewis wrote:Give up your mind as to thinking you need someone. The neededness can or is an issue. It's like fear, other sense it.

It's best to set one self up. Seems most women are looking for independence. And that done seem to include a relationship in the normal ways.

Most are online looking, for they are jot out and about looking locally for life is busy and one is working.

So we go online seeking the world for someone that may match one's lifestyle, or close enough that one can have or start a relationship.

Do I need a partner. No
Would I like a partner, yes.
Should I have a partner. Only God knows and if it happens. Of great. If not, or great. I still will ne happy and content.

Sometimes the things we wish for, don't aways work out as we wish.

Keep working away. And be observant to those around us. And start with a coffee or a walk. And build up from there.

Maybe Love or Partner is local 🤔



Need is never a good adviser for making any decisions, be it a job, a relocation or a partner. Need imo comes from fear which is a low vibrational emotion and comes from a place of despair.

So far it has not served me good either. Nobody seems to be able to relocate offgrid with their partner/family (i "needed" some help on the land)  or even been able to buy me off so I could reassess what next step in live should be. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Independence and a relationship need NOT be mutually exclusive imo, boundaries and personnal space is key.

However finding a +1 from age 40+ is a tricky mission as we all seem to have our quirks and set of beliefs which we are fairly attached to.

We all seem willing to find company BUT have really set the bar high. Frankly I agree that better alone that with the wrong company but gosh I miss "community" and like minded around, be it romantic or otherwise. Aren't we told humans are social beings? then why does it seem we are all so anti social these days?

Enjoying the summer here in Portugal with my 4 legged companion, grateful for what I do have.

Never give up❤❤🙏🙏🥰🥰

Elia
 
Mike Bettis
Posts: 82
Location: St Charles, MO
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Craig Lewis wrote:Give up your mind as to thinking you need someone. The neededness can or is an issue. It's like fear, other sense it.

It's best to set one self up. Seems most women are looking for independence. And that done seem to include a relationship in the normal ways.

Most are online looking, for they are jot out and about looking locally for life is busy and one is working.

So we go online seeking the world for someone that may match one's lifestyle, or close enough that one can have or start a relationship.

Do I need a partner. No
Would I like a partner, yes.
Should I have a partner. Only God knows and if it happens. Of great. If not, or great. I still will ne happy and content.

Sometimes the things we wish for, don't aways work out as we wish.

Keep working away. And be observant to those around us. And start with a coffee or a walk. And build up from there.

Maybe Love or Partner is local 🤔



Where in my post did it say I needed someone? I didn't. I simply asked how others that were truly homesteading alone were fairing.
 
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I haven't given up at all, but my search is mostly a passive one. And by no means is this a limiting factor to my creation of paradise. Yes, it would be so much easier to create with a partner, but the impulse to create is too great to wait. I feel the Energy of Love can work alone through one person and give super strength, and then by the acts of creation one's beloved will be magnetized.

Don't give up! And don't feel alone. We never are alone.
 
Posts: 50
Location: Logan, United States
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Mike Bettis wrote:6 years into my search for a true partnership and love and I'm on the verge of giving up. I'm curious how many others have given up on searching for a loving partnership and how homesteading has been for them. It seems extremely hard if not impossible to homestead solo. But I am leaning towards this and curious how others fair alone, without help and without companionship. I recognize that I fit in no where and it's time to just accept that. I have always sought to be the true authentic me, but in the end it leaves me far too different than anyone else out there.



I could've written this very paragraph.
I do have the sense that I was supposed to find my someone. But haven't been lucky in that department.
Currently homesteading & permaculture-ing on my own...well, me and 2 overly large shepherds, rabbits, ducks and assorted chickens, gardens, guilds, food trees...
I am lucky to be strong and healthy and still able now (in my early 60s). And I'm busy setting up systems so I can keep homesteading long into the future. What I miss most is someone to share all the beautiful and amazing things with!  Sometimes I've offered internships for the local Ag college youngsters: I get to teach new skills and get help with projects that need more strength than I have!

I feel very different as well... and others confirm this.
I was raised very differently, moved away from society in my early 20s (living on intentional community in a yurt on the high desert), and gave up trying to fit in long ago. But sometimes it goes beyond this. For example, I'll explain my differences to someone, and later folks are astonished to discover I was serious.  Example: I'm not into consumerism. Shopping is horrid: I avoid it at all costs. Trip to town maybe only once every 2-3 months. Reuse, repurpose, repair, upcycle, grow or make it myself where I can! After chatting with a potential date for weeks who stated similar preferences, on Date #1, he wanted to drive to the city and go shopping? So I gave it a try...I had my very first experience in a "Costco". Yipes. Definitely will never go back there.

One thing I've noticed in the past few years is that people's tolerance for difference seems less than it used to be (while at the same time there's lip service to more inclusivity?).
I think because many folks spend most of their time interacting with other humans REMOTELY, our skills for navigating relationships face-to-face may be declining. Just a hunch.
I don't have a cell phone, so I find it weird when someone sitting across from me spends time glued to the screen instead of conversing. I guess I am weird!

On homesteading solo, one thing that really helps me is this mantra "There is no deadline. I'll get to it when I get to it."
 
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It's definitely a bit tricky, I'm three years in myself and fiding a person is harder than I thought. I'd say take some time for yourself to recharge if you want to continue searching and go from there. But don't let it wear you down.
 
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Hello how are you? Giving up, Orr thinking of giving up?
I hope somewhere along the way, you find peace and know that happiness begins with you, you have to find a medium and start from. It is human nature to seek out companionship etc.
I'd love to chat and get to know..
Thanks
Anna
annalaowilliams@gmail.com
 
Posts: 33
Location: PNW
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Sadly, yes. I think I have given up on finding someone who feels the same way as I do about living the same type of lifestyle that I had in mind for myself.  It's been a hard realization but I think I'm finally tired of putting on the chipper, positive attitude that I've held pretending that it was fine and eventually it would happen. I don't see it in my future anymore as I've just never met someone with the same goals and vision.

Now I just live my days working in my tiny garden, cooking from scratch and buying almost everything else from small family farms to help support them.

 
Anna Williams
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So happy to hear from you. And I'm happy you're moving on just being who you are...sometimes that's the best!
If you ever need to chat, or...I'm here
208 220 5702
annalaowiliams@gmail.com
 
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Location: Hampshire,Illinois
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Just sharing  a thought.

Focus on becoming your own partner at this time.You still got time walk in the light.  Dust your self of try again but go by flow of  with love put love in to yourself.
Become the partner you seek , date yourself , romance your life , make a routine , make some new friends , ask what you believe for guidance but do the rest , get in nature , cut cords of things of the past and enter the present time. Be the best  assistant in your life.  Love and relationship is the last thing to study yourself. Love yourself when the time is right. Create a beautiful life for yourself. Write down your goals and dreams , start saying better things about yourself , reserve mind set to only what good vibe is , Try to get out more go on adventure.

You deserve a slow, uncomplicated love. No rush. Sure and Stable. Consistent .You deserve the love. You deserve someone that's sure of you. that you're sure of.

Relationship is really the last thing on ones mind. Just be my friend, be my peace , Everything else will fall in place if it's meant to be. Will come unexpected when you least expected it just keep going keep busy but make time.

Keep looking not for a person but for your passion, Your Love, Your Courage, Your goals, your Dreams., your happiness, yourself. keep looking. Explore your worth before you explore another. know your worth. Know yourself only then will you know what you need over what you want. You need yourself to become your own.


Dance , Sing , read , to each other , breathe together - communicate. Don't count on slex to be the door to intimacy. It's the other way around first to develop intimacy skills . Then make love to enjoy them.We all things have a story. And no matter how much work you've done on yourself. We all snap back together. So be easy on yourself. Growth is a dance. Not a light switch.Some just want good company, a person to vibe with , converse with and laugh without in a rush. Start off simple , and let the rest find itself.


Not all moments of intimacy are sexual. Sometimes it's just about mutual nurturance.

There are two places you need to go often:The place that heals you.
The place that inspires you.

Be with someone who will take care of you.
Not materialistically,
but take care of your soul, your well being. your heart, and everything that's you.

It's rare that you find someone with enough emotional and mental patience and maturity to work through the stuff with. Like actually communicating, and losing their ego because they value the connection more than their pride, You gotta leave your ego at the door in love. It's a must.Feeling safe in someone's energy is a different type of intimacy. That feeling of peace and protection is really underrated


first meeting just meeting to see if you have a connection see if you both click have conversation on the same page just keep  simple in first meeting then if you both click then make into a date. If it's not the same, be friends or wish them the best.  Will save you the time. .  Don't get hooked til you know it's right take your time. If you click then date but keep growing the bond court them.  But get in their mind and soul, read them, find what poetry they like, what color they like.  But when it is a date,  place should cost an arm and leg but still nice to go sight seeing , going on a hike. The feminine one  do want to feel safe and protected so this is one way of winning hearts.  Holding hands, going to the park and looking at nature is even nice.


You will need to open more doors location more distance meet in the middle travel back and forth and meet few times in year before anything takes good year to get to know anyone you want make sure they are the same as online and the same as you meet they treat you good and act the same will take public not hide you.

If you don't like the life you are living write a new one.
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Posts: 3
Location: Oregon, USA
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I have been looking for the same amount of time, almost six years as well.  Always been the black of society my entire life, never really been able to fit in with the crowd, tried several different ways to make myself "appealing" to people in order to have some sort of chance in connecting with people. In 2019, I made a promise to myself that I won't conform my own unique personality(using common sense, critical thinking, wanting to live off-grid, have a homestead, standing up for not only my rights but other's as well, etc.) anymore because I learned what true self-respect is and if someone wants to treat me as a human being with feelings and emotions...I'll give them a shot in getting to know me.
 
pollinator
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You are trying too hard.  Once you are comfortable in your own skin, alone, your lifemate will appear, but maybe not immediately.  The important thing is to be happy with yourself, so you don’t feel you need anyone to complete you.  But do get out there, go to social events that resonate with you and meet lots of people.  Can’t have too many friends, can we?
 
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I know how that feels, im one of those one off outcast types too. Ive noticed from youtubers ive followed, and life in general, people that follow their passion, tend to find others. With the one caveat, if you dont share it publicly in some way, youtube videos, teaching etc, it doesnt get you anywhere. I have no idea what your goals in life are, but with mine, sitting around getting used to being alone and comfortable, would only end in being alone forever. To some extent you have to put yourself out there, and in the meantime make the friends, and live the life that fulfills you. Easier said than done as a one off outcast. I guess its just about increasing the odds, and taking care of yourself in the meantime.
Best wishes.
 
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It took me 10 years to find the right one. And that was a total accident.
 
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I think it is totally possible to homestead solo and there are many on here doing it alone. I can't even imagine going back to "normal" life at this point, so if it means living solo for the long haul, that's ok with me! It would be nice to have someone/others, but maybe we are all too spread out around the world and value our solitude so highly, and that is just the way it is. I am super grateful for the blessings of this life!
 
Elia Freeman
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Meli Mot wrote:I think it is totally possible to homestead solo and there are many on here doing it alone. I can't even imagine going back to "normal" life at this point, so if it means living solo for the long haul, that's ok with me! It would be nice to have someone/others, but maybe we are all too spread out around the world and value our solitude so highly, and that is just the way it is. I am super grateful for the blessings of this life!




I agree, one can homestead solo. It is douable. However, for a woman alone it is a bit more challenging.... everytime i need work done, be it a tractor, or generator service or water pump inspection I get harassed by the traders... this last one is still using my number to ask me out (when they realise they have no chance they get disgruntled and i never get service again, and they slander me with all sorts of lies)... If I was to do it all over again I would look for a community. I know a lady in ZA and she is in the same situation....something to keep in mind for ya ladies out there (unless you can master electrics, plumbing and the like) If not a partner a community is one's best bet imo. 🤷🏻‍♀️
 
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I’m a little unsure of how to use the site, but I won’t apologize! I can’t inagine good folks would put me down here. Perhaps guide me if needed? I’d love to join this community! It’s time- I’m ready to homestead. Burned myself unwittingly quite a few times in life, leading me to raise a son alone last 13 years. Alas, times change, and he’s off to boarding school and probably to dads after that. The latter is open for now. Living in the city isn’t for me anymore. Babysitting grown folks for admin work has also lost its appeal. I haven’t experienced much in the way of homesteading- I’m 37, fairly abled and just starved for the next adventure. I grew up picking weeds what seemed my entire pre teen n teen life, in between digging holes, helping mom fix the house, church, school, regular work, etc. i like earning my keep in some ways, and I don’t understand the surrounding laziness and lack of empathy and accountability in this gorgeous country . I’m considering embarking on this journey alone, for I don’t know how to find like minded persons who would jive with me. I’m great peoples, inquisitive, aware, and absolutely believe in a higher power, Gd, the divine. I’m on a great journey of intense self awareness, understanding of the world from a different viewpoint, and eager to gain more wisdom, new experiences. How neat it would be to join forces w another- gal or man, if a true man. There’s no reason we should do this alone. If ever comes a time when the world reaches its end, there’s just too many who hold all the values of the world n hate the ones who find value in greatness from within. Anyone? Would love a little direction, guidance, perhaps a crack at a potential connection
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pollinator
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I think I can understand how you feel, even having been married for ten years now. I worked as a seasonal backcountry ranger and outdoor educator through my twenties and early thirties, and I was moving all the time. This many any relationships long distance way too often, and made for what felt like long periods of being alone, literally and figuratively even in crowds, with a mix of content self realization and deep depression about it. This applied to friendships and romantic partners. One thing that helped me meet great people in both groups was doing service work in nature (or anything one might find intrinsic value in), and taking related courses like a Wilderness First Responder course, or a teaching class for naturalists. It is also not the place I’d recommend looking to meet a lot of women, but I met my wife while hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. I think, ideally, we meet and connect with the best people for us when we dive into what makes us our best selves. I hope that happens for you, and until it does, for the intrinsic joy of following your path.

I also think a dog can be a great partner too, and is an under rated social catalyst!
 
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Mike Bettis wrote:6 years into my search for a true partnership and love and I'm on the verge of giving up. I'm curious how many others have given up on searching for a loving partnership and how homesteading has been for them. It seems extremely hard if not impossible to homestead solo. But I am leaning towards this and curious how others fair alone, without help and without companionship. I recognize that I fit in no where and it's time to just accept that. I have always sought to be the true authentic me, but in the end it leaves me far too different than anyone else out there.


So much is said about what is not meant in this post, so let me bypass all of it and get straight to the question. I recently purchased five acres. I’m 70 years young and feel like I can handle 5 acres. First order of business was a septic system on the cheap. According to the state I’m in, having one is a must, especially if I am off-grid. To me it was a complete waste, but rules are rules.
Second is a dwelling. I’m in process of building an earth shelter in dome shape. This will afford me the luxury of having part of my garden atop my dwelling and the shape will hold up under the pressure of whatever Mother Nature throws at it.  
Third is relationships. I have traveled far and wide and have formed bonds of lasting friendships with diverse families. We keep in touch and, when summer is at its peak, they will bring their tents and families to help harvest, can, preserve, dry, and stash all the goodies for the next few years.
I have thought about chickens, but decided on khaki ducks. I thought about sheep, but I may get Nigerian Dwarves instead. I have lived this life before, love my own company, and, as long as I don’t take on too much, I should be able to handle it all by myself until I pass it on to the one who proves to love it also.
 
Chop wood, carry water. Find enlightenment. Chop wood, carry water, and read tiny ads.
Green University by Thomas Elpel
https://permies.com/t/243115/Green-University-Thomas-Elpel
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