Becoming weird

How does one become "weird"? Let me explain.....I'm sure many others here have done what I'm talking about. I currently live a pretty "normal" life.....I'm in my mid 30s, I have 5 kids, a wife, I work a regular job, live in a normal house, pay a mortgage, in a normal town, doing normal people stuff for the most part, all day every day. Now, I know that there are people here who live very interesting lifestyles....things like off grid, homesteading, intentional communities, etc etc etc. How does one get into that? I suppose it's a lot easier for a young single guy to start out in that sort of lifestyle, but how does a guy like me, who's built a whole life around "normalness", make the jump into such a radically different lifestyle?  Is it even possible? Thoughts and dreams turn in my head, but I don't know how to make it happen, or if it's even possible. I'm speaking more about making radical life changes here, not necessarily the financial part of things. I could easily sell my house, buy a plot of land, and do something like live in a wall tent or a barn, that's not the issue. The issue is more how to change one's lifestyle when one has built up an entire life living like a "normal" person.

(For the record, I don't really like the terms normal and weird. They're generally just used to make fun of people that aren't like whoever is using them. But I don't know what else to use here).

We waited for our youngest to graduate high school (she graduates from college next month) and then decamped to the country. We're not that weird -- we get electric from a pole and live in a house (but a log house!) and we work full time. But we also garden and tend 17 acres of woods, slowly transforming them into a more intentional food-producing wood. We're about twenty years older than you. I very much wish I'd taken a different course in my 20s and gotten onto some land then. But maybe if I had, I'd wish now that I had a stable high-paying job. :-)

Spend some long quality time with your wife, and if she agrees, get started. I would take (at least) a week or two vacation each year to go wwoof'ing to make sure you like country life. Same for your wife. Watch lots of YouTube. Read. Get as sure as you can that country is what you want. Then go for it. Maybe rent out your city house for a bit while you try renting a farm for a bit. Just to make sure. Then go for it. Life is too short to dawdle.

also, what small elements of ‘weirdness’ can be incorporated into your life as it is now? how much food do you grow? do you compost? etc

You just have to start, lol! It's not going to come all at once! Obviously you're interested in this kind of stuff so that's the biggest hurdle to jump (besides staying motivated after being drained from your "real" job). Just like, what are you into? Wanna get into herbs? Get a beginner herb book from the library. If you think it's cool, keep getting them, keep learning about it, do different projects with them, get more books, whatever. Have fun with it... if you treat it like a hobby and have fun, you will learn more and get more done. There's so much to learn and ALL of it is fun. Get into books, get into YouTube, get into these forums. Don't go crazy with the research without actually doing real stuff.
Get into the free stuff first: foraging, herbs, cooking from scratch, fermenting, exploring and then when you get more experience and more of a feel for, ok I like this stuff better than this other stuff, get into the projects that cost: building, gardening, livestock, energy, off-gridding...
For example, I've always been into things like herbs and foraging but just recently started Humanure... not something I ever thought I'd be doing, but I just DID it! and figured, if I hate it I can always quit.
Also you're gonna wanna find other weird people, which means not being afraid of what you believe combined with being chill with what other people believe and putting your "weird" out there. On that front, something I find hard to remember is that not everybody is going to check all the boxes...if someone's super into gardening they might not be into building projects, for example.

I am working on a list of 365 ways to become "weird," because I am still in the process of doing so myself. (Am finding that the mental shifts are often just as important as the physical shifts.) Don't feel bad about starting small: even little things, when repeated, become big things. Before you know it, you've changed the way you lived.

A huge reader, I have to say it is of course books that Permiefy me: reading lots of bios (such as Grounded, Paradise Lot, and Permaculture for the Rest of Us) helped me get a big-picture view of what other people have chosen for very small acreage, and gave me tons of ideas for what I could do.

Buying just a few acres will get you a homestead.  If not, do you have a yard? Is it sunny? If sunny, start a garden. A lot that is 50'x50' can grow a lot of food.  If it is not sunny enough for a garden, look for a house that is better suited towards your goals. Chickens do not need full sun. Even a house with no sun can make a start into homesteading.  The best way to start something you do not know how to do is to ask a question on here, or watch some videos.  I like to create an off-grid alternative to something I do normally. That way you have choices until you are ready to switch. For instance, say you take a shower the normal way. Buy a Chapin metal sprayer (the pump-up-to-pressurize kind) and add a hose and showerhead to retrofit it into an off-grid shower. Just add hot water which you've heated up over a fire, and voila - you have just created an off-grid alternative. Its just stuff like that.  There are so many people online showing us how to do cool stuff. Have fun!

Start off with baby step weirdness right were you are without moving, see the list below

Produce:
Leafy Vegetables, you can produce your own on the "normal" city lot
Root Vegetables, sweet potatoes, potatoes, onions,, garlic, etc
Herbs, alot of herbs, self-seed and are basically invasives so try out some mint/thyme/etc, garlic/onion/chives/etc, lovage/celery/cilantro/etc
Mushroom, you can easily grow some wine cap mushroom and oyster mushroom, on some pellet/woodchip/straw
Berries, you can get a harvest in 12months or less, from strawberry/blackberry/raspberry, jostaberry/gooseberry/currants, blueberry
Vines, if you have a fence line you can just have them grow on it, grapes, hardy kiwi, maypop, akebia, etc
Fruit Trees, I am in the city and so I plant dwarf cultivars/rootsocks on 10ft centers, you can do that too

Animals:
Honey Bees, get 2+ bee hives on your current normal property and make your own honey, you can even start off with a flow hive off amazon
Eggs, raise some chickens and harvest your own eggs, (you can maybe even harvest some meat chickens too, just don't let the kids know)
Fish, at least g20 long aquarium and raise some guppies/endler/molly, maybe even build a little 7ft vy 7ft pond outside and for educational purpose
Milk, it's unlikely that you will be able to have meat animals, but if you could have a milk sheep that would be wild

Food Prep:
Sprouting/Soaking, I soak my beans, but that's mostly what I do, but there is alot that you could soak/sprout
Fermentation, this is one of my favorite thing to do, just post a message here on permies and someone will help out
Solar Dehydrator, you can buy in bulk and preserve just reach out to a local farmer or even a big box store
Soda/Beer/Cider, you can use water kefir and or yeast to make these yourself, actually even a soda machine at home is a start for me.
Ice-Cream, lots of little tools that allows you to make these at home with as little as 3 ingredients, zero chemicals
Cakes, again, just 4 ingredients, zero chemicals
Sauces, this is where the magic really happen, you can ferment your own sauces, batch produce them and freeze/can/etc, so much cool things can happen here, get a good book
Cheese, I like making cheese from milk kefir (milk kefir and water kefir are two different ferment), but any cheese production is good.
Meats, do you buy, plan, portion out and season your meat for the week, how about for a month, you could get a deep freeze and buy a goat/sheep/deer/quarter cow

Transport:
Walking, sometimes its good to just walk vs driving
E-Bike, if the weather isn't too bad, you can easily use an ebike to travel 10miles in 20minutes
Batch Shopping, buying in bulk and hitting up multiple stores/chore all in one day can be good (I myself get overwhelmed after being in too many big box stores, one after another)

Clothes:
Fiber, maybe just starting out, by mostly buying only natural/organic fibers, maybe it could be done cheaply from thrift store
Production, maybe your own curtains/socks/rags/undershirt, or maybe upgrade and buy patterns and sew your own

Furniture:
Outside Furniture, it would be doable to just build your coffe table, dining table, sofa, grill station outside and people wouldb't judge you too badly
Pillow/Futon/Mattress , you could try your hand at building one with natural latex/fibers
Indoor Furniture, after some practice you can proably build an indoor coffe table, youtube seems to make it look easy-ish, then just go from there
Cabinets, this might be a bit more advance but your can probably tackle a kitchen renovation and even cut and build your own

HVAC/Mech/DHW/Solar:
Irrigation Well, maybe you can do you own irrigation sand point well that is 10ft to 30ft
Solar-Electric, you could install a 10kw array on your roof or just a 1kw array on your shed/carport/etc for fun to charge the e-bikes.
Others, you can always start maintaining and getting comfortable with other systems.

Community:
There are fishing clubs, hunting groups, gardening group and such all over the place join them you don't have to wait to joine a commue before you make some tree hugging friends. And you are already here on permies so that a big start.

WorkLoad
Task Allocation, I know that the wife has her hands full with 5 kids, and you already help out around the house. But you will be putting alot on your plate to tackle everything above all by yourself, don't expect anyone else in the family to have the time and energy to any of these new chores, they might not even have any motivation to do it. And let say you grow all these veggies and make weird kefir cheese, don't expect anyone to appreciate the effort or eat any of it. I would also be mindful about making outfits for the kids to wear to school/etc, they might get bullied (this can easily happen even in a commute). The youngest kids might also tell teachers that my dad killed my pet chicken and forced me to eat it, be careful DCF don't come by, so if you do kill the chicken don't let the kids know.

Some encouragement. I personally think that it is people like you, challenged by your circumstances and needing to please family while also following your conscience, who are most crucial in clearing new paths to a sustainable society. Although these challenges will be solved slowly and gradually and not very heroic-looking, I think it will be a much more stable way forward than doing things individually. And I also think it is good to accept any help that comes your way on this journey.

With a wife and 5 kids, why become weird?  What will your kids think?

Seriously, think about what your wife and kids want before jumping off into weirdness.

I always considered my marriage a partnership.  Dear hubby and I had similar dreams or at least tried to make them similar.

My kids always come first.

What do your kids want out of life?  Baseball, football, or even drill team?  Dance lessons or karate lessons?

Do the kids want to live in a walled tent or a barn?

I would build my dreams around my kids if they were not grown.

Kids these days grow up so fast so why not consider them in your plans?

My husband's idea of roughing it is no cable TV.  Me? Among many other "weird" things. I grow, forage, and preserve food (canning, dehydrating, pickling, etc.).  I practice low-to-no-waste cooking & I bake my own bread.  My location?  The epitome of suburbia: Long Island, New York.  If you look it up on google maps in satellite view and zoom out, you will see mostly grey areas (very dense, cement-covered areas.  We live in one of the dark green areas because I would lose my mind living in cement. I am seeing a food forest develop on my shy acre, which also has the typical suburban in-ground pool and trex deck.  

Like other people have mentioned, I suggest finding something to learn, a skill that will be a step toward accomplishing your dream.  Anything.  For example, learn to bake bread, the kids and wife could participate if they have any interest.  If they don't, they can eat the bread.  Or make fun of it if (when) the first attempts are questionable. Or start a no-till garden. Learn about soil.  

All learning is a step towards you dream and failures are not failures, they're lessons.  It demonstrates to yourself and loved ones that you are willing to work for your dream.  Gaining skills first is way more practical than barreling in with no concept of the nitty-gritty required.

If you're not used to sharing stuff, I suggest you start.  Otherwise it will burn up our insides and create resentment.  I no longer hire a gatekeeper for my dreams.  I just tell them what the longing/ /idea/feeling is at the moment, for example, "Some day I want 3 acres and two goats", or "I would rather pull my fingernails out with my teeth than live in the city."  

5 years ago I started learning about permaculture and it has rocked my world.  This year it finally clicked.  I can't strong-arm nature; nor should I.  I'm learning, watching, listening to what nature is telling me about my land and what should grow there.  

The beauty of permies.com is that there's a whole lotta "been there, done that".  At very least, we commiserate with dilemmas, trips, falls, foolishness, frustrations, joys, fears, hopes, and dreams. And we have quite a sense of humor, too.

How do you become weird? I think the answer is "slowly."

Find things that are just a step outside of what folks consider normal. Lots of folks eat cherry tomatoes - why not get a couple of containers, a bag of dirt, and some seedlings and grow your own this year. That's not too weird, yet it is a step towards the lifestyle you're envisioning.

Bake your own bread. That's trendy these days.

Alter your family's thoughts via their stomach. Fresh bread and tomatoes are delicious.

Some folks go the route of making some giant, life altering change to this lifestyle. Personally, my family is taking it slow. Gradually incorporating aspects of permaculture into our already established life.

Whatever you do, be sure the other team members are on board. That's been said a couple different ways already. Start with a family meeting. Realize, initial enthusiasm may flag once chores outdoors get in the way of a social media post or youtube video.

I rolled into my white collar job when I was around 22 and showed them pictures of my newly purchased goat (which I kept in my suburban yard).  I never knew about anyone with suburban chickens before we got ours.  Be ready for some folks to completely write you off as a weirdo, yet at the same time, others will gravitate towards you.  I kinda like blowing peoples minds and never really worry about what they think.  

But like others have mentioned, if you value your partner, you will respect their limits.  That’s why we still have a flush toilet;)

Be aware that as you become weirder you may become parasited.

I had some friends who owned a couple acres. After the crazy of Y2K passed, some of their newer 'friends'  suddenly disappeared from their lives. Just be careful in these tough times as to who you share your preps with. If push comes to shove, you cannot feed your own family AND everyone you have ever met.

My take on weirdness is that you are born with it. I was considered weird as a student when I grew herbs (culinary ones, not the strange type) on the kitchen windowsill of a shared house. I was considered weird as a newly-wed when I grew vegetables in the garden before it became popular. When, as a relatively young woman, I rented an allotment from the local council I was considered weird as allotments were then mostly the preserve of older men. Certainly some of my neighbouring allotmenteers looked at me rather strangely until they discovered I was serious about my veg growing. I think I appear less weird now, even though I still grow vegetables and would rather spend the morning in my greenhouse than cleaning the house, because veg growing has become so much more mainstream.
My input to you would be to start small, like my windowsill herbs, and then let that beginning lead you on to other things. When I first discovered permaculture, I thought it meant I would have to get some land before I could practise it. As I learned more about it I realised I could practise it anywhere so now I am happy practising permaculture in my garden.

My dad was weird, so I came by my weirdness honestly.

My dad was an environmentalist before the word existed. Despite that, I grew up in a city with a typical back-yard.

I would look at two concepts:
1. the things that would give you the most satisfaction
2. the low hanging fruit.

For me, 1 would be growing my own veggies. That's popular now, unlike when I was in my 30's so you've got it easier.

For me, 2 was not buying a dryer, so I automatically had to hang all my laundry.  Line in the basement in the winter.

Questions:
1. How old are those kids?
2. Have you ever gone camping, and if so, did the wife and kids like it?
3. Have you ever gone foraging? Or even U-pick?

There are huge advantages of being near schools when you've got young children, particularly if your town has safe enough roads for bicycling on. Kids have lost a lot of independence in the last 20 years, not to mention, not getting enough exercise. Unless it was pouring rain, or the few weeks near the winter solstice, my kids had 2 choices - walk to school or bike to school. I went with them until they were safe enough to trust them to be independent.

Ways to get started:  Grow veggies and fruit and edible flowers, herbs etc. and don't forget that any flowers will encourage pollinators so they are good.  Start a composting system.  Work on using your resources as wisely as possible.  Mindfulness about reducing waste.  Maybe get some chickens if you can/want to and you'll have some fresh eggs.

You've got a large family, so you're already part of the way to rural life anyways