Mike Haasl wrote:0:00 The cartoon Paul doesn't look right. I think overalls usually drape more in the front so it doesn't highlight your crotch as much.
Stop staring at my cartoon crotch ya horny bastard!
I think if it is an easy fix, then okay. But my guess is that it will be a big fix so we should just allow everybody to stare at my sexy, sexy cartoon crotch.
0:06 Seems too wishy washy "Possibly the most powerful solution to many problems today". How about "The best single solution to addressing climate change"? Or something a bit more compelling like that.
Woulda been great to talk about this during the script phase. But even then, I think that these words were chosen to go well with the words that follow, so i still think that what we have is better.
0:28 Would be nice to see the cold snow in the window while she's reading. Why's the couch crooked (higher on the right)? Could we add other indications of comfort... Sleeping dog or cat? Tea kettle on the barrel?
Nice!
0:45 Not sure if the people watching this will believe the only barrier is knowledge.
Suggestions?
1:48 Black and white words on the sign are bumping into one another
Agreed. we need less gap with the first two lines, and more gap between line 2 and line 3.
Beau Davidson wrote:It makes me think that a smokestack image should be coupled with the "why" RMH message, and a "victim" image (like hot planet or coughing person) should be coupled with the "how" RMH message.
So on the image of all the gross stuff, we need to add a person or two suffering?
Beau Davidson wrote:It makes me think that a smokestack image should be coupled with the "why" RMH message, and a "victim" image (like hot planet or coughing person) should be coupled with the "how" RMH message.
So on the image of all the gross stuff, we need to add a person or two suffering?
Maybe a flock of birds go by and they fall to the ground dead?
Beau Davidson wrote:It makes me think that a smokestack image should be coupled with the "why" RMH message, and a "victim" image (like hot planet or coughing person) should be coupled with the "how" RMH message.
So on the image of all the gross stuff, we need to add a person or two suffering?
I think the weird thing is that, when you say "individual problems" we see a happy, cozy lady reading your book, and we see nothing about any individual problems.
An added image may be too much to do at this point, but if we did have "individual problems" imagery, maybe it would be:
coughing, near a smoky stove
reading a crazy high heating bill
And any text in this frame could allude to the "why" question - "there must be a better way" or "if only I could afford clean heat"
Beau Davidson wrote:It makes me think that a smokestack image should be coupled with the "why" RMH message, and a "victim" image (like hot planet or coughing person) should be coupled with the "how" RMH message.
So on the image of all the gross stuff, we need to add a person or two suffering?
I think the weird thing is that, when you say "individual problems" we see a happy, cozy lady reading your book, and we see nothing about any individual problems.
An added image may be too much to do at this point, but if we did have "individual problems" imagery, maybe it would be:
coughing, near a smoky stove
reading a crazy high heating bill
And any text in this frame could allude to the "why" question - "there must be a better way" or "if only I could afford clean heat"
Good point.
Maybe we need to see money bags drop from the sky? Maybe three? Money bags solves a lot of problems.
Just pondering, but the whole thing about permies.com is we are "preaching to the choir". You said: "Kinda hoping to find ways to reach people that have never heard or rocket mass heaters." I think a lot of people, like me, live in a neighborood, with a yard, and while I adore the idea of RMH it is never going to be feasible for me until my conditions change.
So... how about adding a very small concept build, like the 9 brick (or whatever the # is) little rocket stove, that people can build themselves, easily and cheaply, at the end of the movie? To get the concept out to the masses? i.e. your " They key to all this: knowledge. I want your city slicker friends to have some knowledge about rocket mass heaters. Two years from now, they will meet somebody trying to figure out heat and they can say "This one time ... at band camp ... about two years ago ... I saw a shitty video that said ..."
Besides the questions:
How many people know what it is?
How many people don’t know what it is, and don’t care to research further.
How many people don’t know what it is, and are curious, but don’t have (time/inclination/etc) to look further.
How many people don’t know what it is, and are curious, and time to look further, to find out what it is.
How many people, who know what it is, think it is cool?
How many people think it is cool, but not doable.
How many people think it is cool, and doable, but not for them.
How many people think it is cool, and doable, but not for them (cause existing home, retrofitting, technology, etc)
I think you need an elevator pitch. I have seen some replies on the forums where people ask "WHAT IS x?" And the reply is a link to a thread that is long and a lot of times a lot more involved that just answering the question. Actually I think SKIP, Permaculture, BB's, etc -- ALL the concepts could use an "elevator" pitch. A teaser one, not a full explanation.
Hope this is clear what I am getting at. A quick answer that explains a concept a little, and will get people interested in learning further.
Parts of the new image look washed out while others are bright and vibrant. Also the white words seem to be hard to read against the red/pink background.
I think you are right. The odd thing is that every elevator pitch is immediately followed by a "but ..."
As is, I think the focus is on how to bring people from the general public to backing this kickstarter. Or, how do we get the 98,000 people on my mailing list that have never backed a previous kickstarter to back this one.
Along the lines of what you are thinking ... I think one way to get rocket mass heaters into the brains of the general public is to say it to them 12 times in 12 different ways. So this whole kickstarter is just one of those 12.
I like that one too. I finally realized that was a couch and not the mass. Dumb, I know. Shouldn't there be cushions that she's sitting on? So another horizontal line somewhere near the end of the cat's tail to indicate the transition from the cushion to the front of the couch?
The pie plate and tea kettle are kinda washed out. Is there a glitch in the snowy window? Seems like a rectangle in the lower center is funny where the darker stuff meets the snowy ground. Or maybe I'm just seeing things.
0:03 Can we do a zoom in on the shelf full of stuff? Maybe we just leave the sign out?
0:21 i take it you don't like my big bag of money idea? Maybe three bags dropping, one after another at the foot of the couch - making that coin jingle sound? Maybe the top text can be replaced with the bottom text - and then there is plenty of room for big money bags! :)
0:45 I think the "what a damn good book is fun and all, but what I would rather see is giant text filling the screen with "KNOWLEDGE"
0:53 a few versions earlier there was stuff on the chalkboard. I suggested that we use your fancy pointing stuff (you sent me a whole video about it) to point to what is on the chalkboard with text like "this year's experiment - the juice box design" and then have another fancy pointer to me saying "giant doofus"
0:03 Can we do a zoom in on the shelf full of stuff? Maybe we just leave the sign out?
Yup
0:21 i take it you don't like my big bag of money idea? Maybe three bags dropping, one after another at the foot of the couch - making that coin jingle sound? Maybe the top text can be replaced with the bottom text - and then there is plenty of room for big money bags! :)
Jaja ok, implementing some coin rain :)
0:45 I think the "what a damn good book is fun and all, but what I would rather see is giant text filling the screen with "KNOWLEDGE"
Gotcha!
0:53 a few versions earlier there was stuff on the chalkboard. I suggested that we use your fancy pointing stuff (you sent me a whole video about it) to point to what is on the chalkboard with text like "this year's experiment - the juice box design" and then have another fancy pointer to me saying "giant doofus"
Understood. Replacing the stuff at the chalkboard is technically the same effect but now I see how this can be more attractive and can convey more info.
0:42 Should it say "into the atmosphere"?
0:42 Are the coal plant items really fixed by RMHs? I thought most houses were heated with natural gas or fuel oil. I thought the vast majority of coal based electricity went to the other electrical uses (equipment, lights, teslas, etc)
The floating text stuff and animations are great! The animations of the commercial RMHs is better than the prior video by a long shot, especially the one on the wood shop (non-Gamera).
1:52 Should that say "Give us monies" instead of "Gives"
If you click on the "notify me on launch" (top-left corner of the page) you will get notification about ten hours faster than we can do with the dailyish. And this will be a short/quick/brief kickstarter - so no lollygagging!
If you have any comments, thoughts, ideas, questions, etc. please don't post to the kickstarter stuff. Instead post to the permies thread about this
Reads good! Checked all the links and they go where they should. Only tiny thing would be to capitalize the “Y”ou in the parenthesis as it’s a sentence all on its own.
Overall it’s great!
I think more info on how this angle is different from previous videos/books would be good.
Maybe I need to watch again but I'm not sure it was clear whether it’s an overview of exciting things one can do, or if it’s a how-to, and if so for whom? Those with rmh experience already, or those who need the basics covered?
Selfishly I’d prefer an overview of the why’s and how-to’s aimed for an audience of people already familiar with the idea (I’ve built two, and always looking for new insights and applications).
So maybe that’s the heart of my feedback: it could use a stronger declaration of who the audience is.
Looking through the rewards for various levels of support I noticed that at the $100 level you get this "10 hours of video from the event" among other things, which seems like a pretty sweet reward. However, then for all the higher levels at $400 and up that reward is no longer listed. I'm guessing that is an oversight and you do want the top supporters to get the 10 hours of video.
I think y'all should start with the conclusion. Then you say how many kickstarters you have. I don't believe having more kickstarters gives additional gravitas so it shouldn't be the lead, but its just one guys opinion obviously.
Also I think the phrasing needs some work.
"Is there enough interest in making a movie to do the editing."
Do you mean that this is about making a movie or this is about doing the editing ?
I know what its for but I think many that are ADD or multitasking might not hear it so clearly.
I would say
"This kickstarter is about editing the stock footage into a movie that can help to change the world. Please help us spread the message to as many people as possible."
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