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Menopause. What's it like?

r ranson

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The doctor mentioned the M-word again. It's time to start looking for symptoms. Apparently.

And on the trip home, I got to thinking. I know nothing about this. None of my friends of that age will talk about it. I've spent the obligatory hour on google, and still, I don't think I understand.

Why don't/won't people talk about it? Is it really that embarrassing?

I remember in school they mentioned it was as big a deal as starting menses. The body changes in dramatic ways, but that's ages away, we don't need to talk about that now.

So...? What is it like? And do the symptoms go away once it's over?

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Sherry Willis

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I agree that there isn't sufficient education on this subject at all!!

I started 5 years ago. The expected hot flashes sucked, but were bearable. BUT something NO ONE told me is there are other symptoms and I was hit HARD with joint pain and damage in my hands. Like, "I can't do what I want" pain, swollen and distorting joints.

So after digging and digging and discovering that joint pain is one of the major symptoms, I decided to go on hormone replacement therapy. For me the VERY minor risks (and I don't have any family history for those risks anyway) were worth being able to do the things I need to get done. So I went online for a doctor. I figured I'd give it 3 months and see if the joint pain resolved. It took two weeks to see a major difference in joint pain. Hot flashes gone in one week. I'll occasionally have achy hands, but never hot, swollen joints like before and I can do all the projects I want now.

I've been on HRT for 9 months now. I'm sure not everyone has the same experience, but I plan on staying on HRT for the forseeable future. It costs me $121 every three months for my estradiol and Progesterone. I use Alloy.

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K Kaba

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I'm in my early/mid 50s. My cycles are still doing their thing as irregularly as ever. The "spicy" moods I used to have in my teens certain times of month are definitely back, but I'm older and more able to manage them. No hot flashes, no hair growth in unusual spots. The brain-fog and sleep issues and such have been my normal for so long I'm not sure I'd notice unless they went away entirely. I know it's common to start struggling with extra weight gain, and gain around the abdomen? My mom's kin mostly had uninteresting menopause experiences, so hopefully mine will be boring.

For some of my friends it seems to be an awful years-long experience, for others it's more of a "oh did they stop or am I pregnant, let me check" kind of thing. Some of the awkwardness around it is social experience too I think. A lot of women experience invisibility for the first time in their 40s or 50s. There's also the chronic-health part - some of the people who never really had long term health issues seem to have a really awful time adjusting how they think about health if they have a rougher experience with menopause.

Anne Miller

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When I had my last period I was thrilled.

That is the only way I know that I was in menopause.

The only side effect that I have heard of was hot flashes. I have never had those.

I have never had the above mentioned joint pain.

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Kena Landry

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I think perimenopause is often a scapegoat for totally normal emotions in an insane world.

I've seen it couched in terms of the stages of a woman's life: in the "maiden" phase, we seek to fit in and find our place in society (and often a mate). In the "mother" phase, we're too busy raising little ones (or babying a big project, like a challenging early career, for those who choose not to become mothers) to challenge the statu quo and there's just no room for deeper introspection. Plus, we're pumped full of hormones that help us tolerate a lot of hard things.

Then one gets to an age (which I've seen called the "queen") where one has one's ducks more or less in row, we've acquired enough wisdom and skills to be able to struggle less, our kids are getting to an age where they require less round-the-clock hands on care... and then the bullshit of it all hits us.

Things we shouldn't have tolerated in the first place, like useless partners or meaningless jobs now feel unbearable. Compromises we were making for the sake of being acceptable in someone else's gaze start feeling downright silly. A lot of anger at injustices bubbles up.

And then we're told it's all hormones, and we really need to fix that, because a wrathful middle aged woman who no longer gives a shit is a dangerous thing.

Now, I'm sure some women truly need hormone replacement therapy for health reasons. But I see so many women my age (mid-forties) juggling way too many responsibilities, getting way too little support, and wondering if menopause is to blame for how tired and angry they feel. The real question is "by what miracle were they not tired and angry before".

My personal experience is that perimenopause is currently treating me well as long as I don't fight it, and channel it into creative endeavours. Yes, there's hot flashes, hair sprouting everywhere and some weight gain. But there's also a lot of inner power and a good dose of "don't mess with me" energy I'm learning to wield.

My girls are going through puberty, and we understand that yes, there are discomforts, emotional outbursts and rebellions. But we don't pump young girls full of hormones just to keep them subdued and obedient; we know that's an important stage towards adulthood. I see menopause as the mirror of that transformation, and my gateway towards more wisdom.

Nina Surya

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Hot flashes, joint pain, brain fog.
And I thought I was living reasonably healthy.
Since I'm a herbal healing kind of girl, I'm grabbing my bottle of linseed oil ("Mama Nature providing estrogen in a condensed form") and taking 1-2 tsp / day and it really helps with the symptoms, mentioned above.
I'm sincerely wondering how long this will last and am longing for an open discussion about What's It Like since I don't really have fellow sufferers around me either.
The sex-vibe is like in my 20's=wowzee!, but then again the above mentioned menopausal symptomes are a major min.
I'd compare it with the teenage years in the sense of redefining Self, that's how profound it feels.
I'm baffled at that some ladies don't feel so much of the whole menopause, since I'm experiencing it as something stronger than my teenage years.
Looking forward to more conversation.

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Carla Burke

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MEGA-TMI WARNING!!

I'm a few years post-meno, at this point. Unlike Kena, our kids were all out of the house, before mine started, and I was not working at a job, so no rat race, peer pressure, or superwoman pressures, so my experiences are very different, just based on that. But, it is an incredibly different and personal experience for every woman I've talked with, about it.

Peri took almost 8yrs, to get through, for me, and several times, I got all the way to the 10th or even 11th month, and had another cycle. That was *incredibly* frustrating. Dryness is an issue. Joint pain increases 10-fold (at least for me, and that's saying something huge!). Tears happen. John would ask me what was wrong, and with tears streaming down my face, I had to be honest - "I have NO fucking CLUE!!" I reached the point where I'd sometimes wake up, and feeling the tears threatening, warn him - " Feeling fragile - no clue why, please pay me no mind."

I'm also an herbal/holistic gal, and refused to even talk to a doctor about it. I started taking black cohosh, every day, and it was a game changer. It made SUCH a drastic and happy difference, that within a day or two of me running out, John would bring some home for me, no matter what else we needed funds for. I still swear by and use the stuff. I don't like who I become, without it. My stress levels go through the roof, I get downright bitchy, for no apparent reason that I can fathom, it triggers my fibro & lupus, and I have no patience with myself, my family, or even my critters. While I didn't have hot flashes, my body temperature regulation was (&sometimes still is) WAY off kilter. Everyone I've directed to black cohosh has sought me out, afterwards, to thank me for it. This is truly the only thing all the women I've talked to have had perfectly in common - even then, the doses for each person vary wildly. For some, the very low dose of 40mg is plenty. For others, myself included, 580mg is a better way to go.

Other things no one tells you - sometimes, there is still some spotting, long after your regular cycles have stopped, particularly during highly emotional experiences, or... ~smh~ when a lot of babies are born on the farm. It sets off my oxytocin levels, which sets off my other hormones, which sometimes turns into a not so pleasant surprise. I will probably never throw away my cup, just because of this. Sometimes, post-meno bleeding can mean something is wrong, too. So, unless you're very well in-tune with your body - and maybe even then - it's a good idea to get checked out, if that happens.

On the upside - sex is more fun, because there's no danger of pregnancy. We waited 2 years for unprotected sex, just to make damn sure, since I'd had so many last minute cycles happen. Travel and vacations are easier to plan, and no cramps, products, etc, to worry about, if you don't get to choose the timing. Peri was a pain in my ass. However, now that I'm through it, life is much, MUCH better.

The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance.~Ben Franklin

Suzette Thib

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I completely agree about this being a cop-out for many women who are burning the candle at both ends, especially in standard American setup. We intentionally try to live pretty slow, however since mid 30s I have had random joint pain and brain fog, like having a newborn, but there is no baby! I'm also needing 8-9 hours of sleep at night, previously I would thrive on 6 hours. I never put these together to mean anything, along with a few other symptoms mentioned, especially weird joint aches that come out of nowhere and then I'm like, well, I guess my thumb is out of commission for a few minutes? Glad to know to learn about black cohosh.

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Tereza Okava

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I wish I had known more before it appeared on my horizon!!
I have had no menstrual issues ever. My husband got snipped, I haven't taken hormonal birth control in over 30 years.
I had very intense breast pain for about 5 years, louder than my bone-on-bone arthritis and my tumor, right when I was seriously considering whether I should have my breasts removed it finally abated. That was followed by periods so unpredictable and heavy there are times I am afraid to leave the house. You would think after menstruating for 40 years I would have this business under control, but it's a whole different ball game. No warning, no logic, just massive. That's been about 2 years. I'm 51. My mother says she didn't actually hit menopause til 60*, so apparently I have a few more years of this.
I exercise rather intensely, so I'm not sure about the joint pain-- everything hurts normally, so I don't know if menopause has affected that or not. I don't have hot flashes or mood swings or any of the "typical" stuff, so I am not complaining. I just wish I had known earlier that it affects everyone differently.

*- gynecologist ruled out hormones, also says my mother must be lying since "60 is impossible". She may indeed, but that's neither here nor there.

I have very high estrogen levels, apparently, so for the breast pain I took vitamin E, which can function as a blocker. I only took it when I had pain, not on an ongoing basis, and sometimes it worked (and sometimes it didn't). I also try to consume decent amounts of phytoestrogens like fermented soy and tofu, sweet potatoes, flax, etc. I'm really enjoying the mental state that comes with being 50ish and being at the peak of my professional and intellectual life, but I'll be glad to see the end of this physical stuff.

Kim Dv

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I was fairly lucky-- I did have hot flashes, but the main problem for me was the way my sleep was interrupted by the hot flashes and in general. In the run up to menopause, the most troubling for me were the terrible memory lapses-- far worse than normal, and thankfully they only lasted a a few months. Also the fits of murderous rage-- far worse than normal, and similar to really bad pms. Also thankfully short-lived.

One thing I noticed, is that the women I know who had daughters going through puberty at the same time -- as I had also -- seemed to suffer less. In fact when my daughters started menstruating, my own periods returned for a few years! Finally they ended and are not missed. But I think my experience was easier, maybe because it was made more gradual.

I do have some joint pain, but I am genetically inclined to osteo-arthritis, and so far it's starting more slowly than for some in my family.

I agree with others who mentioned the lack of info about and acknowledgment of this stage, and I'm glad to see people talking about it.

Carla Burke

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Tereza Okava wrote:*- gynecologist ruled out hormones, also says my mother must be lying since "60 is impossible". She may indeed, but that's neither here nor there.

I'm not so sure. I knew a lovely woman, who at 65 was still going strong, with no signs of peri, and longing to be done.

One other thing I'd forgotten to add, though I've no idea how - it was THE main thing about peri that truly was my nightmare. I never knew when a period would hit. Sometimes, I'd go 2 or 3 months without one, other times, I'd be lucky to get 2 or 3 days, in between, and sometimes, it would keep up like that for months. Sometimes, they were barely more than spotting, other times, I'd empty my cup every hour, and still overflow it, in between... Until I found the black cohosh, and figured out my best dose. Then, it all settled down to a much more regular occurrence - but, I still never left home without that cup, if I'd be gone more than a couple hours.

The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance.~Ben Franklin

Kim Dv

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I should add-- regarding brain fog; lately I've started taking a a niacin supplement and found that it really does seem to help with my clarity of thought and energy levels.

Mk Neal

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For me, at age 48-49 I went from having a predictable hormone cycle to wild fluctuations. I’ve had menstrual migraines since my mid thirties that alway hit 1-3 days per month. Now some months I have no headaches (yay!), but some months they are worse. Some months I swear I am ovulating for weeks straight. Some months no bleeding, other months a second period hot on the heels of the first. I have read that your ovaries basically go into “firesale” mode trying to rush out all remaining follicles, which contributes to this irregularity.

I have occasional hot flashes or night sweats, but these are not very bothersome.

I’ve had chronic joint pain and fatigue the past 8 months, which has forced me to limit my activities. Also bouts of “brain fog” similar to what I have experienced in past during migraines, feeling dull and disorganized. These do not seem to track to hormone cycle, I think I am just lucky to develop rheumatoid disease during perimenopause.

My mother did not have these kind of symptoms. She did have hot flashes and other discomforts and I believe she took hormones for some time.

I agree about not feeling the “rat race” any more. I had quit a high-stress job just before all the physical symptoms.

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Laurel Finch

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I'm 64 now, so well past menopause. The only problems I had were night sweats in my late 40's, and hot flashes in my 50's. Those lasted a long time. I also had some arthritic pain in my fingers, called Heberden's nodes, but it seems to have gone away now. Probably the biggest gyp was the vaginal atrophy: just when you don't have to worry about getting pregnant, sex becomes painful. These things make me conclude the God truly is a man. However, this is balanced out by a total disinterest in sex anyway, which is a big relief in a lot of ways.

I actually find menopause quite liberating. I always had very regular periods, exactly 26 days apart, and heavy, with cramps. And mood swings right before. Now, I am free of all of that. I call it my return to childhood. It's great to not have lust make me do things I shouldn't have done, and gives me more time and energy to do the things I really want to do. I like it.

I remember my doctor asking me all sorts of questions, and giving me a sour look and saying, "You just sailed right through it, didn't you?"

So take heart, not every woman has a terrible time of it. And for many of us, it's a real blessing.

I wrestled with reality for 36 years, and I'm happy to say I finally won out over it.

Riona Abhainn

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So excited about this post, to get some knowledge!

I'm wondering if I'm starting the beginning of peri. I turned 39 last month, abnormally young yes, but since there are no babies and won't be, maybe my body is finally getting with the no-babies program and moving on. A couple of times I've had this situation where my face gets stupidly hot and red and flushed for no reason. My tits have been hurting, sensative, not every day, but fairly regularly. The worst part is that I have schizo-affective disorder and its been behaving the best its ever been in my adult life for a few years now, ... until now, I feel like things are starting to slide sideways and I've heard that when women have that it tends to improve in your 30s and do better ... until peri. So yeah I'm starting to get concerned. I'm going to have my primary dr. check my hormone levels at my next physical in a few months to see if this is the cause of things.

I asked my mother and she wasn't really any help. She said all she had was hotflashes, starting in her late 40s or early 50s, heck she's 67 and occasionally one will still hit her. But yeah not a lot of help. I should probably ask my aunties on both sides of my family to get a better idea of what I should expect, but since my brain works differently there are things which may not be relevent to their experiences which I will have to go through

I do Celtic, fantasy, folk and shanty singing at Renaissance faires, fantasy festivals, pirate campouts, and other events in OR and WA, USA.
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Inge Leonora-den Ouden

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r ranson wrote:The doctor mentioned the M-word again. It's time to start looking for symptoms. Apparently.

And on the trip home, I got to thinking. I know nothing about this. None of my friends of that age will talk about it. I've spent the obligatory hour on google, and still, I don't think I understand.

Why don't/won't people talk about it? Is it really that embarrassing?

I remember in school they mentioned it was as big a deal as starting menses. The body changes in dramatic ways, but that's ages away, we don't need to talk about that now.

So...? What is it like? And do the symptoms go away once it's over?

Your friends don't talk about it? Maybe that has to do with 'culture'? I don't think there's anything embarrassing about it.

My friends (of about my age) do mention it sometimes. Mostly when one of the problematic sides occur.
The symptoms can be very different in different persons. The most common one is 'hot flashes'. Some have those often and for many years, while some others never have hot flashes. Some may have head aches (more then they had in the past), others don't. Some say they feel tired, without energy, more often, but others feel better than before!

I had the hot flashes regularely in the first year, maybe two years, of the menopause. But now they only occur less than once a month. I did not have any other problems. I only had the most important 'symptom': no menstruation anymore, which I think is a big advantage!

"Also, just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them" (Luke 6:31)

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Inge Leonora-den Ouden

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I did not think about 'brain fog' and joint pains as symptoms of menopause.

I have had, and still have, periods of 'brain fog' occuring sometimes during much longer in my life (I think I even had them as a teenager). I consider them as 'belonging to my part of the autistic spectrum'. I found out there are some supplements (herbal medicin) that help (make them occur less often and less 'foggy').

Joint pain I consider an 'old age problem' not only for women. In fact I know more men than women who complain about it.

"Also, just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them" (Luke 6:31)

Nancy Reading

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I've been pretty lucky in my life as an adult woman, with no particular problems (other than the blood thing) with my periods. Then they stopped a couple of years ago. I did get one unexpected bleeding about 11 months later, then nothing since then.
I think the stiff and sore big toe joint is just a sign of getting older. Other symptoms: I do sometimes seem to have difficulty with feeling hot at night. I start off with cold feet,and struggle to go to sleep, then in the middle of the night I will wake boiling hot and throw off all the covers for a while before I can go back to sleep. I haven't noticed mood swings. Yes to vaginal dryness and skin resiliance - everything seems to have shrunk underneath (except my belly!).My skin also seems to be more sensitive and itchy, particularly after bathing.
The other thing that was touched on by MK Neal and really scared me, was I experienced silent migraines for the first time. These have flashing lights that obscure your vision, but luckily without the pain. The first one really panicked me (researching online made me think it could be anything from my retina detatchng to a stroke!) luckily an eye scan showed nothing wrong there, so I'm less worried now. I still get them occasionally - I haven't worked out a pattern yet, but again this can be hormone level related.

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Alice Wegner

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Such a helpful post, ladies. Thank you. I'm mid-50's and every time my period shows up again I say "really? are you kidding me?" Apparently not. It shows up with a gory vengeance. I've had a few "wardrobe malfunctions." And spotting constantly.
No one yet has talked about chocolate. My only clue that Auntie Red is back is my libido kicks in and then I eat chocolate like my life depends on it and without really tasting it. I do a lot of outdoor manual labor (construction) and so it's hard to know if the joint pain is from that or hormone fluctuation. No hot flashes per se but always the cold feet and hands as I go to bed with kicking off the covers after midnight. I started late so I figure I will end late. I've always been a regular 28 days predictable with zero cramping but some lower back pain that is alleviated with exercise. Sometimes I take baby aspirin before bed to get the flow moving if it seems stuck. Thin the blood and address the back pain. Oh, and then there's the red itchy painful flaky patches on the face. Chin, forehead, in front of ears. I've seen pregnant women have this so I assumed it was from hormones, stress, or both. I'm learning what my skin wants. Sometimes Aloe gel, sometimes neosporin, or Aquaphor always doing a morning and evening wash and lotion. If I apply the wrong product to the wrong place I get pimples. So - very much like returning to the teen years, only I'm not so cute anymore! But much, much smarter.

Ghislaine de Lessines

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I'm in perimenopause. I had run across the r/Menopause subreddit which clued me in that I was having night sweats! I talked to my doctor and now I take a low dose of Estrogen and Progesterone. The risks are way lower than once thought and there are additional benefits like lowering the risk of osteoporosis.

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Nancy Norwood

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I’m very glad to see this topic. I’m 74 now but had so little information about menopause at the time. In late 40’s, I noticed memory problems. Someone happened to not worry, it was just menopause. In my fifties, I realized that I remembered things by replying the “video” of an event, where I put my keys, a conversation. But now the videos were gone. Whenever I mentioned the way my memory used to work, I never got recognition from others that they remembered in the same way. After about twenty years, the videos are returning, gradually at first. I’d love to hear from others about this.

My transition to no periods was simple, just a few months’ lapse, then one and done, when I was 50. Never sweating, but frequent hot flashes. I got rid of all turtlenecks, and could walk barefoot to the mailbox in snow. They were awkward during the day around other people, but very troublesome at night because they woke me up, then I had to pee, then couldn’t get back to sleep. I had always been able to sleep soundly for 8+ hours, so this was very disturbing for daytime energy. Even now, without the hot flashes, I am unable to sleep through the night.

My blood pressure had always been 110/70, but it skyrocketed. I had never been overweight, but I gained about 20 pounds. In my early 60’s I tried whole food plant-based eating and it has helped immensely. I’ve never been pregnant, never tried hormone therapy, didn’t know about alternatives. I do enjoy the freedom of age and agency. I learned and practice the Feldenkrais Method, which gives knowledge and practical responsibility about life as well as body flexibility, so I’m optimistic about finding solutions. I’ve found, though, that many others don’t like my newfound self-assurance. If someone complains about the way I look, I just say that they don’t have to look at me.

Kat Peters-Midland

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Sherry Willis wrote:I agree that there isn't sufficient education on this subject at all!!

unfortunately true.

I am post-meno...so this is my recollection...I had hot flashes, brain fog, and night sweats. Oh and the inability to sleep much. I completely cut out sugar and cut down on alcohol and ate whole food plant based and my symptoms improved. I do herbal stuff but I don't remember if I took anything at the time since the food changes helped to make symptoms manageable.

Julie Horney'

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Lead Toxicity: A Unique Experience with Menopause?

Menopause symptoms were fairly light around age 53. Then I was diagnosed with osteopenia and osteoporosis within a year. Made the best decisions I could at the time to address it and never correlated another, serious condition with menopause until recently.

Daily convulsive episodes began around the same year as onset of the Convulsion Disorder. (No epilepsy although some menopausal women are diagnosed with same*.) CD is the diagnosis now but it had over 50 others initially as I went from Doc to Doc and clinic to clinic, including the ones of Mayo 3x, Indiana University x2, & Cleveland. 6 brands of CBD oil, specialized dental appliances (Dystonia presents similarly and can be treated with same), Chronic Lyme/Viral/parasitic testing and treatments, pharm grade supps based upon testing, traditional and NUCCA chiro, PT, mercury detox, keto and other diets, glyphosate, dental interventions, sleep studies, and more. My current list of medical diagnoses well exceeds 50!

Earlier this year, the Lord showed me my history of unique exposures to lead. All Baby Boomers and older have been exposed to lead from paint and unleaded gasoline. I had 3 additional souces in my childhood home. Lead and other heavy metals were low on blood, urine, and hair tests from 3 different companies, 3 different Docs.

Acute lead exposure shows up on blood testing. Chronic or latent lead testing only shows up in BONE lead testing. The body displaces calcium to store lead in the bones to deal with its toxicity; lead has no nutritive value in the body, only does damage. Women can lose bone when estrogen levels go down with menopause, contributing to bone loss. Lead comes out with the loss of bone, making symptoms worse.

An Integrative Med clinic in NY does BLT for a hefty fee plus the cost of your travel. I live in Indiana and found a researcher at Purdue Univ who specializes in BLT. He offered to test me for free, pro bono, in February and my level was HIGH. Two types of chelation started shortly thereafter with a plan for retesting in Feb of 2025.

I have had major breakthroughs in the Convulsion Disorder for the first time at this level in almost 13 years. Thousands of convulsive episodes later, I have hope to be free of them one day, have less pain, sleep more normal hours, not be reactive to every noxious stimuli, and perhaps more? There's permanent damage in my body from lead and heavy metal toxicity. But all it takes is a small bit of improvement and I can work in my garden (new food forest strip!), grow in sustainable practices, and volunteer as a Master Gardener. Lord willing, 2025 will be a wonderful new year!

Godspeed fellow sojourners!

Julie

P.S. Since menopause and related topics can get very personal and some may not want to discuss it here, I welcome personal emails on this topic. Just put "permies" somewhere in the subject line so I don't accidentally delete you! Remove the dots between the @ and y below. :J

psalm34810@......yahoo.com

Alice Wegner

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All this to say, hormones are a powerful force in our bodies and there are consequences for their presence and absence. While we are having our level fluctuations the boys are also going through their own version of Men o Pause. While we rage and sweat and crave, they lose muscle mass, get foggy brain, and cry easily. Has anyone seen that? It's like we switch roles - assuming you ever accepted those roles in the first place. Makes for some exciting relationship challenges along the way. Why isn't there a name for this for men? Or is there? Or can we make one up and start using it all the time so it catches on?

Carla Burke

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Hi, Alice! I think that's a great topic, but it deserves a thread of its own. Why don't you start a new thread, so the massive amounts of information on each sex doesn't get lost, with the other?

The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance.~Ben Franklin

Alice Wegner

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I think I'll leave that one up to the boys to work out for themselves.

Staff note (Christopher Weeks) :

https://permies.com/t/271961/

Cathy Weeks

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I had an incredibly easy menopause. No hot flashes, though I did have night sweats a few times, and my blood pressure went up without the hormones (working with my doctor to get that under control). But I didn't expect to feel ... relief. It seems like no one ever talks about how wonderful it is, not to have to worry about getting pregnant.

Seems like women are supposed to be sad about it, or maybe society tells us to be sad about the end of our fertility, but that's not me. I felt more like celebrating. No more periods, no more PMS, no more cycle-related food cravings. No having to mess with contraceptives. I'm one of the lucky ones who didn't have periods with my IUD, so after my daughter was born, I got a new IUD every 5 years until a blood test showed my hormone levels had settled into a post-menopausal state, and I was able to avoid the long heavy and irregular periods my mother dealt with in perimenopause.

r ranson

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Thank you so much everyone!
I'm so glad I asked as this is exactly what I was hoping to learn. It's so individual. And yet, common themes.

Is menopause a single event or is it a process?

Also, I'm a bit scared because some of the worst symptoms are an apt description of my life since 15 years old. I think this is why the doctors are so worried as they don't know if it's going to hit me really hard, or if it will be a relief. Anyone had a hard time in their pre-menopause life had it easier after?

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Carla Burke

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r ranson wrote:Thank you so much everyone!
I'm so glad I asked as this is exactly what I was hoping to learn. It's so individual. And yet, common themes.

Is menopause a single event or is it a process?

Also, I'm a bit scared because some of the worst symptoms are an apt description of my life since 15 years old. I think this is why the doctors are so worried as they don't know if it's going to hit me really hard, or if it will be a relief. Anyone had a hard time in their pre-menopause life had it easier after?

It was absolutely a process, for me. A learning process as well as a physiological one. It will teach one to pay attention to and have patience with your own body, if nothing else. But, like Cathy Weeks, for me - being done is SUCH a relief! I mentioned above that you *can* have breakthrough periods, but they're rare. The freedom is definitely worth the process, and I remember, from the time I had my 3rd miscarriage, just wanting it to all be done and over. We did have a bit of a celebration, as soon as I felt confident it was truly over. Best date night ever!!

The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance.~Ben Franklin

May Lotito

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I am not there yet but I want to be prepared. One thing I notice is that in multivitamin supplements, the 50+ version has higher dose of boron (3 mg vs 0.075 mg, no B in men's multivitamin). Boron is reported to be beneficial for reducing loss of calcium and magnesium in peri and menopausal women. Some people ( both men and women) take up to 10 mg a day and claim to have better health. I need to look into this. I know my soil is low in boron and therefore many plants are deficient in it too.

Zone 6, 45 inches precipitation, hard clay soil

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Jane Mulberry

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It's a process for sure, not an event. Well the last period is an event, but we can't know it's the last one at the time! I think it's one of those things everyone experiences differently.

I didn't have too much problem with the process, which lasted two or three years around age 50. My periods became irregular, but thankfully lighter not heavier, and I had less period pain, which used to be a big problem. I had odd aches and pains, mood swings, night-time hot flushes, definitely brain fog. My libido was off the scale high. I had problems with worsened irritable bowel, an issue since childhood, as it was always affected by my hormones.

Once my periods completely stopped, there was some grieving that now I definitely wouldn't be able to fall pregnant again, but also relief, after seven miscarriages, not to have to live with that crazy hope anymore. Losing the possibility of ever making a baby seemed to free up other forms of creativity, as I got into writing, graphic design, and crafting.

I'm enjoying my "wise woman" years now. With decreased hormone levels, I have not had irritable bowel symptoms for years. My moods are more stable. The TMI bit - I have very low libido and significant post menopausal vaginal atrophy. Penetrative sex isn't an option, even if I wanted it. Thankfully this isn't a problem for us.

I'm only 64! That's not to old to learn to be a permie, right?

Mk Neal

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r ranson wrote:Thank you so much everyone!
I'm so glad I asked as this is exactly what I was hoping to learn. It's so individual. And yet, common themes.

Is menopause a single event or is it a process?

R- in strict medical terminology, “menopause” refers to just the official end of menstruation, (e.g. a one-time event), but in common parlance, people use the term to refer to all the changes leading up to the end as well. More recently, the term “perimenopause” has started being used to talk about the decade or so before the actual end of menstruation.

Weeds are just plants with enough surplus will to live to withstand normal levels of gardening!--Alexandra Petri

Kimberly Martinez

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Tereza, my mother was mid 50s in peri that lasted for about 5 years, then was in meno for about 2 years. I'm currently 55 and can't wait to get this ball rolling... Mom and I follow very different eating habits. I'm mostly plant based and 100% gluten free, not by choice. I was always very irregular. Then my body could no longer tolerate gluten. I was bleeding internally, along with many other issues including severe joint pain, brain fog, and very irregular menses. I was resistant and it took me several years to quit gluten in my mid 30s. When I finally cut it out for good, wallah, within three months I noticed my joints had zero pain, my menses where 28 days apart and, the brain fog was lifted. Gluten can be a serious hormone disruptor for some. I still have no joint pain, except in an injured big toe. I also still have regular periods and I don't think peri is even close for me yet. That's why I mention diet. I think it can make a big difference in how our bodies deal with change. I should mention I'm on no medication, just supplements, which seems to be rare in anyone over 40 now days, but I'm sure this here is a community of healthier than the average person with many in the same boat.

I feel the cleaner our diets, maybe the longer we stay fertile? Maybe I need to eat more Oreos, lol. I eat quite a bit of soy as well. I know this post is a bit off topic of the effects of peri and meno, but hopefully it helps someone. I also feel like I'm kind of on an island since my friends all went through this 10 to 15 years ago. So I'm curious if anyone else is my age or older and still waiting.

This whole topic is excellent and we should have no shame or reservations about openly discussing this! Thanks for opening this up.

Tereza Okava

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thinking a lot about this topic as I hear other people's experiences. My peers also all dealt with this a decade (or more) ago and also aren't super inclined to talk about it, so it's interesting to see perspectives.

I don't know if this is related or just related to that getting older thing-- but I can no longer drink alcohol. Like halfway through a cocktail I get a huge headache, and the hangovers are epic--- a glass of wine is enough to make me sicker than I ever got after a frat party. It's no big deal, as drinking is not essential to my life, but occasionally I'll forget or, even worse, be caught ordering something nonalcoholic in a public setting, which for some reason always gets everyone hysterical (that, fortunately, is their problem, and not mine).

Wanted to also add: a GOOD thing about this. I know I'm not the only person with Ehlers Danlos here. I am naturally always freezing. For the last year it's been delightful NOT freezing my butt off. I don't need the 2nd extra blanket at night anymore and don't feel like I need to wear gloves every time I step outside. If this is a hot flash, maybe it just brought my temps up to normal!! I'll take it!

Chris Sarles

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posted 1 week ago

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Im in my mid-forties and was trying for baby number 7. Yes, I am crazy. So is my husband. But regardless, my fertility was never an issue. Each kid took us a month or two of trying to conceive.

Six months ago, I had a miscarriage within the first trimester. Around 8 weeks. No fetal pole established. It happens. I've had it happen before. We immediately tried again and with each passing month, I began questioning my whole life. Now while this with a large family, farm and full time job could induce a wild amount of stress, it really doesn't. You learn to gauge what is within your control and ability and let it go much easier. Not everything that you want to happen can happen. But I was getting really angry. Like...ready to take everyone out and no longer being oversensitive about how and what I say to people. My husband tried to gently plant the idea that maybe I am going through menopause. Gently to a rabid bear. I then noticed my periods which were always 28 days for 6 days get all weird. Spotting in between and much more painful and shorter.

Okay fine. I have to have a hormonal imbalance. I work for pharma and while it has its place, it's a last resort for me. I found a host of herbs to take that IMMEDIATELY resolved my teenage breakouts and relaxed my mood (somewhat). Currently knee deep in not only keeping the balance but increasing fertility chances for this last (i've said that before but I mean it this time) baby.

Some helpful herbs:

Chasteberry
Black Cohosh
Ashwagandha
Maca
Wild Yam

And....
Magnesium
Zinc

But I've got several clinical trials I am reviewing that have a series of other herbal treatments that have been proven to improve our health as well.

In a nutshell, I don't think we actually should be going through all of these imbalances. There's a host of foods we probably should be eating that we no longer eat. What I am reading in many of these responses being a result of the hormonal imbalance but also including cancer and autoimmune diseases I believe can be avoided. I hope to not only address my fertility but restore my body to its peak performance.

Jane Mulberry

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Chris, I'm sorry you went through a miscarriage, and hope you're successful in achieving baby #7.

It feels to me like it might be important to let yourself grieve the pregnancy loss. Just speaking from my own experiences here, after each miscarriage I jumped straight back into trying to get pregnant again, doing everything "right" as if somehow I could control the outcome. Unfortunately, some things we can't control. I ended up with bigger health issues due to that bottled up grief.

Herbs and diet can definitely make a big difference to one's health. But there's also an element of genetic lottery and things in people's upbringing they were powerless to change at the time that affect health, and it's so important not to blame anyone for their health issues. That includes you, as well. Menopause will happen to you at some stage no matter what you do to try and stop it, and hopefully you'll get that longed for baby first.

I'm only 64! That's not to old to learn to be a permie, right?

Nina Surya

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Chris Sarles wrote:Im in my mid-forties and was trying for baby number 7.
...
In a nutshell, I don't think we actually should be going through all of these imbalances. There's a host of foods we probably should be eating that we no longer eat. What I am reading in many of these responses being a result of the hormonal imbalance but also including cancer and autoimmune diseases I believe can be avoided. I hope to not only address my fertility but restore my body to its peak performance.

Thank you, Chris, for your open-hearted sharing. I had to chuckle a bit at the "ready to take everyone out" and "rabid bear" - in my 'previous life' I felt from time to time as if I was a volcano about to erupt, and sometimes I did.

I also am a firm believer in that our diet nowadays might be quite bland and deficient of the stuff that our bodies really crave.
My go-to remedy, that gave my sense of self (and calm, clarity etc) back is still flaxseed oil. I first took only one teaspoon per day, felt some relief, now I've ramped up the dosage to 3 teaspoons per day and I'm super happy and energetic!

I've gone through a major life change just at the beginning of menopause, and for a long time it wasn't clear to me which was which - was I feeling insecure and unclear because of the... change or what?! Now I KNOW it was the hormone~~storm~~ -crash.

Got to love open conversations. Thank you again and ALL the best wishes and tons of luck for you and your baby-to-come!

Chris Sarles

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Ah yes thank you Nina! I am now taking flax seed, sunflower seed and pumpkin seed. I found a method to taking them during certain cycle phases, Im currently on the "take everything and sees what sticks" method but I'll calm this down to an actual routine.

Thank you for your kind words!

Chris Sarles

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Jane Mulberry wrote:Chris, I'm sorry you went through a miscarriage, and hope you're successful in achieving baby #7.

It feels to me like it might be important to let yourself grieve the pregnancy loss. Just speaking from my own experiences here, after each miscarriage I jumped straight back into trying to get pregnant again, doing everything "right" as if somehow I could control the outcome. Unfortunately, some things we can't control. I ended up with bigger health issues due to that bottled up grief.

Herbs and diet can definitely make a big difference to one's health. But there's also an element of genetic lottery and things in people's upbringing they were powerless to change at the time that affect health, and it's so important not to blame anyone for their health issues. That involves you, as well. Menopause will happen to you at some stage no matter what you do to try and stop it, and hopefully you'll get that longed for baby first.

Agreed. We grieved rather quickly and perhaps it's more or less due to having a farm, we understand the gentle cycle of life. We have seen many births and many deaths, each one feeling as though they were ours but being grounded by God and knowing, it's all okay.

I didn't tell my 6 kids we were expecting so we grieved rather quietly together. Im usually busy between all of life but had taken a couple of weeks off to get it together and find a way forward. After a rather bratty argument in my head with God about how I was going to drive myself crazy if He didn't give me a sign as to whether this was my fault, a chromosomal mishap or whether this was the call for me to stop having kids, my fourth daughter, 7 years old walks into the room with me. Almost as soon as she walked into the room she asked me if I knew what a rainbow baby was. I nodded yes and proceeded to give her a short explanation - a digestible one but also assured her that while that was sad and we did wish we didn't have these horrible losses that it didn't mean we couldn't have kids. I then explained that my first child (now 21) and my third child (now 13) are both rainbow babies, We were still blessed to have all of the kids in between and after our loss. So while not a direct "sign", it was a peaceful way for me to remember that God has a plan and trust that plan. If it's meant to be, it will be. It's not a punishment.

I know that currently my hormones are out of whack based on my symptoms and while there's a lot we can do to ensure another baby, we will continue to take a course of action with the primary focus of getting my hormones balanced. We will continue to enjoy the intimate moments of trying for a baby and if we are surprised with a birth wonderful but if we don't naturally conceive this year, we will likely take more cautious actions towards not accidently conceiving later. I don't think we want to be in our late 60s with a teenager. No matter how fit and energetic we are. Lol.

So there's not an extra amount of pressure on the outcome only a desire to be healthier and feel more like myself. Truly after raising kids for 21 years now, it's okay if God says - let's focus on our next role as a grandparent. I've certainly called upon him a lot to have been given these 6.

Jane Mulberry

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That's a beautiful way to look at it, Chris.

And yes, I know those heated discussions with God! Thankfully, He is infinitely patient with His children. Definitely neither your fault or a punishment that this happened.

I'm only 64! That's not to old to learn to be a permie, right?

This one time, at band camp, I had relations with a tiny ad.

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