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gardener
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Location: SW Missouri
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Why did the permaculturist cross the road?
To check the water flow on the other side
To identify the mushrooms growing there
To dig up a pretty flower and take it home
To take a cutting to root
To  pick up the neighbors bags of leaves
or if they were me: To dig through the neighbor's trash
:D
 
Posts: 64
Location: Reeds Spring, MO z 6-7 prev South Florida, z 10a-10b 1989-2015 prev 1981-1989 North Vermont
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Why did the permie cross the road?
To look at their berm and play with a toad.
 
garden master
Posts: 2787
Location: Greater Houston, TX US Hardy:9a Annual Precipitation: 44.78" Wind:13.23mph Temperature:42.5-95F
998
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I still can't stop laughing when I see this!!!

 
gardener
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Location: Maine, zone 5
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Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!

(the worse they are, the more I like them!)

 
Dave Burton
garden master
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998
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This was bad phrasing on my part four years ago when I was graduating high school.

Mom: "How many students are graduating with you?"
Me: "2,400 are graduating, but 400 will not be with us."
Mom: "What are you doing? Taking them out back and shooting them?"
Me: "No, they're graduating in the summer. We're graduating in the Spring."
 
Greg Martin
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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t!  Wouldn’t!  Couldn’t!  Didn’t!  Can’t!”

"Don't worry" the doctor said, "those are just contractions."
 
Posts: 306
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Greg Martin wrote:A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t!  Wouldn’t!  Couldn’t!  Didn’t!  Can’t!”

"Don't worry" the doctor said, "those are just contractions."



You must be a dad.
 
Greg Martin
gardener
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Timothy Markus wrote:

Greg Martin wrote:A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t!  Wouldn’t!  Couldn’t!  Didn’t!  Can’t!”

"Don't worry" the doctor said, "those are just contractions."



You must be a dad.



Tehehehe….it shows, doesn't it!
 
Timothy Markus
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Greg Martin wrote:

Timothy Markus wrote:

Greg Martin wrote:A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t!  Wouldn’t!  Couldn’t!  Didn’t!  Can’t!”

"Don't worry" the doctor said, "those are just contractions."



You must be a dad.



Tehehehe….it shows, doesn't it!



Takes one to know one...
 
Dave Burton
garden master
Posts: 2787
Location: Greater Houston, TX US Hardy:9a Annual Precipitation: 44.78" Wind:13.23mph Temperature:42.5-95F
998
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Suck Less: Where There's a William, There's a Way!

"The only lie told more often than "No, that looks totally cute on you" and "I got AIDS through oral" is "It gets better." Well, a lotta times it don't. Sometimes it just sucks less. But I promise you: where there's a Willam, there's a way."


(source: Amazon)

This made me giggle a lot!
 
Dave Burton
garden master
Posts: 2787
Location: Greater Houston, TX US Hardy:9a Annual Precipitation: 44.78" Wind:13.23mph Temperature:42.5-95F
998
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I love Weird "Al" Yankovich!

 
Pearl Sutton
gardener
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Greg Martin
gardener
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A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.  He says, "uno, dos..." *poof*….He disappeared without a tres.
 
Dave Burton
garden master
Posts: 2787
Location: Greater Houston, TX US Hardy:9a Annual Precipitation: 44.78" Wind:13.23mph Temperature:42.5-95F
998
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master steward
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Location: missoula, montana (zone 4)
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're here."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard "Jesus is watching you."

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yes", the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the parrot.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same kind of people who would name a Pit Bull Jesus."

 
Dave Burton
garden master
Posts: 2787
Location: Greater Houston, TX US Hardy:9a Annual Precipitation: 44.78" Wind:13.23mph Temperature:42.5-95F
998
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"Life is short, smile while you still have teeth."

I got this from Pun Me's Funny Sayings.
 
pollinator
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Location: Galicia, Spain zone 9a
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Dave Burton wrote:"Life is short, smile while you still have teeth."

I got this from Pun Me's Funny Sayings.



I have teeth but I don't  always remember to put them in...
 
Greg Martin
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Timothy Markus wrote:

Greg Martin wrote:

Timothy Markus wrote:

Greg Martin wrote:A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t!  Wouldn’t!  Couldn’t!  Didn’t!  Can’t!”

"Don't worry" the doctor said, "those are just contractions."



You must be a dad.



Tehehehe….it shows, doesn't it!



Takes one to know one...



Then this one is for you Timothy!

It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad....
It's a faux pa.
 
master steward
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It is winter.  A little voice says "meee, meee".  You're out of windshield wiper fluid again.

-Red Green
 
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