• Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
permaculture forums growies critters building homesteading energy monies kitchen purity ungarbage community wilderness fiber arts art permaculture artisans regional education skip experiences global resources cider press projects digital market permies.com pie forums private forums all forums
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
master stewards:
  • Carla Burke
  • John F Dean
  • Nancy Reading
  • r ranson
  • Jay Angler
  • Pearl Sutton
stewards:
  • paul wheaton
  • Devaka Cooray
  • Leigh Tate
master gardeners:
  • Timothy Norton
  • Christopher Weeks
gardeners:
  • Jeremy VanGelder
  • Matt McSpadden
  • thomas rubino

jokes

 
gardener
Posts: 1775
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
719
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
  • Likes 2
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
"I saw that" said Karma.
 
master steward
Posts: 11821
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
6612
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What’s an omnivore’s favorite food?

Zoo-chini.


What did the vegetable say to its love?

I love you from my head to-ma-toes.


Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to go to sleep? It was pasta bedtime.
 
steward
Posts: 15369
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
4759
7
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I replaced my rooster with a duck.  Now I get up at the quack of dawn.
 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 15369
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
4759
7
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I have piles and piles of laundry to do.  I'm not sure which is worse...
 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 15369
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
4759
7
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I walked in on my wife making love to her personal trainer.  I said "This isn't working out".
 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 15369
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
4759
7
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I told my doc that the hemorrhoid cream that she prescribed caused an awful reaction.  She asked where I applied it.  I said the bus.
 
pollinator
Posts: 799
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
484
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Today the forecast was partly cloudy.
Tomorrow the forecast is partly sunny.
How do they decide which one it is???
 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 1775
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
719
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Don't wash your hair in the shower!
(It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful)

It involves the shampoo, when it runs down your body when you shower with it.... a warning to us all!

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!
I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning... "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME".

No wonder I have been gaining weight!
Well, I got rid of this shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn dishwashing soap instead.
It's label reads... "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE".

Problem solved!
 
master steward
Posts: 6649
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2368
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Some people age like fine wine.  I aged like milk …sour and chunky.
 
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 14246
Location: SW Missouri
9651
2
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 11
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Windows : Please enter your new password.

User : cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

User : boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.

User : 1 boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must not have blank spaces.

User : 50bloodyboiledcabbages

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

User : 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

Windows : Sorry, the password must not have consecutive capital letters.

User : 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!

Windows : Sorry, the password cannot contain a special character.

User : IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow

Windows : Sorry, this password is already in use.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 799
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
484
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Most bald people still own a comb............... they just can't part with it.
 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 14246
Location: SW Missouri
9651
2
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
People who think you get boring as you age have clearly never experienced the thrill of seeing two hummingbirds at the feeder at the same time!!
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 799
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
484
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Don't eat aluminum...........

or you'll sheet metal.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 799
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
484
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
  • Likes 2
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Today I realized that I am never going to have to worry about me and wife arguing about who's right or wrong.

Because I was lucky enough to find a wife who is never wrong.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 799
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
484
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If your wife is mad at you, buy a fishing pole.
She'll still be mad at you but you will have a new fishing pole.
 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 6649
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2368
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I have found the hardest part about retirement is that I miss going to work and whining about not wanting to be there.
 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 11821
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
6612
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Let's take a trip to the beach. I could really use some Vitamin Sea.



Which condiment adds the most kick?

Horseradish.


Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory?

There was nothing left but de bris
 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 11821
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
6612
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you call a Frenchman who has been attacked by a cat?                    Claude.


What do you call a dog magician?                         A labracadabrador.


What’s the least spoken language?               Sign language.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 799
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
484
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, I have no idea what's going on and now I have to pee.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 799
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
484
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Did you know a slice of apple pie cost $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahama's?

These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
 
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and work all day. Tiny lumberjack ad:

World Domination Gardening 3-DVD set. Gardening with an excavator.
richsoil.com/wdg


reply
    Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic