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jokes

 
Dennis Barrow
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I can't afford an Ancestry DNA kit to learn about my relatives.
So instead, I posted online that I had won the Lottery.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Carla Burke
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336650401_154111024197132_1463763144642217514_n.jpg
[Thumbnail for 336650401_154111024197132_1463763144642217514_n.jpg]

"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
Carla Burke
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335647199_734655121671132_3406601194168925396_n.jpg
[Thumbnail for 335647199_734655121671132_3406601194168925396_n.jpg]

"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
Mike Haasl
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There's a guy in my town who often dips his testicles in glitter.  It's pretty nuts...

SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Mike Haasl
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A dung beetle walked into a bar and asked "Is this stool taken"?

SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Dennis Barrow
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McCoy: "I've borrowed Mr. Scott's bagpipes."
Kirk: "But you can't play them."
McCoy: "I know, but while I've got them, neither can he!"

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
master steward
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What did the snail say while riding on the turtle’s back?  Wheeeee!

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
John F Dean
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After raising pigs for a good part of my life, I have learned that the best thing to do when a hog charges is to pay him.

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
Jay Angler
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What did one math book say to the other?

Don’t bother me, I’ve got my own problems here.

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Jay Angler
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So my neighbour sees me kneeling down, busy in my garden and asks what I'm doing.
"I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order."
"Really?! I don't know how you find the time!"
"It's right next to the sage."

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Jay Angler
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A friend perfected his garden flower beds through a process of trowel and error.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
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And just because it's Good Friday tomorrow...

Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry?
Because it’s always on a sundae!

What is the Easter Bunny’s favourite state capital?    
Albunny, New York!

Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?
She had to call an eggs-terminator!

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an overstressed person?
An Easter basket case!

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
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Carla Burke
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339037309_923476869079008_9203187405265296797_n.jpg
[Thumbnail for 339037309_923476869079008_9203187405265296797_n.jpg]

"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
Carla Burke
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338475258_1361969327985230_8276892821510328961_n.jpg
[Thumbnail for 338475258_1361969327985230_8276892821510328961_n.jpg]

"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
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516
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If 2 vegan's are arguing, is it considered beef?

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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Whenever I have a panick attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth..... and drink all the bourbon inside.  It seems to help.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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I haven't lost all my marbles yet, but there is definitely a hole in the bag somewhere.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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😢 I'm posting this with a heavy heart.
As much as I love hunting, scouting, fishing and everything that comes with it...this is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of work, cleaning, cooking, maintaining my home, so something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my gear.
Below is a list of what's available. Serious inquiries only, and please don't insult me with low offers.
Thanks for reading and understanding...
1. Vacuum cleaner
2. Dustpan and brush
3. Mop and bucket
4. Lawn Mower
5. Leaf blower
6. Laundry detergent
7. Iron
8. Broom
9. Oven

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Greg Martin
steward
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This past week if has finally warmed up and melted most of the snow at my place.  The last of the maple sap run has been boiled down and jarred, the cornelian cherry trees are blooming, the ramps are up....ahhh, it's spring!  It inspires.....jokes!

The bed store is having a spring sale!
Unfortunately, the rest of the mattress is still full price.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
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When’s the best time to wash your Slinky?

During spring cleaning.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
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How do you make a waterbed its most bouncy?

Fill it with spring water!

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
steward
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What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?

Seasoning.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
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Why do we walk out into an early spring day and say "Ahhhh"?

Because it's the season of re-leaf.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Jay Angler
master steward
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What do you call a tree from another planet?

A extra-tree-restrial

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
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What do you call two rows of vegetables?

A duel cabbage way

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
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I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants, but you've probably heard of herbivore.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Dennis Barrow
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If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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My mind thinks I'm 25.
My body thinks I'm and idiot.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
K Eilander
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Q. Why don't minstrels make good pirates?
A. Because they bury their lute.

Be the shenanigans
you want to see in the world.

 
Dennis Barrow
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I live in Montana at 5000 feet.
Had 2 bee hives doing really, really well.
Then they were visited by a bear.  He cleaned  them out but I had hope that hey would rebound.
I moved the hives into an enclosure and hoped.
Two nights later the bear returned and finished the job after tearing out the fencing and breaking some fence posts.
Looking forward to my new rug.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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Mosquito's fly close to your ear
because they love it when people punch themselves in the face.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
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I was having an unusually difficult time walking up my driveway the other day.  My wife is on this herbal medicine kick and made some kind of concoction using lard as a base. She told me to rub it all over myself.  It didn’t work. Honestly, after that I went down hill pretty rapidly.

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
Greg Martin
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Why do plants hate algebra?

It gives them square roots!


Ok, now for a VERY serious question....do any mints actually have square roots?  So many questions.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
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The illegal smuggling of mimes....

nobody talks about it.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Pearl Sutton
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Why can't Popeye the Sailor's enemies ever predict whether or not he's purchased spinach that day?

Because no one expects the spinach acquisition!!!

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
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Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.

I said I wasn't too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
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A man goes to his village medicine man and requests a colonic for his constipation.
The medicine man ponders for a moment and says, “Let’s try something else first.” He opens a jar and pulls out a dried out fern. He places the fern into a cup of hot water and waits as it brews. “Here, take a sip.” The man does as he is told. Suddenly, his eyes rolls back in his head, followed by the unmistakable sounds and smells of a serious shit.
The medicine man smiles and says, “With fronds like these who needs enemas?”

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
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Why don't demons fear oxidation?
Because there's no rust for the wicked

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
I agree. Here's the link: http://stoves2.com
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