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jokes

 
Greg Martin
steward
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Why did they send dogs and monkeys into space first?

If they had sent ducks the bills would have been astronomical!

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Dennis Barrow
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Accordion to scientific studies,
90% of people don't realize I replaced the
beginning of the sentence with an instrument.

They have my symphony.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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Son, holding an acorn: "Dad, what's this?"
Dad:  "A tree"
Son:  "Really?"
Dad:  "In a nutshell, yeah"

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Greg Martin
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First week at the bicycle factory and they've already made me the spokes person!

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
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Confidence is the feeling you get before you fully understand the situation.

"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is." C.S. Lewis
"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis

 
Dennis Barrow
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On Monday we start
Diarrhea Awareness Week.

Runs until Friday.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Greg Martin
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Why did Gregor Mendel fail at hand writing?  
He kept crossing his peas.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Jay Angler
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What did philosopher Euripides do when he damaged his toga?

He went to see Eumenides.

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Jay Angler
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Puzzles are a great activity when I need to piece my life back together.

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Matt McSpadden
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What kind of plant should you always watch out for?

an ambush

"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is." C.S. Lewis
"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis

 
Matt McSpadden
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If someone calls you fat... just ignore them. You are bigger than that.

"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is." C.S. Lewis
"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis

 
Mike Haasl
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I recently joined a nudist colony.  The first few days were the hardest.

SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Mike Haasl
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I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.  He said no.

SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Jay Angler
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What did the seamstress do when she ended up with extra material while making pants?

She pocketed the difference.

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Jay Angler
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Where does a mountain climber keep his plane?

In a cliff-hangar.

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Jay Angler
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A Boeing 737 Max flight attendant walks into a bar and orders a martini.

“You’re here later than usual,” the bartender comments. “Problems at work?”

“Yes, just as our flight was about to take off, we had to turn around and wait at the gate for an hour.”

“What was the problem?” the bartender asks.

“The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine,” she replies. “It took us a while to find a new pilot.”

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Dennis Barrow
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I'm about ready to break out my 25 piece patio set:

1 plastic chair and 24 beers.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Jay Angler
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A vulture walks into an airplane with a rotting corpse.

The flight attendant screams, “You cannot bring that on this plane.”

The vulture says, “It’s just my carrion.”

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Jay Angler
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What do chicken families do on a sunny afternoon?

They have peck-nics.

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Jay Angler
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What kind of bird sticks to clothes?

A Vel-Crow.

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Carla Burke
Rusticator
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How do you get down from an elephant?








  (You don't. You get down from a goose!)

"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
Greg Martin
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My wife just fainted onto the luggage carousel at the airport, but I think she'll be ok.  
She's coming around slowly.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
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You know singing in the shower is pretty fun................

Until you get shampoo in your mouth...............

The its just a Soap Opera.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Greg Martin
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Forget about the past, you can’t change it.
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.  
(well, unless you count bad jokes....then you really won out!)

Every year on my birthday, I looked forward to my aunt’s gift—a scarf, hat, or sweater knitted by hand. One year, she must have had better things to do because I received a ball of yarn, knitting needles, and a how-to-knit book. Her card read, “Scarf, some assembly required.”

You know you’re getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
(I stay away from auctions)

I bought my friend a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light up when he opened it.

Happy you are very special day!!!  Hugs!

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Mike Haasl
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A grasshopper hops into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper says "You have a drink named Steve?"

SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
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I don't get it.......
How does the brain know I forgot,
but can't remember what I forgot?

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, (he is in his 90's).
We decided to grab some food at the food court.
I noticed he was watch the teenager sitting next to him.  The teenager had spiked hair, all different colors.
My dad kept staring at him.  The teenager would look and see him staring at him every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man? Never done anything wild in your life?"
Dad didn't bat an eye in his response:  "Got drunk once, had sex with a peacock.  I was just wondering if you were my son."

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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What do you call an old snowman???


A glass of water.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Mike Haasl
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I started a club for guys with erectile dysfunction.

It was a total flop and nobody came.

SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Jay Angler
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Yesterday, I saw a police officer wearing a pilot’s uniform.

I thought it was a bit odd. Then I realized he was one of those plane clothes cops.

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Jay Angler
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Did you hear about the last remaining unit in the apartment building?

It was last but not leased.

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Jay Angler
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What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns?

They’re not very uplifting.

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Leigh Tate
author & steward
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Because today is Pi Day . . .

Why did the pie go to the dentist?  
Because it needed a filling!

What do you call a pie that can fly?
A pie-lot!

Why did the apple pie cry?
Its peelings were hurt!

Blog: 5 Acres & A Dream
Books: Kikobian Books | Permies Digital Market

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
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Why are dogs like phones?

Both have collar ID

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Nancy Reading
steward and tree herder
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Found on the internet
valhalla-joke.jpg
[Thumbnail for valhalla-joke.jpg]

How Permies works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads
My projects on Skye: The tree field, Growing and landracing, perennial polycultures, "Don't dream it - be it! "

 
Jay Angler
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A plane lands, and shortly after, the flight attendant comes over the speaker.
“Hi, folks! Sorry about that rough landing. It wasn’t the captain’s fault. It definitely wasn’t my fault… It was the asphalt.”

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Jay Angler
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What do you call an oak tree that can’t make it’s mind up?  

Undeciduous.

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