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stewards:
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master gardeners:
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gardeners:
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jokes

 
master steward
Posts: 6778
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2455
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
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I have found that getting older brings on a number of unexpected challenges.  This week I realized my weight is because of my bulimia.  I am just forgetting to purge.
 
gardener
Posts: 1979
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
811
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
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An actual bumper sticker...


"Honk if you love peace and quiet"
 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 1979
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
811
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What do you call a short mother?

minimum
 
steward
Posts: 15735
Location: USDA Zone 8a
4238
dog hunting food preservation cooking bee greening the desert
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Three guys were sitting in a sauna. Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. One guy pressed his forearm and the beeping sound stopped.

The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

Then a phone rang. Another guy lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished, he explained, "That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."

The third guy felt rather low-tech so not to be outdone, he had to do something to impress the others. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind.

As the other looked at him, he said, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M GETTING A FAX!"
 
pollinator
Posts: 815
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
490
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
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(A little risque)

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.
 
John F Dean
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Posts: 6778
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2455
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My sister from out of state dropped by today.  Of course, we got into a conversation about childhood memories.  I told her one of my fondest memories was when Uncle Bill took me out to the middle of the lake and tossed me in to teach me to swim.  It always bothered me that he never visited again.  My sister explained that mother wouldn’t let him come by again, and he wasn’t trying to teach me how to swim.
 
master steward
Posts: 12147
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
6806
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Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged?  I hear they met on the web.
 
Jay Angler
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Location: Pacific Wet Coast
6806
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Did you hear about the two florists who got married?

It was an arranged marriage.
 
Jay Angler
master steward
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Location: Pacific Wet Coast
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duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
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My antenna married my neighbor’s antenna.

The wedding was not so good, but the reception was fantastic!
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 815
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
490
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
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If you fill a pinata with ketchup, you never have to host a childrens party again.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 815
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
490
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
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My house is haunted by a chicken.
A poultrygeist.  A fowl spirit.  
I plan to call an eggsorcist to help it cross to the other side.
 
Posts: 152
Location: Southwest Oklahoma, southern Greer County, Zone 7a
19
goat dog foraging hunting chicken food preservation cooking medical herbs bee greening the desert homestead
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This one is sadly funny.  Cotton farmer goes to the bank, like he does every year.  Banker asks, “What do you plan to grow?”  Farmer says, “I think I’ll try watermelons this year.”  The farmer has a fantastic crop and a great profit,  all without the help of a government bailout.  Next year, cotton farmer goes to the bank.  Banker, sort of excited, says, “So what are you going to try this year?”  Farmer says, “Cotton.”
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 815
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
490
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
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As the year comes to an end, I urge you to take care of yourself and avoid accidents because spare parts for old models like you and I are no longer in stock.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 815
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
490
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
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Why did the ghost have to blow his nose?

He had Boo-gers.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 815
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
490
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
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I really only wanted to have 10 chickens.
But if God wants it to be 20,
Then 40 it is.
 
steward
Posts: 3401
Location: Maine, zone 5
1929
7
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What vegetable is cool, but not that cool?
Radish.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 815
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
490
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
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Therapy is expensive.
Getting lost in the forest and becoming the thing that terrifies the townspeople is free.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 815
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
490
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
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What brand of shoes do chickens wear?

Ree Bok bok bok
 
His name is Paddy. Paddy O'Furniture. He's in the backyard with a tiny ad.
A rocket mass heater heats your home with one tenth the wood of a conventional wood stove
http://woodheat.net
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