• Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
permaculture forums growies critters building homesteading energy monies kitchen purity ungarbage community wilderness fiber arts art permaculture artisans regional education skip experiences global resources cider press projects digital market permies.com pie forums private forums all forums
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
master stewards:
  • Nancy Reading
  • Carla Burke
  • John F Dean
  • Timothy Norton
  • r ransom
  • Jay Angler
  • Pearl Sutton
stewards:
  • Devaka Cooray
  • Leigh Tate
  • paul wheaton
master gardeners:
  • Christopher Weeks
gardeners:
  • M Ljin
  • thomas rubino
  • Megan Palmer

jokes

 
master steward
Posts: 8247
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3166
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I bumped into an old friend on the net. She taught geometry and trigonometry in high school.  Of course, she has retired. She says she is doing fine but having some problems dealing with the after math.
 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8247
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3166
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If you are in a difficult situation and one door closes while another door opens  … your house is probably haunted.
 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8247
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3166
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Years ago, when we were married, my wife and I were to spend our honeymoon at an old grand hotel overlooking the Ohio River called “The Fiddler”.  It turned out to be a vile inn.
 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8247
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3166
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Stumbled on an old cook book about cooking with fowl. Today I made a Tern for the Wurst.
 
steward
Posts: 3544
Location: Maine, zone 5
2162
8
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Where does a boat go when it doesn't feel well?
To the dock.
 
pioneer
Posts: 1039
Location: Inter Michigan-Superior Woodland Forest
192
6
transportation gear foraging trees food preservation bike building solar writing woodworking wood heat
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Two silk worms decided to have a race.

They ended up in a tie.
 
Coydon Wallham
pioneer
Posts: 1039
Location: Inter Michigan-Superior Woodland Forest
192
6
transportation gear foraging trees food preservation bike building solar writing woodworking wood heat
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My girlfriend asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I did. We had drinks. He's a nice guy, works in web development.
 
master steward
Posts: 14717
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
9041
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Mirriam-Webster's Thesaurus spilled it's cargo leaving Toronto heading down the 401.

Witnesses were stunned, startled aghast, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, surprised, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confounded, astonished, and numbed.
 
Coydon Wallham
pioneer
Posts: 1039
Location: Inter Michigan-Superior Woodland Forest
192
6
transportation gear foraging trees food preservation bike building solar writing woodworking wood heat
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator

Jay Angler wrote:A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Mirriam-Webster's Thesaurus spilled it's cargo leaving Toronto heading down the 401.

Witnesses were stunned, startled aghast, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, surprised, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confounded, astonished, and numbed.


Just shows how important it is to go with the old stand-by cultural icons. I bought a thesaurus that was generated by an AI. I'm pretty disappointed- not only did it suck, but it kinda sucked.
 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8247
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3166
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
When I went to get the mail, I saw that the neighbor kid took the time to build a snowman and carve a 6 pack into it.  He explained to me that it was an abdominal snowman.
 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3544
Location: Maine, zone 5
2162
8
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I ran a marathon in Sweden.
I knew I was lost when I crossed the Finnish line.
 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 14717
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
9041
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What did the gardener say after planting all the flowers?
“Now, I’m just rooting for them!”
 
gardener
Posts: 3122
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1666
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Priest: You may now read the vows you have prepared.
Groom: I think I may have misunderstood the assignment...
Bride: It's ok honey, just read what you have.
Groom A   E   I   O....
 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 3122
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1666
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Boy: Mom! I can't find my other shoe!

Mom: Well, it didn't grow legs and walk away, keep looking.

Boy: I can't find the toothpaste.

Mom: Toothpaste can't just grow legs and walk away, look a little harder.

Boy: My remote control car is gone!

Mom: It has to be somewhere, it didn't just grow legs and walk away.

Boy: Mom! I can't find my tadpole!

Mom:
..............
 
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 15868
Location: SW Missouri
11953
2
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
This morning some clown held the door for me.

I thought "That's a nice jester!"
 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 14717
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
9041
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
  • Likes 11
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do cartographers give to their loved ones on Valentine’s Day?

Compass roses.
 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 14717
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
9041
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
  • Likes 11
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My buddy just got kicked out of his house. His wife was hinting at Valentine’s Day plans and asked him if he knew her favorite flower. “Gold Medal All Purpose” apparently wasn’t the answer.
 
pollinator
Posts: 548
Location: Ban Mak Ya Thailand Zone 11-12
220
forest garden fish plumbing chicken pig
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Day by day events on our farm can be turned into some cartoons
(sorry if I posted some here already but I cannot find them back)

7 Stray dogs adapted and what ever came on our farm and stayed forever.
Rod Steward (his hair style gave him the name) was even brought about 20 Kilometers away because he is a loose cannon, but only two days later he was back at his favorite spot
seven.jpg
our Scallywagg Name: 7 from eleven. Former stray dog and now the center of chaos on the farm.
our Scallywagg Name: 7 from eleven. Former stray dog and now the center of chaos on the farm.
Z-Angry-Bird-Cartoon.jpg
Rod Steward the cattle heron. Our lake is so full of shrimps that he lost all fear and claims his part of the farm
Rod Steward the cattle heron. Our lake is so full of shrimps that he lost all fear and claims his part of the farm
 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8247
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3166
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I went to the hardware store to get thinner … it didn’t work.
 
Posts: 38
14
transportation books earthworks wofati building homestead
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator

John F Dean wrote:If you are in a difficult situation and one door closes while another door opens  … your house is probably haunted.



When one door closes, another door opens...

Other than that, it's a pretty good car!
 
Grow your own food... or this tiny ad:
Learn Permaculture through a little hard work
https://wheaton-labs.com/bootcamp
reply
    Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic