Questions you've always had for guys but never asked.

The title pretty much says it all. For those nagging questions inquiring female minds want to know, post them here and let's see if the gentlemen of permies can help you understand a man's perspective.

What do you think women (I am an old woman) wonder about?

Terry Wilson wrote:What do you think women (I am an old woman) wonder about?

You are wondering where all the eligible bachelors in your age bracket are. (Sorry, I cheated. I saw it in your other posts, lol!)

LOL  LOVE IT

Are you really grossed out when women fart around you?

Jenny Jones wrote:Are you really grossed out when women fart around you?

No.

Well....only if it's particularly rank, but it has nothing to do with you being a woman -- stank is stank.

Jenny Jones wrote:Are you really grossed out when women fart around you?

It depends...  Among a mixed group of friends, no problem.  Now picture a group of guys with a new gal there, if she farts it probably will seem a bit odd.  Some will cheer, others will kinda judge.  Likely the same for a group of gals with a random new guy (although I suspect more will be disfavorable).  First date, probably try to hold it in (same goes for the guys).  In a dating situation I guess it's kinda like a game to see who can avoid farting in front of the other the longest.  Once one fart flies though, it's game on.

But it still depends.  If the kinda guy you want would not mind a little fart, then use that as a filter to eliminate the prudes.

Farts are not a problem, as long as she follows the post-fart ritual: stand up, loudly proclaim ownership, and challenge anyone in the room to do better.

Dc Stewart wrote:Farts are not a problem, as long as she follows the post-fart ritual: stand up, loudly proclaim ownership, and challenge anyone in the room to do better.

This is my favorite answer so far haha!

With wisdom and age comes sag. Men mostly age better than women. Obviously depends on preference but my question is, do most older men (45 and up) still desire a tight young bod? Is this a desire or a biological urge to keep reproducing? If you had to pick, young hot and mostly dumb or a bit saggy, attractive enough and more wise?

I think there are many movies about this haha.


 

The young and hot part sounded nice until I got to "mostly dumb". My wife and I were once young and hot; now we're old and hot, but with a different definition of hotness. She does, however, nix my suggestions that she wear a leather teddy while operating the tractor.

In general, what do men like in appearance for a woman?

Business or professional looking?

Tight-fitting jeans, from the song ...

Just jeans and t-shirt kind of gal?

Blonde or brunette?

Long hair or short hair?

Make-up or natural looking ...

You tell me what you like ...

For fantasy, the Sexy Librarian look always works, what with the nerd eyeglasses and the stern "these books are waaaay overdue" gaze.

No problem with the farting, even if it was accidental and embarrassing.

Rather have the bit saggy, mildly attractive, and little bit wiser. Wouldn't want have to explain experiences from life bc of age gap.

Natural looking and simple dress. Like jeans, t-shirts, dresses. Never been in to high maintenance women.

Anne Miller wrote:In general, what do men like in appearance for a woman?

I think possibly the most perfect outfit a woman can wear is a tank top and jeans. Tank top in white, black, or heather grey (especially with red hair). A lot of women have that one pair of jeans they love because they fit like they were made for them. Those jeans. Too tight is worse than too loose. The idea that they are perfectly comfortable is just as important as how they look. If a woman looks uncomfortable simply to satisfy some fashion...the pretension ruins the entire look. Somehow the tank top perfectly frames the woman's torso. Buxom, boyish, or broad-shouldered athlete...somehow it just works. Though if extremely busty, it may be a bit showy. There's a lot of emphasis on women's faces and bust, but I don't think many women realize how much beauty exists between the bust and the face, front and back. A spaghetti strap number would show more of this area, but somehow the straps of the tank top seem to fit better. I guess the cutouts for the arms and the neck are the perfect shape to perfectly frame everything: back, shoulder blades, shoulders, clavicles, even cleavage (but not too much). The openness allows free movement of the arms, but also allows seeing the full length of the arms and shoulders and their movement. A large portion of the beauty of the female figure is in the poetry of its motions just as much as the actual visage of it. Whether she is still, dancing, stretching, or working hard, it looks amazing. This outfit is not showy, it's relatively modest, and practical for work, play, or party. A flannel shirt can be added for warmth without hurting the look too much, since it looks so cozy. Please, just please, please, please don't wear those ridiculously high-waisted jeans (or high-waisted anything)! The 80's called; they want them back! Please leave the past in the past.

Jenny Jones wrote:Are you really grossed out when women fart around you?

Absolutely not. I'm almost-vegan, and I enjoy dating vegetarians and vegans, so I'm sure it happens a lot on both sides. In general: I like keeping the windows open.

Jenny Jones wrote:Are you really grossed out when women fart around you?

Depends on the aroma..ballistics are a non issue

Anne Miller wrote:In general, what do men like in appearance for a woman?

Business or professional looking?

Tight-fitting jeans, from the song ...

Just jeans and t-shirt kind of gal?

Blonde or brunette?

Long hair or short hair?

Make-up or natural looking ...

You tell me what you like ...

Summer dresses , long hair , tons of freckles , slender and natural

Anne Miller wrote:In general, what do men like in appearance for a woman?

Business or professional looking?

Tight-fitting jeans, from the song ...

Just jeans and t-shirt kind of gal?

Blonde or brunette?

Long hair or short hair?

Make-up or natural looking ...

You tell me what you like ...

I'm a jeans and t-shirt guy myself.  There are women that are very attractive with all colors of hair and eyes, long hair, short hair, medium hair, tall, short, ...  I'm fine with makeup or without.  I don't like heavy makeup, but some is fine if that is what she likes.  None is fine too.  Above all, I hate breast, butt, or lip implants. Ugh.  Also, gauged ears.  I can't understand why anyone thinks that is attractive.  Tattoos, other piercings, or not, is fine with me.  I know women that are covered in tattoos that are beautiful, and women with none that are also.  Just please be confident in who you are.  Intelligence and a sense of humor are very important to me.

Doesn't everyone know someone they were initially attracted to, and then after getting to know the person, they became ugly?  The opposite is true for me as well.  I have known many women that I didn't find attractive when I met them, but then got to know them and found them to be very attractive.  Negativity is a huge turn-off for me.  I'm not talking about a bad day, I'm talking about negativity as a personality trait.  Entitlement, stupidity, rudeness, pessimism will all make a very attractive person ugly.

Jenny Jones wrote:If you had to pick, young hot and mostly dumb or a bit saggy, attractive enough and more wise?

I guess I don't really know what dumb means to you. I think young is probably more of a problem than "dumb" just because of all the cultural references that wouldn't be shared. But also, there are plenty of "smart" people around here who have dumb single opinions that would be deal-breakers. Anyway, I think I'd feel funny being saggy myself with a partner who wasn't also.

Anne Miller wrote:<elided list of attributes I couldn't imagine caring about>
Make-up or natural looking ...

I was reading through the list of things and just shrugging to myself, like why would I care about any of that? But then I got to the bottom item, about which I have opinons. In general, cosmetics seem obviously gross to me. Anything that could wipe off is just fancy dirt. If it smells gross, even worse. For whatever internal quirk of the way my brain works, nail polish doesn't fit that general rule...practical-length painted nails are hot. Related but not on the list: shaving body hair seems like a weird custom to me, but isn't gross...like most of the things on the list, you do you.

Trace wrote:Also, gauged ears.  I can't understand why anyone thinks that is attractive.

Yeah, that kind of squicks me out. And along those lines, I guess facial tats and piercings tend to be a turn-off, but not always.

Jenny Jones wrote:Are you really grossed out when women fart around you?

It's all about courtesy toward others, and so IMO is a fine indicator of character for both halves of the species. If this is randomly okay to a person, then batten down the hatches, there is much more to come. We all offgass; I choose to do so away from the dinner table or in our bed. Civility is a choice. My 2c.  

When my oldest brother got married, the first honeymoon postcard sent to mom and dad contained a postscript from the bride: "why didn't you warn me that your son makes such horrible smells in the bathroom?"

Dc Stewart wrote:When my oldest brother got married, the first honeymoon postcard sent to mom and dad contained a postscript from the bride: "why didn't you warn me that your son makes such horrible smells in the bathroom?"

That’s a cute postcard to save for the kiddos!

Jenny Jones wrote:... but my question is, do most older men (45 and up) still desire a tight young bod? Is this a desire or a biological urge to keep reproducing? If you had to pick, young hot and mostly dumb or a bit saggy, attractive enough and more wise?


 

I'm in your age bracket and I think desire is one of those things that happens subconsciously or unconsciously, without any thought or control. Pretty young women are still attractive yes, and I imagine always will be, but now I find myself immediately thinking "that's someone's daughter". If I had to pick, I'm taking wisdom and maturity any day.

Anne Miller wrote:In general, what do men like in appearance for a woman?

Business or professional looking?

Tight-fitting jeans, from the song ...

Just jeans and t-shirt kind of gal?

Blonde or brunette?

Long hair or short hair?

Make-up or natural looking ...

You tell me what you like ...

I like natural appearances, meaning no makeup, no hair dye, no fake eyelashes or fake anything, no artificially white teeth, etc. To me, the aforementioned indicates insecurity and sensitivity about who they are, trying too hard to look ok in the eyes of others or trying too hard to fit in with what culture says they're supposed to look like. I mean, teeth whitening? Teeth have a patina, and I think snow white teeth look like dentures.  When I see a female that is "plain", for lack of a better term, to me it's an indicator she's more secure about who she is, just being herself, and I find that attractive.

Anne Miller wrote:In general, what do men like in appearance for a woman?

Business or professional looking?  I think it comes down to the individual. I like that,and yet I'd prefer just simply down to earth

Tight-fitting jeans, from the song ... As another- one can't be uncomfortable, but I like the look

Blonde or brunette? I I think I'd prefer the brunette.. based upon my recent choices

Long hair or short hair?

I like longer hair, in general, but it really is the soul that I want to meet

Make-up or natural looking ...  Too much is gross, a little is nice, but I can't imagine the need to get ready and prefer someone who just can go

You tell me what you like ...

You or mature.... Mature

Hi,  I think that as a man ages he remembers his youthful lusts but his taste changes with time.  What once was exoctic or exciting turns into can we relate to each other and be committed to each other.  A line from "Rememer The Goal", "I will always run with you in the rain."  The older a person is, the more personality is important. A pleasent smile instead of a frown goes a long way.  I just remembered a couple who is in their 90's. They still like a roll in the hay once in a while. So I gues there is still hope.

What goes through a man’s mind when they ghost a woman or after three months of dating decides, nah I didn’t mean anything I said and now I’m out of here?

I don't mean to be unkind, but I find all of this incredibly superficial and I suspect that's what many women expect and dislike. I know I do.

Diane Maldonado wrote:What goes through a man’s mind when they ghost a woman or after three months of dating decides, nah I didn’t mean anything I said and now I’m out of here?

I imagine it depends quite a bit on the man. I get the impression that most men would do this as a result of not being serious about the relationship in the first place. They were probably putting on a show the whole time, and either they got what they wanted and see no further reason to continue, or they perceive that they will not be able to get what they want (or not within the time frame they want) and don't want to waste any more time.

I also notice that in many dating profiles I have seen over the years, many women are very adamant that a man not be boring, and likes to constantly try new things. I have seen many relationships, even marriages, end as a result of the woman thinking the man is too boring. The problem with a person who likes to constantly try new things, is that very often they also have the wanderlust and do not like sticking with the same thing for a prolonged period. One hazard of dating such a person is that there is a fairly good chance that they will rather shortly do what they have always done and move on to something new by their nature. The irony of this situation is that the person who is actively seeking out someone who mustn't be boring can in the end lose that very person as they themselves are perceived as boring. I imagine in these situations, what is going on in these men's heads is basically "nothing," at least with regards to the woman they just left.

Not all men are like that, though. Some men want commitment, and would never initiate a relationship unless they truly want to see it through. If this type of man ghosts a woman, then it is most likely because she did something to cause him so much pain that he virtually had no choice but to cut things off immediately. Particularly if the act the woman committed was so egregious that there is no way she could not have known how hurtful it would have been. In this case, there is no way he can rationalize or justify her actions, other than the idea that they were done in malice or at least total indifference. In this instance, I would say what is going through the man's mind after ghosting the woman is pain.

I imagine it depends quite a bit on the man. I get the impression that most men would do this as a result of not being serious about the relationship in the first place. They were probably putting on a show the whole time, and either they got what they wanted and see no further reason to continue, or they perceive that they will not be able to get what they want (or not within the time frame they want) and don't want to waste any more time.

I also notice that in many dating profiles I have seen over the years, many women are very adamant that a man not be boring, and likes to constantly try new things. I have seen many relationships, even marriages, end as a result of the woman thinking the man is too boring. The problem with a person who likes to constantly try new things, is that very often they also have the wanderlust and do not like sticking with the same thing for a prolonged period. One hazard of dating such a person is that there is a fairly good chance that they will rather shortly do what they have always done and move on to something new by their nature. The irony of this situation is that the person who is actively seeking out someone who mustn't be boring can in the end lose that very person as they themselves are perceived as boring. I imagine in these situations, what is going on in these men's heads is basically "nothing," at least with regards to the woman they just left.

Not all men are like that, though. Some men want commitment, and would never initiate a relationship unless they truly want to see it through. If this type of man ghosts a woman, then it is most likely because she did something to cause him so much pain that he virtually had no choice but to cut things off immediately. Particularly if the act the woman committed was so egregious that there is no way she could not have known how hurtful it would have been. In this case, there is no way he can rationalize or justify her actions, other than the idea that they were done in malice or at least total indifference. In this instance, I would say what is going through the man's mind after ghosting the woman is pain.

Hmm explains that explains a few things…the last guy was upset because I didn’t want to watch him and his ex have sex then he just did a 180 on me and was this to totally different person. I had been talking to this guy for two years off and on and we would talk every night for hours when we did finally date. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The last one before that he just decided he doesn’t want to date me because he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He said he was jealous of my lifestyle and he wanted his own place. And the one before just totally ghosted. No explanation. My motto was shit or get off the pot and say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t invest all this time and say/do beautiful things then change your mind. The problem is people are so fickle now days. I will make a situation awkward because I won’t say I love you back if I don’t feel it. I just don’t understand how someone can put in so much time and effort then change their mind or turn on you. It’s a waste of time. I think after this last one I’ve turned a little jaded towards dating and feel I can’t trust any man given my dating history. I tried looking for men from different backgrounds, interest groups, dating apps, you name it, I tried it all. And somehow I attract the projects or commitment phobes. Im an optimistic person and always see the bright side of things but this last one really through me for a loop. I know not all men are like this but the ones I attract seem to fall short. I think I’ve given up on dating and have no interest in it and turned a little cold by it all. Besides im happy being single and there is no way or statistically speaking I will not find my match. And I’d rather be single than deal with a miserable relationship. Sorry lol I got on my soapbox, it’s just frustrating and seems hopeless.

One hazard of dating such a person is that there is a fairly good chance that they will rather shortly do what they have always done and move on to something new by their nature.  

There is a VERY wise quote I like: The hardest thing to forgive a person for is the very quality that made you fall in love with them.

I tend to look at a guy and say "What's attracting me to him, his best quality, and will I be able to forgive that when the time comes that I have to?"

That quote is a corollary of another: Your best quality is also your worst flaw. You have to be able to forgive yourself for your best quality too, because at some point, you will realize you have to.

Stacy Witscher wrote:I don't mean to be unkind, but I find all of this incredibly superficial and I suspect that's what many women expect and dislike. I know I do.

It's very hard to answer a question about what you are attracted to without at least part of the answer being superficial.  And I don't think men have a monopoly on that quality.

Trace Oswald wrote:

Stacy Witscher wrote:I don't mean to be unkind, but I find all of this incredibly superficial and I suspect that's what many women expect and dislike. I know I do.

It's very hard to answer a question about what you are attracted to without at least part of the answer being superficial.  And I don't think men have a monopoly on that quality.

Some people are serious, some are not. Some are superficial, some are not. I think some of both help keep threads interesting for a wider range of people. This is the thread where women pose the questions, so Stacy, maybe it would help if you have some questions that you and many other women would not find superficial, so we can have an even broader conversation.

…I’ve always asked.

I can't speak for all guys, but for myself... Well, there's a bias here, since everyone who is going to answer is a permie, you ladies are going to hear answers from a permie's perspective... Don't you find it amazing that no man here likes make up, piercings or whatever that's not natural? Wonder no longer.

The fart question is curious. I don't think any mature person would care about it, only childish people, but for some reason women do think men care. Maybe we don't care because women already abstain to fart in men's presence? As for me, I think I wouldn't mind as long as it doesn't show a digestive sickness, which could signal that that person doesn't eat properly and could be a deterrent on a first date. Indigestion smells differently than beans and garlic.

Anne, my wife asks me the same too often I still don't know what the correct answer is.
For one, we know that we are talking about sexual attraction, but it's complex. I'd say that there are three aspects that forms the desire: raw sexual attraction, beauty and complicity. I think my wife wants to know what makes me hot so she tries to copy that to make me happy (hair color, cleavage, hair dressing, sexy underwear, wearing jeans...), but that's the wrong approach.

Complicity is easy to understand. That's when we can talk about anything and not be afraid of messing things up. If I were afraid of doing the wrong thing by the slightest, then I would be too picky around that woman and this would ruin my sexual desire. And probably hers too. So, complicity is a start. If you have affinity, it's much better, because you get to talk about things that we both love.
Beauty should speak for itself, but it depends so much on the eyes of the judge. In my case, beauty means natural healthness (thus, no obesity or old age wrinkles), a bright face that has slept well and a honest smile from my jokes. Reflecting a little more on it, probably I'm also looking for signals that the woman is reproductive and may have healthy children even if I'm not looking for children (wide hips, full breast).
I don't mind if it is jeans or dresses, as long as they are not excessively ornamented. Somehow, excessive jewelry bothers me. It's as if she needed to show something that she's not.

Then, I am not still sure about this, but I think that what drives my sexual attraction is the woman showing interest on me. Her body language and especially her body smell. It might be feromones, but I like when it smells fresh like lemons. It's as if as she was saying she wants me, and my body reacted by saying, but of course. But this only happens if the other conditions are met. If a childish woman tries on me, it's pleasant, but unless the other aspects, complicity and beauty, are there, it does not arrive to libido.

I think it made it difficult for me to have casual sex, since every woman that excites me is a potential good partner. Not that I need it now, but I was once young.

Jenny Jones wrote:Are you really grossed out when women fart around you?

Had to respond to this one.  In a word, no.

To expand a bit.  As gross as it could sound, my wife and I are completely childish about this and delight in our methane powered giggle manufactories.  A well timed fart or an attempt at a dutch oven in the middle of the night, can have us in tears (for a variety of reasons).  We feel that anything that the body produces gas, hair, etc. is natural.  In our journey, we have attempted to remove social programming in this and... just enjoy all aspects of that without shame.

FWIW, my wife has stopped shaving her underarms and I love that as well.  They are named Helga and Tribble.  

What is it about loud engine noises that appeal to guys?
I know a guy who bought a truck because "It sounds bad-ass!"  Um. It sounds to me like it needs a decent muffler.
What do you guys hear in that kind of sound that I don't seem to?

Oh Ms. Pearl;
The sound of a Harley engine at idle...
A V-8 engine that rumbles...
The unmistakable sound of a high horsepower car passing you on the interstate...
This is music!   A balm to my soul!  

So in answer to your question, it's a stupid guy thing!   Oh and some girls as well (Carla)

Pearl Sutton wrote:What is it about loud engine noises that appeal to guys?

I don't like them, but I'm guessing it's the notion of power. I always get pissed when I see someone wearing a hat that says, "Loud pipes save lives." If you are really concerned about lives, don't ride a motorcycle. I say this as a motorcycle rider (a quiet one), and I accept full responsibility for my safety. I don't really believe they do it to save lives. I suspect it's far more likely they do it because they like it, and they are trying to weasel their way into justifying the unpleasantness they give to others (especially if it's against the law).

I do like the sound of an opposed two cylinder engine for some reason. And I really like the sound of a steam engine. Just the other day I was watching some restored steam locomotives. There's nothing like them. I like mechanical mechanisms, and sounds that are onomonopeadic to how they work seem to get my attention. For some reason, I do like the sound of an unsuppressed machine gun. Just in the right setting though.