Search...
Home Subscribe
Pie
Home Subscribe
Recent topics Flagged topics Hot topics Best topics
Search...
Search within meaningless drivel Search permies
Advanced search Google search
Register / Login
rocket mass heater dvd
  • Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
permaculture forums growies critters building homesteading energy monies kitchen purity ungarbage community wilderness fiber arts art permaculture artisans regional education skip experiences global resources cider press projects digital market permies.com pie forums private forums all forums
WDG garden permaculture bootcamp sketch with tools solar dehydrator Full online Permaculture Design course and Appropriate Technology Course video Rocket Mass Heaters Permies Book Reviews
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
master stewards:
  • Carla Burke
  • Nancy Reading
  • paul wheaton
  • John F Dean
  • r ransom
  • Jay Angler
stewards:
  • Timothy Norton
  • Tereza Okava
  • Pearl Sutton
master gardeners:
  • Christopher Weeks
  • M Ljin
gardeners:
  • Jeremy VanGelder
  • Megan Palmer
  • Thekla McDaniels

jokes

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A belt with a watch is a waist of time.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you call an egg that goes. on safari? An eggs-plorer!

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Every time a little boy went to a playmate's house, he found the friend's grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him.

Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much? he asked.

I'm not sure," said his friend, "but I think she's cramming for her finals."

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
By the time my grandfather was my age,
he had already amassed 5 un-drivable cars,
3 blown up chainsaws, 143 bent T posts and
14 baby food jars of misc. nuts and bolts.

What am I even doing with my life.  I have so much catching up to do!

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
K Eilander
gardener
Posts: 530
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
330
I like...
homeschooling forest garden building writing woodworking homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Helping my daughter with her English homework today.  She says she wants to dress up as Santa Claus next yer for 4th of July.

If anybody asks she's an Independent Clause.

Be the shenanigans
you want to see in the world.

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Why should you never marry a tennis player?

Because to them.... love means nothing.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 15
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems.

Then it occurred to me, I don't think I know 5 people without any problems.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My obese parrot died today.

Sad news, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I used to be a bookworm.
Then I discovered books on tape.
Now I'm a tapeworm.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What is a common myth about your country that is 100% false, but people still believe it?

Romania.  Many people believe we have vampires, but in my 700 years living here I haven't seen one.

I asked my mates back in the castle and they haven't seen any either, and they have been around longer than me.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My mind is like a browser:
30 open tabs
5 are frozen
and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Did you hear the one about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town and was given a ticket for making a ewe turn?

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Did you hear about the veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs?

It's part of an anti-litter campaign.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
“Nothing looks good on me anymore,” wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department store’s mirror.

“Nonsense, ma’am,” soothed the salesclerk. “That dress says it all.”

“That’s the problem,” the woman replied. “I need a dress that keeps its mouth shut.”

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I was once married to a cross eyed woman.

What happened?

We just didn't see eye to eye on anything.  Also, she was seeing someone on the side.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought.
They ricocheted off each other and I can't find either anymore.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My ducks are absolutely not in a row.
I don't even know where some of them are......
And I am pretty sure one of them is a pigeon.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Boy’s definition of a waffle: “A pancake with a non-skid tread.”

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this joke.)

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
After writing a speech for class, my daughter asked for input. I listened to her talk about sexually transmitted diseases, then gave my opinion.

“It’s great,” I said. “There’s one sentence in particular that I like.”

“Which one?” she asked.

“The one where you write, ‘The only way other than abstinence to be sure that you will not contract an STD is to remain in a monotonous relationship.'”

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jeremy VanGelder
gardener
Posts: 1863
Location: Proebstel, Washington, USDA Zone 6B
1247
4
I like...
wheelbarrows and trailers kids trees earthworks woodworking
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do the dandelions call their rock band?

Spin̈al Taproot

Tradition is not the worship of ashes, but the preservation of fire.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8739
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3623
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I honestly didn’t think I needed orthopedic shoes, but I stand corrected.

I figure if someone from the future hasn’t tried to stop me, I can’t be messing up that bad.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8739
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3623
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
It must be a little chilly today. The neighbors kid saw my light on and stopped by when I was having coffee. I noticed his pants were pulled all the way up.

I figure if someone from the future hasn’t tried to stop me, I can’t be messing up that bad.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8739
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3623
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Anyway, he was looking for a smoke machine for a band he was forming.  I offered  him my Chevy pickup truck.

I figure if someone from the future hasn’t tried to stop me, I can’t be messing up that bad.

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My neighbors complained about me groaning to loud in the morning having sex.............
If they only knew I was just trying to put my socks on.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Carla Burke
Rusticator
Posts: 9892
Location: Missouri Ozarks
5471
7
I like...
personal care gear foraging hunting rabbit chicken cooking food preservation fiber arts medical herbs homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
THERE IS A FACTORY in Northern Minnesota that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they're beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and begins to sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics, he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday....."

"Your job is to give Elmo two TEST tickles.

"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin. "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I always say "thank you" to Alexa so that when AI becomes self-aware and takes over the world I will be spared enslavement.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What’s red, orange and yellow and doesn’t get hurt when it falls?


Autumn leaves!

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
How do leaves travel from town to town?



In autumn-mobiles.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Why did the robot couple insist on being married in the fall?



They wanted to be fully autumn-mated.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do Jedi trees say to each other?

May the forest be with you.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
K Eilander
gardener
Posts: 530
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
330
I like...
homeschooling forest garden building writing woodworking homestead
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Most people have heard of Karl Marx due to Communism, but it's a shame how few people know of his little sister Anya, the famous Olympic runner.  In fact, she is still honored today by being mentioned, by name, at the start of every race.

(Think about it... )

Be the shenanigans
you want to see in the world.

 
Robert Ray
gardener
Posts: 3492
Location: Cascades of Oregon
956
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
why don't monsters eat ghosts?..............They taste like sheet.

Our inability to change everything should not stop us from changing what we can.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8739
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3623
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I couldn’t sleep last night so I got up and turned on the TV.  There were  these people sitting around a table coming up with a great list of things to do for the coming weekend.  Then I realized it was a religious channel listing sins.

I figure if someone from the future hasn’t tried to stop me, I can’t be messing up that bad.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8739
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3623
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A young Weasel walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “You look kind of young. I can’t serve you.” The weasel then asks what he can have. The bartender gives him the option of water, lemonade, or pop. “POP!” Goes the weasel.

I figure if someone from the future hasn’t tried to stop me, I can’t be messing up that bad.

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everybody's favourite season?


Fall

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Why are all Superman costumes so tight?
They're all size "S".

Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?
The Crossing Gourd

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15886
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10325
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What did the customer say at the farmer’s market?

That’s quite a load of crop you’ve got there.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
I think they should change the spelling to Sandy Eggo. This tiny ad agrees with me.
6 Rocket Builds - 3d Plans - Free Heat Bundle
https://permies.com/t/193434/Rocket-Builds-Plans-Free-Heat
reply
reply
    Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
Boost this thread!
Similar Threads
More...